Video: A friendly fireworks warning on this 4th of July

posted at 12:41 pm on July 4, 2012 by Ed Morrissey

We here at Hot Air hope all of our friends and readers have a fun, patriotic, and safe Independence Day celebration — and just to be clear on that last part, here are a few pointers:

  1. Do not stick fireworks in your rear end.
  2. Do not stick fireworks in your friends’ rear ends.
  3. Rules 1 and 2 apply no matter how much beer you drink.

You might think that these common-sense safety tips hardly need to be spoken aloud, but that’s probably because you haven’t seen this collection of firework idiocy from WorldWideInterweb. They’ve collected two and a half minutes of reminders why we have safety messages on irons that warn us about using them on clothes while we’re wearing them.  Via Dina Fraioli on Twitter, here is this year’s Fireworks Fail Montage — and needless to say, please observe the official Not Safe For Work content warning:

I almost forgot Rule 4: Bring ointment.

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Comment pages: 1 2

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

Lickmuffin on July 4, 2012 at 6:06 PM

Bunsin2 on July 4, 2012 at 5:40 PM

FIFM. Don’t know why I included that.

JAGonzo on July 4, 2012 at 6:53 PM

…I can’t hear you….I have roman candle stuck up my butt…

Tim_CA on July 4, 2012 at 7:39 PM

…I can’t hear you….I have roman candle stuck up my butt…

Tim_CA on July 4, 2012 at 7:39 PM

Heh…

OmahaConservative on July 4, 2012 at 7:49 PM

OC, how’s your pastor friend doing??

Rosmerta on July 4, 2012 at 7:56 PM

Rosmerta on July 4, 2012 at 7:56 PM

Holding his own, three clots that need to dissolve. Please keep prayers ascending…

OmahaConservative on July 4, 2012 at 8:08 PM

Oh, my gosh. I needed that laugh today…

englishqueen01 on July 4, 2012 at 9:39 PM

Flora Duh on July 4, 2012 at 1:01 PM

Was that a ‘must have’ or a suggestion?

Try to unroll it. Yes, Windows still sucks
even after all these years of suckage.

Get a MAC Flora.

mickytx on July 4, 2012 at 11:55 PM

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

Lickmuffin on July 4, 2012 at 6:06 PM

I’ll need a moment in which to cease and desist my personal laugh riot.

mickytx on July 5, 2012 at 12:19 AM

Reminds me of the year we went to a fireworks display where, for whatever reason, the fireworks were going off too low and over the crowd. One minute everybody is doing the OOHs and AHHs. The next minute they are stamping out their flaming picnic blankets.

Happy Nomad on July 5, 2012 at 7:51 AM

And just think….

… these people VOTE! (and probably vote democrat).

CrazyFool on July 5, 2012 at 10:27 AM

No wonder Obama voters want free health care!

The Rock on July 5, 2012 at 1:45 PM

It was just a few years ago on the 4th of July that we lost a good friend named Frank K. to a fireworks mishap. I’m told they teach you in the army, NEVER LOOK DOWN THE TUBE. A large firework appeared to be a dud, and Frank looked down the tube, at which time, it went off. Took the top of his skull off. [shudder]

God rest your soul Frank. We miss you.

FlatlanderByTheLake on July 5, 2012 at 2:07 PM

people learn from their own mistakes, but smart people learn from other people’s mistakes. And dumb people learn from neither.

– Fallon

:) That was easy.

Axe on July 4, 2012 at 1:17 PM

The problem is, even if these guys saw previous firework fail videos, I don’t think that would have stopped them from attempting it on their own.

shick on July 5, 2012 at 3:57 PM

Google “fireworks in ass” and prepare to quake in terror over the state of our future.

TheLastBrainLeft on July 4, 2012 at 3:47 PM

There’s something definitely wrong with you in just thinking that you needed to google that.

shick on July 5, 2012 at 3:58 PM

No wonder Obama voters want free health care!

The Rock on July 5, 2012 at 1:45 PM

From page 2683 of the Affordable Care Act: Citizens will be covered regardless of pre-existing rectum firework burns.

shick on July 5, 2012 at 4:13 PM

heh!!! funny

ted c on July 5, 2012 at 5:32 PM

Comment pages: 1 2