That right there should tell you that – regardless what women SAY about male / female friendships – it’s their actions that betray their real answer on the question.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 4:14 PM

This.

Some husbands successfully shut off their sex drive, and some wives see that as a victory. I don’t.

Not sure where you’re coming from. A husband should shut it off when it comes to women other than his wife. If he’s shut it off within his marriage, that’s a tragedy for both spouses.

1) All males are genetically attracted to female characteristics (physical and otherwise). This attraction is as inherent as the desire for food.

2) It is possible, over time, to sublimate or even reverse that instinctive attraction. Just like it is possible for an anorexic to develop an abhorrence of food.

3) No sane woman wants a man who is not attracted to women.

4) Assuming a husband is indeed attracted to women, his wife would be a fool to believe he is not attracted to female “friends”.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 6:33 PM

So wrong.

1/2.You can’t survive without food. You can and do survive without sex. Or were you dead when you were a virgin?

3. That’s just like, your opinion man.

4.And you might want to eat graham crackers. So that means you like eating food. Doesn’t men that you’ll automatically also eagerly devour snails and bratwurst, even though they are food too. And other people like one of those, but not the graham crackers that you like to eat. There’s a nonbogus food analogy for ya.

You really need to work on your reading comprehension, pervert.

Part of that may be that I have been happily married for 34 years, and when I want to get it on, I turn to her. That’s not the full answer though — over my marriage I can think of a dozen or so women that did attract me physically. But my gal buddy friends? Nope. Shared intellectual interests and compatible personalities, and that’s it.

Two are writers, and we help each other find work. A couple are proteges at work — younger women (young enough to be my daughters — who are talented engineers. (I tried to get my oldest son matched off with one of the two, but there was no chemistry.) One was an ally in local politics. And so on.

Maybe if you are male, young, and don’t have a mate it is impossible. I probably would have said it wasn’t possible when I was 18-19, too.

Wait but don’t women keep men in the so-called “friend zone” while they look for better prospects?

Dork B. on December 14, 2011 at 7:39 PM

In your case, I would assume the answer is “yes.”

3) No sane woman wants a man who is not attracted to women.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 6:33 PM

“Attracted to” does not necessarily mean “wants to boink.” There are plenty of women I know whom I find physically attractive (and perhaps would like a romantic and affectionate relationship with). That doesn’t need sex is part of the equation.

All wishful thinking by the women! As a man I want to answer with one word “Why”. If I’m actually hanging out with you there’s only one reason for it and it ain’t friendship!!!

it seems those “good guy” qualities don’t go very far with her – either that or the area she’s in is completely bereft of guys with such traits.
Aquarian on December 14, 2011 at 4:54 PM

More the latter than the former. And I’m sure we can agree that a man can be the nicest guy in the world, but if a woman is not physically attracted to him, there’s nothing. And vice versa.

I’d be part of the same sample in this survey so take my comments for what y’will but I’m inclined to say men and women can’t just be friends,

I disagree. I’ve always preferred male friends over female friends. The catty gene bypassed men. My daughter’s roommate is a hetero male. They’re both unattached and have been friends since they were eleven. It’s platonic–nothing more. And BTW, she’s very attractive.

Ding ding ding.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 6:06 PM

See my comment at 5:44 re: “attractive”.

An objectively ugly woman becomes more proportionately more “attractive” to a man as his need for sex increases.

Some husbands successfully shut off their sex drive, and some wives see that as a victory. I don’t.

To summarize:

1) All males are genetically attracted to female characteristics (physical and otherwise). This attraction is as inherent as the desire for food.

2) It is possible, over time, to sublimate or even reverse that instinctive attraction. Just like it is possible for an anorexic to develop an abhorrence of food.

3) No sane woman wants a man who is not attracted to women.

4) Assuming a husband is indeed attracted to women, his wife would be a fool to believe he is not attracted to female “friends”.

/s

Shouldn’t the true title of this post be “Why Men and Attractive Women Can Never Be Friends”?

Ding ding ding.

Ignorance is bliss, eh?

Haha, well, that’s just not his style. We’ve been married 26+ years, and he’s one of the good guys. A keeper for sure. :) We don’t worry about that kind of stuff, but that’s us. And some women don’t care. Some women are fine with that.

The guys who do tomcat around, though, end up paying the price. You don’t want to be _that_ guy when you’re in your fifties and sixties. So pathetic.

My husband travels quite a bit, and often with unmarried, attractive female colleagues. When I was younger (and stuck at home, covered heat-to-toe with baby-gak, haha) I used to feel a twinge of jealousy. Now, however, I never think about it. First of all, I have no reason to think anything negative, and secondly, even if something happened, I figure I live in a community property state and can just take my half of his stuff and let her have him to take care of in his elderly years. Win-win, baby. j/k

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:28 PM

Ignorance is bliss, eh?

Always? Or only if she’s physically attractive? Are the feelings the same, for example, when you encounter a Victoria’s Secret model or a contestant on The Biggest Loser?

Shouldn’t the true title of this post be “Why Men and Attractive Women Can Never Be Friends”?

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:13 PM

“Attractive” is a moving target, with objective and subjective components. Yes, there are societal norms, but the male sex drive is tremendously powerful. If a particular man is really hard up (ahem) for a lay, almost any woman becomes “attractive”.

The female sex drive works similarly. If an objectively unattractive man inherits a million dollars, he suddenly becomes “attractive” to women.