Video: Why men and women can’t be friends

posted at 10:25 pm on December 13, 2011 by Allahpundit

Via Verum Serum. A gag this predictable shouldn’t be this enjoyable but you’ll love every second, I promise. Nora Ephron once wrung an entire movie out of it, in fact, and most of you loved that too. Can’t go wrong comedically with an experience that’s brought intense, sexually charged awkwardness to literally everyone in the world at one point or another.

Don’t despair at the results here, ladies. I’m sure there were plenty of beta males who were interviewed by this guy, answered “yes” to his question, and got left on the cutting-room floor.

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I have a good friend that basically gets to the point pretty quick with women. He never sleeps alone. I could never in a million years talk that kind of trash, I respect women, and it amounts to nothing. Nice guys sleep alone. Women go for azzholes for whatever reason.

Southernblogger on December 13, 2011 at 11:21 PM

Women love guys like you, and they should. But they can’t help but need rogues like me and your friend. It’s genetic, and everything looks better in gold and green. ;-)

TXUS on December 14, 2011 at 12:05 AM

We’re even. I can tell in 10 seconds or less if a girl’s going to be a friend with benefits.

TXUS on December 13, 2011 at 11:55 PM

That’s prescience that matters. Although if you and others can tell that quickly, chances are the girl is a raging…well you know.

Shock the Monkey on December 14, 2011 at 12:09 AM

Horace on December 13, 2011 at 10:34 PM

L.O.L.

Brilliant, entirely. ;)

Midas on December 14, 2011 at 12:18 AM

Oh lord. I’m a Utah State alum. I know that library. Sigh.

There’s no way that men and women can just be friends. Unless, of course, one of the two is gay. Sigh again…….

TKindred on December 14, 2011 at 12:27 AM

Are these women kidding? Even lesbians can’t be ‘just friends’ with other females!

c3ichief on December 14, 2011 at 12:31 AM

Come on Allah. Even beta males are hoping for the score, even if they’re so beta they deny it. “Just friends” is a boundary that females established because they know men would never suggest it.

Dan_Yul on December 14, 2011 at 1:04 AM

I’m shocked to see this on HA. I first saw this about a week ago. This is filmed at Utah State University in my home town. Really random/surreal seeing it here. Hot Gas strikes again.

Thanks Allah P.

Albert T. Tappman on December 14, 2011 at 1:22 AM

Come on Allah. Even beta males are hoping for the score, even if they’re so beta they deny it.

Speaking as a beta male, some beta males just give up sooner or later…

Mr. Prodigy on December 14, 2011 at 2:04 AM

I’m friends with many girls….. all of which I’d like to go out with. So you can be friends to become something more. lol

timbok on December 14, 2011 at 2:15 AM

HA! Yep.

tx2654 on December 14, 2011 at 2:15 AM

Control for the age of the people involved. 20-year olds can’t do it, but that’s hardly proof that it can’t be done.

If it’s only saying that men can’t be friends with women to whom they are sexually attracted,it’s a tautology, sure. The real question is whether men are bound to be sexually attracted to *every* woman with whom they are friendly. While there is a real phenomenon here, I think it diminishes in importance once you get out of the dorms, get a job, get married and have children.

Try being friendly to 65-year-old women at your office who don’t interest you sexually at all, then work your way down.

TMA on December 14, 2011 at 2:30 AM

I don’t think this is true, just about every girl I’ve known has told me how good of a friend I am, so I must be doing something right. The other guys are doing friendship wrong.
rjcylon on December 13, 2011 at 10:55 PM

Oy. The dreaded “let’s be just friends” line.

whatcat on December 14, 2011 at 2:32 AM

It can go the other way too. I was always friends with girls I wasn’t interested in.

jhffmn on December 14, 2011 at 2:37 AM

Gets the number and attention easy. I don’t struggle there, but I fail when I open up. I’m honest and forthright. I don’t play games. That’s where I just lose patience.

Call a girl who’s 23 a day too early and you’re creepy. Call a day too late and you’re done.

blatantblue on December 13, 2011 at 11:26 PM

There’s a big difference in women in their early 20s and then when they finally grow up usually in their late 20s to early 30s. And girls who are single and about to hit 35 are much easier to date. I think being honest and forthright is going to pay off as you get older and the women you date get older and become more relationally mature.

redeye on December 14, 2011 at 3:34 AM

Utah State University, Merrill Cazier Library.

Good school, fun to see former alums here on Hot Air.

As for the answer:

Why men and hot women can’t be just friends.
tommy-t on December 13, 2011 at 10:33 PM

scotash on December 14, 2011 at 3:35 AM

Yes sometimes and no sometimes being aware of the power trips that get in the way.

mixplix on December 14, 2011 at 4:58 AM

With over 6 decades of observation behind me I can suggest that a gay male can indeed be “just friends” with a woman. IMAO, I consider that a horrible waste. But I’ve seen it, experienced it, and learned to cherish it when it happens. It’s nice to get a “guy view” about the world from a friend rather than somebody who wants me in bed with him.

{^_^}

herself on December 14, 2011 at 5:26 AM

The message seems to be because men react to attractive women based on sensory cues and have sexual urges, we can’t be friends. I just don’t think I agree with that. I don’t think friendship is defined as the absence of sexual attraction. As a hetero male I’m not physically attracted to my male friends, but I recognize the physical attraction toward my female friends. So what? Pursuing a physical relationship with a female friend doesn’t mean you were never really “friends”, just that you are willing to abandon that relationship for something else. The decision to keep it in your pants is not a denial of reality. It’s a choice based on what’s really important to you.

Extrafishy on December 14, 2011 at 6:54 AM

the good Lord made this plan, i’m bigger, faster, and think about propagating the species every 3 seconds, therefore the race has no chance of dieing out. couple that with the civility of females and a wonderful idea that DON’T chase and they WILL catch you, in fact you will have most of them looking at you as a mate, much to the consternation of your wife, and presto, society!

tm11999 on December 14, 2011 at 6:59 AM

Don’t despair. Male/female relationships improve exponentially, as we age. Once the hormones are three quarts low, and we’ve come to associate Kamasutra positions with the smell of Ben Gay and chiropractic services; and having the tiramisu is more important than having the Trojan — then we start enjoying each other as true friends. It’s something to look forward to.

Or so I’m told.

TheClearRiver on December 14, 2011 at 7:23 AM

All of these women know the truth, as they proved when the interviewer pressed them on it. The truth is that they like surrounding themselves with male admirers while slapping a “friend” label on them.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 7:23 AM

The idea that men and women can’t be friends is an attack on what is decent in our current society. If you want a society that is ordered on the idea that men and women can’t be friends, I suggest you become a Muslim and move to Saudi Arabia. And it’s simply not true that people can’t just be friends with people who are attractive. I am a gay guy, and I do a sport, admittedly a sport which many people would say is a beta male sport despite the danger, but still the guys are sinewy and often take their shirts off during the warmer months. I notice how they look for a few seconds, but I move on to other ideas. I don’t experience desire when I talk to them. I am sure that straight guys do this all the time in interacting with women. It’s why our society is far superior to Saudi society.

thuja on December 14, 2011 at 7:29 AM

Yeah. Sure. I’m going to tell Mrs. Leprechaun that I’m going to go to dinner and a movie with one of my “gal pals”. Check back Friday for my obituary.

oldleprechaun on December 14, 2011 at 7:36 AM

There are too many variables involved to give that question a blanket yes or no answer, but mainly I think it comes down to the two individual people involved in the friendship. If spouses are part of the situation, then the opinions/feelings of four people will need to make that decision. But my answer is yes, these friendships are very possible in certain situations.

lynncgb on December 14, 2011 at 7:38 AM

I totally agree with all the posters summation of women in there 20′s, vapid is too kind for some of them it is the case with the early 30′s as well now.

Although I am still single and my late 40′s (Ugh!) I know a lot of younger women who have no sense of reality and all they want is to be taken care of even with all the opportunities available to them. This was especially true when I was living in NY where the ratio of women to men is I believe 4 to 1. That created a desperation for the girls but has its obvious advantages for men, of all ages. As for myself, I have always enjoyed men and their interests more than girly stuff. I moved to FL in August after losing my job and my long time Boyfriend. I would rather be alone now then settle for a mediocre relationship or “hookup” just for sex.

FLconservative on December 14, 2011 at 8:09 AM

Someone once said to me “Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love”.

Just replace love with friendship and it probably comes close.

Bunsin2 on December 14, 2011 at 8:10 AM

Bunsin

Or men learn to love what they are attracted to and women are attracted to the one they love.

FLconservative on December 14, 2011 at 8:18 AM

a wonderful idea that DON’T chase and they WILL catch you, in fact you will have most of them looking at you as a mate
tm11999 on December 14, 2011 at 6:59 AM

True. A guy tells a gal “you’re a friend” and it presents almost an irresistible challenge to her.

whatcat on December 14, 2011 at 8:27 AM

Bunsin2 on December 14, 2011 at 8:10 AM

I dont agree with that. Men love. Just not after ten seconds.

blatantblue on December 14, 2011 at 8:28 AM

As a single guy of 24, I don’t want more female “friends.” If I’m attracted to a woman and I think she has a really great personality to boot, I want to date them. For the past 6-7 years, I’ve made friends with women I liked and entered the “friend-zone,” which a guy can never escape from. I finally realized that I was wasting my time and only killing myself by attempting to be friends with women I was attracted to. I’m going boom or bust. Right now, it’s a lot of bust, but at least I’m not sitting here like a sad puppy longing for a woman I’ll never be more than friends with.

PennsylvaniaPainTrain on December 14, 2011 at 8:46 AM

It can work. But tread very carefully if you are married; be sure that your wife doesn’t feel threatened and is also friends with your female friends, and avoid potentially compromising situations. Definitely don’t do anything with an opposite-gender friend that you would be uncomfortable telling your spouse about.

acasilaco on December 14, 2011 at 8:59 AM

PennsylvaniaPainTrain on December 14, 2011 at 8:46 AM

You can escape the friend zone!!!!

It just takes a lot of effort and a lot of time.

blatantblue on December 14, 2011 at 9:08 AM

There’s always a number of variables and factors which this “investigator” didn’t take into account. His sample is way too small, though it could be said to work within a specific age range.

If I wasn’t physically attracted to a woman, I found friendship with them easier. I’ve been friendly with and “base level” friends with many women, but never had any real close female friends.

Now that I’m married, I wouldn’t dare foster any close female friendship other than my wife. It’s just not worth it.

When I was a teen and in my young twenties with hormones raging, any physically attractive woman willing to give you the time of day was a prospect for a relationship, not a mere friend. That changed as I got older and I also realized that while there were plenty of attractive young women, I’d want nothing to do with them unless they were over 25 years old. Any younger and they were just too immature and only interested in playing games consciously or not.

What has been weird for me as I’ve gotten older is being on the receiving end of attraction by women of varying ages. It seems to have continued since I’ve gotten married and in large measure I’m completely oblivious often discounting other people’s observations. My wife acts jealous in a joking manner, but I can tell there is a serious undercurrent to it.

So no, in large measure, I have never been nor ever could really be friends with any women, the caveats being unless I was unmarried and/or there was zero physical attraction – which is always refreshing.

Logus on December 14, 2011 at 9:11 AM

It can be done as long as there are clearly established boundaries and as long as the guy isn’t thinking with his tallywhacker.

Pcoop on December 14, 2011 at 9:13 AM

PennsylvaniaPainTrain on December 14, 2011 at 8:46 AM

Attractive female friends can open doors to many good things :). Always good to have a few, especially if they have a lot of friends.

WisCon on December 14, 2011 at 9:16 AM

All of these women know the truth, as they proved when the interviewer pressed them on it. The truth is that they like surrounding themselves with male admirers while slapping a “friend” label on them.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 7:23 AM

There it is.

Go RBNY on December 14, 2011 at 9:24 AM

keep the change on December 13, 2011 at 11:54 PM

ROTFLMAO

pannw on December 14, 2011 at 9:53 AM

“There’s a big difference in women in their early 20s and then when they finally grow up usually in their late 20s to early 30s. And girls who are single and about to hit 35 are much easier to date. I think being honest and forthright is going to pay off as you get older and the women you date get older and become more relationally mature.”

This is it, young women that are attractive go after alpha males most of the time, when they get older they want more security, this is where beta males with a decent job and a good attitude score.

constitutionalist_Va on December 14, 2011 at 9:56 AM

Thank God I found my beautiful, sensible wife when I did.

When I was younger, like most “decent” males, I couldn’t help but notice that most females around me tended to reward the most roguish behavior possible (while continually expressing insincere desires for finding a “nice guy”. . . we all know that story. . . )

I quickly learned that when I found the rare, occasional, quality woman who was sincere in that belief, to treasure her; my experiences in the single world just kept exposing me to women who didn’t want what they claimed to.

One’s first instinct is to say that both sexes must be equally guilty of this, but the data in my life don’t support that. For example, I have three extremely close male friends — we’re all in our forties. They are smart, kind, professionally successful, terrific guys. Two of them have never been married; the third was divorced when young. Most women won’t give them the time of day. Surely, I thought by now, their fine qualities would be “discovered.” It hasn’t happened; each of the three has repeatedly faced rejection.

I feel very blessed. Fortunately I don’t have to understand “most women” in this area of life, and can devote my energies to understanding just the one I’m married to.

Chuckles3 on December 14, 2011 at 10:10 AM

Thank God I found my beautiful, sensible wife when I did.

I hear you. It was a great day when I married a guy who had the same level of interest in these stupid gender games as I did – zero. Honesty can win with the right person.

mrsknightley on December 14, 2011 at 10:20 AM

Weird that a bunch of college guys are only interested in sex.

Groque on December 14, 2011 at 10:23 AM

Other commenters have touched on it….college women barely know they even want sex yet…and yet it’s (just about) the only thing on a college man’s mind. Thus the silly games women that age play. Once unattached women hit their 30′s they suddenly realize all those perfectly good men that they just threw away at the whim of “the game”. With their appearance deteriorating and biological clock ticking ever so louder, it’s sort of fun to watch them as THEIR sexual thermostat peaks and the men around them seem to get more and more attractive and yet much more ready to “just be friends”.

It’s probably best this works out this way. Can you imagine the chaos if both sexes peaked at 18!!

starman on December 14, 2011 at 11:00 AM

I’m friends with many girls….. all of which I’d like to go out with. So you can be friends to become something more. lol

timbok on December 14, 2011 at 2:15 AM

Wrong. It’s 99.9% impossible to exit the friend zone. You are now known as a beta orbiter to the girl and she will never be interested in you, because she feels she has higher status than you. You’re chasing her, therefore she is worth more.

If you ever want a chance with her, stop talking to her altogether.

SirGawain on December 14, 2011 at 11:13 AM

What about gay men? They’re one of the girls, right? Of course men and women can just be friends. I’ve had female friends that did not attract me physically. In fact, in my younger days I went out with a girl who I knew quite well. She was a cousin of a good buddy of mine. We kissed once or twice and it was like kissing a sister. No spark…we’re still friends.

Jarhead68 on December 14, 2011 at 11:23 AM

If you ever want a chance with her, stop talking to her altogether.

SirGawain on December 14, 2011 at 11:13 AM

Nothing seems to be so intoxicating to a young women than your perceived disinterest in her. That, and money.

goflyers on December 14, 2011 at 11:26 AM

When interviewing young people whose bodies are chemically charged with maximum “mating” potential, it certainly skews the data in the direction of seeking more than friendship. Duh.

When a person chooses to allow physical chemistry and appetite to rule their life, they cannot, and see no point in, refusing those urges. Some few choose to constrain the physical in favor of the spiritual. Don’t ever imagine that the two are not at war. Constantly. Bitterly. It’s the old maxim about the two dogs. Whichever one you feed will be stronger and be winning the fight, and you are always feeding only one of them, never both.

Choose wisdom, or choose easy, you cannot choose both.

Freelancer on December 14, 2011 at 11:26 AM

I think this is missing an important point somewhere. A woman will not consider a man as a potential spouse until she first establishes a friendship with him. I met my husband, my best and closest friend while I was in college. At some point, however fleeting, we were friends and nothing more. Then it was something more. You can’t go from complete stranger to life-long lover without becoming friends somewhere in between.

Sirelyn on December 14, 2011 at 11:28 AM

Speaking as a guy, it’s possible if the guy is already in a committed relationship, and the appropriate barriers are maintained. When it’s single men and single women, it gets a lot harder. When I was in my early 20′s, I don’t think I would have passed up a shot at “more than just friends” if given the shot. Now, my wife is the best woman on the planet, so the other women just can’t compete :)

WingedPanther73 on December 14, 2011 at 11:39 AM

Those girls are just intentionally fooling themselves. I was a tomboy growing up, so often my closest friends were guys (girls can be much harder to get along with in my experience). The only one that hurt was the guy who was there for me when I needed someone during a difficult time in high school. I’d always sorta known he had feelings for me, but I just needed a friend and specifically wasn’t dating anyone at the time on purpose (which he already knew). But it wasn’t actually a surprise that he stopped talking to me after I turned him down (technically I never said anything, but he knew).

The only guys I’ve been able to maintain long term friendships with are those who already have a girlfriend – and even then I’m also friends with the girlfriend. Still, I know it’s a fine line. I don’t want to make anyone jealous.

Esthier on December 14, 2011 at 11:46 AM

. . .
Try being friendly to 65-year-old women at your office who don’t interest you sexually at all, then work your way down.

TMA on December 14, 2011 at 2:30 AM

Sure . . . is your punch line (whenever you decide to deliver it) going to address just how long that might take?

Or, is it instead going to be focused on how professionally disruptive that might be?

Trochilus on December 14, 2011 at 11:47 AM

This is a constant battle between myself and my wife and 3 daughters. They believe that there are good guys out there that just want to be friends, but I keep telling them that boys are the devil. They can date when they are 30,and I’ll keep my head firmly buried in the sand.

Maynard G Krebs on December 14, 2011 at 11:48 AM

It works both ways too. As a widower who wanted to take moving on with my life slowly, I thought it would be a good idea to begin with some female friends just for a little companionship. I eventually gave up on that idea. I met three nice girls and made it clear that I was just looking for friends, but after awhile when it became clear to them that we weren’t going to be lovers (no attraction), they all stopped calling and coming over to the house. So throw me into another category of guys who actually thought guys and girls could be friends.

OxyCon on December 14, 2011 at 11:51 AM

One of the top reasons women bunk with sleazos (and I have heard this from women themselves) is that they do not have to take them seriously.

stillings on December 14, 2011 at 11:51 AM

Wrong. It’s 99.9% impossible to exit the friend zone. You are now known as a beta orbiter to the girl and she will never be interested in you, because she feels she has higher status than you. You’re chasing her, therefore she is worth more.

If you ever want a chance with her, stop talking to her altogether.

SirGawain on December 14, 2011 at 11:13 AM

It depends on what kind of friend you are. Not all guy friends are in that lowered status. The key isn’t necessarily to stop talking (though that can help) but to make it obvious that you’re not dependent on her in any way, that you have your own social life and your own exciting whatevers going on that have nothing to do with her.

Too often, guys in the “friend zone” come off as needy with a total lack of confidence, and that’s just not attractive.

My husband and I were friends before we dated, but I didn’t have anything over him. He had a charisma back then that drew people to him and made me feel fortunate that he wanted to hang out with me. Yet we were so different at the time, that I didn’t think we could date, so it was a strange dynamic where he was still chasing me.

Esthier on December 14, 2011 at 11:58 AM

At 70 and married, I still size up every woman from 15 to 70 that I meet. It’s a pure reflex. It might become a “friendship” based on mutual interests, but it is never just that.

stillings on December 14, 2011 at 11:58 AM

We will be your friend forever or just until the clothes come off.

kjvlv on December 14, 2011 at 12:14 PM

Esthier on December 14, 2011 at 11:58 AM

So, you’re saying the differential in dating power was on his side, instead of yours, making him more attractive and desirable. Pretty much confirms the comments in this thread. :)

GWB on December 14, 2011 at 12:23 PM

Holy crap. I’m surprised that there are 3 active USU alums? alumni? on here.
scotash & TKindred when did you guys go there?

Albert T. Tappman on December 14, 2011 at 12:24 PM

It IS possible for a woman and a man to be “just friends”. However, one of the two must be hard-core, no-way, gay.

DrDeano on December 14, 2011 at 12:34 PM

Only if the woman is your sister, or is ugly (really ugly), or a die-hard feminazi, or if the guy is gay. Otherwise, no. It’s not in a man’s DNA to just be a friend to women without wanting to get into their pants.

rjulio on December 14, 2011 at 12:40 PM

Extrafishy on December 14, 2011 at 6:54 AM

Yeah . . . yeah . . . Okay, you can write that. Big deal! We ALL could write that, so long as no one who actually knows us is present to laugh out loud and call us on it.

The real question is this: Could you, or would you, say that with a straight face, and mean it, whilst sitting, four or five drinks in, quietly conversing and sharing eyeball-to-eyeball contact with an unattached and cute babe, one with very nice … ahhhhh … curves, and one who five seconds prior, told you that she would “just like to just be friends” . . . and, by the way, also just asked if you could please walk her to her home, where (you happen to know) she lives alone?

Trochilus on December 14, 2011 at 12:43 PM

Maybe they should have specified that unmarried men and women can’t be friends. I’ve got close friends that are men, and I’m friends with both them and their wives. No attraction on either side.

Generalities are just that – General. But I agree that single men and women, MOSTLY can’t be friends. The men lie to stay friends, in case the women – who say they only want to be friends – to see if the women will change their minds and sleep with the men.

So those men on this thread that say this proves women are liars… Got news for you, Sports – this proves men are liars too. (And that’s not necessarily a bad thing on either part.)

tickleddragon on December 14, 2011 at 12:43 PM

For starters, there’s that language barrier….

jangle12 on December 14, 2011 at 12:52 PM

Everyone in this video is young and attractive.

All the guys in the video say men and women can’t be friends. They’re wrong. Wait till they meet some unattractive women.

Ah, to be young and dumb and full of …errrrr… Hot Gas!

Patton531 on December 14, 2011 at 12:58 PM

So what if she’s, like,…really really butt ugly but has a nice personality? Plus, she has confided in you that she divorced her ex because he gave her herpes.

It could happen.

honeybadger on December 14, 2011 at 1:21 PM

HAHAHA, I sent this to my younger sister. She needs to see this!

politicaljunkie2008 on December 14, 2011 at 1:22 PM

Well, it appears the women feel they can dictate the terms of the relationship, and the men feel it’s okay to dissemble to stay close–just in case she decides to change her mind…
Yup, big language barrier ala jangle 12 @ 12:52pm.

redgypsy on December 14, 2011 at 1:24 PM

Womanspeak:

You’re such a good friend= I am SERIOUSLY not attracted to you. Don’t even ask.

I can tell you anything= Except for the fact I find you hideous.

You’re a cutie= You’re not a cutie.

Tekov Yahoser on December 14, 2011 at 1:24 PM

I think its all within a matter of reason…as a married man I know find it easier to just be friends and I had the same feelings during the courtship of my then fiancée. Before that when I was single? Sure, it was harder. The best part is all the girls who tell you “oh man, if I had known you had feelings back then we totally would have done something!” when you know they knew the whole time. Such is life. :p

Sammo21 on December 14, 2011 at 1:25 PM

I’m sure there were plenty of beta males who were interviewed by this guy, answered “yes” to his question

Well, yeah . . . . the ones who are involved with other guys . . . .

EconomicNeocon on December 14, 2011 at 1:26 PM

It’s possible for a man and woman, even if both are heterosexual, to be “just friends”, as long as both of them are open and honest about what they expect from each other, without either of them hiding secret feelings or attractions from the other. But it IS difficult for friends of the opposite sex to openly admit to each other feelings that they would rather hide, in order to preserve the friendship, if one person is afraid that the other would be offended by an admitted attraction.

Sometimes, if one of the friends is encountering a serious problem, the other might try to console him/her by a friendly hug or touch, which may lead to other things. It is POSSIBLE for a man and a woman to be close friends, but both need to be aware of the risks and be honest about how to avoid them.

Steve Z on December 14, 2011 at 1:48 PM

I don’t get this. I had lots of female friends in college and post-college…ladies I never wanted to get physical with. They were friends I hung out with and am now re-connected with them via FB.

jediwebdude on December 14, 2011 at 1:48 PM

With over 6 decades of observation behind me I can suggest that a gay male can indeed be “just friends” with a woman. IMAO, I consider that a horrible waste. But I’ve seen it, experienced it, and learned to cherish it when it happens. It’s nice to get a “guy view” about the world from a friend rather than somebody who wants me in bed with him.

{^_^}

herself on December 14, 2011 at 5:26 AM

Sorry, but if your friend is homosexual, you are not getting a “guy” view on anything. He’s never had a guys’ view, and he doesn’t know what a guys’ view is.

woodNfish on December 14, 2011 at 1:56 PM

I have to laugh at all the self appointed experts here claiming that you absolutely can’t be “just friends”. Could have fooled me. I’ve had plenty of friends of opposite gender that I never wanted to bang, and I can assure they never wanted to bang me. Not everybody is a sex-crazed lunatic.

Daikokuco on December 14, 2011 at 1:57 PM

I think I will send this to my 23 year old son who claims he has many girls who are just friends.

I see what he is up to!

poljunkie51 on December 14, 2011 at 1:59 PM

I’m sure the results of this little survey had nothing to do with the fact that all of the co-ed were attractive.

WindingRoadKid on December 14, 2011 at 2:07 PM

I have a good friend that basically gets to the point pretty quick with women. He never sleeps alone. I could never in a million years talk that kind of trash, I respect women, and it amounts to nothing. Nice guys sleep alone. Women go for azzholes for whatever reason.

Southernblogger on December 13, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Women love guys like you, and they should. But they can’t help but need rogues like me and your friend. It’s genetic, and everything looks better in gold and green. ;-)

TXUS on December 14, 2011 at 12:05 AM

I’m one of those long suffering nice guys and I agree that women do love nice guys in a manner of speaking. But they do so in a completely platonic way that is often tinged with some degree of resentment for the weakness they associate with niceness.

Reggie1971 on December 14, 2011 at 2:18 PM

At 70 and married, I still size up every woman from 15 to 70 that I meet. It’s a pure reflex. It might become a “friendship” based on mutual interests, but it is never just that.

stillings on December 14, 2011 at 11:58 AM

I’m 48, married, and totally devoted to my wife and daughter, and remain as attracted to my wife as ever (if not more so).

And yet when a pretty woman smiles at me on the street, it makes my day. I feel guilty about it, but I can’t help it.

Chuckles3 on December 14, 2011 at 2:38 PM

I think we need to communicate better to avoid problems

gangrich_1 on December 14, 2011 at 2:49 PM

cause being sociable, nice, and thoughtful doesn’t go very far with women in their 20s.

blatantblue on December 13, 2011 at 11:06 PM

It does with my daughter (she’s 24), as well as many of her friends. I wish she could find a guy like you. The twenty-something jerks she’s met and dated have no clue how to treat a woman with respect. Don’t become a d!ck like so many guys today.

Italia on December 14, 2011 at 2:50 PM

So, is the point that, for men, the term “friend” is only applied to people who they wouldn’t sleep with under any circumstances? Interesting concept. If true, says a lot about guys.

limmo on December 14, 2011 at 2:51 PM

This is all nonsense. I’m 38 and male, and I’ve never been looking for sex in the least, not sex within a relationship, and certainly not sex without a relationship.

You know “friends with benefits”? Well, I’ve always searched for the complete antithesis of that. Doesn’t mean I’ve been successful, but that’s the goal. Gender stereotypes are for people too lazy to get to know with actual human beings.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 2:51 PM

Only if the woman is your sister, or is ugly (really ugly), or a die-hard feminazi, or if the guy is gay. Otherwise, no. It’s not in a man’s DNA to just be a friend to women without wanting to get into their pants.

rjulio on December 14, 2011 at 12:40 PM

Kindly speak for yourself. I’m hetero and not trying to get into anyone’s pants.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 2:55 PM

I respect women, and it amounts to nothing. Nice guys sleep alone. Women go for azzholes for whatever reason.

Southernblogger on December 13, 2011 at 11:21 PM

You can be a hound dawg and still respect women.

Hell, maybe you should have been a Sailor – we’re only in port for a few days and you have to hook up quick – no fooling around. Success depends on casting a wide net and fishing large bodies of water – you have no time to fool around man!

Women I hit on would sometimes tell me … “If I did, you wouldn’t respect me very much in the morning.”

My response was always … “Look, I’m in LOVE with myself, how could I NOT respect someone that appreciates me also?”

Another line I used to get … “Look, if I do – you’ll leave tomorrow morning and never call me again”.

My response was … “Well if you’re right about that – then I’ll go on to greener pastures even if you don’t. Why don’t you give me the test – you might be surprised?”

Men have a predatory sexual nature and women are well aware of that fact. Subconsciously, they won’t admit it but they find something creepy about you if you don’t express that nature outright to them. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and 99% of the women out there want to feel desirable – and that’s the confirmation they mentally need to assure them that they are.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:14 PM

Friendship, romantic love, and sex are three entirely different things. I am looking for the first two and not the third. Why is it people can accept that some are looking for sex without romantic love (and maybe without friendship), but not the other way around?

Contrary to what some believe, not all men have a “predatory sexual nature.” That’s just an anti-male slur.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 3:36 PM

Gender stereotypes are for people too lazy to get to know with actual human beings.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 2:51 PM

That thinking is damn sure not grounded in any kind of science.

Men are MASCULINE … Women are FEMININE – the two ultimate stereotypes. You see this all over nature – why is humankind any different? Sure we have our intelligence, but that only masks our true nature a little bit. Males chase the females in the majority of the animal kingdom.

Men possess physical power – women possess sexual power. Men would “do it” 24/7 … women are the moderators of that because they get to decide when, where, and with whom. It’s Yin/Yang and, in the natural world – this is what makes males and females equal partners.

This is why so many women aren’t happy today – they are trying to be men. And it’s also why so many men are unhappy – they’ve been de-masculinized. There are fundamental differences between men and women that will never change. If a 30 year old woman seduces a 16 year old boy that boy is a hero. If a 30 year old man seduces a 16 year old girl – that girl’s a victim. I have no problem whatsoever with the double-standard.

Women don’t make as much money as men – and you know why? It’s because most women don’t even negotiate their salaries. Men do. Why is that? I’ll tell you why, it’s because in human beings, women place a premium on SUCCESS and STABILITY. The more money a man makes – the more attractive he is to women and he knows that on a subconscious level. Women don’t have that drive, in order to be attractive to men they know all they need to do is hit the stair-stepper and mail order a black dress off the internet.

No – it’s REALLY that simple. Our genome is exactly the same as the first Modern Men who chucked a spear at a Mammoth – what drives us – is the SAME.

“Without women … all the money in the world would be useless.” That is a quote from Aristotle Onassis and it represents the sum total of enlightenment in this world that any MAN will ever attain – and it’s all the knowledge he will ever need to be happy.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:38 PM

Contrary to what some believe, not all men have a “predatory sexual nature.” That’s just an anti-male slur.

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 3:36 PM

Not all men like women either. It’s the “normal” wiring we’re talking about here.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:39 PM

The survey was, obviously, only of young, single people. Many married men and women have lots of friends without sexual feelings. Ask Ed Morrissey.

Pythagoras on December 14, 2011 at 3:40 PM

The survey was, obviously, only of young, single people. Many married men and women have lots of friends without sexual feelings. Ask Ed Morrissey.

Pythagoras on December 14, 2011 at 3:40 PM

This is another misconception.

Ed might THINK he has female friends – but they aren’t the same as his male friends.

Ask Ed if he takes any of his female friends out for a bit of one-on-one fishing. Ask him if he’ll go golfing with a female “friend”. Ask him if he’ll go over to female friend’s house and work on her car with her.

I don’t know Ed from Adam – but I DO KNOW he doesn’t do any of these things with his female friends – yet he’d do them in a heartbeat with a male friend.

Let me ask you though … you have a female friend and you want to take her fishing – just you and her, no wife … would you do it?

Do you think your WIFE would let you do it?

No? Well … hehe … what’s the difference then? Aside from the gender of the friend?

Sooo … there’s a difference.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:50 PM

If a 30 year old woman seduces a 16 year old boy that boy is a hero. If a 30 year old man seduces a 16 year old girl – that girl’s a victim. I have no problem whatsoever with the double-standard.

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:38 PM

Aside from your gross overgeneralizations, this needs to be addressed. This is a non-negotiable: if a 30-year-old woman seduces a 16-year-old boy, then she is a rapist and she needs to go to jail. Kinda like the 30-year-old man who does the same.

If some men want to behave like libertines, then they should keep it at that and not try to drag down the rest of us just to make themselves appear to have “normal wiring.”

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 3:51 PM

The survey was, obviously, only of young, single people. Many married men and women have lots of friends without sexual feelings. Ask Ed Morrissey.

Pythagoras on December 14, 2011 at 3:40 PM

Just make sure he’s on a lie detector at the time.

No, men and women cannot be “just friends.” Just acquaintances, yes. But start spending time together, and the outcome is entirely predictable. Unless the man is castrated, blind, and lobotomized, of course.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 3:51 PM

Whoops, clicked “strike” instead of quote. Sorry ’bout that.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 3:52 PM

Awww, those are cute kids. Seriously speaking, I think the various answers to this question shift over time. Also, I noticed that the interviewer only asked cute young people this question. I’m sure if you asked those guys if men and women can just be friends, pointed out an overweight, unattractive, poorly dressed girl, and used her as an example, they’d all say, “hell, yeah!”.

Anyway, it’s all so silly. Sometimes friendship leads to something deeper, sometimes physical attraction may initiate a romantic interest but personality issues override the physical. These kids are still learning the dance, God love ‘em.

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 3:56 PM

Aside from your gross overgeneralizations, this needs to be addressed. This is a non-negotiable: if a 30-year-old woman seduces a 16-year-old boy, then she is a rapist and she needs to go to jail. Kinda like the 30-year-old man who does the same.

If some men want to behave like libertines, then they should keep it at that and not try to drag down the rest of us just to make themselves appear to have “normal wiring.”

bmmg39 on December 14, 2011 at 3:51 PM

I don’t have to drag you down – you drag yourself down because you’ve bought into the neofeminist rhetoric hook, line and sinker.

“Men and Women are the same, and should be treated the same … blah, blah, blah …”

It’s the same philosophy that says you can raise a boy to act like a girl and a girl to act like a boy. You can try it – and you’ll have a very miserable individual on your hands because acting like the opposite gender isn’t in their nature.

And beside – you should have your testosterone levels checked – they’re probably low because you’ve been eating what the neofeminists and their doctors tell you should be eating – which is lots of rabbit food. That’s because, as everyone knows – mankind evolved as a “vegetarian”.

LOL!

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 3:59 PM

No, men and women cannot be “just friends.” Just acquaintances, yes. But start spending time together, and the outcome is entirely predictable. Unless the man is castrated, blind, and lobotomized, of course.

Splashman on December 14, 2011 at 3:51 PM

Spot on!

HondaV65 on December 14, 2011 at 4:00 PM

This is another misconception.

Ed might THINK he has female friends – but they aren’t the same as his male friends.

Ask Ed if he takes any of his female friends out for a bit of one-on-one fishing. Ask him if he’ll go golfing with a female “friend”. Ask him if he’ll go over to female friend’s house and work on her car with her.

I don’t know Ed from Adam – but I DO KNOW he doesn’t do any of these things with his female friends – yet he’d do them in a heartbeat with a male friend.

Let me ask you though … you have a female friend and you want to take her fishing – just you and her, no wife … would you do it?

Do you think your WIFE would let you do it?

No? Well … hehe … what’s the difference then? Aside from the gender of the friend?

Sooo … there’s a difference.

Yeah, but he (or any man) also has male friends he perhaps only interacts with on a professional level, others he may interact with only as running buddies, or whathaveyou. Men are notoriously good at compartmentalizing their lives.

I think the differences in behavior you’re pointing out have as much to do with married v. single as they do with male v. female.

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:05 PM

Regardless of what the girls want to believe, us guys struggle with these things every day.

It doesn’t matter if the female is our “friend”, or just some random girl we see in the street, the temptation is always there.

R3volution on December 14, 2011 at 4:07 PM

Sorry, but if your friend is homosexual, you are not getting a “guy” view on anything. He’s never had a guys’ view, and he doesn’t know what a guys’ view is.

woodNfish on December 14, 2011 at 1:56 PM

That’s very gracious of you, to be speaking on behalf of all homodudes. Presumably, this knowledge comes from your own direct experience, yes? Or non-experience – since you claim to know what a “guy’s view” is and is not.

Jeddite on December 14, 2011 at 4:09 PM

Regardless of what the girls want to believe, us guys struggle with these things every day.

It doesn’t matter if the female is our “friend”, or just some random girl we see in the street, the temptation is always there.

Always? Or only if she’s physically attractive? Are the feelings the same, for example, when you encounter a Victoria’s Secret model or a contestant on The Biggest Loser?

Shouldn’t the true title of this post be “Why Men and Attractive Women Can Never Be Friends”?

Carolina21 on December 14, 2011 at 4:13 PM

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