I don’t mean that as a criticism. Hollywood’s been trying for 90 years to get the tone of the novel right and pretty clearly they’re never going to nail it — even Coppola’s treatment couldn’t produce a film worthy of the source — so why not stop trying and go crazy with the Cheez Whiz? Visual Cheez Whiz is, after all, what a Baz Luhrmann movie is all about. You don’t go to see this because you’re interested in an elegy for the Jazz Age. You see it because you’re 16 and Leo’s in it and Peter Parker’s his sidekick and there’s a romance and the art deco looks slick and, well, there’s just a lot of Cheez Whiz onscreen. And that soundtrack.

Exit question: Is America ready for a story about a man with a shadowy past and invented identity who saw his wildest dreams come true, only to have it all come crashing down around him?