Attention, nerds: Real lightsabers now available

posted at 6:31 pm on May 4, 2012 by Allahpundit

Via Gizmodo, a palate cleanser in honor of Star Wars Day. The good news? Real lasers are involved and they are, apparently, spectacular to behold — so much so that you need special shades to be in close proximity to this thing. The bad news? The exciting fight scenes in the promo are somewhat undercut by the voiceover insisting that you’re … not supposed to fight with the saber. Yeah. Extremely dangerous. So what you have here, apparently, is (a) a display piece that can’t be safely displayed without proper eyewear for the three percent of consumers who use it as intended and (b) a formidably risky weapon for the 97 percent who don’t.

On the upside, fellas, lady nerds are bound to be impressed, especially if you wear an old gray muscle shirt while wielding it like the dude in the clip to look extra bad-ass. Exit question: What’s the over/under on casualties at the next “Star Wars” convention?

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Yeah. This’ll end well. Do you suppose we can get them covered by the Second Amendment? If so, I’m all in.

totherightofthem on May 4, 2012 at 6:35 PM

Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster.

malclave on May 4, 2012 at 6:37 PM

can you bring it into a bar?

rob verdi on May 4, 2012 at 6:37 PM

Finally, wars will be fun again.

SirGawain on May 4, 2012 at 6:38 PM

Crud.

I know how the next unit picnic is going to end.

It’s not going to be pretty.

And Allah, lady nerds are not going to be happy, because they’re the ones who will have to clean up the mess.

pookysgirl on May 4, 2012 at 6:39 PM

This won’t go well if the Occutards get a hold of them. Won’t be a civilized weapon for a more civilized time.

William Teach on May 4, 2012 at 6:40 PM

So, the lasers are really just to give the things a monochromatic spectrum?

Count to 10 on May 4, 2012 at 6:40 PM

We are the 97%!

Fallon on May 4, 2012 at 6:40 PM

the narration makes this ad, I was waiting for a warning about possible decapitation and if so contact your doctor.

rob verdi on May 4, 2012 at 6:41 PM

As a Geek Girl…yeah this would work on me ;-)

NerwenAldarion on May 4, 2012 at 6:41 PM

Ah, man! They should’ve tagged one of the guys just to see if it draws blood.

John the Libertarian on May 4, 2012 at 6:42 PM

So its a plastic sword with a laser lighting it up instead of an LED?

Kelligan on May 4, 2012 at 6:43 PM

May the Schwartz be wit’choo!

SauerKraut537 on May 4, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Everything about this looks like a satire. Especially the warning at the end with a flashing warning and the “no dogs” sign. I’m…really?

Nessuno on May 4, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Exit question: What’s the over/under on casualties at the next “Star Wars” convention?

97% of attendees?

Bitter Clinger on May 4, 2012 at 6:44 PM

I needed a new set of Hedge trimmers. This will work great.

portlandon on May 4, 2012 at 6:46 PM

Happy Star Wars Day everybody!

May the 4th be with you!

Stoic Patriot on May 4, 2012 at 6:47 PM

This HAS to be a hoax.

It must be. Were it real, LucasArts would be on the rampage. George’s lawyers would be all OVER this.

victor82 on May 4, 2012 at 6:54 PM

huh. I have one of their powerful ones, a blue 1-watt. A 300mw red one too (ah, yes a little geektastic for sure). The blue 1 watt will run you about $300, the green 1 watt about $800 – which would be the ones with that thick black handle that they’re advertising here. The 300s are fairly petite, but a little bulkier than the one you’d use at the office presentation.

I suspect that people will try to fence with those attachments and they’ll no doubt break, so the beam will come out like it would regularly. Be careful I suppose. I’ve shined the 1-watt blue on my palm from 6 inches, it takes a couple seconds before I had to move my hand (so not like you can blast birds in your back yard. You can pop balloons with the 1-watts from a pretty significant distance if they are dark colors). Getting zapped in the eye would be something else for sure, looking at a 300mw green with no eye protection is pretty intense (shining it away from you).

I always cringe about ads like this, a bunch of doofuses will buy the thing and then start doing something stupid (hey, hold my beer, watch this!) and then some busy body will try to pass legislation banning them.

John_G on May 4, 2012 at 7:00 PM

Every US soldier needs to be equipped with one of these.

Punchenko on May 4, 2012 at 7:03 PM

IF this is a real add for real products, they might as well lawyer up right now.

WitchDoctor on May 4, 2012 at 7:06 PM

Oh, there is an Allah!

:D

Ladysmith CulchaVulcha on May 4, 2012 at 7:07 PM

1. Go to Amazon.
2. Search for “FX Lightsaber”.
3. Realize that not only are they well-made light-up replicas, but you CAN, in fact, fight with them.
4. Profit, where profit means “buy something you don’t need because it’s f**king awesome”.

MadisonConservative on May 4, 2012 at 7:08 PM

In related news, a noted conservative blogger contracts priapism similar to a recent case contracted by the owner of a BMW motorcycle.

Lost in Jersey on May 4, 2012 at 7:10 PM

<blockquote

I always cringe about ads like this, a bunch of doofuses will buy the thing and then start doing something stupid (hey, hold my beer, watch this!) and then some busy body will try to pass legislation banning them.

John_G on May 4, 2012 at 7:00 PM
Thanks for review. Would have no qualms about husband. Not as sure about 20 something sons who did not do all that well in physics. Maybe they won’t find out about them. Hahahahahaha.

talkingpoints on May 4, 2012 at 7:12 PM

$300 bucks. Cheaper than the semi-automatic under the bed.
Change of strategery. At the first sign of trouble, I’ll wield this thing and then no need for Mr. Cooper to even load the clip.

bettycooper on May 4, 2012 at 7:12 PM

Hmmm.

I just bought my husband one of those cheaper Ultimate FX versions for his birthday.

My hubby owes me one, now.

He can wear his muscle shirt when he hands it to me, wrapped with a bow.

so-notbuyingit on May 4, 2012 at 7:12 PM

I’ll see your lightsaber and raise you a broken Bud Light bottle.

rogerb on May 4, 2012 at 7:15 PM

Real laser light sabres…If someone can make those, they should be able to make hover-boards.

JetBoy on May 4, 2012 at 7:15 PM

So its a plastic sword with a laser lighting it up instead of an LED?

Kelligan on May 4, 2012 at 6:43 PM

Yap. Sounds like it.

Also, the most powerful laser you can legally own? That’s not going to sound all that impressive once you realize that in U.S. the most powerful laser pointer you can legally buy are something like 5 mW (not powerful enough to damage even the eyes before blink response kicks in).

novakyu on May 4, 2012 at 7:17 PM

I’ll see your lightsaber and raise you a broken Bud Light bottle.
rogerb on May 4, 2012 at 7:15 PM

My best d-fence when headed to the car late-night near Capital Hill. I don’t plan on cutting anybody, but figure I can throw the bottle and run.

bettycooper on May 4, 2012 at 7:19 PM

May the Schwartz be wit’choo!

SauerKraut537 on May 4, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Moichendising!

James on May 4, 2012 at 7:21 PM

It looks pretty neat, but for any swordplay I think I prefer good old fashioned steel.

That is something I wouldn’t mind having a collection of, mainly to hang on the walls of my mancave room.

Lord of the Rings replica weapons are cool to look at, and many have nicely finished wooden mounting plaques to hang them on, like the elvish twin daggers of Legolas, the Witch King sword, and so on.

Also, samurai swords are works of art as well as deadly weapons, very nice conversation piece if you can avoid being an idiot and getting people hurt.

I’ve seen the Scottish Claymore sword that starred in Braveheart online too, and that one is historically significant, not just fictional.

Won’t be long before somebody tries to make it illegal to sell or possess them.

For the children, of course.

Brian1972 on May 4, 2012 at 7:22 PM

I can’t help thinking of the young miscreant who’s just broken in to someones house to be confronted by a dark figure igniting one of these. Would likely take a day or two before his sphincters stopped puckering.

James Moriarty on May 4, 2012 at 7:30 PM

Happy Star Wars Day everybody!

May the 4th be with you!

Stoic Patriot on May 4, 2012 at 6:47 PM

Thanks for clearing that up. I was wondering why it was today, I never knew such a day existed.

tommer74 on May 4, 2012 at 7:33 PM

Men…

Valkyriepundit on May 4, 2012 at 7:34 PM

Sh!t, I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

tommer74 on May 4, 2012 at 7:35 PM

…do their condoms light up the same way?
…I’m sure the lady nerds are wondering!

KOOLAID2 on May 4, 2012 at 7:39 PM

Exit question: What’s the over/under on casualties at the next “Star Wars” convention?

Allahpundit

.
How much $ $ $ will have to be spent by the host of the next “Star Wars” convention, on liability insurance?

listens2glenn on May 4, 2012 at 7:52 PM

…do their condoms light up the same way?
…I’m sure the lady nerds are wondering!

KOOLAID2 on May 4, 2012 at 7:39 PM

.
Well Lone Star, I see your Schwartz is as big as mine . . .

listens2glenn on May 4, 2012 at 7:54 PM

Sh!t, I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

tommer74 on May 4, 2012 at 7:35 PM

Cinco de Mayo is tomorrow. This is when lots of schwartzes are untwisted. Celebrate informed and responsibly.

bettycooper on May 4, 2012 at 7:54 PM

(bleep!), I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

tommer74 on May 4, 2012 at 7:35 PM

.
That would “throw a monkey wrench” into a date, wouldn’t it?

listens2glenn on May 4, 2012 at 7:56 PM

Yawn…Call me when they come up with a phased plasma rifle…in the 40 watt range.

Oldnuke on May 4, 2012 at 8:02 PM

how does the “power on” effect work?

TexasDan on May 4, 2012 at 8:06 PM

can you bring it into a bar?

rob verdi on May 4, 2012 at 6:37 PM

I still say Obi-Wan was absent the day they taught “disarming” in the Jedi Academy.

malclave on May 4, 2012 at 8:10 PM

I bought a Star Wars calendar for my daughter after Christmas at one of those Calendar stores that crop up in the mall each year during the Holidays…the guy got very animated and was telling me about how he is making real light sabers, and he proceeded to talk to me for about 10 minutes about how they’re built, and who he is working with and being taught by (apparently a big light saber maker guy who helped built the original light sabers ahem)…he even had one to show me, though it had no “laser” on it but just the handle part…he even gave me a web site to go to, told me to leave feedback even if I decided not to purchase one for my daughter (who to be fair is more interested in Star Wars because she thinks Mark Hamill is hot!)…he warned me they were pretty pricey…I tried to be polite but then pretty much had a, ” can’t I just eat my waffle/buy my calendar”, moment?!

ellifint on May 4, 2012 at 8:14 PM

WTF?!?! Their advertising gimmick shows two dudes fighting each other with them but you’re not supposed to actually fence or engage in swordplay with the things! Well, what’s the point of having one of these things if I can’t decapitate someone?!?!?!

Still cool looking though. I might have to get one…. just because.

Yakko77 on May 4, 2012 at 8:16 PM

I’ll get one for the next time I go to a rave.

bernverdnardo1 on May 4, 2012 at 8:23 PM

If these were anything close to a Star Wars light saber:

Chance of saving the galaxy and getting the girl… 3%

Risk of sudden accidental self amputation… 97%

As it is, risk of permanent eye injury…98%

Risk of setting your sister’s jeans on fire…75%

xstatic on May 4, 2012 at 8:27 PM

On the upside, fellas, lady nerds are bound to be impressed, especially if you wear an old gray muscle shirt while wielding it like the dude in the clip to look extra bad-ass.

The heck with that! I want my own!

fullogas on May 4, 2012 at 8:29 PM

Those do not seem so safe.

Sorry…but I’ll stick with the lawn dart fights.

NeoKong on May 4, 2012 at 9:18 PM

Those do not seem so safe.

Sorry…but I’ll stick with the lawn dart fights.

NeoKong on May 4, 2012 at 9:18 PM

I go with javelin catching myself.

Oldnuke on May 4, 2012 at 10:04 PM

How much?

Sherman1864 on May 4, 2012 at 10:44 PM

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

shaner5000 on May 4, 2012 at 10:54 PM

I am a nerd. So when I saw the “Hey nerds” in the heading, I knew this thread was for me.

I also love Star Wars.

Happy Star Wars Day everyone!

TigerPaw on May 5, 2012 at 12:21 AM

“Exit question: What’s the over/under on casualties at the next “Star Wars” convention?”

ROFL

thinkagain on May 5, 2012 at 1:18 AM

In related news, a noted conservative beta male, nerdish fanboi blogger contracts priapism similar to a recent case contracted by the owner of a BMW motorcycle.

Lost in Jersey on May 4, 2012 at 7:10 PM

Sorry, your comment needed a small edit for accuracy.

Gladtobehere on May 5, 2012 at 1:39 AM

Lightsabers are the weapons of the Jedi Knights. I’m thinking that’s a good rule rule of thumb to follow in the real world, too: Can’t use the Force, can’t use a lightsaber.

But how funny would an episode of Big Bang Theory be about this thing?!?!? :)

(And the exit question–hilarious! :) )

butterflies and puppies on May 5, 2012 at 1:43 AM

Dude… I totally need this, like right now…

timbok on May 5, 2012 at 2:00 AM

So its a plastic sword with a laser lighting it up instead of an LED?

Kelligan on May 4, 2012 at 6:43 PM

That’s exactly what this is. These things are no different than the lightsaber replicas made by Hasbro, Ultra Sabers, Park Sabers, etc. The only things that sets them apart are:

1. Laser instead of LED
2. Magnetic ball inside the plastic tube to limit the beam and imitate the growing effect of the blade.

Gizmodo is seriously overselling this. The smoothness of the grow effect is cool, but that’s about all that’s new here. It’s not something I’m going to spend $400 on when I can get an officially-licensed ForceFX replica for a quarter of the price.

Caiwyn on May 5, 2012 at 3:28 AM

Boy, If me and my buddy git a marshmallow gun and one of these things can we have fun toasting marshmallows playing skeet….heh!

Don L on May 5, 2012 at 5:22 AM

If someone can make those, they should be able to make hover-boards.

JetBoy on May 4, 2012 at 7:15 PM

They do already, smokin hot ones, but they just hang there and don’t move very much -they’re called Chevy Volts.

Don L on May 5, 2012 at 5:28 AM

I’ll take a second look as soon as they make one that I can trim my hedges with…

PointnClick on May 5, 2012 at 5:30 AM

Who you calling nerd???!!!!

We prefer Geeks. (and I want one of these…)

GadsdenRattlers on May 5, 2012 at 7:09 AM

Happy Star Wars Day everyone!

TigerPaw on May 5, 2012 at 12:21 AM

You were a day late, May the 4th be with you.

As an aside, I had a “Happy Fun Ball” moment listening to the disclaimer.

Another aside, I believe the shades are worn in case you manage to knock off the “blade”. You could momentarily wave the exposed laser across eyes.

roy_batty on May 5, 2012 at 8:06 AM

Only 2 colors? pfft. I want mine in magenta.

bitsy on May 5, 2012 at 8:44 AM

I’m sick of Star Wars. Finally something that will thin the herd.

KF Peters on May 5, 2012 at 9:51 AM

Yawn…Call me when they come up with a phased plasma rifle…in the 40 watt range.

Oldnuke on May 4, 2012 at 8:02 PM

I know where you can get one at 60-100W pulsed power. Well, not exactly a rifle. Weighs a couple of tons and takes up your spare bedroom, but it is indeed collimated plasma in the 10-15nm range.

Freelancer on May 5, 2012 at 12:24 PM

While the light saber is cool, if you are going to buy a toy I would recomend this (I love it): SOG Tactical Tomahawk

Can’t wait for hunting season this year.

mechkiller_k on May 7, 2012 at 10:31 AM