Video: The worst movie trailer ever?

posted at 9:12 pm on September 6, 2012 by Allahpundit

The extent to which you love “A Christmas Story” is precisely the extent to which you’ll despise this. Bad enough that they’d try to graft a sequel onto a modern classic, but if you’re going to do that, at least honor the original by making an effort. This is pitiful Hollywood recycling at its laziest and most money-grubbing. Nearly every major gag from ACS appears in less than two minutes, except I think for Ralphie’s mouth being washed out with soap. (That’s in the film somewhere, I’m sure, as is some heavy-handed allusion to Ovaltine.) It feels like a community theater version of the original; even the wig and glasses on Ralphie seem cartoonish, a broad visual cue for someone sitting 50 rows back from a stage rather than watching a giant TV from five feet away. Congrats to Daniel Stern, who knows firsthand what it’s like to star in a beloved childhood reverie, for participating in this stinkeroo.

Consider this another reason to elect Mitt Romney, my friends. With a Republican once again in office, L.A. can go back to making terrible, terrible anti-war movies instead of terrible, terrible stuff like this.

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ouch

wargamer6 on September 6, 2012 at 9:15 PM

What in the hell did they do to one of my favorite movies?

joekenha on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

There actually was a sequel to Christmas Story quite a while back, and it wasn’t that bad. It had two different names, My Summer Story (made more sense) and It Runs In the Family. This movie actually had Jean Shepard narrating, so it had a bit of credibility.

This however, looks terrible.

ShadowsPawn on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

I think I was just raped.

lorien1973 on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Why even the review? Did you miss your episode of Glee?

TheGarbone on September 6, 2012 at 9:18 PM

I….I……I…I…I….

birdhurd on September 6, 2012 at 9:18 PM

There already WAS a sequal to “A Christmas Story” but it wasn’t around Christmas. It was a Summer movie in which the lead character was involved with a competition involving dradles.

No seriously…There was a 2nd movie besides “A Christmas Story” involving the family.

The 2nd movie had the Bumpkis’s doing a Hoe Down and the Father got upset and thought he could get back at them by blasting Rock and Roll music….But then they thought the Father was welcoming them to a Hoe Down and all that got him was Bumpkises partying in his front lawn.

The 2nd film was every bit as enjoyable as “A Christmas Story.”
Unfortunately, so many out there probably never even knew there was a 2nd film.

Varchild on September 6, 2012 at 9:18 PM

AP, all sequels are like this. Even great movies, like Silence of the Lambs ripped off a dozen lines from Manhunter, and Terminator II ripped off many more from the original Terminator, even though the consensus is each of these two sequels were better than the originals. Sometimes you can make it work. Most of the time, each purloined line evokes in me the ringing of a cash register bell. That the movie has zero respect for the viewer — it is only a very lazy attempt to make money at the box office.

Paul-Cincy on September 6, 2012 at 9:18 PM

Well, it beats another comic-book movie. Barely.

Ed Morrissey on September 6, 2012 at 9:19 PM

And staring Obama as Santa.

William Amos on September 6, 2012 at 9:19 PM

Deep breaths….deep breaths…

birdhurd on September 6, 2012 at 9:19 PM

Yay, new bottom of the barrel to scrape!

Ukiah on September 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

Blasphemy! Burn the witches!

Curmudgeon on September 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

Set back in a time when Government worked for us….

Electrongod on September 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

Nooooooooooooooooooo ! !

Texyank on September 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

This makes me want to go watch the speech.Well almost.

docflash on September 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

You can’t reheat Jean Shepherd.

He has to be served fresh.

Like Peking Duck for Thanksgiving.

(Now, Weekend at Bernie’s II was another story entirely.)

profitsbeard on September 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

Well, it beats another comic-book movie. Barely.

Ed Morrissey on September 6, 2012 at 9:19 PM

Or Zombies…

Electrongod on September 6, 2012 at 9:21 PM

I’d rather watch DWS grease her hair.

Pork-Chop on September 6, 2012 at 9:21 PM

The best Xmas movie EVER and they create a straight-to-DVD sequel?

Savages.

Bishop on September 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

Is it possible for that to be worse than the worst trailer? Seriously. It’s like they just didn’t get the original movie, but felt constrained to steal every single gag from it.

Tyrone Slothrop on September 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

The worst sequel ever…. Obama 2012! Run for the hills!!!!!

faraway on September 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

For God’s sake, don’t tell Jean Shepherd about this. Excelsior, you fathead!

Finbar on September 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

Which will be the worst rip off. Christmas Story 2 or this ?

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/red-dawn-2010-2/

William Amos on September 6, 2012 at 9:23 PM

I

think I was just raped.

lorien1973 on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

I think I love you

Ampersand on September 6, 2012 at 9:24 PM

This actually makes Star Trek V look good in comparison.

LincolntheHun on September 6, 2012 at 9:24 PM

Ain’t watching. Thanks but no thanks.

Ugly on September 6, 2012 at 9:25 PM

It’s an insult to a Classic.

Some people just can’t be happy unless they are screwing something up.

HotAirian on September 6, 2012 at 9:25 PM

This actually makes Star Trek V look good in comparison.

LincolntheHun on September 6, 2012 at 9:24 PM

The Quest for more money…

Electrongod on September 6, 2012 at 9:26 PM

Jean Shepherd, grave, spinning.

St Gaudens on September 6, 2012 at 9:26 PM

Did he trade in his BB gun for a AK-47?

Electrongod on September 6, 2012 at 9:28 PM

If you enjoyed Christmas Story I highly recommend the first sequel.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110168/

You can get it for cheap on Amazon.

ShadowsPawn on September 6, 2012 at 9:28 PM

Horrible. Just horrible.

Punchenko on September 6, 2012 at 9:28 PM

I think I was just raped.

Straight to dvd so I’m gonna call illegitimate on this one.

Ukiah on September 6, 2012 at 9:29 PM

I think I was just raped.

lorien1973 on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

I can relate, but after the last four years, you must be used to it like the rest of us.

Dopenstrange on September 6, 2012 at 9:29 PM

For God’s sake, don’t tell Jean Shepherd about this. Excelsior, you fathead!

Finbar on September 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

I can see him rolling in his grave from my front porch.

JPeterman on September 6, 2012 at 9:30 PM

Well, it beats another comic-book movie. Barely.

Ed Morrissey on September 6, 2012 at 9:19 PM

Bull. I’d take two Punisher reboots, a Marvel Civil War miniseries, and a Spawn sequel over this dreck.

Sgt Steve on September 6, 2012 at 9:30 PM

Fragile. Must be Italian.

stout77 on September 6, 2012 at 9:30 PM

Which will be the worst rip off. Christmas Story 2 or this ?

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/red-dawn-2010-2/

William Amos on September 6, 2012 at 9:23 PM

O_O

Get out.

Bishop on September 6, 2012 at 9:32 PM

Remember the director of the original was killed by an illegal alien.

schmitty on September 6, 2012 at 9:32 PM

After seeing that… I hope Obama wins and does destroy this country. Godspeed Comrade, godspeed!

strictnein on September 6, 2012 at 9:33 PM

The original “A Christmas Story” was ok. I don’t think it was great, by any means. This looks to be straight to video, so I don’t think you can expect much from it.

rickv404 on September 6, 2012 at 9:37 PM

There was ANOTHER sequel that everyone forgets:

Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss

It was a classic in our home, before we even knew about A Christmas Story. Check it out.

thebrokenrattle on September 6, 2012 at 9:37 PM

I can’t un-see that!

Need eye bleach.

SagebrushPuppet on September 6, 2012 at 9:40 PM

Need eye bleach.

SagebrushPuppet on September 6, 2012 at 9:40 PM

Here you go:
http://eyebleach.com/
Kind of NSFW

and for the ladies:
http://guybleach.com

strictnein on September 6, 2012 at 9:42 PM

Huh.

Why?

Fallon on September 6, 2012 at 9:43 PM

Here you go:
http://eyebleach.com/
Kind of NSFW

strictnein on September 6, 2012 at 9:42 PM

Holly crap…
I just saw my wife….

Electrongod on September 6, 2012 at 9:44 PM

There actually was a sequel to Christmas Story quite a while back, and it wasn’t that bad. It had two different names, My Summer Story (made more sense) and It Runs In the Family. This movie actually had Jean Shepard narrating, so it had a bit of credibility.

This however, looks terrible.

ShadowsPawn on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

That movie was quite good. It didn’t have Darren McGavin, but Charles Grodin stepped up well. I’ve only seen it once, on TV… never since.

If Hollywood wants to cash in on A Christmas Story re-release that, as is, and then pimp the DVD. I’d be surprised if there were very many who have even heard of it.

Gingotts on September 6, 2012 at 9:45 PM

Oh hey look, Hollywood took something that was good and pure and shat all over it.

tdpwells on September 6, 2012 at 9:46 PM

That was almost as painful to watch as Debbie Wasserman-Shultz

tbrickert on September 6, 2012 at 9:46 PM

I….I……I…I…I….

birdhurd on September 6, 2012 at 9:18 PM

hahahaha thread winner

Eviva on September 6, 2012 at 9:48 PM

Here you go:
http://eyebleach.com/
Kind of NSFW

Thank you, kind sir!!

SagebrushPuppet on September 6, 2012 at 9:49 PM

Worst trailer? I’d say it looks like the worst movie evah! They ripped off most of the gags in the original, substituted crappy actors and threw in some “Home Alone” schtick!

Anything for a buck I guess, however by the looks of this piece of garbage they’ll lose money! Some classics need to be left alone, you can’t remake the magic of the original Christmas Story…it’s like trying to remake It’s a Wonderful Life…you just can’t!

Liberty or Death on September 6, 2012 at 9:51 PM

I didn’t see the summer movie, but there’s a ton of good stuff to mine from Jean Shepard…just can’t think of the title of the book A Christmas Story story is from, but they could produce several good movies based on it…should have just left a remake of one of the best Christmas stories ever UNMADE, however!

ellifint on September 6, 2012 at 9:55 PM

Why?

cobrakai99 on September 6, 2012 at 9:58 PM

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.

hungrymongo on September 6, 2012 at 9:59 PM

I didn’t see the summer movie, but there’s a ton of good stuff to mine from Jean Shepard…just can’t think of the title of the book A Christmas Story story is from, but they could produce several good movies based on it…should have just left a remake of one of the best Christmas stories ever UNMADE, however!

ellifint on September 6, 2012 at 9:55 PM

In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash

Gingotts on September 6, 2012 at 10:01 PM

The trolls should be made to suffer like the rest of us.

Somebody tell them it’s the trailer for “The Obama Effect.”

SagebrushPuppet on September 6, 2012 at 10:01 PM

Thank God Jean Shepherd is not still on the planet.

BTW there were several Jean Shepard films featuring Mom, the Old Man, Ralphie, Flick, and Randy. They were made for PBS and also featured Jean Shepherd as the Narrator.

Phantom of the Iron Hearth back in 1976 featured Ralphie going to his prom.

Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss was a 1988 adventure with an adult Ralph.

But wait – here’s a freebie: The Star-crossed Romance Of Josephine Cosnowski 1983. Jean Shepherd’s salute to Thanksgiving, and it’s all on Youtube. Enjoy!

DarthBrooks on September 6, 2012 at 10:04 PM

W T F ?

KOOLAID2 on September 6, 2012 at 10:17 PM

What in the hell did they do to one of my favorite movies?

[joekenha on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM]

Don’t worry too much. This is so bad, IMDB will be tempted to not even list it on the same page as ACS. I recommend they use a spelling error … A Chlistmas Stoly 2?

Dusty on September 6, 2012 at 10:18 PM

But they said it’s the Perfect Christmas Gift!

KS Rex on September 6, 2012 at 10:18 PM

This one is / will be worse!:

Rise of The Guardians

Hammertime on September 6, 2012 at 10:20 PM

Oh, and …

Fah ra ra ra ra,
Ra ra ra ra.

Dusty on September 6, 2012 at 10:20 PM

What’s the holiday?

JellyToast on September 6, 2012 at 10:22 PM

think I was just raped.

lorien1973 on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

I think I love you

Ampersand on September 6, 2012 at 9:24 PM

Get a room, you two.

Solaratov on September 6, 2012 at 10:27 PM

Revenge of the Bumpasses. They succeeded in roooooning it and created the all time clinker.

SJBill on September 6, 2012 at 10:30 PM

Just when we think all is right with the world, the most unspeakable disasters descend upon us.

/prob’ly got it wrong

ZK on September 6, 2012 at 10:35 PM

Well, it beats another comic-book movie. Barely.

Ed Morrissey on September 6, 2012 at 9:19 PM

Depends on the movie, Ed…

I mean, could this or http://youtu.be/t6816MUx9E0 be any worse?

Trust me, those two REALLY stank on ice…

Take note people: Hollywood is where most of the eligible (and ALL of the illegible) voters listen to…cuz they’re SO much more creative than us working class folks.

Riiiiight.

BlaxPac on September 6, 2012 at 11:00 PM

What do you expect from people that think Obamacaretax is a good President.

Slowburn on September 6, 2012 at 11:01 PM

Thank God Jean Shepherd is not still on the planet.

BTW there were several Jean Shepard films featuring Mom, the Old Man, Ralphie, Flick, and Randy. They were made for PBS and also featured Jean Shepherd as the Narrator.

Phantom of the Iron Hearth back in 1976 featured Ralphie going to his prom.

Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss was a 1988 adventure with an adult Ralph.

But wait – here’s a freebie: The Star-crossed Romance Of Josephine Cosnowski 1983. Jean Shepherd’s salute to Thanksgiving, and it’s all on Youtube. Enjoy!

DarthBrooks on September 6, 2012 at 10:04 PM

So much win! Thank you. Even better, the first film you mention is in the featured videos of the Josephine Cosnowski link, also on Youtube for free viewing.

I remember Ollie Hopnoodle, on TV at times as a kid. That was “the other” Christmas Story movie. Not quite as all-around amazing as ACS, but you took what you got in the summer. Haven’t seen it in ages. All I remember is The Refrigerator.

Gingotts on September 6, 2012 at 11:07 PM

I didn’t see the summer movie, but there’s a ton of good stuff to mine from Jean Shepard…just can’t think of the title of the book A Christmas Story story is from, but they could produce several good movies based on it…should have just left a remake of one of the best Christmas stories ever UNMADE, however!

ellifint on September 6, 2012 at 9:55 PM

In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash

Gingotts on September 6, 2012 at 10:01 PM

———

Thank you!!

ellifint on September 6, 2012 at 11:07 PM

I’ve been a huge Jean Shepard for over 40 years (since PBS first ran Jean Shepherd’s America in 1971), but I’ve never let my kids watch A Christmas Story because of the language in it. I can’t imagine a sequel not written by Jean Shepard being worth a flip.

Ward Cleaver on September 6, 2012 at 11:10 PM

“In God we trust, all others pay cash” was the name of the short story that ACS is from. Great title. What is it with Hollywood? No one has an original thought anymore? My husband told me they were trying to push a sequel to “Casablanca” but no one would touch it. I am shocked, shocked that it wasn’t done.

megthered on September 6, 2012 at 11:12 PM

No. Just no.

CantCureStupid on September 6, 2012 at 11:54 PM

Hey up there!

Dont forget Shep’s “Great Maerican Fourth of July and Other Disasters” => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK9cIxM4-SU

SJBill on September 7, 2012 at 12:06 AM

Okay, that was a pretty horrible commercial for a sequel, but it’s still only the 2nd worst such commercial ever.

#1 on my list is any commercial for the sequel to Obama’s first four years.

PackerBronco on September 7, 2012 at 12:12 AM

Which will be the worst rip off. Christmas Story 2 or this ?

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/red-dawn-2010-2/

William Amos on September 6, 2012 at 9:23 PM

O_O

Get out.

Bishop on September 6, 2012 at 9:32 PM

It was to have been released in 2010. But MGM/United Artists went into bankruptcy, and the movie was sold to a third party.

Either way, the remake has already been bastardized to an extent that it can’t be saved. The original villainous regime was supposed to be the Communist Chinese, but MGM ordered it to be changed so they could get international distribution. So now it’s the… North Koreans. Ooooooooookay.

Very likely it will be released for two or three weeks, then head straight for direct-to-video.

Myron Falwell on September 7, 2012 at 1:02 AM

It… it wounds the heart.

juanito on September 7, 2012 at 1:08 AM

I didn’t see the summer movie, but there’s a ton of good stuff to mine from Jean Shepard…just can’t think of the title of the book A Christmas Story story is from, but they could produce several good movies based on it…should have just left a remake of one of the best Christmas stories ever UNMADE, however!

ellifint on September 6, 2012 at 9:55 PM

In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash

Gingotts on September 6, 2012 at 10:01 PM

I have the book. Have always loved it.

By the way, the house shown in “A Christmas Story” still exists, in the historic Tremont neighborhood in Cleveland. It was loving restored a few years ago to the same look shown in the movie. Bob Clark and Jean Shepherd would be proud.

http://www.achristmasstoryhouse.com/

And yes, they DO sell the Major Award Leg Lamps with the Soft Glow of Electric Sex.

Myron Falwell on September 7, 2012 at 1:09 AM

Ironically, Jean’s stories mainly took place in Gary, Indiana – including most of what was put in “A Christmas Story.” But Clevelanders have proudly adopted the movie as their own (same thing with “Major League”, although the bulk of that movie was actually filmed in Milwaukee).

It meant a lot for “A Christmas Story” to be filmed here, especially since we were still trying to recover mentally from the Dennis Kucinich-led default of 1978 a few years ago.

Ted Turner’s greatest move was repeating the movie on TNT for 24 hours straight on Christmas Eve/Day.

Myron Falwell on September 7, 2012 at 1:17 AM

“In God we trust, all others pay cash” was the name of the short story that ACS is from. Great title. What is it with Hollywood? No one has an original thought anymore? My husband told me they were trying to push a sequel to “Casablanca” but no one would touch it. I am shocked, shocked that it wasn’t done.

megthered on September 6, 2012 at 11:12 PM

There WAS a sequel. Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.

Myron Falwell on September 7, 2012 at 1:19 AM

I think I was just raped.

lorien1973 on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Well in 9 months you can have an abortion c/o the US taxpayer.

WeekendAtBernankes on September 7, 2012 at 2:27 AM

I somehow get the feeling this is a ‘direct to video’ movie that accidentally got re-routed to the bigger than home theater but less than really big IMAX screen.

ajacksonian on September 7, 2012 at 7:44 AM

My greatest fear is that younger movie goers will never understand the genius of the original because of this lousy knock off.

Mahna Mahna on September 7, 2012 at 7:53 AM

This is just plain awful. Jean Shepard must be turning in his grave.

simkeith on September 7, 2012 at 7:54 AM

Well, there goes another beloved childhood memory into the ash heap.

Physics Geek on September 7, 2012 at 7:59 AM

think I was just raped.

lorien1973 on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM

If only some sort of gag reflex allowed us to forget the experience when we see crap like this.

Happy Nomad on September 7, 2012 at 8:02 AM

My wife wonders why I watch old movies and tv shows over and over again. Most sequels and remakes are horrible and definitely and waste of time and brain cells.

Why do leftists always try to make money off of someone else’s hard work and imagination? Too many people refuse to see it for what it is and keep going to see this trash.

Sporty1946 on September 7, 2012 at 8:02 AM

If Shep wasn’t already dead, this would kill him.

The Rogue Tomato on September 7, 2012 at 8:28 AM

Is this written by George Lucas? Meesa sez, “Yippee!”

cyclown on September 7, 2012 at 10:39 AM

Direct to DVD.

Well — that’s good.

FlatFoot on September 7, 2012 at 11:25 AM

Did dad win a major prize?

mkenorthshore on September 7, 2012 at 11:42 AM

But…but it’s the “Official Sequel”! That excuses Everything!

Coronagold on September 8, 2012 at 8:53 AM