“These are suffragettes for a new era,” said one of the promoters. According to a contestant, “To me, this excitement is similar to when women were given the right to vote.” A video toast, then, to America’s virtues on its birthday: Equality, competition, eyepopping spectacle, and the pursuit of happiness in its myriad wonderful forms. All that’s missing here is apple pie. Which is for the best, since these lunatics would start eating it by the fistful.

Two clips, one of the women’s contest and the other of the men’s; if you only have time for one, stick with the gals. Exit quotation: “She’s absolutely an elegant young lady, and yet she has the jaw of a German Shepherd.”