Good news: Unbelievably terrible sporting event not being canceled after all

posted at 6:41 pm on May 30, 2012 by Allahpundit

It’s the football equivalent of an Adam Sandler movie. (His recent work, not the enjoyably gonzo earlier stuff.) Everyone knows it’ll be unwatchable, but there’s still a loyal audience out there willing to take a chance on it. Just in case, against all odds, this one time it turns out to be good.

And so, my friends, our suffering must continue.

After receiving a promise from players that the game will be more competitive, the NFL will hold the Pro Bowl Jan. 27 in Honolulu, a week before the Super Bowl…

“The players have made it clear through the NFL Players Association that they would like the opportunity to continue to play the Pro Bowl in Hawaii,” NFL executive vice president Ray Anderson said. “We look forward to working with the players toward the goal of improving the competitiveness of this season’s game.”

Evidently the winners’ share next year will increase by only $3,000 so it’s not money that’s driving this. Could be that some players want a free trip to Hawaii even though they’re more than able to pay their own way, but in that case the league could just treat them to a vacation as a reward for being named All-Pro instead of forcing them to play.

Here’s the closest thing I can find to an honest-to-goodness reason:

News of the Pro Bowl’s return was met with praise by Hawaii tourism officials and Gov. Neil Abercrombie. Both Abercrombie and Mike McCartney, chief executive of the Hawaii Tourism Authority, hinted the state plans to deepen its ties to the league by helping it establish relationships in Asia — a continent with several major markets for tourism to the Aloha State.

“Beyond Hawaii’s shores, we look forward to assisting the NFL in expanding upon their relationships in Japan, and help them to establish a presence in China — both important markets for Hawaii tourism,” McCartney said.

Why would the NFL need Hawaii’s help to extend its brand to China? It’s easily the most valuable professional sports brand in America, aiming for $25 billion in annual revenue by 2027. They can leverage that to build Chinese partnerships without needing Neil Abercrombie or whoever as a go-between. But if that’s not the reason to play the game next year, what is? Who on earth wants this dreck to continue?

Exit question: If they played the Pro Bowl without helmets, would that make it safer?


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Re-name it the “Bounty Bowl.” Then, we’ll get to see some real football.

Christien on May 30, 2012 at 6:44 PM

It isn’t terrible! Where else do we get to see NFLr’s strut the runway?

Limerick on May 30, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Exit question: If they played the Pro Bowl without helmets, would that make it safer?

And a whole lot more boring?

CW on May 30, 2012 at 6:45 PM

Why should they cancel it. It actually gets good TV ratings, better than the baseball All-Star game, in fact.

Dreadnought on May 30, 2012 at 6:48 PM

I have gone to it. And I enjoy it — get down in front and your kids can talk to the players — get autographs. The players love it and party at the hotels.

As far as strutting is concerned, some teams have fashion shows but I wouldn’t go near one of them.

IlikedAUH2O on May 30, 2012 at 6:50 PM

Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Kinder, gentler, reminds me of that terrible biker show on Discovery about the Laffing Devils. Jumped in a pledge to their little club by making him run across the field, chased by a large, snarling Shepard; IN A BITE SUIT. Where’s the fun in that?
This game’s brought to you by Vagisil.

AllahsNippleHair on May 30, 2012 at 6:51 PM

You want to know why they’re keeping it? It was the #1 or #2 rated show the week it aired in each of the last 6 years. Yes it’s unspeakably awful, but anything put out by the NFL gets ratings. Why kill it if it’s still making money?

Number 2 on May 30, 2012 at 6:52 PM

Um….so a game that isn’t is what? Good to rub elbows in? I don’t get it. Who is out to prove what and who is out to rip a tendon?

Limerick on May 30, 2012 at 6:52 PM

Could be that some players want a free trip to Hawaii even though they’re more than able to pay their own way, but in that case the league could just treat them to a vacation as a reward for being named All-Pro instead of forcing them to play.

Maybe they also want the facetime that comes with actually playing in the game. It is televised and highlighted on SportsCenter.

Go RBNY on May 30, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Exit question: If they played the Pro Bowl without helmets, would that make it safer?

And a whole lot more boring?

CW on May 30, 2012 at 6:45 PM

How is that even possible?

These guys on the video just seem to want it to go on for their paychecks or something.

Bet the next one is just as bad. Unwatchable.

But hey lets do it anyway. The fans are so stupid they will pay and watch anyway.

Steveangell on May 30, 2012 at 6:56 PM

OMG I saw Joe Spodunk JumptotheMoon Smith in the Probowl catch two passes in the second quarter. I’m telling you it was the moment of my life!

Limerick on May 30, 2012 at 6:56 PM

Oh yeah, this reminds me that Øbama said “Here in Asia,” referring to Hawaii, earlier this year or last year or some recent vacaycay he was taking there. It would be a nice counterpoint to the Romney team misspelling America as “Amercia” on some damn mobile app.
.
Yeah – Hawaii is “Asia.” Ha Ha HA!

ExpressoBold on May 30, 2012 at 6:58 PM

It fills in the weekend between the end of the playoffs and the Super Bowl. It gives the NFL an extra shot at hauling in cash on what would otherwise be a dead weekend.

catsandbooks on May 30, 2012 at 7:00 PM

It’s the football equivalent of an Adam Sandler movie.

More like Pauly Shore movie.

As far as to why the players want to keep this lame tradition alive, it’s all in the ego. To be selected gives them a Sally Field moment.

Happy Nomad on May 30, 2012 at 7:00 PM

Watching Kofax kill the Giants. Heaven.
Watching Rose kill the runner to 2nd. Heaven.
Watching Sanders in a pretty clean jersey Hell.

Limerick on May 30, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Kinder, gentler, reminds me of that terrible biker show on Discovery about the Laffing Devils. Jumped in a pledge to their little club by making him run across the field, chased by a large, snarling Shepard; IN A BITE SUIT. Where’s the fun in that?
This game’s brought to you by Vagisil.

AllahsNippleHair on May 30, 2012 at 6:51 PM

I saw an episode of that show. It was awful. Didnt mind the nice guy bikers, but it’s so scripted, like most “reality” TV on cable nowadays.

Go RBNY on May 30, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Competing venues can cue up The Replacements.

Axe on May 30, 2012 at 7:06 PM

How about, instead of playing football, we just split them into two teams and do crazy things, like Celebrity Wipeout, or Jeopardy/Wheel of FOrtune, the “Skills Test” competition, and just turn it into everything but Football Players not playing Football?

Or how about this– have the Pro Bowlers coach the best high-school players in the country in addition to the crazy stuff above?

Make it the crazy PR event it should be.

Nethicus on May 30, 2012 at 7:12 PM

Exit question: If they played the Pro Bowl without helmets, would that make it safer?

Anybody who’d watch the Pro Bowl must have played a bit of football without a helmet.

radjah shelduck on May 30, 2012 at 7:15 PM

After seeing the initial headline, I thought Allah was talking about the sport of football in general.

The libs can’t wait to ban football and any other dangerous activity. Nevermind personal responsibility and the freedom to take risks!

LevinFan on May 30, 2012 at 7:15 PM

The libs can’t wait to ban football and any other dangerous activity. Nevermind personal responsibility and the freedom to take risks!

LevinFan on May 30, 2012 at 7:15 PM

‘cept tax larceny

Limerick on May 30, 2012 at 7:18 PM

I don’t know why anyone would want to play in the Pro Bowl. It’s just another chance to end your career with a cheap shot to the knee in a boring and meaningless game.

On a different note, does anyone remember when the college football all-stars played the Super Bowl champs each year? It was almost always a blowout. But it was fun to watch in a train wreck sort of way.

The Enforcer on May 30, 2012 at 7:23 PM

It’s an elite thing.

I wanna see NFL players participate in the CrossFit ESPN Nationals, along with us regular Joes and Janes that can do stuff I haven’t seen these guys do.

ProudPalinFan on May 30, 2012 at 7:25 PM

I used to watch the Pro-Bowl after the Superbowl was over. I know it wouldn’t be a real game but it was the last NFL I could see for months. However, if the game is played before the Superbowl I won’t watch it.

Dollayo on May 30, 2012 at 7:26 PM

Everyone knows it’ll be unwatchable,

but there’s still a loyal audience out there willing to take a chance on it. Just in case, against all odds, this one time it turns out to be good.

LMAO…

It’s a great excuse for a poker, cigar and beer party!

We’ll have it on the big screen…..but the BBQ will be getting more attention.

Tim_CA on May 30, 2012 at 7:27 PM

They could play drag lingerie flag football without helmets.

ninjapirate on May 30, 2012 at 7:29 PM

BTW…you can tell you’re really missing football when even the pro-bowl sounds good!

Tim_CA on May 30, 2012 at 7:31 PM

Well first of all, you have to schedule the Pro Bowl for after the Super Bowl so that the players from the Super Bowl game and conference championship games are there. Secondly, you have to give a big cash reward for the winning team so that there will be an incentive to win. This isn’t rocket science people.

SoulGlo on May 30, 2012 at 7:35 PM

Watch out for Peyton and the Broncos this year!! A determined Peyton Manning?? I wouldn’t bet against him!

LevinFan on May 30, 2012 at 7:35 PM

Dunny. Do something like the NHL does – have captains pick their own teams or some other innovative thing. How about players who graduated from college vs. those who didn’t.

DaveO on May 30, 2012 at 7:36 PM

Cripes…I live for football, don’t really care about the pro-bowl game, just like to know who got the votes.

The NFL has been all over the place on a new idea every year lately…put the game on the Sunday prior to the superbowl, rotate stadiums as they do for the superbowl and not exclusively in Hawaii, etc.

The only real winner in this would be the state of Hawaii. In my opinion, play the pro-bowl just before the pre-season games (or in there somewhere). That’s not perfect either, but all I know is that once pre-season kicks into gear I get psyched.

JetBoy on May 30, 2012 at 7:40 PM

News of the Pro Bowl’s return was met with praise by Hawaii tourism officials and Gov. Neil Abercrombie.

Left out of the report – Abercrombie’s a Democrat. Something tells me that had the NFL not brought the Pro Bowl back (and specifically, to Hawaii) another year, there would be complications.

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2012 at 7:45 PM

Watch out for Peyton and the Broncos this year!! A determined Peyton Manning?? I wouldn’t bet against him!

LevinFan on May 30, 2012 at 7:35 PM

How good is the left side of the Broncos’ offensive line?

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2012 at 7:46 PM

How good is the left side of the Broncos’ offensive line?

Steve Eggleston on May 30, 2012 at 7:46 PM

PRetty good actually. The entire line has the longest tenure of playing together in the league.

LevinFan on May 30, 2012 at 7:50 PM

First of all it’s like a Will Ferrell movie; Adam Sandler movies have purpose and are funny, at very least have funny parts. Second I rarely, if ever, watch the Pro Bowl.

I did catch a report on ESPN that the Pro Bowl had it’s highest ratings last year; as well as beat out the other pro-sport all-star games. It’s a cash cow still, and that’s all. I had no idea the ratings were good for it, since it’s terrible.

John Kettlewell on May 30, 2012 at 7:51 PM

I’d like to see a re-institution of the pre-season (exhibition) game where the all-star college draftees would play the current NFL champion.

Of course ,that went by the boards when the top college talent became mega million dollar properties and investments.

Dr. Carlo Lombardi on May 30, 2012 at 7:57 PM

Yay! There can never be too much football.

J.E. Dyer on May 30, 2012 at 8:11 PM

I’d like to see a re-institution of the pre-season (exhibition) game where the all-star college draftees would play the current NFL champion.

Of course ,that went by the boards when the top college talent became mega million dollar properties and investments.

Dr. Carlo Lombardi on May 30, 2012 at 7:57 PM

Exactly my thoughts…play the pro-bowl at the beginning of the next season, either exhibition or somewhere in the pre-season games.

JetBoy on May 30, 2012 at 8:19 PM

I thought I posted this..

News of the Pro Bowl’s return was met with praise by Hawaii tourism officials and Gov. Neil Abercrombie

…he want’s them there to help look for birth certificates!

KOOLAID2 on May 30, 2012 at 8:31 PM

Football has an inborn sense of team commitment- loyalty to one’s school, or city. The team works together all season long and fights for the school’s pride. The Stupid Pro Bowl has nothing like that. A mélange of all stars works fine in baseball, which began as a showcase of the sport to a World’s Fair audience. It can work as a competitive event because the leagues themselves were rivals and strategy boils down to very simple decisions, as opposed to complex coordinated patterns of play that rely on exact timing for proper execution. The Super Bowl represents the pinnacle of all that is good about football, and it stands in very stark contrast to the Pro Bowl.

Greek Fire on May 30, 2012 at 8:59 PM

I would rather see the XFL come back than the Pro Bowl. The XFL was actually cool if you went to the stadium.

Greek Fire on May 30, 2012 at 9:01 PM

Why would I fly all the way to Hawaii to waste time on a bad football game?

NoDonkey on May 30, 2012 at 9:25 PM

I just call it the “Tidy Bowl” and am done with it.

jms on May 30, 2012 at 9:38 PM

I think they can get free trips for their families, too, and why would they pass that up from the richest pro sports league in the galaxy?

stukinIL4now on May 30, 2012 at 10:19 PM

How about, instead of playing football, we just split them into two teams and do crazy things, like Celebrity Wipeout, or Jeopardy/Wheel of FOrtune, the “Skills Test” competition, and just turn it into everything but Football Players not playing Football?

Nethicus on May 30, 2012 at 7:12 PM

You mean bring back ABC’s Superstars?

TexasDan on May 30, 2012 at 10:21 PM

Re-name it the “Bounty Bowl.” Then, we’ll get to see some real football.

Christien on May 30, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Stranger Than Truth Dept.: New Orleans Saints owner Tom Benson was lobbying the NFL to give his city the Pro Bowl. Not sure how how this decision will affect their future chances.

Del Dolemonte on May 30, 2012 at 10:53 PM

Screw the players; screw football.

Have a Bikini Bowl where the top five cheerleaders from each team compete for a chance to become part of the All-Pro Cheerleading Squad. We’ll start with a wet tee-shirt contest.

The ratings will soar!

Bubba Redneck on May 30, 2012 at 11:11 PM

Asian football???

Mascots as Dragons and such? I don’t know, even the Univ. of Hawaii name their teams the Rainbow Warriors.

And, wouldn’t those Asians be too small. They’d get hurt…their bench would have , like 100 managers.. With slide rules, or something.

socalcon on May 31, 2012 at 2:15 AM

It would be better to have a rookie-bowl challenge.

fatlibertarianinokc on May 31, 2012 at 4:15 AM

put the game back where it belongs

the week after the Superbowl

so those who took their team to a championship are rewarded for their efforts

audiotom on May 31, 2012 at 8:41 AM

put the game back where it belongs

the week after the Superbowl

so those who took their team to a championship are rewarded for their efforts

audiotom on May 31, 2012 at 8:41 AM

Exactly.

I was one of those that liked the Pro Bowl when it was the week after the Superbowl. It put a cap on the year and was enjoyable listening to those who played in the Super Bowl (very few I’ll admit). Moving it a week before plays up on that those guys aren’t in this game.

itsspideyman on May 31, 2012 at 9:25 AM

Exit question: If they played the Pro Bowl without helmets, would that make it safer?

Why not? It’s already just a baby step from being a 2 hand touch pickup game anyway. Why do they really even need the pads? The only interesting factor to me in the last couple years was when they got creative with trick plays we would never see during a real game.

But I’ve played rougher games with friends as a kid in an empty field or dirt lot. Definitely not PC anymore, but who remembers “smeer the queer”? Basically “kill the guy with the ball”.

dentarthurdent on May 31, 2012 at 10:35 AM

put the game back where it belongs
the week after the Superbowl
so those who took their team to a championship are rewarded for their efforts

audiotom on May 31, 2012 at 8:41 AM

YES!!!!!

dentarthurdent on May 31, 2012 at 10:36 AM