Bad news: CDC now issuing advice on how to prepare for the zombie apocalypse

posted at 8:28 pm on May 19, 2011 by Allahpundit

First, a religious group claims that the Rapture will happen this Saturday. Then this post mysteriously appears on the CDC’s official blog.

If I see any locusts tomorrow, I’m barricading the door.

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.

We’ve all seen at least one movie about flesh-eating zombies taking over (my personal favorite is Resident Evil…), but where do zombies come from and why do they love eating brains so much? The word zombie comes from Haitian and New Orleans voodoo origins. Although its meaning has changed slightly over the years, it refers to a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead. Through ancient voodoo and folk-lore traditions, shows like the Walking Dead were born…

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

If you’re a “Walking Dead” fan, you know just how effective the CDC would be in the event of a true zombie outbreak. A few points, then. One: While normally I’d be outrageously outraged that taxpayer money was being spent on something as fanciful as this, (a) it’s actually a clever way to spread tips on emergency awareness (the site has been swamped with traffic) and (b) the sheer awesomeness of the zombie genre justifies any expense. Two: Elsewhere in the piece, the author claims that once you’re bitten by a zombie, you’re a goner. Not true, actually; quick action to amputate the bitten limb can isolate the infection before it spreads to the brain. Amiright, “Day of the Dead” fans? Three: There’s simply no way, in a world where Romero classics like “Night of the Living Dead” and “Dawn of the Dead” exist, that this guy’s favorite zombie movie is “Resident Evil.” Nor is it true that zombies have any special appetite for brains, as even casual zombie-flick fans would happily tell you. They’re not picky in what they eat. They’re dead. They’re all messed up. Which means the author of this piece is either dangerously misinformed about the true threat from the zombie menace or this is government disinformation designed to reduce the public’s capacity to respond effectively. What is Obama up to now?

Exit question: Can anyone explain quickly in the comments who’ll allegedly be saved and who won’t on Rapture Day Saturday? Is it all theists, or just Christians, or just some Christians? I want to gauge how many of us will be left behind to battle the zombie hordes come Sunday. Luckily I live in New York City, so … pretty much all of us will still be here.

Update (Ed): You think you have it bad, AP?  I’ll be in Vegas on Saturday.  I’d bet on the number of people being Raptured out of there on Saturday, but I doubt the bookies are taking bets on anything above the number … oh … one.


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Scribbler on May 19, 2011 at 9:24 PM

Good un’ ortho pastor!

OmahaConservative on May 19, 2011 at 9:29 PM

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:25 PM

Which makes you a son of a bitch, frankly.

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:29 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:27 PM

Projecting again I see.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:30 PM

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:25 PM

Which makes you a son of a b1tch, frankly.

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:30 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:27 PM
Projecting again I see.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:30 PM

Ooooh. You got it, whiner.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:30 PM

Always preferable to being a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM

Figured as much “sting”. Now run along and try to find someone else you think you’re “better than”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:34 PM

Update (Ed): You think you have it bad, AP? I’ll be in Vegas on Saturday. I’d bet on the number of people being Raptured out of there on Saturday, but I doubt the bookies are taking bets on anything above the number … oh … one.

And that would be Marcia, correct?

mikeyboss on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

Hey, will one of you heathens watch my dog for me?

Bee on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

Lotsa’ filthy talk here.

Good thing ortho Luherans aren’t pietistic.

OmahaConservative on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

Always preferable to being a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM

You’re sad.

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

Allah, I want to gauge how many of us will be left behind to battle the zombie hordes come Sunday. Luckily I live in New York City, so … pretty much all of us will still be here.

Allah, Allah, Allah, for an Eeyore you are quite the optimist.

So Now You’re a Zombie: A Handbook for the Newly Undead.

Dr Evil on May 19, 2011 at 9:36 PM

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

But not a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:36 PM

Bee on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

Heck yeah! I love animals and will be glad to offer my post-rapture pet care services :-)

MJBrutus on May 19, 2011 at 9:38 PM

But not a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:36 PM

Neither am I.

However, you’re the one who would looove to see other states wiped out…..ya know, because there are some liberals in there. Guess 9/11 was a good day for you, right?

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:38 PM

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM

But not a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:36 PM

Ummm…since when is long-time HA poster blatantblue a liberal?

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 9:42 PM

Sorry if someone’s already posted this, but:

Dragula by Rob Zombie.

mikeyboss on May 19, 2011 at 9:46 PM

As a Lutheran I am deciding to back out of this thread.
I’d rather drink scotch or smoke or something…

OmahaConservative on May 19, 2011 at 9:26 PM

OmahaConservative:Yup,it tends to bring out the worse
of, sumpin sumpin:)

canopfor on May 19, 2011 at 9:46 PM

Ummm…since when is long-time HA poster blatantblue a liberal?

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 9:42 PM

joejm65:The part of blue in blatant,is not,a Liberal!!

canopfor on May 19, 2011 at 9:48 PM

I prefer an over/under double barrel Browning for maximum brain spray.

John the Libertarian on May 19, 2011 at 8:54 PM

After a long “discussion” over many beers with my friends, we concluded the “ideal” zombie weapon would be 9mm NATO ball through glock 17s.

Rebar on May 19, 2011 at 9:49 PM

latantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:38 PM

Lol…”some”…..right. I’ll make you a deal, when NY gets rid of corruption, kickbacks, sanctuary policies and “Liberal” policies like rent fixing, I wont be happy to see the zombies eat your brains.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:52 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM
Figured as much “sting”. Now run along and try to find someone else you think you’re “better than”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:34 PM

With you, there’s not ‘thinking’. You’re a fool.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:53 PM

ejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 9:42 PM

The second it acted like a child and started swearing and making personal attacks because of a post, I knew it is a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:56 PM

So what does the CDC recommend we do if we are ever bit by a wolf during a full moon?

Pcoop on May 19, 2011 at 9:56 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:53 PM

Ohhhhh…..look…it wet its diaper……po, po baby….

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:58 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 9:53 PM
Ohhhhh…..look…it wet its diaper……po, po baby….

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:58 PM

Now, YOU are projecting.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:00 PM

Pcoop on May 19, 2011 at 9:56 PM

CDC recommends staying away from the moor……

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:00 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:00 PM

I just hope for your sake, diapers will be covered under Obamacare.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:02 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:00 PM
I just hope for your sake, diapers will be covered under Obamacare.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:02 PM

Yawn. You better hope they allow you to keep your forklift, chunkey monkey.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:03 PM

I will be in NYC this weekend, Allah. I’ll help you fight zombies, if need be. We RINO candyasses need to stick together (naturally, we won’t be raptured).

Vyce on May 19, 2011 at 10:05 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:03 PM

Oooohhhh…so witty….what a BIG BOY we are!

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:06 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:03 PM
Oooohhhh…so witty….what a BIG BOY we are!

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:06 PM

*giggles*

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:08 PM

*Piddles*

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:08 PM

Fixed it for ya.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:10 PM

Brains…

vcferlita on May 19, 2011 at 10:13 PM

If there is a zombie invasion? IF? I suppose y’all missed New Orleans, 2005.

MikeA on May 19, 2011 at 10:13 PM

*Piddles*

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:08 PM
Fixed it for ya.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:10 PM

Yes, you are wasting my time.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:16 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:16 PM

Something tells me your mommy is going to be mad for not doing your homework.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:20 PM

The second it acted like a child and started swearing and making personal attacks because of a post, I knew it is a “Liberal”.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 9:56 PM

Your post involved wiping out New York City. You deserved every attack sent your way. Blatantblue is not a liberal. That is a stone cold fact, regardless of what you think you ‘know’. So, find something else to use. The liberal line is just plain silly….

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:22 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:16 PM
Something tells me your mommy is going to be mad for not doing your homework.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:20 PM

In my basement? With Cheetos?

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:23 PM

CDC obviously pandering to the “social media” audience. The Message is bold and reassuring: Never Fear – CDC is Ready. Thank Heaven! And so “hip” to the pop culture meme. Don’t forget your “emergency kit” — weapons conspicuously absent, of course. For your safety.

Kenosha Kid on May 19, 2011 at 10:28 PM

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:22 PM

You want to know what’s “silly”? Acting like a petulant “Liberal” and then crying when called on it.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:30 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:23 PM

Well you do like to play up the fat meme.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:31 PM

weapons conspicuously absent, of course. For your safety. Kenosha Kid on May 19, 2011 at 10:28 PM

My first thought as well.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:32 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:23 PM
Well you do like to play up the fat meme.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:31 PM

No, I was just poking you because of the Flying while fat thread….if you read my posts there, I felt bad for the woman, but also believe in personal responsiblity.
But, you have confirmed my first instinct that you are the world’s first brain transplant donor.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:35 PM

You want to know what’s “silly”? Acting like a petulant “Liberal” and then crying when called on it.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:30 PM

You’re calling someone else ‘petulant’? You’ve come across as a 10 year old with all of the ridiculous put-downs you’ve thrown around. Blatantblue is not a liberal. Fact. You called for the destruction of NYC. Fact. Why don’t you just apologize for suggesting it would be cool to wipe out an American city and be done with this? You deserved everything thrown at you for that comment, so just admit you were wrong and move on…

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:38 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:35 PM

First successful transplant donor you mean.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:44 PM

how patients can best be treated

A blow to the head should suffice. Sorry, Philip…

Can anyone explain quickly in the comments who’ll allegedly be saved and who won’t on Rapture Day Saturday?

According to Camping’s theology, not many of us will be saved, so I’ll be prepared, shovel in hand, to fight of hordes of zombies.

It’s supposed to start at 6 pm local time, so we’ll have advanced warning if people start disappearing in the eastern time zones.

I’m seriously considering making up a few “The End Is Near” poster boards, getting some old clothes, and just piling them on a street corner to see how many people walk/drive past and freak out because they’re “left behind.”

englishqueen01 on May 19, 2011 at 10:45 PM

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:38 PM

No. I said New York, LA and Chicago (not necessarily in that order though) – I didn’t say anything about American cities.

Now go cry in the corner with your love child.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:46 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:35 PM
First successful transplant donor you mean.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:44 PM

At least you won’t have to worry about the zombies dropping by your house…they eat BRAINS…you DONATED yours.
Still laughing.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM

Well DUH!

Why do you think I gave it away?!?! I don’t want to be eaten!!

Who’s the smart one now????

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:52 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM
Well DUH!

Why do you think I gave it away?!?! I don’t want to be eaten!!

Who’s the smart one now????

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:52 PM

Not you. Clearly.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:56 PM

No. I said New York, LA and Chicago (not necessarily in that order though) – I didn’t say anything about American cities.

Now go cry in the corner with your love child.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:46 PM

So, New York, LA, and Chicago aren’t American cities? LOL!!! OK!! Thanks for playing, kid. And, when the next American city gets attacked, make sure you take time out from dancing in the streets to hand out some candy like a good little terrorist wannabe. Now go to bed, it’s a school nite….

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:57 PM

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 10:46 PM
So, New York, LA, and Chicago aren’t American cities? LOL!!! OK!! Thanks for playing, kid. And, when the next American city gets attacked, make sure you take time out from dancing in the streets to hand out some candy like a good little terrorist wannabe. Now go to bed, it’s a school nite….

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:57 PM

The dumb is thick with this one, joe.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:58 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:56 PM

You say that now, but when some fat zombie is munching on your frontal lobe, then you’ll change your tune.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 11:00 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 10:56 PM
You say that now, but when some fat zombie is munching on your frontal lobe, then you’ll change your tune.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 11:00 PM

Okay, THAT was funny.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 11:02 PM

joejm65 on May 19, 2011 at 10:57 PM

If those are the places you think of as America, you don’t deserve to ever experience the real thing.

Now get back to babysitting – now you have TWO children to look after it seems.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 11:03 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 11:02 PM

You say that noooowww….. but I’m glad the irony will not be lost on you.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 11:05 PM

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 11:02 PM
You say that noooowww….. but I’m glad the irony will not be lost on you.

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 11:05 PM

We will deal with zombies the same way we would deal with Obama’s Civil Defense Brown Shirts. Fire. Power.

HornetSting on May 19, 2011 at 11:10 PM

There’s always a way to piss on Christianity if you try hard enough.

Well done, Allahpundit. Pat yourself on the back and ponder the meaninglessness of life itself. Right?

hillbillyjim on May 19, 2011 at 11:13 PM

This Rapture thing. If no one is missing on Sunday, what happens then?

adamsmith on May 19, 2011 at 11:13 PM

adamsmith on May 19, 2011 at 11:13 PM

Paaaaarrrrrtay!

KMC1 on May 19, 2011 at 11:16 PM

This is no brainer (no pun intended) survival instruction. All you need for the Zombie Apocalypse is a good firearm that shoots semi-automatic and will take a high capacity magazine. I prefer .223/5.16. (Picking one that shoots both is an imperative. There is a difference and not all AR15s will shoot both cartridges even if the round is the same.)

Okay, you know they swarm. You know they need a head-shot. You’re thinking, “Why did Hawk pick a small caliber firearm when you need to evacuate the entire cranial cavity?” Good question. Said it with me, “Plastic tip, ballistic rounds.” There is nothing better for a Zombie Swarm, One Shot One Kill than Ballistic rounds in any caliber.

Questions?

Oh yeah, take a big bag of beef jerkie. Low fat and high carbs will keep you on your toes and still be able to keep that girlish figure while you’re Duking it out with the undead.

hawkdriver on May 19, 2011 at 11:33 PM

Finally some justification. 2 years ago my wife asked what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted a Bushmaster 223. She said: you have so many guns already why a 223. Zombies said I.

faol on May 19, 2011 at 11:33 PM

Okay, Mrs Hawk is behind me right now asking if Zombies can be killed with a flame-thrower. I honestly didn’t know. Anybody?

hawkdriver on May 19, 2011 at 11:40 PM

Finally some justification. 2 years ago my wife asked what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted a Bushmaster 223. She said: you have so many guns already why a 223. Zombies said I.

faol on May 19, 2011 at 11:33 PM

Also the perfect opportunity to tell the Mrs. you want to buy a reloader. Ballistic rounds can be expensive if you don’t reload your own. Plus, plus, you can load a little bit of garlic with the powder charge when you reload you own. I have it on great authority that Zombies hate, HATE garlic. (MY only experience is “Plants vs Zombies” in regards to garlic, but they hate it in the game. I’m sure real Zombies hate it too.

So … tell the Mrs …

I recommend a single stage Rock-Chucker or a Lee Multi-Stage.

PS, If you can’t get a Bush, the Superior Arm AR15s are cheaper and just as good. I have a Bush and a Superior Arms.

hawkdriver on May 19, 2011 at 11:48 PM

Can anyone explain quickly in the comments who’ll allegedly be saved and who won’t on Rapture Day Saturday?

AP stays, Ed goes.

Mojave Mark on May 19, 2011 at 11:57 PM

I swear to Zeus, it’s getting so every time I click over to Hot Air I immediately scream, “oh, c’mon!”

Jim-Rose on May 20, 2011 at 12:03 AM

AP stays, Ed goes. Mojave Mark on May 19, 2011 at 11:57 PM

Ed AND AP go…..Tina Korbe, MKH and Hanna come over to my place to wait out the zompacalypse…..

Now that’s more like it!

KMC1 on May 20, 2011 at 12:04 AM

The CDC theme song.

profitsbeard on May 20, 2011 at 12:05 AM

This should help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6vnM9I7HIo

kerrhome on May 20, 2011 at 12:23 AM

This may be helpful.

Well, not at all, really, but still fun.

CDC Memo

DrAllecon on May 20, 2011 at 1:17 AM

kerrhome on May 20, 2011 at 12:23 AM

D’oh! Didn’t click on yours first.

DrAllecon on May 20, 2011 at 1:18 AM

I thought the only way to stop a zombie was to cut its head off. I didn’t think shooting them in the head worked? Can anyone confirm or deny?

I can’t wait until Sunday morning.

I really can’t. Then all these fools can stop talking about the end of the world.

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:06 PM

Dude, you’re forgetting December 21, 2012. It’ll go on for at least that long.

NoLeftTurn on May 20, 2011 at 2:43 AM

Stop! Three things must be considered before we take any action whatsoever against brain-sucking zombies.

1 Are Brain-Sucking Zombies (BSZ’s hereinafter) a racial, cultural or normative deviant minority? If so, they deserve our protection -not our censure- and we should willingly sacrifice our citizens’ brains (hopefully unimportant West African hotel maids) as sustenance so they can be studied.

2 Even more important, BSZ’s may be an endangered species in which case by not cooperating with them (by freely offering your brains) the very act of resistance could be construed as a criminal act against nature-subject to fines, penalties and imprisonment.

3 BSZ’s could be acting bizarrely because our polluted environment(both physically and morally) was the main etiological factor. In which case we are totally responsible for for their bad behavior and “had it coming to us.”

MaiDee on May 20, 2011 at 6:12 AM

MaiDee on May 20, 2011 at 6:12 AM

Oh please, all three of your points are moot because of the rate they’ll propagate once they sink their teeth into a couple of our scalps.

Nice try you brain-sucking Zombie care troll. /

hawkdriver on May 20, 2011 at 7:15 AM

> “Can anyone explain quickly in the comments who’ll allegedly be saved and who won’t on Rapture Day Saturday? Is it all theists, or just Christians, or just some Christians? ”

This is a no-brainer.

I can’t speak for any cultists or nutcases who think there will be a Rapture tomorrow. That is contrary to Scripture, which teaches us that Jesus will come without any forewarning “as a thief in the night.” So predictions of an exact date of Jesus’ coming and/or “the Rapture” are contrary to Jesus’ own teachings.

However, speaking strictly from what the New Testament tells us, it’s obviously only referring to believing Christians. Only genuine believers in Christ Jesus will be saved, and those are the ones referred to concerning the Rapture.

That does not mean that everyone regularly sitting in a pew at any church will be saved. Only those who actually believe in what the Bible teaches regarding repentance of sin, acceptance of salvation and submission to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

If you don’t believe what is taught in the New Testament, then… no, you will not be saved, and will not take part in the Rapture. You will be “left behind”.

StephenDvd on May 20, 2011 at 7:18 AM

Ed, taking a bet that more than X people will be killed by the rapture on 21 May 2011 is a sure bet. They can’t lose. If there is no rapture they take the money and run. If there is a rapture the money is worthless anyway.

It’d simply be terribly unethical to take any rapture bets.

{^_-}

herself on May 20, 2011 at 7:23 AM

StephenDvd, if it is come as a thief in the night when least expected it is obvious he’d come on a day somebody certifiable as an utter kook claimed it would be. He’d find the fewest people ever expecting his coming.

Are you ready?

{^_-}

herself on May 20, 2011 at 7:25 AM

(Actually it logically can never happen. If he waits until the last day humans exist the last human(s) will expect it that day. So he cannot come. If he cannot come that last day he cannot come the day before, either by the same “he’d be expected” logic. That applies to all days from now to as long as humans exist. Christ cannot come. He’d be expected.)

(Logic is a terrible thing in the hands of somebody with a strange warped sense of humor.)

{^_-}

herself on May 20, 2011 at 7:27 AM

Are you ready?

{^_-}

herself on May 20, 2011 at 7:25 AM

The ironic little secret is, it’s not at all hard to be ready.

hawkdriver on May 20, 2011 at 7:32 AM

herself on May 20, 2011 at 7:27 AM

Can you logically predict the last day humans will exist? Humor aside, I don’t at all understand the logic of you saying that it could apply “to all days from now” up to and including “our last day” even if you could divine it. Maybe I need more coffee to understand.

hawkdriver on May 20, 2011 at 7:37 AM

Breaking News!

The Werewolf and Vampire Lobby is now demanding equal time to address this issue.

pilamaye on May 20, 2011 at 7:42 AM

And lo! Out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia and locusts will emerge Gingrich, and we shall be saved.

aic4ever on May 20, 2011 at 7:44 AM

Here’s a problem I always had with zombie’s eating people. where does the meat they eat go? They don’t have digestive systems. I guess I could buy that the need to eat is simply an instinct and that the food goes nowhere – just sits in their guts or falls back out if they have an open wound.

Another thing – how do they moan? They don’t breath so they have nothing to push past the vocal chords to create sound.

I know, I’ve thought too much about this.

Monkeytoe on May 20, 2011 at 7:51 AM

Easy, we don’t need CDC, its all been explained previously:

ZombieLand Rules:

1. “Cardio”[7]
2. “Double tap”[8] (“Ziploc bags” in a deleted scene)[7]
3. “Beware of bathrooms”[7][9]
4. “Wear seatbelts”[7]
6. “Cast iron skillet”
7. “Travel light”
8. “Get a kickass partner”
12. “Bounty paper towels”
15. “Bowling Ball”
17. “Don’t be a hero”[10]
18. “Limber up”
21. “Avoid strip clubs”
22. “When in doubt, know your way out”
29. “The buddy system”
31. “Check the back seat”[11]
32. “Enjoy the little things”[12]
33. “Swiss army knife”
34. “Clean socks”
48. “Hygiene”[13]

In a deleted scene on the DVD, Columbus presents an alternate rule number 2 titled “Ziploc Bags”.[14]

I just realized, rules for Zombies applies EQUALLY WELL to Democrats.

orbitalair on May 20, 2011 at 8:08 AM

As stated earlier in this thread, the rapture is a 19th century concept that is not supported in the Scripture.

As far as putting a date on the End of the World, Jesus said no one knows when that day will be, although he described the signs of the end times.

The reality is that for someone, today will be the end of the world. Life is fragile. I think about those suddenly caught in natural disasters, or a fatal accident and how quickly circumstances change one’s life. Today could be my last day. So I have to remind myself “how will I live my life?” And when I stand before Christ (aka, Judgement Day) will he know me, or will I be a stranger to him?

Pazman on May 20, 2011 at 9:42 AM

Vampire spit cures strokes.

OmahaConservative on May 19, 2011 at 8:51 PM

Us zombies are not amused.

unclesmrgol on May 19, 2011 at 8:59 PM

F*ck you, jackass

blatantblue on May 19, 2011 at 9:04 PM

Oh Internet, How I love Thee!

ROFL!

;)

wearyman on May 20, 2011 at 10:21 AM

Yeh, besides which the conditions as described in the Bible for the End Time have already happened on numerous occasions. So who knows when the End Time will be? Only God.

EasyEight on May 20, 2011 at 10:33 AM

Zombies or not….this is our tax dollars hard at work? Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!!!

capejasmine on May 20, 2011 at 10:37 AM

I prefer an over/under double barrel Browning for maximum brain spray.

John the Libertarian on May 19, 2011 at 8:54 PM

Wish they made a pump-action over/under…reloading every two shots in a zombie emergency is NOT my cup of tea.

Uncle Sams Nephew on May 20, 2011 at 12:20 PM

what the hell is ducttape going to to to stop a zombie? are you suppose to use it like flypaper or something?

unseen on May 19, 2011 at 8:51 PM

It’s for making flamethrowers out of gas containers and Super Soakers… geesh

dominigan on May 20, 2011 at 12:23 PM

First the “rapture” is made up. It is NOT part of the original Hebrew text! It was a priest in the 18th – 19th century that did this & how it ever got in the Bible is beyond me. 2) after the resurrection of Christ, Jesus is with his disciples and they ask about the 2nd coming and Jesus says “No man know the day or hour of my return“. So all these clowns running around screaming “judgment day” is here have NEVER read the Bible! But who is more idiotic the idiot screaming Dooms Day, or the idiots that believe him!

Confederate on May 20, 2011 at 12:30 PM

Uncle Sam Nephew:

You (dang I NEED) need one of these puppies:
http://www.keltecweapons.com/news/preview-kel-tec-shotgun-ksg/

12 ga double-mag pump, holds 14 shells, flip switch to choose which mag, left or right.

OooRaahhh !

orbitalair on May 20, 2011 at 8:14 PM

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