Forget complicated theories about Kenyan anti-colonialism, Wilsonian progressivism or Wright-style liberation theology: This is the key to understanding Obama. He must have learned early in life that some girls love a big spender — and decided to become one. And I mean really become one: Under his administration, deficit spending per person is $17,000.

Whoever gave him the advice to “go big” just forgot to tell him girls don’t like it when you borrow their money to spend on them — or, worse, on other girls — and then leave them with the debt you racked up. That’s just what Obama’s done to working girls like me, though.

Better advice for Valentine’s Day comes from — of all people — the Rev. Al Sharpton:

But the best tip of all comes from Dr. Pat Fagan and Julia Kiewit of the Family Research Council, who, in an excellent post at Townhall.com, remind readers that “love demands death, and it is a debt that will be paid, be it through the life-giving self-sacrifice of marriage built on chaste romance or the death of love itself.” They write:

The story behind Valentine’s Day does not bear much resemblance to the cupids and roses of today. If we wanted historical accuracy, our candy hearts, instead of “TXT ME” or even “BE MINE,” should say, “Will you die for me?” Though Roman martyrs may seem removed from our Valentine’s Day today, death is a greater part of love than our society acknowledges: some see marriage as the white, or bloodless, martyrdom – ask any happily married couple on their 40th anniversary.

True love is tough. Not the tough love we give to our children, but a love that is tough on ourselves: the gradual death of self to serve the Valentine. This love is different from the fleeting lust mingled with affection of today’s hook-up culture: Casual sex has killed Valentine’s Day. When young adults jump into bed after an average of three dates, the mystery of the other person dies before it is born. Intercourse too soon – before a deep personal knowledge and the commitment of marriage – diminishes the mystery, the pursuit of romance.

Among those who are chaste and intend to keep their virginity until marriage, Valentine’s Day brings with it the thrill of the unknown, and celebrates the possibility of the promise to give of the whole self, forever, in marriage. Giving a Valentine with intentions like these is totally different from the examples set in popular culture. Unjoining intimacy from commitment may temporarily fulfill the desire for love, but it is most frequently the prelude to eventual rejection.

Fagan and Kiewit understand what a girl wants far more than Obama seems to: What’s romantic is sacrifice and commitment, not ill-afforded expensive gestures. The dream is not to be idealized, adored or spoiled; it’s to be respected, admired and cherished.