A Modest Proposal

posted at 8:41 am on June 29, 2012 by Ed Morrissey

Now that the Roberts Court has affirmed that the government has the power to mandate purchases of private goods and services as long as it’s structured as a tax, I propose that we put this new-found authority in the service of an explicit Constitutional right.  For far too long, too many Americans have suffered from an inequal distribution of firearms, despite the Second Amendment’s express exhortation to “keep and bear arms,” in large part because income inequality in this nation has kept the poor and working classes from having the proper protection for themselves and their loved ones.  We need to end this disparity now by applying the ObamaCare model immediately.

First, the government needs to issue a mandate that all households must own at least one firearm. We will need a federal agency to ensure that people aren’t just buying cheap BB guns or .22 pistols, even though that may be all they need or want.  It has to be 9mm or above, with .44 magnums getting a one-time tax credit on their own.  Let’s pick an agency known for its aptitude on firearms and home protection to issue required annual certifications each year, without which the government will have to levy hefty fines.  Which agency would do the best job?  Hmmmm … I know!  How about TSA?  With their track record of excellence, we should have no problems implementing this mandate.

Don’t want to own a gun?  Hey, no worries.  Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts says citizens have the right to refuse to comply with mandates.  The government will just seize some of your cash in fines, that’s all.  Isn’t choice great?  Those fines will go toward federal credits that will fund firearm purchases for the less well off, so that they can protect their homes as adequately as those who can afford guns on their own.  Since they generally live in neighborhoods where police response is appreciably worse than their higher-earning fellow Americans, they need them more anyway.  Besides — gun ownership is actually mentioned in the Constitution, unlike health care, which isn’t.  Obviously, that means that the federal government should be funding gun ownership.

Now, I’m not naive; this kind of mandate system will be difficult to get through Congress.  Even gun manufacturers might have some reservations about forcing everyone to buy their product, especially since we’ll also be imposing massive price controls on their products.  Only 7% of their revenues can be spent on administrative costs and “profit,” whatever we decide that means.  How else to make sure that we keep prices fair?  We have an ace in the hole, though. We plan to get the ammunition industry on our side, running a $200 million ad campaign on behalf of the bill.  They stand to make billions in the huge increase of target practice — which gun ranges will have to provide for free on at least one occasion a year per person, and for which the government will cover the range costs at, say, $5 per hour.  (That’s a loss for gun ranges, but they’ll make it up in volume.)

We need to act now.  Too many poor and working-class families face injury and death from lack of self-protection in areas of high rates of violent crime, so if you oppose this, you must hate the poor and hope they die.  Since no one does that, we should expect to see everyone celebrating this effort to realize the vision of our Founders, which was obviously a top-down federal government that can order its citizens to do anything it wants.


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First, the government needs to issue a mandate that all households must own at least one firearm.

This is one of those things that sounds good in the abstract, like lefty ideas.

I know several households that should not have a firearm. Or even know what they are.

cozmo on June 29, 2012 at 8:44 AM

Ed,

While this intellectually satisfying, let’s stay focused. I know yesterday was upsetting…

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on June 29, 2012 at 8:45 AM

It’s a nice thought to play around with, but I’d rather not exacerbate the fact that the Supreme Court legitimized economic fascism yesterday.

More productive would be starting a grassroots drive toward a Constitutional amendment undoing the dangerous precedent that Roberts set with his twisted legal “reasoning.” Even if Romney is elected, and even if GOP leadership keeps good on their word and promptly repeals Obamatax, that will only begin to undo the damage.

Gingotts on June 29, 2012 at 8:45 AM

why not, clearly their is a significant comic burden from crime and many americans are ring to be involved with the criminal justice system wether they like it or not. Why this is a crisis of almost epidemic proportions!

rob verdi on June 29, 2012 at 8:45 AM

swift

Steven McGregor on June 29, 2012 at 8:45 AM

I’d rather focus efforts on getting a Constitutional Amendment ratified, the “Restoration Amendment” that clarifies the LIMIT of the commerce clause to regulating actual commerce and bans taxing inactivity.

Thanks to “Social Justice” Roberts we are in Constitutional CRISIS until this is done.

wildcat72 on June 29, 2012 at 8:46 AM

While I would generally support such an idea Ed, there are people who are so stupid, I’d prefer that they NOT own a firearm.

Like the 52%+ who voted for Obama in 2008.

GarandFan on June 29, 2012 at 8:46 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Amen.

I would also pass legislation that whatever rules of law apply to abortion, apply to gun ownership.

You want an abortion, then you need a permit.
You want an abortion, you must be 21.
You want an abortion, you must wait 3 days. (How about 9 months?)
You want an abortion, you must attend and pass a class.
You want an abortion, you must be able to pay for it.
You want an abortion, you must have insurance.
You want an abortion, you must submit to a Federal check to make sure you are “approved”.

There are more, but you get the point.

barnone on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Each family member must have one , and how bout the illegals they need firearms to cross the border illegally which is their God given right……. they might come across a border agent that isnt versed in their rights

murrayjones on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

heh

cmsinaz on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

It is a great in your face, something Allan Greyson would propose.

tim c on June 29, 2012 at 8:48 AM

Snarky goodness.

For far too long, too many Americans have suffered from an inequal distribution of firearms

Especially those of us in deep blue states where pols think criminals who have no problem violating any number of laws will actually abide by gun-control laws.

Lost in Jersey on June 29, 2012 at 8:48 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

True, I recognize that, but lets not propose driving Mack Trucks ourselves through this hole that Roberts wrought.

wildcat72 on June 29, 2012 at 8:48 AM

I think I’m more pissed now than yesterday. Roberts’ opinion is a convoluted piece of crap. Yes, it does put a limit on the commerce clause, but then gives Congress free range via taxation.

And we have to pin our hopes on Mittens and Boehner. . . ?

rbj on June 29, 2012 at 8:48 AM

The encourage compliance with the new get-a-handgun mandate, I propose that all target practice ranges now feature targets with Nancy Pelosi’s picture as the bullseye!

pilamaye on June 29, 2012 at 8:48 AM

Don’t forget the Ammo…..

there will need to be state exchanges set up to provide ammo to everyone.
I can hear it now.

WoooooHoooo free guns. Guns is now free.

lm10001 on June 29, 2012 at 8:49 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Heartache!

Lost in Jersey on June 29, 2012 at 8:49 AM

I love it, Ed! Great job! That sums it all up in a nutshell!

squeek71 on June 29, 2012 at 8:50 AM

Capt. Ed for Prez 2012 !

petefrt on June 29, 2012 at 8:51 AM

I like it Ed. The analogy falls apart though when we consider the fundamental difference between health insurance and normal goods. Gun manufacturers are not on the hook for paying your gun ownership costs after you purchase your gun, so they don’t need to raise their prices to cover those with high gun ownership costs or else go bankrupt. Once you buy a gun the relationship is over unless you return to buy a second gun. And that just means giving more dollars to the gun manufacturer, not demanding payment for gun ownership costs. Gun manufacturers pricing formula doesn’t care about your preexisting gun ownership costs.

NotCoach on June 29, 2012 at 8:52 AM

If only people wearing hoodies had a gun instead of Marijuana and skittles.
/

Electrongod on June 29, 2012 at 8:52 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Ooops..
So was my last post..

Electrongod on June 29, 2012 at 8:53 AM

I’d like a Bushmaster .223 in camo with a Leupold scope, please. If the idiots can show up thinking they’re going to get free money from Zero’s stash, we can show up looking for our free guns. Make beer free next.

Kissmygrits on June 29, 2012 at 8:54 AM

Impeccable logic, Ed. Of course lefties won’t get the irony.

GeorgiaBuckeye on June 29, 2012 at 8:56 AM

Ed – you’ve been hanging around Lileks again haven’t you? That was masterful! Nice chuckle after yesterday.

LL

Lady Logician on June 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

The government now has an enormous amount of power over its citizens, vote.

rob verdi on June 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

I have been eying one of the black guns that our government sold to bad guys across the boarder..

Oh wait….

So Obama saved American jobs by exporting goods.

Thank you President Obama.

Electrongod on June 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

Bravo Ed

gwelf on June 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

Looks like several other people commented while I was logging in, but as Ed, himself, pointed out and Mr. McGregor too, this is a tongue-in-cheek satire. It’s not a serious proposal. McGregor’s reference to Jonathan Swift was a bit too obscure for some folks, I guess. Seriously, it’s a funny piece that illustrates the absurdity of the Supreme Court’s decision by applying it to something else. Have a laugh. Lighten up! And stop over-analyzing everything.

1911Man on June 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

@Ed

Thanks for hitting this a little.

I’d rather focus efforts on getting a Constitutional Amendment ratified, the “Restoration Amendment” that clarifies the LIMIT of the commerce clause to regulating actual commerce and bans taxing inactivity.

Thanks to “Social Justice” Roberts we are in Constitutional CRISIS until this is done.

wildcat72 on June 29, 2012 at 8:46 AM

This is why I keep saying “what now.” We’re broken. Do we agitate for an amendment? That’s a lost cause, surely. And Glenn Beck’s right when he says we don’t want our contemporary leadership to be the ones inking that paper.

Do we just daydream of conservative judges? Keep trying to elect conservatives and hope for conservative judges? Because that seems like a lost cause as well — for reasons that should be pretty obvious.

I’ll fight for a lost cause, if that’s all there is.

Just need to pick a target.

Axe on June 29, 2012 at 8:58 AM

Boarder = ….oh you get it…:)

Electrongod on June 29, 2012 at 8:59 AM

The scenario in this post will never happen… but I personally think this power will be used against the leisure choices of the leisure class. If you’re income is $200k a year and you don’t own a car that gets 50mpg, then you pay a tax.

ninjapirate on June 29, 2012 at 8:59 AM

We can’t call this a tax. “It’s not a tax.” We’re simply ensuring that every American is paying their fair share and free riding on the system. You don’t want to make America a safer place by purchasing a handgun and learning how to defend yourself with it that’s fine but you’re putting a burden on your local police department and fellow citizens. “I repeat this is not at tax.”

gwelf on June 29, 2012 at 8:59 AM

Bravo!

TXMomof3 on June 29, 2012 at 9:00 AM

So much win!

whoishe on June 29, 2012 at 9:00 AM

Cute! How did people not get that it was satire….

libfreeordie on June 29, 2012 at 9:00 AM

It’s time to revisit my idea of a Motor Shooter law to go along with Motor Voter. Under Motor Shooter, states will hand out guns at the BMV when you get a driver’s license or vehicle registration, like they do with voter registrations.

zmdavid on June 29, 2012 at 9:00 AM

The scenario in this post will never happen… but I personally think this power will be used against the leisure choices of the leisure class. If you’re income is $200k a year and you don’t own a car that gets 50mpg, then you pay a tax.

ninjapirate on June 29, 2012 at 8:59 AM

After yesterday it’s impossible for anyone to honestly deny that the tax code is more about controlling behavior than it is about raising revenue.

gwelf on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

If you’re income is $200k a year and you don’t own a car that gets 50mpg, then you pay a tax.

And this tax will be used to subsidize the Volts of the “good” rich.

I personally think for the most part this new taxing power will be used by the rich on grab money from other rich people.

ninjapirate on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

The scenario in this post will never happen… but I personally think this power will be used against the leisure choices of the leisure class. If you’re income is $200k a year and you don’t own a car that gets 50mpg, then you pay a tax.

ninjapirate on June 29, 2012 at 8:59 AM

The is only one party with the balls to tax someone to do something.

God help us…

Electrongod on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

Actually, Ed, I’ve always been comforted by the fact that lefties don’t own guns. You know, just in case the country moves toward a “2nd Amendment solution” to its problems. I have this recurring fantasy that the shIt finally hits the fan, and my previously gun-grabbing lefty acquaintances come running to my door saying “Save me! Save me!” and I say “Get the fu*k off my land.”

Heh.

Rational Thought on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

How about we also require all males 18 and over to join a state militia and issue them fully automatic assault rifles, ammunition, shoulder mounted missiles and a few hand grenades. If you don’t want to join the militia, no problem just pay a fine.

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

Cute! How did people not get that it was satire….

libfreeordie on June 29, 2012 at 9:00 AM

Heh..

That word “free” in your name..

What does it mean?

Just curious.

Electrongod on June 29, 2012 at 9:02 AM

How about we also require all males 18 and over to join a state militia and issue them fully automatic assault rifles, ammunition, shoulder mounted missiles and a few hand grenades. If you don’t want to join the militia, no problem just pay a fine.

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

If it’s good enough for Europe it’s good enough for America!

gwelf on June 29, 2012 at 9:02 AM

Too many poor and working-class families face injury and death from lack of self-protection in areas of high rates of violent crime, so if you oppose this, you must hate the poor and hope they die.

We need to push through this mandate for the children.

Happy Nomad on June 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM

1911Man on June 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

When satire has to be explained it fails. Most of us know what it is, and those who mistake it for reality only enhance the humor. Ed shouldn’t have explained it was satire for a minimum of 24 hours. Let many heads explode first.

NotCoach on June 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM

Nice piece, Ed. I think someone on the GOP side ought to actually propose something like this, so maybe the lefties cheering yesterday’s travesty can see where it may lead. Be careful what you wish for.

changer1701 on June 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Some folks went off half-cocked.

Lucky you didn’t go the full Modest Proposal route.

Drained Brain on June 29, 2012 at 9:04 AM

Ed, I just sent a link to this post to Rob Wittman, my congressman. From some of my conversations with his staffers I think they’ll enjoy it.

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:05 AM

I’m down. Let’s do it.

dczombie on June 29, 2012 at 9:05 AM

Thank you for framing the argument in this way. My 21 year old son latched on to it and understands the government has the power to tax everything including, including private services.

He asked me,

At what point do you draw the line and say I don’t want to buy something I don’t want…but the government says I have to buy?

Now if I could just get him to become politically active…at least he votes so I guess that’s a start. I told him last night his generation should be furious at the amount of tax debt accumulated not by their generation…but one it will have to address.

manateespirit on June 29, 2012 at 9:07 AM

Sort of off topic but my azaleas were really beautiful this year.

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:09 AM

I have a far more modest proposal for our government.

Mandate every citizen of this country have an abortion before the age of 20, and every year thereafter, or pay a tax assessed during that year.

Scott H on June 29, 2012 at 9:09 AM

Dr. Swift is rolling over in his grave.

Chuckling.

ElectricPhase on June 29, 2012 at 9:09 AM

Ed shouldn’t have explained it was satire for a minimum of 24 hours. Let many heads explode first.

NotCoach on June 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM

I’m hoping for an announcement from Justice Roberts around 10 AM…

zmdavid on June 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

Mandate every citizen of this country have an abortion before the age of 20, and every year thereafter, or pay a tax assessed during that year.

Scott H on June 29, 2012 at 9:09 AM

Kinda hard for a male to have an abortion, dontcha think?

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

Too soon (or too Swift)after the ruling for some people not to still be on edge.

The main thing to take from a political standpoint off the wording of Thursday’s decision by Roberts, is that the term “ObamaCare Tax” should be burned into the brains of voters between now and Nov. 6. If Team Romney, the RNC and the supporting SuperPac can’t figure that out — especially with the debate on the Bush tax cut extensions also looming in the public spotlight before Election Day — they are more clueless than the Dole and McCain campaigns combined.

jon1979 on June 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

glad i read that before commenting!

chasdal on June 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

Washington has usurped too much power unto itself. We are all like a wive with an abusive husband, and we are looking to that abusive power for a solution to this abuse. What an absurd idea.

Kjeil on June 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

Sort of off topic but my azaleas were really beautiful this year.

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:09 AM

Gorgeous #NoShade

libfreeordie on June 29, 2012 at 9:12 AM

You forgot to mention the enormous cost that free riders (those who refuse to arm themselves) impose on the rest of society: increased cost for incarcerations, courts and law enforcement, because so many citizens refuse to participate in the proven effective deterrence of owning a gun, while benefiting unfairly from said deterrence provided for them by armed citizens.

tomwinfl on June 29, 2012 at 9:12 AM

after yesterday, something more constructive and election oriented ought be under consideration. Instead we get this invitation to masturbation.

rayra on June 29, 2012 at 9:13 AM

Exchange, Gun/firearm, with Democrat Party, and …..

Offhanded on June 29, 2012 at 9:13 AM

Now that the Roberts Court has affirmed that the government has the power to mandate purchases of private goods and services as long as it’s structured as a tax…

The government does not even have to go to the trouble of structuring it as a tax and calling it a tax. They can call it anything they want and structure it any way they like. SCOTUS will call it a tax if it is challenged in court. As a result of thie ruling no one will bother to challenge in the courts any federally mandated legislated fine, penalty, tax, incentive, or whatever they decide call it. The court has ruled that fines and penalties and all other such things will be considered taxes in a court of law.

farsighted on June 29, 2012 at 9:13 AM

Oldnuke: Not a problem. Males will simply have to pay the tax. It’s not like there’s no choice with the mandate, right?

Scott H on June 29, 2012 at 9:13 AM

Hell,….replace it w/Republican party

Offhanded on June 29, 2012 at 9:14 AM

The satire falls a little short since “arms” is not exclusive to “firearms”.

Firearms is just a small subset of armaments. The Amendment doesn’t read “to keep and bear firearms;” it reads, “to keep and bear arms”.

Dante on June 29, 2012 at 9:14 AM

Ed – I had exactly the same thought yesterday! (Thinking about the Swiss model.)

The liberals are so damn dumb and short term thinking. They just are celebrating their BFD that their bill will survive (for the moment). They don’t think at all about the long term effects of this ruling nor the principles involved.

Wait until conservatives are in power, and force them to do all sorts of things they don’t wish to do – or pay taxes for not doing them.

Of course, I both hope and doubt that conservative politicians would not do this. But – the important part is that they could. And – those idiots on the left Do Not Get It still.

pbundy on June 29, 2012 at 9:15 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

This post shows exactly why the mandate is a horrible infringement of Americans’ civil/human rights.

Hope on June 29, 2012 at 9:15 AM

This is one of those things that sounds good in the abstract, like lefty ideas.

I think you’re kind of missing the point here.

Cicero43 on June 29, 2012 at 9:18 AM

Just FYI, this is meant as satire.

Ed Morrissey on June 29, 2012 at 8:47 AM

And very good satire at that…

PatriotRider on June 29, 2012 at 9:20 AM

Besides — gun ownership is actually mentioned in the Constitution, unlike health care, which isn’t.

Holy cow, how did I miss this one?

Gun ownership is not “actually mentioned in the Constitution”.

Dante on June 29, 2012 at 9:21 AM

Haha. Such tough guy rage! Paging Dr Freud code blue in the wing nut wing!

Well the good thing is you will never need to worry about having to pay for your psychoanalysis if you lose your insurance.

tommyhawk on June 29, 2012 at 9:21 AM

Masterful satire, Ed.

Mini-14 on June 29, 2012 at 9:23 AM

You forgot to mention the enormous cost that free riders (those who refuse to arm themselves) impose on the rest of society: increased cost for incarcerations, courts and law enforcement, because so many citizens refuse to participate in the proven effective deterrence of owning a gun, while benefiting unfairly from said deterrence provided for them by armed citizens.

tomwinfl on June 29, 2012 at 9:12 AM

Brilliant

gwelf on June 29, 2012 at 9:23 AM

Yeah, let’s play in the mud too or something.

MeatHeadinCA on June 29, 2012 at 9:26 AM

tommyhawk on June 29, 2012 at 9:21 AM

You guys you will never lose power as long as you just keep pissing all over us. Brilliant!

NotCoach on June 29, 2012 at 9:27 AM

We need to push through this mandate for the children.

Happy Nomad on June 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM

It’s the right thing to do!

Mr. Prodigy on June 29, 2012 at 9:27 AM

Ed, what you offer in satire, I would affirm with conviction. It would be the most awesome political wedgie of all time.

Cricket624 on June 29, 2012 at 9:28 AM

Ha ha… a funny one, Ed.
And all the rational people know that a mandate like this will cause gun & ammo prices to go up, range wait times to go up, and shortages of everything.
If the price can’t go up due to restrictions, then suppliers either go out of business or make them of lower quality.

Kinda like all the same things Obamacare will cause.

SnowSun on June 29, 2012 at 9:28 AM

Actually, Ed, I’ve always been comforted by the fact that lefties don’t own guns. You know, just in case the country moves toward a “2nd Amendment solution” to its problems. I have this recurring fantasy that the shIt finally hits the fan, and my previously gun-grabbing lefty acquaintances come running to my door saying “Save me! Save me!” and I say “Get the fu*k off my land.”

Heh.

Rational Thought on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

The problem with your scenario is that when sh*t hits the fan, your gun-grabbing lefty acquaintances will now be the enemy.

The Count on June 29, 2012 at 9:30 AM

And very good satire at that…

PatriotRider on June 29, 2012 at 9:20 AM | Delete | Delete and Ban

…and I liked it…too!

KOOLAID2 on June 29, 2012 at 9:31 AM

LOL, good one Ed. C’mon, guys, you know we were all thinking it.

Knott Buyinit on June 29, 2012 at 9:31 AM

So, I get tax credits for each hand gun I already own, right?

BlueStateExpat on June 29, 2012 at 9:32 AM

Actually, Ed, I’ve always been comforted by the fact that lefties don’t own guns.

Rational Thought on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

That’s not a fact. Plenty of lefties are gun owners.

Dante on June 29, 2012 at 9:34 AM

The problem with your scenario is that when sh*t hits the fan, your gun-grabbing lefty acquaintances will now be the enemy.

The Count on June 29, 2012 at 9:30 AM

Ah, that’s the rub for them. When the shIt hits the fan, the tyrants go after the useful idiots first. They are, after all, unarmed. Useful idiots never understand that.

Rational Thought on June 29, 2012 at 9:34 AM

“You want fries with that?”

“No, thanks.”

“Okay, then I’ll add in another $3.40 in taxes…”

The Rogue Tomato on June 29, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Actually I find a more interesting application of this would be an abortion tax.

Voyager on June 29, 2012 at 9:36 AM

That’s not a fact. Plenty of lefties are gun owners.

Dante on June 29, 2012 at 9:34 AM

Most lefties I know are not, but that’s neither here nor there. Many of the most grating celebutards who screech the loudest about the evils of gun ownership have armed security details.

gryphon202 on June 29, 2012 at 9:36 AM

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

I’d like to have a side order of some good old WMD’s to go along with the main course. The chemical and biological agents look good. No nukes they would be too heavy to carry.

chemman on June 29, 2012 at 9:38 AM

Well, dang!

You think I could get a tax credit for those firearms already purchased?

applebutter on June 29, 2012 at 9:40 AM

I’d like to have a side order of some good old WMD’s to go along with the main course. The chemical and biological agents look good. No nukes they would be too heavy to carry.

chemman on June 29, 2012 at 9:38 AM

Not at all. A nice little suitcase nuke wouldn’t be any heavier than 35-40 lbs, I think. You could keep it in the backseat of your car. ;-)

gryphon202 on June 29, 2012 at 9:42 AM

Gun ownership is not “actually mentioned in the Constitution”.

Dante on June 29, 2012 at 9:21 AM

Yeah, because the “well regulated militia” carried around pocket knives and brass knuckles. /

“You want fries broccoli with that?”

“No, thanks.”

“Okay, then I’ll add in another $3.40 in taxes…”

The Rogue Tomato on June 29, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Please, try to keep up with mooch’s health initiatives.

Lost in Jersey on June 29, 2012 at 9:46 AM

Oldnuke on June 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

The government will start guaranteeing loans for genetic engineering firms to come up withe a solution for that.

chemman on June 29, 2012 at 9:46 AM

Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” was always held up by my teachers as the classic learning tool for Satire. Glad it was. I have NEVER forgotten it. Used it a few times myself.
Ed’s use of it here was perfect.
I am sure some lefty blog will pick this up and run with it having absolutely NO IDEA. Need to watch for it. Will be fun.
Thanks for this one, Rd. Made my day.

Jabberwock on June 29, 2012 at 9:47 AM

after yesterday, something more constructive and election oriented ought be under consideration. Instead we get this invitation to masturbation.

rayra on June 29, 2012 at 9:13 AM

You’re not from around here, are you?

Solaratov on June 29, 2012 at 9:47 AM

Opps. Rd=Ed

Jabberwock on June 29, 2012 at 9:48 AM

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