More fun at the TSA scanner follies

posted at 2:51 pm on April 28, 2012 by Jazz Shaw

I’ve been doing a lot of business travel in the last couple of weeks, (explaining my temporary absence from these pages, much to the relief of many I’m sure) and have had the chance to reacquaint myself with our old friends at the TSA. Now, as Ed and I have discussed on past trips, I seem to be one of those people who just doesn’t seem to get singled out by the airport inspectors very often. In the past I’ve been fairly comfortable with what seems to be an obvious explanation: I’m an aging white guy with gray hair who tends to dress in business casual clothes and is – let’s admit it – not exactly a Hollywood model in the looks department. Nobody is all that interested in getting their jollies by frisking me.

This stands in stark contrast to the experiences of others, such as our good friend and frequent flying politico, Liz Mair, who seems to get scanned, probed, disrobed and/or groped every time she comes within fifty miles of an airport. (For those who have met Liz, I’ll leave it to you to explain why this probably is.)

But my theory took a bit of a hit this week, albeit in a humorous fashion, when I read the account of Jeffrey Goldberg’s mother-in-law. Grab a cup of coffee and read this story for some weekend entertainment of the dark comedy variety. A small taste to get you started:

My mother-in-law was traveling home to Rhode Island from Washington Reagan airport this past Tuesday night when, passing through the TSA naked-porno machine, she triggered an alarm.

A bit of background before I continue: My mother-in-law, though youthful in outlook and an all-around very attractive person, is also 79-years-old, 4’11″ if she’s lucky, and weighs about 110 pounds. She was in Washington to visit her grandchildren, and to lobby the Rhode Island congressional delegation as part of the American Library Association’s National Library Legislative Day…

She entered the machine and struck the humiliating pose one is forced to strike — hands up, as in an armed robbery — and then walked out, when she was asked by a TSA agent, in a voice loud enough for several people to hear, “Are you wearing a sanitary napkin?”

Remember, she’s 79.

My mother-in-law answered, “No. Why do you ask?”

The TSA agent responded: “Well, are you wearing anything else down there?”

Yes, “down there.”

She said no, at which point, the friend with whom she was traveling, also a not-young volunteer library advocate, came over and asked if there was a problem.

The TSA agent said, again, in full voice, “There’s an anomaly in the crotch area.”

That may not be enough to convince you that there’s still something amiss with the TSA, so as Goldberg points out, we can toss another shrimp on the barbie here with the tale of Congressman Francisco “Quico” Canseco. It involves “aggressive moves toward the crotch” and the phrase, “Hey, I’m the guy who was assaulted.” So you know it’s a winner.

Enjoy your weekend, folks. I’ll be flying again in two weeks. Maybe this time I’ll try wearing something more provocative so I can research all of this “fun” that everyone else is having.


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I think all TSA agents should go through the scanner and see if they have crap for brains. Then eliminate them if they have an “anomaly” in their brain pan… so we don’t have to deal with such dumb idiots.

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 2:58 PM

One of Romney’s first acts if elected better be to revamp this buffoonish agency. Get rid of the pervs and drug dealers and start focusing on people of middle eastern origin. I mean it wasn’t 85 year old grandmas in wheelchairs and 8 year old’s with cerebral palsy responsible for 911. It’s F_cking embarrassing.

msupertas on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM

The least trusted and least respected government agency.

Dr. Manhattan on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM

“There’s an anomaly in the crotch area.”

Dang if that don’t sum up the TSA’s entire interest in “National Security.”

BigAlSouth on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM

“There’s an anomaly in the crotch area.”

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that…

mrt721 on April 28, 2012 at 3:01 PM

I won’t fly because of the TSA Gestapo.

davidk on April 28, 2012 at 3:01 PM

… and that is why I hate flying.

Actually, I’m surprised you haven’t had adverse experiences Jazz. Like you, I am a balding, slightly overweight, middle-aged white guy. You know the kind of person everybody looks at and says, “yep, muslim terrorist if I ever saw one”. After 9/11, I was flying frequently for my job and just about every time, I was singled out for “special inspection” to the point, like I said, I hate flying. My only explanation is that they have a quota, for every N white guys you frisk, you get to frisk one jihadi-looking character and then the TSA doesn’t have to worry about getting sued for profiling.

Do I feel safer? Hey, with all that security kabuki, we’ve got to be safer, right? /s

AZfederalist on April 28, 2012 at 3:04 PM

Some tsa found facts for 2/2012!

“February 2012 Airport X-Ray Screening Statistics
from the Dept. of Homeland Security.
January 2012
Statistics on Airport Screening from the Department Of Homeland Security

Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3″
L

letget on April 28, 2012 at 3:04 PM

There’s got to be a personality test that can detect those with a voracious hunger for power. Those people need to be weeded out from the TSA…NOW.

Grace_is_sufficient on April 28, 2012 at 3:04 PM

I promise you, the President has a big anomaly.

Curtiss on April 28, 2012 at 3:05 PM

I think all TSA agents should go through the scanner and see if they have crap for brains. Then eliminate them if they have an “anomaly” in their brain pan… so we don’t have to deal with such dumb idiots.

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 2:58 PM

Thing is, we’d run out of TSA agents in about 30 minutes.

Hmmm, after further consideration, I’m failing to see the downside to that.

AZfederalist on April 28, 2012 at 3:06 PM

“Crotch Anomaly” seems a good name for a leftist punk band.

Difficultas_Est_Imperium on April 28, 2012 at 3:06 PM

I promise you, the President has a big anomaly.

Curtiss on April 28, 2012 at 3:05 PM

You mean the GDP we saw in 2011 Q4?

CW on April 28, 2012 at 3:11 PM

Hmmm, after further consideration, I’m failing to see the downside to that.

AZfederalist on April 28, 2012 at 3:06 PM

Do you remember being able to go to the airport and actually go to the terminal and meeting your loved ones? I do.. even though it was a lifetime ago. I even remember smoking in terminals.

How about the TSA stop the “insanity” hire 4-8 times as many security guards and have them posted all around airports and begin profiling? Who cares if people think it is un-PC anymore? I am so tired of PC crap. I am so tired of not being able to what I want, because the government wants to protect me…. I do not need protection and we are not children. And most of us, who see someone acting odd, would say something (for the most part) in an airport… because no one I know wants to die in an airport.

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 3:13 PM

The TSA cannot be reformed. It must be dissolved entirely by President Romney, and let the airlines do their own security screenings, with their own rules.

Harbingeing on April 28, 2012 at 3:15 PM

What baffles me is the enormous amount of liberals that are NOT up in arms over this. They screamed absolutely bloody murder about relatively benign electronic surveilance of phone call patterns and yet don’t say a word when their grandma is virtually strip searched or their children fondled…All this ridiculousness so we don’t hurt anyone’s “feelings” by “profiling”.

Bizarro World Jerry, Bizarro World.

Tim Zank on April 28, 2012 at 3:17 PM

If EVERYONE refused to fly for two weeks, the TSA would be GONE. Let’s face it, damned few people NEED to fly anywhere in a hurry. Happy groping.

GarandFan on April 28, 2012 at 3:17 PM

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that…

mrt721 on April 28, 2012 at 3:01 PM

And that’s just from the Secret Service.

Ba-dum!

Steve Eggleston on April 28, 2012 at 3:17 PM

“There’s an anomaly in the crotch area.”

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that…

mrt721 on April 28, 2012 at 3:01 PM

You’d be penniless? LOL, just having some fun.

msupertas on April 28, 2012 at 3:18 PM

My mom (in her 60′s) is a type ONE diabetic. She has an insulin pump that she wears. She and my step-dad were flying to Arizona (from DIA) and she had to have her blood drawn as well as the scanner, PLUS they had to get online to check the manufacturer of her pump to make sure it was indeed “legit” I suppose.

She does everything she is required to do per the TSA website. Carries a letter from the doctor, has everything labeled etc.., and she still gets singled out each and every time.

But a BLOOD DRAW? W T H?!

JennM111 on April 28, 2012 at 3:22 PM

Thank Saudi Arabia.

BL@KBIRD on April 28, 2012 at 3:25 PM

I am so tired of PC crap. I am so tired of not being able to what I want, because the government wants to protect me…. I do not need protection and we are not children.

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 3:13 PM

Thread winner right there. Very well stated.

AZfederalist on April 28, 2012 at 3:26 PM

The least trusted and least respected government agency.

Dr. Manhattan on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM

…I don’t have respect for ANY government agency since this crew took over!

KOOLAID2 on April 28, 2012 at 3:27 PM

One of Romney’s first acts if elected better be to revamp this buffoonish agency.

msupertas on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM

It looks like the TSA is not only here to stay, but growing beyond what most people see now. Do you remember the TSA being mentioned in any of the scores of GOP debates? I don’t think it was. This is not simply buffoonish or a joke- it’s sinister.

It should be clear to anyone paying attention, that the TSA is not about providing security, but about something else altogether. It’s about time we stop dancing around and speak about what’s really going on.

I believe the vulgar and invasive tactics of the TSA are about conditioning the American public to accept a new, bigger and more intrusive government. This is not just a negative aspect of the TSA regime, but it’s very purpose.

sartana on April 28, 2012 at 3:28 PM

In all honesty, and I am sorry if this is TMI, but I am afraid o do the scanner if it is that time. I don’t want to have to explain anything. I opt out.

I had a TSA agent tell me that she has noticed that people that opt out tend to either frequent travelers or people in MEDICAL Professions. YIKES!!!

She also told me she would never go through them herself.

earlgrey133 on April 28, 2012 at 3:29 PM

What you want to do is if you are out by the airport say at a gas station or eatery is to loudly embarrass them to the general public. If they are waiting in line, loudly inform everyone to step aside so this person can get back to the airport to molest more women and children. If you would happen to get a response from these TSA losers, kindly step up to them, get in their face and ask ‘let’s see how you do when they come a little bit bigger’. Strangely enough they suddenly get very quiet.

reddevil on April 28, 2012 at 3:31 PM

The POLICE-STATE mentality of the TSA matches perfectly with the warped BIG GOVERNMENT ideology of the d-cRAT socialist extremists. In fact, each REQUIRES the other.

TSA AGENTS = Mostly people who got washed out of Secret Service Agent training for being even more kinky than the SS “standard”.

TeaPartyNation on April 28, 2012 at 3:32 PM

In the link to Congressman Conseco there is an interesting inference at the end that the policeman did not appear to be sympathetic to the TSA. Conseco thought the officer was the one who tipped off the press.

novaculus on April 28, 2012 at 3:33 PM

…when, passing through the TSA naked-porno machine, she triggered an alarm.

Ok.. I read it around here somewhere. If not here, it was on Beck’s site or on Rush, I don’t remember. But it was revealed during some kind of hearing or something that the scanners are set to go off randomly too. So a lot of people aren’t actually setting the scanners off, the scanners are just going of randomly.

I have a question. If Obama and the State Dept. are out there saying the war on terror is over, then why do we need TSA and all the invasive procedures anymore? The war on terror is over.

This is so sickening. It is just so sad the state our nation is in. Like someone wrote in an article.. The next time you see one of these pictures of someone in a scanner, of if you have to do it yourself, raise your hands above your head while having your naked body displayed on a screen somewhere.. is this really the posture of a free man?

If this is not stopped, within 15 years people will just become accustomed to it. A new generation will have risen up never knowing it was done any differently. But 15 years from now, should things continue as they are.. I guess that will be the least of our troubles.

JellyToast on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

The least trusted and least respected government agency.

Dr. Manhattan on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM

As bad as TSA is, they have never helped murder anybody to my knowledge. I think Mr. Holder’s DOJ perhaps should top the least trusted/respected list just based on the comparative volume of blood on the hands.

MessesWithTexas on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

Have Grandma wear a hijab. They’ll wave her right through.

RBMN on April 28, 2012 at 3:47 PM

If this is not stopped, within 15 years people will just become accustomed to it. A new generation will have risen up never knowing it was done any differently. But 15 years from now, should things continue as they are.. I guess that will be the least of our troubles.

JellyToast on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

I heard the former head of the TSA interviewed the other day as a result of the gate-rape of that small child. The guy was advocating for a re-think of what procedures the TSA uses. He admitted that much of them were worthless.

Happy Nomad on April 28, 2012 at 3:50 PM

He admitted that much of them were worthless.

Happy Nomad on April 28, 2012 at 3:50 PM

He actually said that it wasn’t working. And they the TSA needs to be disbanded!

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 3:58 PM

Luckily being semi-retired my wife and I do not require flying unless it is an emergency. If we want to go south we are just a few hours by ferry from a hard link in Canada and can drive down. The TSA is the reason we gave up flying and make more trips by car. The government intruding into people’s personal zone is an extremely low point in our country’s history, right up there with how some people were treated during the war (WWII) and before. The TSA has never caught someone that was going to destroy an airplane, and they need to be shut down.

oldbearak on April 28, 2012 at 3:59 PM

If this is not stopped, within 15 years people will just become accustomed to it. A new generation will have risen up never knowing it was done any differently. But 15 years from now, should things continue as they are.. I guess that will be the least of our troubles.

JellyToast on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

I don’t think so. Even after it happening for years, people will still know, deep in their heart of hearts, that there is something wrong with a complete stranger gripping your gonads.

AZfederalist on April 28, 2012 at 4:01 PM

If this is not stopped, within 15 years people will just become accustomed to it. A new generation will have risen up never knowing it was done any differently. But 15 years from now, should things continue as they are.. I guess that will be the least of our troubles.

JellyToast on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

Yeah, this is the whole point of it. It’s about making us more submissive- wards of the State.

We could effectively secure flight travel by going back to metal detectors, counting on passengers to be aware and pro-active and…

profiling Muslims! Let them bear the burden for the actions of their co-religionists.

sartana on April 28, 2012 at 4:06 PM

As part on their ongoing training, every TSA agent should be required to go through airport security three times a month at an airport other than the one they work.

I think the “crotch anomalies” would decrease significantly.

BacaDog on April 28, 2012 at 4:07 PM

oldbearak on April 28, 2012 at 3:59 PM

I am with you, I would rather drive out. But sometimes you have to fly, especially out of Alaska.

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 4:07 PM

JAZZ
NA your not so bad, ever read how some of the commenter are? getting whiner all the time. I won’t mention any names……..

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:09 PM

NA your not so bad, ever read how some of the commenter are? getting whiner all the time. I won’t mention any names……..

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:09 PM

why not? you just set yourself up for failure.

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 4:11 PM

If this is not stopped, within 15 years people will just become accustomed to it. A new generation will have risen up never knowing it was done any differently. But 15 years from now, should things continue as they are.. I guess that will be the least of our troubles.

JellyToast on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

“And let us ask: Where did the young people who never knew another system get their desire for truth, their love of free thought, their political ideas, their civic courage and civic prudence? How did it happen that their parents — the very generation that had been considered lost — joined them? How is it that so many people immediately knew what to do and none needed any advice or instruction?”……..

…………………….Vaclav Havel, New Year’s Address to the Nation, January 1, 1990.

JPeterman on April 28, 2012 at 4:12 PM

When is this going to end?
It’s ridiculous.

MAC1000 on April 28, 2012 at 4:13 PM

Upinak
I was talking about the QOTD thread, but if you want to join the group, I can add ya……..;)

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:15 PM

I’d developed a newfound love for driving… and then I noticed gas prices.

Barack Obama: the man responsible for making America hate travel.

beatcanvas on April 28, 2012 at 4:17 PM

I’m glad some congressmen and ladies are getting to see what ordinary citizens go through, maybe, just maybe, they will start to curb some of the TSA’s heavy handedness………

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:18 PM

Upinak
I was talking about the QOTD thread, but if you want to join the group, I can add ya……..;)

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:15 PM

well see you didn’t say QOTD thread!

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 4:18 PM

The TSA agent said, again, in full voice, “There’s an anomaly in the crotch area.”

An old lady can’t even quietly drop a load without somebody shouting “FIRE!”.

timberline on April 28, 2012 at 4:21 PM

It won’t stop if Bammy is reelected, might slow down a bit if Rmoney™ is elected. Bammy would never end a government job, it would add to the ridiculously high unemployment.

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:23 PM

If this is not stopped, within 15 years people will just become accustomed to it. A new generation will have risen up never knowing it was done any differently. But 15 years from now, should things continue as they are.. I guess that will be the least of our troubles.

JellyToast on April 28, 2012 at 3:46 PM

The TSA is succeeding where Hitler failed.

timberline on April 28, 2012 at 4:24 PM

Upinak
…;-)….well I said no names………;-)

angrymike on April 28, 2012 at 4:25 PM

That may not be enough to convince you that there’s still something amiss with the TSA, so as Goldberg points out, we can toss another shrimp on the barbie here with the tale of Congressman Francisco “Quico” Canseco. It involves “aggressive moves toward the crotch” and the phrase, “Hey, I’m the guy who was assaulted.” So you know it’s a winner.

Another good reason for supporting Gary Johnson for President this year. You see, he wants to abolish the TSA.

DannoJyd on April 28, 2012 at 4:41 PM

He actually said that it wasn’t working. And they the TSA needs to be disbanded!

upinak on April 28, 2012 at 3:58 PM

Which is why the GOP candidate needs to be kicked to the curb and this man elected instead.

Vote your convictions. Don’t be a GOP RINO puppet.

DannoJyd on April 28, 2012 at 4:44 PM

When I was on my way to the Reason Rally out of Houston Hobby Airport, the TSA, three of them, was frisking a woman on oxygen and with a broken arm. On my way back to Houston, the TSA agent in D.C. who was supposed to monitor luggage as it passed through the scanner was allowing pieces to pass through while she was talking with someone behind her.

Way to go, TSA. Keeping the skies unsafe but the American people snugly under under your oppressive socialist boot.

madmonkphotog on April 28, 2012 at 4:51 PM

DannoJyd on April 28, 2012 at 4:44 PM

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but…

A vote for Gary Johnson is as good as a vote for Obama. The vast majority of people doesn’t even know who Gary Johnson is.

He’d have to beat out both Romney and Obama. How likely do you think that is?

LunaLovegood on April 28, 2012 at 4:52 PM

We elected a bunch of new so called conservatives in ’10 and they couldn’t even save our light bulbs, why do we think some elected official is going to save us from the tsa. Congress removes funding for the PA and our dear leader goes behind their backs to give the terrorists $192M. We can’t stop anything that is happening and anybody who promises that they will is lying.

Kissmygrits on April 28, 2012 at 5:09 PM

Since there is a backlog, the federal government is now doing incomplete background checks for TSA agents.

Little Nell on April 28, 2012 at 5:59 PM

The TSA is an abomination, it is make-work Security Theater in action.

As frequent air travelers, my wife and I opt out every time both out of health concerns in regard to the X-Ray scanners and on principle.

There are thousands of stories like this. This writer at least has a platform to express his outrage.

The official TSA response would be that the TSA followed all proper protocols. At best, there might a grudging statement that “agents” will be reminded to use the utmost discretion, blah blah blah…

To foreign travelers the TSA is alternately a laughingstock and a horror to be avoided at all costs.

We need to get rid of these imitation law enforcement pizza-box hires with their shiny tin badges and their blue shirts.

Drained Brain on April 28, 2012 at 6:05 PM

By their own admission, the TSA has never caught a terrorist. Ever.

BocaJuniors on April 28, 2012 at 6:28 PM

To foreign travelers the TSA is alternately a laughingstock and a horror to be avoided at all costs.

We need to get rid of these imitation law enforcement pizza-box hires with their shiny tin badges and their blue shirts.

Drained Brain on April 28, 2012 at 6:05 PM

Amen, well said.

BocaJuniors on April 28, 2012 at 6:29 PM

It’s not that the TSA guards have anything specifically against grandmothers and sick children.

In a fully liberalized country, all citizens are treated exactly the same… as prision inmates.

logis on April 28, 2012 at 6:30 PM

A vote for Gary Johnson is as good as a vote for Obama. The vast majority of people doesn’t even know who Gary Johnson is.

LunaLovegood on April 28, 2012 at 4:52 PM

IMHO, a vote for Sketchy is AS BAD as a vote for 0bama since both are liberals that support the Individual Mandate.

There are 6 months left in which Americans will learn about Romney being a liberal governor and how well TWO TERM Governor Gary Johnson did while in office. If I were either of those liberals I wouldn’t be measuring the drapes today.

BTW, did you hear about how the TEA Partys are supporting Romney? Me neither.

DannoJyd on April 28, 2012 at 11:17 PM

they always scan my attractive wife, everytime. pervs

tlynch001 on April 29, 2012 at 12:22 AM

when in the entire history of aviation has there ever been a plane hijacking perpetrated by a 79 year old grannie (with or without crotch anomalies)?

unless congress wakes from it’s big fat lazy coma, it will sadly take one of these tsa butt monkeys letting some real terrorist slide through-probably for money or just because they’re otherwise occupied shaking down a disabled blond toddler or napping- to kill another 100 or so people.

mittens on April 29, 2012 at 11:04 AM

Why shouldn’t we profile Middle Easterners? We can start profiling Swedes when we catch Sven with a bomb crammed in his briefs . . .

BigAlSouth on April 29, 2012 at 11:04 AM

Part of the restoration of American values after the Communist Kleptocrats are kicked out should be the immediate and complete shutdown of TSA.

IF federal intervention is needed at all in domestic air travel, lets have it run by National Guard troops. Unlike the TSA misfits, these folks know they’re not going to make a career of this, that they’ll have to live and work with the people they are screening, and they are under the control of LOCAL officials.

The ineffective and medically-unapproved scanners should be removed and destroyed.

Never again should we allow our government to violate the Constitution’s prohibition against “Unreasonable Search and Seizure”!!!

landlines on April 29, 2012 at 2:27 PM

Well, If The War On Terror is Over. Guess The TSA’s Days are numbered. Right?

Bwahahahahahahahaha

roflmao

donabernathy on April 29, 2012 at 2:34 PM

I say we’re goin’ about this all wrong. I have the solution.

1. Dissolve the TSA immediately.

2. Institute new rule…Hand everyone who arrives at the airport a loaded S&W model 627*. Have everyone carry and load their own baggage and board their plane without any other screeing. Tell every traveller that if anyone at any part of the traveling process “looks like a terrorist who is making his move, feel free to air-hole that muslim prick, post-haste”.

3. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

I’d fly just for the hell of it.

*This would be the only expensive part, but you’d get to keep the .38/.357 as a souvenir, AND you could bring it on any future flights. It’s gotta be cheaper than the retards currently at the gates, right? …And of course, children under 18, must be accompanied by a ‘packing’ adult.

a5minmajor on April 29, 2012 at 3:06 PM

That may not be enough to convince you that there’s still something amiss with the TSA,

Well you’re inching in the right direction, Jazz. At this rate, it might take another ten years for you to realize the TSA is unconstitutional.

Dante on April 29, 2012 at 4:01 PM

TSA is used to condition the American people to the idea that the government can do anything they want.

Pure and simple.

The Rock on April 30, 2012 at 12:23 AM

The TSA cannot be reformed. It must be dissolved entirely by President Romney, and let the airlines do their own security screenings, with their own rules.

Harbingeing on April 28, 2012 at 3:15 PM

Wow…so you really think that Romney will do anything Reaganesque?

I applaud your faith in the man, though.

Dr. ZhivBlago on April 30, 2012 at 2:18 AM

Wow…so you really think that Romney will do anything Reaganesque?

I applaud your faith in the man, though.

Dr. ZhivBlago on April 30, 2012 at 2:18 AM

I do. Romney will continue to grow government and increase spending. There may even be a little amnesty thrown in.

Dante on April 30, 2012 at 8:18 AM