The War on Bacon

posted at 6:01 pm on September 24, 2012 by Mary Katharine Ham

Welcome! Let us explain.

Kelly Maher of Revealing Politics and I are doing a little talk show for 30-45 minutes, here, at 6:15 p.m. every day. We named it The War on Bacon. We figure, since the government is after trans fats, big sodas, salt, and most other sinfully delicious things, it won’t be long before they zero in on our favorite— bacon. So, as fans of pork products— how could I not be?— we are here to fight for it, in the most crucial fight of our time— The War on Bacon. Join the ranks of the Baconators and fight with us!

We talk a lot of politics, a bit of culture, a splash of sports, and in the end, strive to be a show Ron Swanson would want to watch.

Breaking on Hot Air

Blowback

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But…where’s the video?

thatsafactjack on September 24, 2012 at 6:05 PM

The War On Meat Candy

I liked that one better.

FlatFoot on September 24, 2012 at 6:06 PM

FlatFoot on September 24, 2012 at 6:06 PM

Hello, Flatfoot. Have you enlisted in the War On Bacon army, too?

thatsafactjack on September 24, 2012 at 6:07 PM

thatsafactjack on September 24, 2012 at 6:05 PM

*popcorn*

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 6:07 PM

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 6:07 PM

Okay.. scrunch over… is it bacon flavored?

thatsafactjack on September 24, 2012 at 6:08 PM

LOL — “You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” What the hell? WordPress is tired of my crap.

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 6:09 PM

There’s the video!

thatsafactjack on September 24, 2012 at 6:09 PM

Okay.. scrunch over… is it bacon flavored?

thatsafactjack on September 24, 2012 at 6:08 PM

Well, I’m scared to answer now. :)

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 6:15 PM

*sigh*

KOOLAID2 on September 24, 2012 at 6:24 PM

Nice job at not agitating the dynamite monkeys and sharias stance on haram hog. Avoids giving them a chance to frighten the chickens with their beef about pork.

BL@KBIRD on September 24, 2012 at 6:24 PM

Breaking News: President Obama causes half of America to submerge underwater……

GALLUP: JOB APPROVAL: 85% JOB DISAPPROVE: 4%

Stephanie Cutter: “Half of America is not underwater, Romney is being preposterous!”

Phillip Reines: “(censored) off if you don’t like my answer! CNN is to blame for this!!!”

Hillary Clinton: “The Government is not responsible for the VIDEO that caused half of America to be submerged underwater.”

BARACK OBAMA: “Half of America, now submerged underwater, is just bumps in the road to my true greatness as Messiah.”

BILL KRISTOL: “The fact that Romney spoke out as quicky as he did about the Submerging of America underwater is clear evidence of utter incompetance. Yes he should criticize Obama for this, but what is his plan for getting half of America above water?”

Varchild on September 24, 2012 at 6:27 PM

Want to learn something? Read a BOOK!
Want to learn about the world situation(s) … listen to the BBC.

Missilengr on September 24, 2012 at 6:31 PM

Was the Ambasador wearing a ‘red shirt’?
IAW StarTrek rules: he was expendable.

Missilengr on September 24, 2012 at 6:36 PM

*sigh*

KOOLAID2 on September 24, 2012 at 6:24 PM

Why for sighing?

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 7:01 PM

Weeknights at 6:15 Eastern. MK just writes “6:15″ instead of “6:15 Eastern” because she thinks it’s 6:15 everywhere. And do you know what? Maybe it is. Who can say?

*** Nekkedness

*** Shakespeare

*** Sports

*** Weather

*** Latitude and Longitude for Topographic types

*** Video Games

*** Politics

*** Bacon

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 7:06 PM

*** Guns

*** Cars

*** Astrology

Axe on September 24, 2012 at 7:17 PM

For you, MKH

Support the United Nation of Bacon

:-)

Resist We Much on September 24, 2012 at 8:10 PM

I actually watched this today. It was as funny as toothache. The woman with the faux-Fox eye-shadow and sub-Fox lip-gloss is having a conversation with a photograph of a woman with a fat dog.

What do dull, fat Americans say … er, way to go, guys, er, you go, girlfriend, er … whoo!!!, er, you go girl.

JackieB on September 24, 2012 at 11:39 PM

Seeing Kelly Maher speak in person, and in this latest appearance, harkens back to a Thomas Dolby song. Music lyric and vid for your enjoyment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wl25PK1IFpg

realitycheck on September 25, 2012 at 12:44 AM

It wouldn’t be a complete bacon thread on HA without JackieB(acon) going psycho about our lovely host!

viking01 on September 25, 2012 at 1:18 AM

It wouldn’t be a complete bacon thread on HA without JackieB(acon) going psycho about our lovely host!

viking01 on September 25, 2012 at 1:18 AM

But today the woman with the beer-named dog who’s never going to get her own cable show is talking to the weird-eye-shadow-Fox-gives-me woman who’s never going to get a job on Fox.

No chart goes low enough to plot the inferior production values on display here. The “chat” is witless beyond bearing. At one point, the woman with the beer-named dog gets too close to the camera, puts a finger to her face, says something mind-bendingly dull, and you’re thinking: “Jesus Harold Christ on a Bike. If this were a date, I’d be praying for every second to go faster so I could leave.”

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I actually watched this today. It was as funny as toothache. The woman with the faux-Fox eye-shadow and sub-Fox lip-gloss is having a conversation with a photograph of a woman with a fat dog.

What do dull, fat Americans say … er, way to go, guys, er, you go, girlfriend, er … whoo!!!, er, you go girl.

JackieB on September 24, 2012 at 11:39 PM

1. I think you are trying to say “Faux News” — not “Faux Fox,” which makes no sense whatever. You need to read more, and then you might be able to toss your witty cliches without sounding like a complete moron.

2. Looking so hard you are analyzing the lip gloss is creepy. If you keep up the creepy, you’ll probably have to go.

At one point, the woman with the beer-named dog gets too close to the camera, puts a finger to her face, says something mind-bendingly dull, and you’re thinking: “Jesus Harold Christ on a Bike. If this were a date, I’d be praying for every second to go faster so I could leave.”

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 12:22 PM

3. If either of them were to put a finger to her face and lean too close, the last thing I would think is “I want this date to be over.” I’d probably be thanking God, let alone spouting blasphemy.

4. Have you made up your mind to die miserable and laughing frantically?

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 2:07 PM

4. Have you made up your mind to die miserable and laughing frantically?
Axe on September 25, 2012 at 2:07 PM

Or what?

See, “Axe”, this is how it works among grown-ups who aren’t fat Americans who performed poorly at school. You pose a question, then you offer an alternative (or, as fat Americans who didn’t do too well at school say: an “alternate”).

5. No, Axe, I haven’t made up my mind yet. Dull and overweight much?

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 2:44 PM

Looking so hard you are analyzing the lip gloss is creepy.
Axe on September 25, 2012 at 2:07 PM

Write grammatical sentences much, Axie?

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 2:54 PM

Write grammatical sentences much, Axie?

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 2:54 PM

Frequently. :) For money.

While we’re talking, why do you believe Americans are lazy? Everything you post — lazy.

Who told you this?

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 2:58 PM

5. No, Axe, I haven’t made up my mind yet. Dull and overweight much?

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 2:44 PM

And the fat thing. Why do you think every American you are talking to is fat?

Where are you from? Is there a famine there?

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 3:00 PM

While we’re talking, why do you believe Americans are lazy?

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 2:58 PM

When did I say that? Take your time. Points are awarded for not-being-an-overweight-imbecile.

When did I say that?

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 3:30 PM

Where are you from? Is there a famine there?

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 3:00 PM

Ah, the beauty of this mind, fat though its none-too-bright American host is.

No, Axie. There isn’t a famine here. Fantastic question, though. Well done.

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Overweight and undereducated much, Listy? Glenn helping? Dullass fat American much? Are you watching enough daytime TV? Dr. Phil probably has a solution.

JackieB on September 21, 2012 at 8:03 PM

This idea was never even remotely funny, and it became wearying about a week ago.

As a “meme” it’ll never get enough “traction” to be a “narrative” and even if you “double down” on it without “walking it back” on the “MSM” “here” it won’t have the “internals” needed to elevate it to wit or humor.

It’s mesmerising to watch in its idiocy.

Apart from that … Remember in 1980 when The Blessed Reagan was 1,000,000 points down in the polls but then he went on to win against the weakling Carter and sell guns to raghead Persian Islamofascists. There’s still hope, people. Keep the faith.

Can I get a “narrative”? Can I get a “meme”? Should I “walk it back”? Er “here”.

JackieB on September 21, 2012 at 1:25 AM

The Blessed Lord Jesus Christ and his ever-virginal Mother, Mary the Virgin, as Observant Jews, abjured the flesh of the swine.

This bit on your sad little blog is unsightly unto the Lord and you will be in the fires of hell.

JackieB on September 21, 2012 at 2:48 AM

No, no, no Xasprtr. Try to stay with me here. Surely “you commie bastard”, with no upper case, is the preferred term. The upper case makes it look stupid. And you’re not stupid are you, Xaspy?

JackieB on August 27, 2012 at 7:46 PM

Ah, Phil. You’re not including the Little Baby Jeebus cult.?

JackieB on September 7, 2012 at 8:27 PM

Then you’re an idiot. You have no idea what the B means. But statistically it’s a very good bet that you are a Person of Size. That’s to say, a fat American with dull opinions who didn’t do well at school.

JackieB on August 13, 2012 at 6:07 PM

And you’re going to lay “nonsolipsists” on them? Really, David? Are you sure about this? You’re going to make all these fat people with guns who didn’t do well at school look up “epistemic”?

JackieB on September 7, 2012 at 9:44 PM

Sorry this took so long. :) I had to go searching, and I was surprised to find out that you haven’t used the word lazy. The cliche is “lazy and fat” — but you are using “dull and fat,” and frequently embellishing your remarks with synonyms for undereducated.

So: I stand corrected. I’ll try to remember. “dull” — not “lazy.”

Because of your appreciation for education, I’ve included my notes.

So what have we learned? 1. You think Americans are dull. 2. You think Americans are fat. 3. You really hate Christianity in particular. 4. You are clearly fixated on television and television personalities — you might need that looked into. 5. You have a fetish for the hard “e” sound, ending words in “i” or “y” when possible.

I can’t conclusively say what your opinion on “lazy” might be.

Again, sorry it took so long. :)

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 3:53 PM

So: I stand corrected. I’ll try to remember. “dull” — not “lazy.”
Axe on September 25, 2012 at 3:53 PM

Good. Try to get the next bit right, too.

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 4:05 PM

Again, sorry it took so long. :)

Axe on September 25, 2012 at 3:53 PM

Your apology is accepted, er … smiley face … er, “snark tags” … er .. fat American with an opinion who needs, er, “snark tags” …

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 4:18 PM

I had a grilled cheese and it was AMAZING!!! I want all the world to know about this. It was AMAZING!!!

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 4:24 PM

So you had a grilled cheese sandwich which was AMAZING and then you talked about the Packers in that mid-career-Reece-Witherspoon voice which is, like, AMAZING and then, like, it was all, like AMAZING. Like Eye-ran is just, like, AMAZING. And they’ve got, like, these missuls? And they’re like, AMAZING … continues for ever, sadly.

JackieB on September 25, 2012 at 4:37 PM