The Onion: Let’s face it, Paul Ryan scares the hell out of the left

posted at 10:12 pm on August 13, 2012 by Allahpundit

One pro-Republican Onion piece is a curiosity, two is a bona fide mystery. What’s going on over there? Did they get a new conservative writer or are they making a play for more right-wing readers? Or are they just as tired of Hopenchange at this point as the rest of us?

Presenting a new op-ed from “Paul Ryan” addressed to Democrats. Profanity ahead:

I’m young, I’m handsome, I’m smart, and I’m articulate. And that scares the ever-loving shit out of you. You can pretend like you have this thing in the bag, but you know good goddamn well that this race just got real interesting, real fast…

I have another question for you: How scared are you that I can convince people I’m right? Because I’m good at it. No, I’m really good at it. You see, I know how to turn up the charm and charisma without putting people off. Then I back up what I’m saying with arguments that, when they come out of my mouth, sound completely accurate and well-reasoned. And I do it with such passion that people automatically recognize me as a man with deep convictions he will stand up for, no matter what…

Yup, you should be scared shitless of me, because guess who isn’t? The people of Wisconsin. They love me. Republicans and Democrats there love me. Hell, I get Democrats to vote for me even if my policies make zero sense when it comes to their livelihoods. Do you know why? Because they like me. They like my story. Young, good-looking kid who pulled himself up by his bootstraps to make something of himself. Christ, I’m a storybook candidate. I balance out this ticket so well it’s almost too perfect. The people of Ohio are going to think that. And seniors in Florida—the state we supposedly lost when Mitt picked me—won’t be so scared as soon they know that my mother lives in Florida, and that all I want to do is reform the health care system so she can receive care that makes good fiscal sense.

Boy, I’m going to sell the shit out of that talking point. And I’m going to do a great job of it. Why? Because I’m Paul Ryan. That’s what I do.

That’s what he does. Meanwhile, what his counterpart does is draw fewer than 700 people to a rally in a key swing state. Funny thing: Reading that Onion piece, I kept waiting for the line about how he’s a right-wing lunatic who would destroy the country if given the chance, but it never comes. The closest they get is that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it line about not being good for Democratic livelihoods. Romney may have picked the one Republican in America who even some (emphasis: some) reliable liberals can’t get too cynical about.

Although, in that case, how come so many of his advisors were allegedly such a drag about the pick?

Romney’s aides have stressed publicly in the 24 hours since Romney electrified conservatives with his choice that the pick was the governor’s alone. They have been less forthcoming on the flip side: That much of his staff opposed the choice for the same reason that many pundits considered it unlikely — that Ryan’s appealingly wonky public image and a personality Romney finds copasetic will matter far less than two different budget plans whose details the campaign now effectively owns…

Another Republican in conversation with the campaign — though not a member of the inner circle of Romney advisers — said the early skeptics tended to be the political professionals, including consultants Stuart Stevens and Russ Schriefer, and pollster Neil Newhouse, while Myers, foreign policy advisor Dan Senor, and ultimately Romney himself favored Ryan. (Those involved declined to shed light on the campaign’s most confidential conversations; and others, including Myers, disputed that characterization; she said Saturday she kept her opinion to herself.)

Not sure I buy any of it. For one thing, it seems completely out of character for Romney to go with his gut on a momentous decision if his political team, who steered him through the primaries, is begging him to stay cautious. Beyond that, Romney aides told Politico that they conducted not so much as a single poll or focus group on Ryan as VP before Romney picked him. Really? The guy who came up with the most serious entitlement reform package in decades, whom Democrats have been dying to demagogue as a granny-killer, warranted not even one poll in Florida before Team Mitt bet the campaign on him? Does that sound remotely like the Romney approach to politics to you? I think it’s more likely that the whole team was okay with picking Ryan, albeit some perhaps with misgivings, but they’re bending over backward to make it look like Romney’s decision alone because they’re enjoying the respect he’s getting from the base for being so bold. Let’s face it: Picking Ryan is the most, ahem, “severely conservative” thing Mitt’s ever done. Why shouldn’t he get all the credit?

Which doesn’t mean, of course, that Mitt’s going to embrace Ryan’s budget entirely. Ed Gillespie made clear yesterday that it’s still a Romney/Ryan ticket, not vice versa. Via Mediaite, here’s John Sununu making the same point to Matthews a bit more colorfully. Exit quotation: “I’m not dumb enough to pick the fact that the guy at the second place is going to call the shots.”


Related Posts:

Breaking on Hot Air

Blowback

Note from Hot Air management: This section is for comments from Hot Air's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that Hot Air management agrees with or otherwise endorses any particular comment just because we let it stand. A reminder: Anyone who fails to comply with our terms of use may lose their posting privilege.

Trackbacks/Pings

Trackback URL

Comments

Comment pages: 1 2

Wow. I’m stunned. But oddly… not surprised.

John the Libertarian on August 13, 2012 at 10:18 PM

Must be the same writer who did the Steve Jobs obit. Not going to link, but easy enough to find if anyone is inclined. Worth the time.

kim roy on August 14, 2012 at 2:07 AM

Read it closely. Looks to me that they are trying to paint him as arrogant, and only pretending to care about his ’causes’. I think that they are trying to paint him as an evil phoney. That would make sense, since they can’t call him old or dumb.

CaliSam on August 13, 2012 at 10:21 PM

I am shocked that most of you cannot see the irony in this piece like Calisam and I did. It is anything but praise for Ryan. My God, has irony been banned from Hotair? I read it and then re-read it and it still came out as a hit piece that basically claims that Ryan is full of himself and is a great bullshit artist to the dumb people that like him. This is so sophomoric that it baffles me that you all don’t see it. Alla, say it ain’t so!

inspectorudy on August 14, 2012 at 2:56 AM

inspectorudy on August 14, 2012 at 2:56 AM

No, I don’t buy this. First, it’s the Onion. They don’t do straight up news, they poke fun. But when you consider how vicious and sardonic they could have been with this, to me it’s clear this piece is as positive as it could have been from this source. Surprisingly so, actually.

swinia sutki on August 14, 2012 at 6:29 AM

heh! the one thing i miss about DC is riding the metro and grabbing a copy of the onion before heading down the blue line. this is some funny shizzat.

ted c on August 14, 2012 at 6:50 AM

Awesomely awesome.

jan3 on August 14, 2012 at 7:27 AM

Ed Gillespie made clear yesterday that it’s still a Romney/Ryan ticket, not vice versa.

I suspect that the base may view this as they did with the Palin/Mc Whatzizname ticket…as a Ryan/Romney ticket.

I doubt if Palin fans like myself will forgive the GOP for their vicious calloused treatment of Sarah, who has done nothing less than show herself to be the real fighter in the GOP.

I never trust people who toss their own to the wolves.

If she doesn’t speak at the convention and Acid-Ann’s favorite blustery bully Christie does, they cement their image as the party of self-inflicted defeat.

Don L on August 14, 2012 at 7:29 AM

I am shocked that most of you cannot see the irony in this piece like Calisam and I did. It is anything but praise for Ryan. My God, has irony been banned from Hotair? I read it and then re-read it and it still came out as a hit piece that basically claims that Ryan is full of himself and is a great bullshit artist to the dumb people that like him. This is so sophomoric that it baffles me that you all don’t see it. Alla, say it ain’t so!

inspectorudy on August 14, 2012 at 2:56 AM

No way. It’s more like a wake up call to Democrats to take this seriously.Definitely not a hit piece – it’s a compliment.

jan3 on August 14, 2012 at 7:30 AM

I am shocked that most of you cannot see the irony in this piece like Calisam and I did. It is anything but praise for Ryan. My God, has irony been banned from Hotair? I read it and then re-read it and it still came out as a hit piece that basically claims that Ryan is full of himself and is a great bullshit artist to the dumb people that like him. This is so sophomoric that it baffles me that you all don’t see it. Alla, say it ain’t so!

inspectorudy on August 14, 2012 at 2:56 AM

Nope.

It’s a backhanded warning to the Democrats that they’re not going to be able to play the old white guy card on this guy or the idiot card, that he’s actually good at what he does, that he will at some point go up head to head with the stupidest VP we’ve ever had in the White House.

Democrats who read this might chuckle, but that’s because there’s more truth in it than they want to admit to themselves.

Good Lt on August 14, 2012 at 7:35 AM

I doubt if Palin fans like myself will forgive the GOP for their vicious calloused treatment of Sarah, who has done nothing less than show herself to be the real fighter in the GOP.

This race isn’t about Palin. And never was. She had her chance to jump in the race and didn’t. That’s nobody’s choice but her own.

Let it go.

Good Lt on August 14, 2012 at 7:36 AM

Let it go.

Good Lt on August 14, 2012 at 7:36 AM

You first.

SKYFOX on August 14, 2012 at 7:43 AM

“Dan Rather said Paul Ryan is TOXIC to the ticket.”

Well, slap my a*s and fax me from Kinko’s- is that trenchcoat wearing lie machine still kickin’?

funny- ole dan the blather man was TOXIC to truth and journalistic integrity. Guess he’d know from toxic.

Or not, given that rather is a pathetic bitter old dunce with a viewership rivaling qweef olbermann’s at this point.

GrassMudHorsey on August 14, 2012 at 7:49 AM

You first.

SKYFOX on August 14, 2012 at 7:43 AM

Let the Palinmania go?

Done and done.

How are you handling it?

Good Lt on August 14, 2012 at 8:01 AM

The ‘tingle down the legs’ is MSNBC Chris Matthews soiling himself—see video

Matthews, as IS the entire leftoid MSM, is rushing out, trying desperately, to “define RYAN/Romney” as evil, and into what the LEFT wants to project.

This is why (see video) that Matthews would hardly let Sununu get in a word edgewise.
(Yet, Sununu did not let him get away with it.)

TEAM ROMNEY needs to get real wise, real quick, to the fact that the LEFT is ALL OUT to define and destroy the “image” of Romney/Ryan as something evil.

BigSven on August 14, 2012 at 8:01 AM

If you like Palin you had still better vote.

tomas on August 14, 2012 at 8:27 AM

See? Even The Onion likes him! They like him! They really LIKE him!

chumpThreads on August 14, 2012 at 8:49 AM

What should scare the hell out of the left is that Ryan is obviously presidential material. And with two terms in the No.2 spot in an administration credited with an economic recovery following socialism’s epic fail, he’d be formidable. Don’t think the professional left can’t see 16 years of political wilderness from their House.

Barnestormer on August 14, 2012 at 8:59 AM

I am shocked that most of you cannot see the irony in this piece like Calisam and I did…..
inspectorudy on August 14, 2012 at 2:56 AM

No, he really is smart, likeable, and articulate enought to woo a lot of dems and libs and then scare the rest of them. And to such a level that it becomes outlandish and an undeniable source of humor to be easily tapped by an honest comedic writer.

michaelthomas on August 14, 2012 at 9:23 AM

The closest they get is that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it line about not being good for Democratic livelihoods.

I would think that it would be better to have a livelihood that would allow you to negotiate any finer points than to be part of Obama’s unemployment statistics. Especially in the energy sector.

Cindy Munford on August 14, 2012 at 9:23 AM

Is Matthews paid to be a journalist or an enforcer for Obama? Ooops, silly question, the guy works for MSM.

The guy should be fired for bad journalism. He is not letting his guest answer a question. What a waste of network resources used to set up a remote feed. Why bother setting up an interview if the interviewee can’t get a word in?

bartbeast on August 14, 2012 at 9:44 AM

Is Matthews paid to be a journalist or an enforcer for Obama? Ooops, silly question, the guy works for MSM.

He talks over his guests with a big smirk on his face, so that’s a self admission.

michaelthomas on August 14, 2012 at 9:50 AM

Read it closely. Looks to me that they are trying to paint him as arrogant, and only pretending to care about his ’causes’. I think that they are trying to paint him as an evil phoney. That would make sense, since they can’t call him old or dumb.

CaliSam on August 13, 2012 at 10:21 PM

Are you suggesting that the majority of Onion readers are able to grasp that level of subtlety (if intended)?

roy_batty on August 14, 2012 at 10:24 AM

I find it extremely difficult to watch an interview with Chris, he constantly interrupts and starts babbling about something out of context and he will not shut up. Why he has a job is a mystery to me.

mixplix on August 14, 2012 at 11:27 AM

A great manager and leader of a company, always surrounds himself with the smartest of the smart associates, even if they’re smarter than themselves.

Not intimidated by them, but jazzed their nominee will help get him and the company across the finish line. One goal. Winning.

Mitt is just doing what he knows…Turnaround specialist!
This makes me have a lot more confidence in Mitt.

Typicalwhitewoman on August 14, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Even Jug Eags praised Ryan as a “sincere” “patriot” who “wants to solve a real problem” back in 2011. Later that year, Jug Ears told Peter Baker of the New York Times that Ryan was one two Republicans he trusted enough to work with on budget issues.

jqc1970 on August 14, 2012 at 12:45 PM

Matthews is such a schmuck. I am really curious to know if Matthews goes out of his way to repeatedly identify liberal guests as Obama surrogates. Sununu is great but I wish he had stated that Matthews is an Obama surrogate.

waitwaitdontsmellme on August 14, 2012 at 1:01 PM

The Onion was started in Wisconsin. Paul Ryan is a Wisconsin boy through and through. The staff probably has a special place in their hearts for people from Wisconsin.

closetgop on August 15, 2012 at 9:51 AM

Comment pages: 1 2