Hey, shouldn’t we have some extra legal protections for ugly people?

posted at 10:05 pm on August 29, 2011 by Allahpundit

My brain says no but my face cries, “Proceed.”

The effects are not small: one study showed that an American worker who was among the bottom one-seventh in looks, as assessed by randomly chosen observers, earned 10 to 15 percent less per year than a similar worker whose looks were assessed in the top one-third — a lifetime difference, in a typical case, of about $230,000…

For purposes of administering a law, we surely could agree on who is truly ugly, perhaps the worst-looking 1 or 2 percent of the population. The difficulties in classification are little greater than those faced in deciding who qualifies for protection on grounds of disabilities that limit the activities of daily life, as shown by conflicting decisions in numerous legal cases involving obesity.

There are other possible objections. “Ugliness” is not a personal trait that many people choose to embrace; those whom we classify as protected might not be willing to admit that they are ugly. But with the chance of obtaining extra pay and promotions amounting to $230,000 in lost lifetime earnings, there’s a large enough incentive to do so. Bringing anti-discrimination lawsuits is also costly, and few potential plaintiffs could afford to do so. But many attorneys would be willing to organize classes of plaintiffs to overcome these costs, just as they now do in racial-discrimination and other lawsuits.

Lots of fun semi-serious reactions to this piece around the ‘sphere today. E.g., if ugly people deserve compensation for their lost earning potential, don’t short people (or at least short men) deserve it too? Given that filing a claim would be tantamount to an admission of extreme homeliness, aren’t men much more likely to file than women? Wouldn’t this make hiring people even more burdensome and expensive at a moment when that’s the very last thing we want to do? More:

No one ever seems to think about the workability of such litigation: does a “7″ have a prima facie cause of action if he or she is passed over a promotion for a “9″? Is a pleasant appearance a legitimate job requirement for sales, or does an employer have to accept the problem of repulsing customers? Is slovenliness and being unkempt protected, or does the right only extend to aesthetic problems of the face and body?…

Will a defendant in an ugliness trial be allowed to require the plaintiff to get a makeover before presentation to the jury over the question of whether the plaintiff is in the protected class, or can the plaintiff deliberately choose unflattering makeup and clothing? And what do we do with the fact that jurors are more sympathetic to better-looking plaintiffs and attorneys?

I’ll agree to support this scheme only if we skip the ad hoc case-by-case approach and decide up front which one to two percent of the population is so physically repulsive that it amounts to a disability. I want a new federal bureaucracy for the task — the Department of Fug, tasked with playing a game of “hot or not?” with the entire U.S. labor force. If you think the IRS has power, imagine the psychological impact of coming before a DOF agent and having him or her give you a Caligulan thumbs down. Simply devastating. Yet lucrative.

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Comment pages: 1 2

Affirmative action for the ugly would never work because most people are, in fact, ugly. The ugly are not even close to the minority. This would bankrupt the economy even worse than Ron Paul’s direst predictions. My mom used to say, if everyone were pretty, you wouldn’t be able to tell differences in people.

I for one embrace my ugliness because it means I’m different*!

* But if being ugly helps me tap into that huge purse known as ‘Obama’s stash’, then I’m down. He gonna pay my mortgage! He gonna fill my gas tank!

alohapundit on August 30, 2011 at 12:52 AM

Actually, it should be the Department of MoFugly. And their uniform would be two brown bags, the second one in case the first one tears.

exhelodrvr on August 29, 2011 at 10:39 PM

Actually it should be department of buttfugly, and I want to be the shaowy czar in charge of it.

alohapundit on August 30, 2011 at 12:56 AM

Follow where this whole thing can take us….

1. It’s made a “disability”.

PappyD61 on August 29, 2011 at 10:59 PM

You almost had it. UGLY WOMAN SYNDROME: Distaff dishability.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh on August 30, 2011 at 12:58 AM

Being an aesthetically underdeveloped person myself, I don’t believe in any special privileges myself but I do think we should level the playing field. How about a national beauty contest where participation in compulsory. The attractive winning third of the population gets taken to the Ministry of Truth for “assimilation” (translation they get acid tossed in their faces.)

MaiDee on August 30, 2011 at 1:00 AM

Banhammer test. Banhammer test

alohapundit on August 30, 2011 at 1:02 AM

It works! Why won’t my posts post?

alohapundit on August 30, 2011 at 1:02 AM

Is this dolt serious? I often use the same line of reasoning as an illustration of how ridiculous socialism is when applied consistently. But I take it slightly further.

Isn’t it inherently unfair that ugly people suffer disadvantage when it comes to sex? Good looking people are able to obtain sexual satisfaction far more easily than ugly people. And since they have access to a wider playing field, it’s easier for them to find a long term match too.

Why should society tolerate this inequality? After all, sex and companionship are important aspects of life too. In fact ask a lefty if they think love and happiness are more important than money and they will fall over themselves to agree. Yet all they’re interested in is financial equality?

Would a lefty agree to the leveling of the sexual playing field by agreeing to enforced sexual encounters decided upon by the state by a process which made sure that everyone had access to the same amount of nookie? Would a good looking lefty agree to sleep with an ugly sexual welfare claimant? How about state-arranged marriages? After all everyone is entitled to the same opportunity at happiness. And if state-arranged love makes everybody equally unhappy, well isn’t that the whole point of socialism in the first place.

Sharke on August 30, 2011 at 2:00 AM

Obviously, the final solution will be to make everybody ugly.

J_Crater on August 30, 2011 at 2:59 AM

I wear the song as a badge of honor. I am short-hear me…squeak.

annoyinglittletwerp on August 29, 2011 at 10:46 PM

LOL, this one’s the best “Short People” video ;-D

cane_loader on August 30, 2011 at 3:50 AM

I’ll agree to support this scheme only if we skip the ad hoc case-by-case approach and decide up front which one to two percent of the population is so physically repulsive that it amounts to a disability.

I have fillings in my teeth. I think that should qualify as a disability.

Can stupidity qualify also? I’d like to see that on a job application.
“Please check all that apply:”
White___ Black___ Hispanic___ Gay___ Other___ Ugly___ Stupid____

JellyToast on August 30, 2011 at 6:42 AM

Ultrasounds in the womb to determine if the child must pay the beauty tax?

Ultrasounds to determine if the child is too “visually advantaged” and if so force termination of the pregnancy?

Forcing a heavy reproductive tax on the beautifuls if they choose to have a child?

Forced sterilization of pretty people?

Photo contests, beauty contests, anything to do with with looks would be discriminatory?

like someone said, what if your breath smells like Horse manure, and you’re ug? Do you get two checks a month?

This whole concept is a Lawyers erotic fantasy come true.

California to make it a crime to say someone is butt ugly “hate speech” in 5….4….3…

PappyD61 on August 30, 2011 at 7:02 AM

Lots of fun semi-serious reactions to this piece around the ‘sphere today. E.g., if ugly people deserve compensation for their lost earning potential, don’t short people (or at least short men) deserve it too?

Um, short people DO get government support. But, like all “disabilities,” it must be defined by purely arbitrary standards separating the people deserving of help from those deserving of scorn.

Think about it: somewhere out there is a guy who’s a half-inch too tall and one IQ point too smart to qualify as “disabled.” So he’s not a retarded midget; he’s just short and stupid.

No matter where the government moves the line, there will always be a line.

logis on August 30, 2011 at 7:21 AM

For some reason I keep thinking of the “eye of the beholder” twilight zone episode.

vcferlita on August 30, 2011 at 7:39 AM

Make it ugly, fat, gay, and speaking with a lisp and basically we owe Barney Frank the national debt.

radjah shelduck on August 30, 2011 at 8:06 AM

Speaking as a devilishly handsome, although sligthly balding and bulging, 58-year old man who’s made my way in life entirely on my stunning good looks, I take offense to this. It is I and the raffishly good looking who need assistance. Do you have any concept of the challenges faced by us aesthetically advantaged individuals who brighten up the world for you proles? The galas and movie premieres, jetting off to Monte Carlo for the Grand Prix, the jaunts over to London for Saville Row fittings, the constant rounds of dating porn stars and princesses, the polo matches, the photo shoots, the paparazzi…I could go on, but I’m exhausted I tell you, exhausted. Come on Obama, help me out here.

I’ll be in my cubicle if you have any questions.

Trafalgar on August 30, 2011 at 8:10 AM

I’ve often thought of the silliness of discrimination, when from kindergarten on, good looking folks get all the advantages. Perhaps we should institute a beauty tax and a handicap factor in the employment lines. I have an extra gorgeous relative who braggs at how many speeding tickets she’s not been handed because of her looks. Where or where is the left and the fairness crowd when you need them. Just think of all the lawsuits from ugly folks demanding to be taxed as too beautiful.

Now there’s a cure for the economy.

Don L on August 30, 2011 at 8:11 AM

Now that Mammy and I have had a chance to discuss this issue….It makes perfect sense.

We know Progressives God is Government. Since the real God is the ultimate decider it would only be logical that the Progs want to build THEIR God with all the powers of the Ultimate decider in this world.

Look for them to want to build this GOD with the same attributes.

ALL FALL DOWN and worship….. The God of the state, The God of the Progressives.
The Ultimate decider (and of course the Libs/Progs will get to be it’s High Priests and Priestesses.

PappyD61 on August 30, 2011 at 8:13 AM

What about people with no fashion sense? Is that also a disability?

thuja on August 30, 2011 at 8:18 AM

There was an article in Harvard Law Review on this in 1987:

“Facial Discrimination: Extending Handicap Law to Employment Discrimination on the Basis of Physical Appearance.”
100 Harv. L. Rev. 2035 (1987).

It is an unsigned student note, but the author was later identified as Adam Cohen, who later worked for the ACLU.

Wethal on August 30, 2011 at 8:29 AM

What about people with no fashion sense? Is that also a disability?

thuja on August 30, 2011 at 8:18 AM

No, that can easily be handled in kindergarten, right after they get through teaching the kids that their parents who take aspirin or a cigarette are druggies (I kid you not)

Besides, no need to worry, once the Obamacrats get the rest of their power consolidated, the only fashion allowed will be those jumpsuits from China.

Don L on August 30, 2011 at 8:38 AM

Why stop with looks? Nothing is a worse turnoff than a person with a really bad voice – for women it’s shrill, for men it’s the one that’s acceptable for women…Perhaps voice coaches, maybe if we were all given our rights to have twin telepromoters so that we had an equal chance to become president

Then there’s that walking thing-some (Texans?) walk like they’re still on a horse, others strut, some just shuffle, some dainty folks ambulate like they are following the horses. What a tough life, this imperfection. The government needs to provide equal outcomes.

Don L on August 30, 2011 at 8:45 AM

Yeah, I want to sit down at a bar and have an ugly woman serve me…I want to turn on the tv and see ugly people (The View), if I want to see ugly people, I go to the DMV or any other government office.
That is where the 300 pounders with the tats work, that is where the ugly attitudes find a job…

right2bright on August 30, 2011 at 8:50 AM

The new victims: Uglo-Americans

NoFanofLibs on August 30, 2011 at 8:52 AM

Affirmative action for the ugly would never work because most people are, in fact, ugly.
alohapundit on August 30, 2011 at 12:52 AM

alohapudit is correct, if there was affirmative action for the ugly, I could be the groups poster child.

As alohapundit, points out there are different degrees of ugly. Ugly is not always based on physical looks. Ones negative actions towards others reflects on ones unattractiveness. Liberals must be the ugliest. Just watch how they always attempt to project their ugliest side towards anyone or thing that does not meet their ideas of normal.

MSGTAS on August 30, 2011 at 9:20 AM

Who makes this determination? This is getting very unsettling in this country when things are stated like this from the far left. This is becoming much like Germany did under Hitler. They made determinations on race, gender, physical attributes etc.

People should be very concerned that something like this was even stated in a national newspaper.

xler8bmw on August 30, 2011 at 9:38 AM

Who draws the line at “ugly”? Like being picked for a dodge ball team, you sit and wait not to be picked?
If you want special treatment, than you have to admit that you are ugly…”look choose me, I’ll take the job, I’m uglier than all the rest put together”.
Would you have a judge and a jury, made up of what? Ugly people, your peers?
What kind of an attorney do you get, to argue that you are deserving because you are ugly?
Then do you file a suit against the attorney if you lose, “Your honor, I am much uglier than I was represented to be, the attorney did not make me ugly enough”
What happens with jury nullification, “Yeah he was ugly, but so pathetic that we didn’t want to destroy what little self esteem he had left, so we said he was not ugly enough”…or “He did not prove himself to be ugly beyond a shadow of a doubt, he did get to third base when he was drunk in a frat house”.

right2bright on August 30, 2011 at 9:41 AM

I am an Uglo-American and I will not take any aid from the government, rather I will apply it to the National Debt. I put my country before my face.

cat-scratch on August 30, 2011 at 10:00 AM

One TV show I like is Red Eye, where the host often has fun accusing the attractive guests sitting in the ‘leg chair’ of hating ugly people – he claims they write books like “Let’s Barbecue The Unattractive”.

Gutfeld is going to have a field day with this!

Johnny 100 Pesos on August 30, 2011 at 10:03 AM

Is America taking up where Hitler left off, this has to be the spookiest admin. I have ever seen in my life(a long one) is this the precursor to getting rid of the undesirables,(Bernard Shaw)?
I would be very wary of all these new vaccines that are being foisted on the young and pregnant women.
Eugenics is live and well in this Admin., Bush declined funding aid to China for their Eugenics program, PELOSI and gang re-instated it why??

concernedsenior on August 30, 2011 at 10:08 AM

Diana Moon Glampers, where are you now that we need you?

See http://www.tnellen.com/cybereng/harrison.html

bgoldman on August 30, 2011 at 10:10 AM

Dammit that is fugly! I believe he won the “Ugliest Dog” competition.

ProudPalinFan on August 30, 2011 at 10:28 AM

What about people with no fashion sense? Is that also a disability?

thuja on August 30, 2011 at 8:18 AM

That is SOOOO me! I’d be a candidate for that show to fix my closet. That and my Dory complex of memory loss :) wait, what did you say?

ProudPalinFan on August 30, 2011 at 10:30 AM

The new victims: Uglo-Americans

NoFanofLibs on August 30, 2011 at 8:52 AM

You should know better than to call any hypenated American uglo. Victims we are assured are a special interest group and well protected already with losts of perks and stuff, but uglo with a hypen -that’s the entire deck of cards there.

Don L on August 30, 2011 at 10:31 AM

How soon before we get a new reality show, like American Idol? Of course it would have to be called American Ugly.

Then there’s Dancing with the Ugly, Ugly Pawn shops, Repo for Ugly folks, and Ugly Cops. Where will it end?

Don L on August 30, 2011 at 10:34 AM

The effects are not small: one study showed that an American worker who was among the bottom one-seventh in looks, as assessed by randomly chosen observers, earned 10 to 15 percent less per year than a similar worker whose looks were assessed in the top one-third — a lifetime difference, in a typical case, of about $230,000…

So, all the chicks on FOX News are in that range? Whoa!/

ProudPalinFan on August 30, 2011 at 10:36 AM

There is nothing more ugly and undesirable then statist scum

they deserve firing squads

Sonosam on August 30, 2011 at 10:40 AM

Definitely not needed. Most people not gifted with physical attractiveness (of whom I am one) try to develop other talents, strengths, abilities, and skills in order to fit into society. As Martin Luther King said, it’s not the color of your skin, but the content of your character.

Or as Bill Cosby said decades ago: “If I see a beautiful chick sitting in a bar with an ugly chick, I go for the ugly one, because the ugly one is often the nice one.”

Bill Cosby might have a point…

Steve Z on August 30, 2011 at 10:46 AM

That dog in the picture? Nothing that a bit of make-up couldn’t fix.

Fortunata on August 30, 2011 at 10:57 AM

The advantage enjoyed by the pretty people is no different from that enjoyed by anyone with high earning potential due to the happy accident of talent.
Should I be offered compensation due to the fact that I simply wasn’t born with the musculature necessary to hurl a 100mph fast ball? Do pro pitchers enjoy an unfair advantage over the other 99.9999999999% of humanity without that talent?
Should I sue the Allman Brothers on the basis of my exclusion from any lead guitar position due to lack of talent? Nah.
Life ain’t fair, Lefties!

mugged on August 30, 2011 at 11:00 AM

Rush said we need to have a ugly person day. On that day all ugly persons would have to stay out of the malls so that the rest of us could have at least one day in the year when we wouldn’t have to be exposed to them.

csdeven on August 30, 2011 at 11:01 AM

I’ll agree to support this scheme only if we skip the ad hoc case-by-case approach and decide up front which one to two percent of the population is so physically repulsive that it amounts to a disability.

You’ve got this backwards. We need to establish a baseline pay for ALL Americans and then the beautiful people would get a check from the government for beautifying America.

I can provide many references to establish my qualification as a beautiful person.

csdeven on August 30, 2011 at 11:07 AM

Predicted future movement: removal of the singing of America The Beautiful at public events.

mugged on August 30, 2011 at 11:21 AM

Can I get one those parking placards if I have a bad hair day?

DanMan on August 30, 2011 at 11:32 AM

I really would have guessed that this whole thing was a parody argument against gay marriage.

Count to 10 on August 30, 2011 at 11:37 AM

Follow this to it’s logical conclusion….

….Should JayZ be allowed to breed with someone attractive like Beyonce?

Should Beyonce have to pay a Beauty tax or be made to pay a subsidy to her husband or other “visually challenged” people?

How would this Ugly subsidy support the dream of Martin Luther King?

PappyD61 on August 30, 2011 at 11:45 AM

Why the picture of the Obama’s wife under the headline for this post?

Alden Pyle on August 30, 2011 at 11:49 AM

I didn’t read all the posts so forgive me if these have been asked before.

If we give special protections for ugly people, should we give special exemptions for attractive people who have to drink in order to associate with ugly people?

Does Kathy Griffin still qualify as ugly now that she’s had so much corrective surgery?

If I get ugly surgery by choice to enhance my bad looks, do I then get the added special legal protection?

We have degrees of physical disability; do we now rate people from -1 to -10 for employment purposes?

Do I get a special “ugly” ramp to enter restaurants? Or special mirrors in the men’s section of department stores?

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 12:18 PM

I blew iced tea out my nose from laughing so hard.

ButterflyDragon on August 29, 2011 at 10:07 PM

I spat on my laptop.

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 12:20 PM

Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone.

Dr Evil on August 29, 2011 at 10:07 PM

What if it’s just my personality that is so ugly? Do I get a protected staus and a pay raise for being chronically insufferable?

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 12:24 PM

Who defines ugly?

I am tall (6 foot 7), fat (380 lb) and attractive enough to be married but not enough to have women give me Brad Pitt stares (who does). So do I get compensation for being fugly or does tall negate it all? I want my Obama stash cash!

mechkiller_k on August 30, 2011 at 12:29 PM

That’s my new bumper sticker:

TAX THE BEAUTIFUL!

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 12:34 PM

Does Kathy Griffin still qualify as ugly now that she’s had so much corrective surgery?

No amount of surgery can correct the levels of ugly that this woman has. It runs below the skin.

mechkiller_k on August 30, 2011 at 12:35 PM

Should I sue my parents?

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 12:35 PM

First we outlaw prayer in our schools. Now we take away our favorite cheers:
You ugly, You ugly, so very, very Ugly. (More or less.)

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 12:47 PM

Dear Abby,

I’m having a problem. As I grow older I’m also growing more attractive. My mother says I’m just blossoming. But I’m afraid of losing my DOF Fug Disability Benefits. What Should I do?

Signed,
Gorgeous in Galveston

Dear Gorgeous,

In Hamermesh V. Labor, the Ninth Circuit Court ruled that “inner ugliness” is a significant disability if it meets the criteria of undesirability in the workplace.

Try nuturing your inner Bastard. Good luck.

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 1:10 PM

Obviously, the final solution will be to make everybody ugly.

J_Crater on August 30, 2011 at 2:59 AM

No, “party members” will be exempt.

yubley on August 30, 2011 at 1:30 PM

I’ll agree to support this scheme only if we skip the ad hoc case-by-case approach and decide up front which one to two percent of the population is so physically repulsive that it amounts to a disability.

Can’t we just start with women in politics with a “D” after their name?

dominigan on August 30, 2011 at 1:37 PM

If we combine the Fairness Doctrine witht the DoF, Fox will have to fire most of it’s journalists.

Hmmm. Unless we redefine ugly. Yeah, that’s it.

Oooh, Megan Kelly is sooooo ugly!

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 1:43 PM

I want my Obama stash cash!

mechkiller_k on August 30, 2011 at 12:29 PM

Can’t you just be insufferable like the rest of us?

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 1:49 PM

I have nothing to add here as the concept is absurd… so why not an “ugly” joke instead.

I went into a store the other day and bought a pack of condoms.

The clerk rang me up and then said:
“Do you need a bag”

To which I relied:
“Naah, she’s not that ugly”

Not my best material, but trying to stay topical. Until you’ve got a situation justifying my dirty particle physics joke I’m kind of limited for material.

** Ok, for those of you who think I’m kidding… I’m not.

I feel sorry for Mrs. Heisenberg.
When he had the position he didn’t have the speed.
When he had the energy he didn’t have the time.

Now I feel I’ve redeemed myself for the first one. And I’m done here… don’t forget to tip your waitress; but stand her back up straight when you’re done.

gekkobear on August 30, 2011 at 2:04 PM

Can I get one those parking placards if I have a bad hair day?

DanMan on August 30, 2011 at 11:32 AM

Don’t complain. Look at Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. He had a really bad heir day.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh on August 30, 2011 at 3:21 PM

AP, did you have to include that picture of Janeane Garofalo?

Ward Cleaver on August 30, 2011 at 5:23 PM

gekkobear on August 30, 2011 at 2:04 PM

Thanks. I really needed the laugh.

flicker on August 30, 2011 at 6:53 PM

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