Video: Why men and women can’t be friends

posted at 10:25 pm on December 13, 2011 by Allahpundit

Via Verum Serum. A gag this predictable shouldn’t be this enjoyable but you’ll love every second, I promise. Nora Ephron once wrung an entire movie out of it, in fact, and most of you loved that too. Can’t go wrong comedically with an experience that’s brought intense, sexually charged awkwardness to literally everyone in the world at one point or another.

Don’t despair at the results here, ladies. I’m sure there were plenty of beta males who were interviewed by this guy, answered “yes” to his question, and got left on the cutting-room floor.

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I’m 55, short, round, opinionated, and as a teacher with a steadily decreasing salary, usually broke. I have no trouble at all being friends with men, married or not. :)

Bob's Kid on December 14, 2011 at 4:13 PM

I think the differences in behavior you’re pointing out have as much to do with married v. single as they do with male v. female.

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:05 PM

Of course they do. Wives KNOW that men and women can’t be “just friends” – so they usually discourage their husbands from going fishing or jogging with another female – even if the woman IS just a friend.

That right there should tell you that – regardless what women SAY about male / female friendships – it’s their actions that betray their real answer on the question.

And right – not all men have close male friends. There’s different levels of friendship. I have a buddy of mine that I would jump on a grenade for. He and I have been “running mates” since we were baby submariners in the early ’80′s. If I have a serious problem I can’t discuss with my wife – I’ll probably tell him to get his advice on what to do.

How many men have female friends like that?

Not very damn many.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 4:14 PM

Yeah its possible. In ny case, I found it was only possible with young women I’ve known since early childhood. At 19-22 years old, I played lead in metal bands, no way was I looking to be friends with new women. Always was a plot to separate her from her panties.

DStreete on December 14, 2011 at 4:18 PM

Again, HondaV65, I think things shift over time.

My husband travels quite a bit, and often with unmarried, attractive female colleagues. When I was younger (and stuck at home, covered heat-to-toe with baby-gak, haha) I used to feel a twinge of jealousy. Now, however, I never think about it. First of all, I have no reason to think anything negative, and secondly, even if something happened, I figure I live in a community property state and can just take my half of his stuff and let her have him to take care of in his elderly years. Win-win, baby. j/k

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:28 PM

Ask Ed if he takes any of his female friends out for a bit of one-on-one fishing. Ask him if he’ll go golfing with a female “friend”. Ask him if he’ll go over to female friend’s house and work on her car with her.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:50 PM

The strangest thing…I could’ve sworn I’ve played golf with a married female friend of mine on more than one occasion, even went out for a bite to eat — and I didn’t whip it out even once. So now you come along years later and explain that this must not have happened. Oh.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 4:45 PM

It does with my daughter (she’s 24), as well as many of her friends. I wish she could find a guy like you. The twenty-something jerks she’s met and dated have no clue how to treat a woman with respect. Don’t become a d!ck like so many guys today.

Italia on December 14, 2011 at 2:50 PM

Without speaking for your daughter’s friends, it seems those “good guy” qualities don’t go very far with her – either that or the area she’s in is completely bereft of guys with such traits.

Sure, women would like guys to treat them with respect and such some of the time but that sure as heck ain’t what gets the foot in the door, and that’s ultimately what matters most.

I’d be part of the same sample in this survey so take my comments for what y’will but I’m inclined to say men and women can’t just be friends, barring certain presuppositions that largely skirt the original point. (Rephrasing it to “unattached men and women can’t be friends” or such.)

Aquarian on December 14, 2011 at 4:54 PM

I don’t have to drag you down – you drag yourself down because you’ve bought into the neofeminist rhetoric hook, line and sinker.

No, unlike most people, I knew who I was before I got to college and could be indoctrinated by either feminists or compartmentalizers.

And beside – you should have your testosterone levels checked – they’re probably low because you’ve been eating what the neofeminists and their doctors tell you should be eating – which is lots of rabbit food. That’s because, as everyone knows – mankind evolved as a “vegetarian”.

Been surfin’, have we?

Again, I don’t need a neofeminist or a doctor to tell me what or what not to eat. Guess you wash down your raw steak with cheap whiskey and then blow your nose into sandpaper, you virile Real Man, you!

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 4:56 PM

Thats it, just tell all the ladies in the world about our sneaky tricks and ulterior motives, fool. You’re ruining an age old angle of panty entry called “lets just be friends!”. Until of course the time is right and the wine bottle empty.. mua hahaha ;)

Major Infidel on December 14, 2011 at 5:25 PM

Always? Or only if she’s physically attractive? Are the feelings the same, for example, when you encounter a Victoria’s Secret model or a contestant on The Biggest Loser?

Shouldn’t the true title of this post be “Why Men and Attractive Women Can Never Be Friends”?

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:13 PM

“Attractive” is a moving target, with objective and subjective components. Yes, there are societal norms, but the male sex drive is tremendously powerful. If a particular man is really hard up (ahem) for a lay, almost any woman becomes “attractive”.

The female sex drive works similarly. If an objectively unattractive man inherits a million dollars, he suddenly becomes “attractive” to women.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 5:44 PM

I can’t even be friends with my wife, and I like her.

Colony14 on December 14, 2011 at 5:44 PM

My husband travels quite a bit, and often with unmarried, attractive female colleagues. When I was younger (and stuck at home, covered heat-to-toe with baby-gak, haha) I used to feel a twinge of jealousy. Now, however, I never think about it. First of all, I have no reason to think anything negative, and secondly, even if something happened, I figure I live in a community property state and can just take my half of his stuff and let her have him to take care of in his elderly years. Win-win, baby. j/k

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:28 PM

Ignorance is bliss, eh?

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 5:51 PM

Ignorance is bliss, eh?

Haha, well, that’s just not his style. We’ve been married 26+ years, and he’s one of the good guys. A keeper for sure. :) We don’t worry about that kind of stuff, but that’s us. And some women don’t care. Some women are fine with that.

The guys who do tomcat around, though, end up paying the price. You don’t want to be _that_ guy when you’re in your fifties and sixties. So pathetic.

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 6:00 PM

Shouldn’t the true title of this post be “Why Men and Attractive Women Can Never Be Friends”?

Ding ding ding.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 6:06 PM

My female friends will all be hurt, no doubt, to learn that they’re all ugly. Either I try to jump their bones, or they’re hideous. Learning so much today.

/s

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 6:27 PM

great video, but surely not surprising to anyone out there. This fact was established shortly after God created Eve.

emay918 on December 14, 2011 at 6:28 PM

Ding ding ding.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 6:06 PM

See my comment at 5:44 re: “attractive”.

An objectively ugly woman becomes more proportionately more “attractive” to a man as his need for sex increases.

Some husbands successfully shut off their sex drive, and some wives see that as a victory. I don’t.

To summarize:

1) All males are genetically attracted to female characteristics (physical and otherwise). This attraction is as inherent as the desire for food.

2) It is possible, over time, to sublimate or even reverse that instinctive attraction. Just like it is possible for an anorexic to develop an abhorrence of food.

3) No sane woman wants a man who is not attracted to women.

4) Assuming a husband is indeed attracted to women, his wife would be a fool to believe he is not attracted to female “friends”.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 6:33 PM

it seems those “good guy” qualities don’t go very far with her – either that or the area she’s in is completely bereft of guys with such traits.
Aquarian on December 14, 2011 at 4:54 PM

More the latter than the former. And I’m sure we can agree that a man can be the nicest guy in the world, but if a woman is not physically attracted to him, there’s nothing. And vice versa.

I’d be part of the same sample in this survey so take my comments for what y’will but I’m inclined to say men and women can’t just be friends,

I disagree. I’ve always preferred male friends over female friends. The catty gene bypassed men. My daughter’s roommate is a hetero male. They’re both unattached and have been friends since they were eleven. It’s platonic–nothing more. And BTW, she’s very attractive.

Italia on December 14, 2011 at 6:35 PM

Just shows you how little women really know about men!

All wishful thinking by the women! As a man I want to answer with one word “Why”. If I’m actually hanging out with you there’s only one reason for it and it ain’t friendship!!!

tommyv on December 14, 2011 at 6:45 PM

One of the best anecdotal studies ever… and it probably cost two sandwiches and half an afternoon to make.

princetrumpet on December 14, 2011 at 7:13 PM

Wait but don’t women keep men in the so-called “friend zone” while they look for better prospects?

Dork B. on December 14, 2011 at 7:39 PM

3) No sane woman wants a man who is not attracted to women.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 6:33 PM

“Attracted to” does not necessarily mean “wants to boink.” There are plenty of women I know whom I find physically attractive (and perhaps would like a romantic and affectionate relationship with). That doesn’t need sex is part of the equation.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 8:13 PM

Wait but don’t women keep men in the so-called “friend zone” while they look for better prospects?

Dork B. on December 14, 2011 at 7:39 PM

In your case, I would assume the answer is “yes.”

Italia on December 14, 2011 at 8:20 PM

Weird. I am male, 56, heterosexual, and still interested in women — and have a good half-dozen women with whom I am good friends, and not interested in hooking up with. I value them as friends due to common interests, and shared values. They are just good buddies and I don’t want anything else from them.

Part of that may be that I have been happily married for 34 years, and when I want to get it on, I turn to her. That’s not the full answer though — over my marriage I can think of a dozen or so women that did attract me physically. But my gal buddy friends? Nope. Shared intellectual interests and compatible personalities, and that’s it.

Two are writers, and we help each other find work. A couple are proteges at work — younger women (young enough to be my daughters — who are talented engineers. (I tried to get my oldest son matched off with one of the two, but there was no chemistry.) One was an ally in local politics. And so on.

Maybe if you are male, young, and don’t have a mate it is impossible. I probably would have said it wasn’t possible when I was 18-19, too.

No Truce With Kings on December 14, 2011 at 8:25 PM

Jeddite on December 14, 2011 at 4:09 PM

You really need to work on your reading comprehension, pervert.

woodNfish on December 14, 2011 at 9:01 PM

1) All males are genetically attracted to female characteristics (physical and otherwise). This attraction is as inherent as the desire for food.

2) It is possible, over time, to sublimate or even reverse that instinctive attraction. Just like it is possible for an anorexic to develop an abhorrence of food.

3) No sane woman wants a man who is not attracted to women.

4) Assuming a husband is indeed attracted to women, his wife would be a fool to believe he is not attracted to female “friends”.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 6:33 PM

So wrong.

1/2.You can’t survive without food. You can and do survive without sex. Or were you dead when you were a virgin?

3. That’s just like, your opinion man.

4.And you might want to eat graham crackers. So that means you like eating food. Doesn’t men that you’ll automatically also eagerly devour snails and bratwurst, even though they are food too. And other people like one of those, but not the graham crackers that you like to eat. There’s a nonbogus food analogy for ya.

Daikokuco on December 14, 2011 at 9:04 PM

Some husbands successfully shut off their sex drive, and some wives see that as a victory. I don’t.

Not sure where you’re coming from. A husband should shut it off when it comes to women other than his wife. If he’s shut it off within his marriage, that’s a tragedy for both spouses.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 9:27 PM

(Unless it’s a sexless marriage by choice, which many people happily do.)

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 10:53 PM

That right there should tell you that – regardless what women SAY about male / female friendships – it’s their actions that betray their real answer on the question.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 4:14 PM

This.

WeekendAtBernankes on December 15, 2011 at 12:13 PM

Look for differences in “love styles” to predict whether your mate will possibly cheat on you. Ludus lovers (as an example) believe they have a “right” to have several lovers, even though they may have made a commitment to you. Men are often driven by instinct and opportunity at the expense of common sense, while women seem less likely to wander, it occasionally happens. Having female friends just increases his opportunity.

Dr_Diana on December 15, 2011 at 1:25 PM

Yeah, yeah. But “men” and “women” can be “friends.” So we’ve got that going for us.

J.E. Dyer on December 15, 2011 at 2:27 PM

Care to explain the quotation marks? Are men and women who can be friends with each other without having sex somehow not real men or real women?

bmmg39 on December 16, 2011 at 12:09 PM

“Women are crazy.
Men are stupid.”

Dandapani on December 18, 2011 at 6:49 PM

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