Who’s to blame for ‘bad boy’ behavior?

posted at 10:30 am on May 18, 2011 by Tina Korbe

Allahpundit already wrote “The obligatory ‘Schwarzenegger did a bad, bad thing’” post — and it’s true. The break-up of a marriage for any reason is no small matter. Add an affair to the mix and the situation’s still messier.

And, as many have pointed out, Schwarzenegger is sadly not alone. In a space of about three seconds, I can think of at least five public figures who’ve had extramarital affairs in recent years.

But men don’t become adulterers overnight. (OK, fine, if you want to be technical, but you know what I mean.) Maybe we should pay a little more attention to the upbringing of young boys, who face surprisingly significant obstacles as they attempt to grow up to be men of integrity. The Boys Initiative aims to highlight a few of these obstacles, and, yesterday, the group revealed some startling data at a DC briefing.

The figures are stark: Compared to girls, boys are less educated and more medicated. One in five men of prime working age is not working. Men have a life expectancy five years shorter than women. Male suicide rates start out equal to females, but steadily rise over the lifespan.

America ranks No. 1 in the world for the number of men in their 50s and 60s with college degrees, but it ranks only ninth for these degrees among men in their 20s and 30s, Thomas Mortenson, education analyst and board member of the Boys Initiative, said.

The statistics don’t stop there. Mortenson’s “For every 100 girls … ” project reveals more:

  • For every 100 fourth grade girls who watch TV four or more hours per day, 123 boys do.
  • For every 100 12th grade girls who used alcohol on school property, 148 boys did.
  • For every 100 girls suspended from public elementary and secondary schools, 215 boys are suspended. Boys are expelled at a rate of 2.97 to every 1 girl.
  • For every 100 girls diagnosed with a learning disability, 276 boys are. Boys are diagnosed with emotional disturbance at a rate of 3.24 to every 1 girl.
  • For every 100 girls ages 15 to 17 in correctional facilities, there are 837 boys behind bars. Men ages 18 to 24 live in group homes at a rate of 1.66 to every 1 woman in the same age range.

It’s no wonder Willie Iles, national director of government relations for Boy Scouts of America, had this to say yesterday:

I am convinced today that we have a national crisis, a national security issue, a state-of-emergency issue and a nation at risk. If anybody cannot understand that, as we talk about investments and the return on those investments – which are our boys – then it is very clear we are going in the wrong direction.

The point is, while the president has busily created a White House Council on Women and Girls and while women have continued to crusade for their own cause, boys have begun to fall through the cracks. And that’s a shame — because we need more honorable men. Just ask Maria Shriver.

So what can be done about it? Common sense suggests the small things. Maybe we should stop disparaging boys and start encouraging them. Maybe we should respect the differences between boys and girls and develop the potential in each accordingly. And, of course, we should continue to write the required posts about Schwarzenegger and others — because intact families surely help.


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I’m not sure when the all-out assault against white males started here in America, but I’ve always thought the movie Joe was certainly close to the starting point (if not it), followed closely by All in the Family. Last I recall, it was the Simpsons dumping on the white male.

Muslim society would not have put up with these kinds of attacks against their boys/men…I respect them for that.

Karmi on May 18, 2011 at 12:18 PM

You’re either the type of person who will cheat or you aren’t. The former will cast about for whatever excuse is handy and the latter will be happy to help. Basic personality features, after all, don’t go quite so far in giving one that special sense of moral superiority as escaping the consequences of a clearly corrupted society does.

VerbumSap on May 18, 2011 at 12:18 PM

The issue of why certain men cheat is not linked to economy, education, religious upbringing, or political affiliation.

lexhamfox on May 18, 2011 at 12:27 PM

Off topic here, but does Maria in the pic at the title of this thread not look like Valdemort? *shudders*

capejasmine on May 18, 2011 at 12:32 PM

I think it’s simpler than that.

I’d like a bumper sticker that reads, “If you aren’t giving an uncomfortable press conference right now, thank your father.”

Ya, it’s a little long.

reaganaut on May 18, 2011 at 12:33 PM

Just saw a link with pictures of the woman. If he was wanting to cheat, he probably wouldn’t have settled for this one woman. Sorry, but she is not a real looker.

Have you seen his wife? It’s pretty clear looks aren’t that important to him.

As for cheating, I hate to break it to you folks, but unfortunately, it happens even more than you think. If you don’t believe me, work at a hospital for a few months. And it’s not a guy thing either.

xblade on May 18, 2011 at 12:37 PM

Boys definitely get short shrift in America and have for the last 40 years. The subject is deserving of a longer post than I have time for now. Suffice it to say boys are not like girls and have very different needs that are no longer valued or addressed in our society as a whole.

As for cheating husbands, women need look no further than the sexual revolution and feminism, ie: themselves, for the explanation: and their Beta male enablers. It takes two to tango and for every cheating husband there is a woman participating with him. American women on the whole behave like spoiled adolescents with a credit card. They have lead the way toward the debasing of our society while they whine, moan and gripe incessantly and blame it all on the men (the parents)now that they have to pay the piper. I have yet to hear even one word of criticism of Arnold’s paramour who was a married woman. (Note, no charges or allegations rape have been made.) American women need to accept their responsibility for the mess we all find ourselves in and stop blaming everything on the boys.

JimP on May 18, 2011 at 12:42 PM

The statistics are interesting, but most don’t apply to the an Austrian born in the 1940′s.

Most, but some do. The overall theme seemed to be that something in our culture treats men in a way it shouldn’t and that it can have a negative impact on men in various ways.

Maria knew who she was marrying. Given the family she came from she could have opted for a spouse less likely to philander, yet she chose one of the few guys on the planet more-likely-than-a-Kennedy to cheat. Maybe there is something lacking with the way girls are raised.

dedalus on May 18, 2011 at 10:40 AM

Given the family she came from, she also would have been less likely to see infidelity, in the abstract at least, as a negative. I mean, her uncle was practically idolized in part because of his ability to cheat on his wife with incredibly good looking women.

Alternatively, some women think it’s romantic to believe a man can change his ways and won’t hurt them, even if they’ve hurt others. Maybe it’s stupid, but we’re not always wrong. Is it better to forgive and make a relationship work or is it really “once a cheater, always a cheater”?

Though of course it is also possible that some women are being taught the wrong lessons as children. Maybe they don’t respect themselves enough, maybe they seek power instead of love, or maybe they use sex as a weapon. There’s no end to applicable theories.

Esthier on May 18, 2011 at 12:54 PM

I hear it’s all about consistency and good outlets for their energy. Karate, maybe!

Bee on May 18, 2011 at 11:47 AM

Good choice!

ladyingray on May 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM

I work at an In School Detention room of our school district and I have middle school and high school students both in my classroom at any given time. I also have 4 sons and two daughters all but one son are grown up and moved away.

As part of my extensive experience with kids of both genders and all ages I have come to the conclusion that boys are much more prone to getting into trouble and some boys are a real handful. They are, however, much more likely to respond to correction and repeated and sustained positive reinforcement. It takes years though and you have to be consistant.

Girls, on the other hand, are generally easier from little on and usually don’t create trouble unless they are the kind who like to cause trouble. A bad girl is usually very hard to redirect and very seldom to they come out of it. They stay bad. Luckily, the ratio of bad girls to good is much lower.

For instance, if you are walking down the hall and hear a group of boys using profantity and call them on it, you might get an apology and they will be quieter, at least until you leave. A group of girls doing the same thing will sneer at you and get louder. (It’s not just because I am a girl either. The male teachers have noted this phenomenon as well.) BTW profanity is an ISS leveloffense here at our school.

I have boys in ISS all the time and a few of them are frequent flyers here but most of them aren’t. I also have girls in my room but far fewer and virtually all of the girls are repeat offenders.

Birth control and easy access to abortion has made straying easier to do without getting caught so I suspect that has more to do with any rise there may in adultery if there is one.

Also the modern patterns of dating and telling kids to get out there and see what’s available is more practice for divorce than preparation for finding a life-long partner.

A broken engagement at one time was considered rather scandalous, now it takes the revelation of 10 year-old child out of wedlock to get people’s notice.

Lily on May 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM

JimP on May 18, 2011 at 12:42 PM

Of course the woman is as much to blame as Arnie. Heck, she was married, too, at the time.

ladyingray on May 18, 2011 at 12:57 PM

A broken engagement at one time was considered rather scandalous, now it takes the revelation of 10 year-old child out of wedlock to get people’s notice.

Lily on May 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM

The kid is 14, the same age as Arnie and Maria’s youngest. They were pregnant at the same time.

ladyingray on May 18, 2011 at 12:59 PM

Who’s to blame for ‘bad boy’ behavior?

Girls, it’s always the females, they drive us crazy, and we do crazy things because of them.

right2bright on May 18, 2011 at 1:01 PM

We can’t say, “Men cheat because xyz.” We can only speculate, “This person seems to have cheated becayse xyz.” Every relationship is different, trying to find a pattern is silly–we should just worry about the relationships we actually know something about–our own.

To the people suggesting that if a woman wants to keep a man, she should give him sex, “lovingly and often,”–if a man was good to his wife, she wouldn’t need to be told this. She would just do it. If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with her husband, chances are SHE is not the only problem. This may come as a shock to some of you, but for many of us women sex is not just a physical act that we can perform because it “needs to be done.” You are supposed to inspire sexual desire in your spouse–whether you are a man or a woman–and if you don’t, you don’t get a free pass to boink whoever you want.

Pretty low how some of you, after just reading some news on the internet, have diagnosed this as being Maria’s fault. Talk about jumping to the most ridiculous (though slightly possible) conclusions, most likely to justify your own proclivities. What a nice world for YOU that you want us all to live in–if my wife isn’t nice enough to me, it’s not my fault if I bed the help. Grow up.

Marriages are complicated and difficult. Affairs cannot be understood by reading news articles. This isn’t even our business. We, in reality, have no idea what was going on in their relationship, and all this talk, as well-meaning as it may sound, is just silly gossip disguised as an intellectual discussion about our society. It’s just one guy, and he’s hardly the norm–an immigrant bodybuilder from Austria turned world-famous action star turned governor.

Polynath on May 18, 2011 at 1:03 PM

Lily on May 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM

Very interesting. Thanks.

rrpjr on May 18, 2011 at 1:04 PM

Who’s to blame for ‘bad boy’ behavior?

Adults are responsible for their own actions. That’s the bottom line.

ladyingray on May 18, 2011 at 1:23 PM

I have litte sympathy for Arnies wife – she grew up in a family of womanizing cheaters who seemed to feel they were entitled to grope and “d*ck” around with whomever they wanted. IMO she tolerated it because that is what her father, brothers, uncles etc did – THEY WERE ENTITLED. She liked the life.

katiejane on May 18, 2011 at 12:17 PM

But she didn’t tolerate it. That’s why she moved out.

Just because her relatives are d*ck heads doesn’t necessarily mean she is too. We are not our “black sheep uncle” — in the Judeo-Christian world our own actions — or inaction — are what count for or against us.

unclesmrgol on May 18, 2011 at 1:24 PM

Adults are responsible for their own actions. That’s the bottom line.

ladyingray on May 18, 2011 at 1:23 PM

Yes. That’s what I meant.

unclesmrgol on May 18, 2011 at 1:27 PM

“… I hear it’s all about consistency and good outlets for their energy. Karate, maybe!
Bee on May 18, 2011 at 11:47 AM”

I can’t speak to autism, but boys definitely need lots and lots more physical activity than girls and it should be channeled into things like karate-as you noted- and team sports. They also need strong moral/ethical instruction. Boy Scouts is great for this and it channeled all that physical energy into constructive outlets. I was a Scout and it shaped me immeasurably. Boys need strong ethical male role models and to be encouraged to want to be Men, not physically grown up boys. Scouting does this. Good luck with your son. I know autism is a tough challenge.

JimP on May 18, 2011 at 1:28 PM

Marriages are complicated and difficult. Affairs cannot be understood by reading news articles.

True.

This isn’t even our business.

Not true. He was an elected official who ran for office with this already a fact.

We, in reality, have no idea what was going on in their relationship,

Also true

and all this talk, as well-meaning as it may sound, is just silly gossip disguised as an intellectual discussion about our society.

Well, no. Societal norms have changed and behavior considered socially unacceptable 50 years ago, is now common. Granted, with present easy access to information, we know more today.

It’s just one guy, and he’s hardly the norm–an immigrant bodybuilder from Austria turned world-famous action star turned governor.

Polynath on May 18, 2011 at 1:03 PM

All true, but Clinton’s definition of oral sex as not really being sex has contributed to similar behavior in many of our youngsters. Public officials do impact societal behavior. I don’t mind holding them accountable. I do agree with you that blaming wives for a husband’s straying is a bit far fetched. Handy excuse.

a capella on May 18, 2011 at 1:34 PM

JimP on May 18, 2011 at 1:28 PM

Thanks so much for the advice! We’re considering scouts next year, for sure. We would have started him this year but he’s still in kindergarten.

Bee on May 18, 2011 at 1:55 PM

Someone in another thread could not fault Arnold because Maria had turned into a Praying Mantis….

… I’m still laughing at that one.

But seriously, I think a lot of “bad behaviour” is learned, starting with the parents, for boys and girls alike…

Seven Percent Solution on May 18, 2011 at 2:13 PM

In the space of three seconds, I thought of three founding fathers who had extra marital affairs — Hamilton, Jefferson, and Franklin, two of which are said to have fathered illegitimate children. For those where history is more their forte, I’m sure they can provide similar lists in other eras.

Dusty on May 18, 2011 at 12:10 PM

^ This.

Is there really a crisis ?

MetaThought on May 18, 2011 at 2:23 PM

Never underestimate the power of testosterone. That is some potent stuff.

I’m married to someone I’d classify as a “real man” and not once in over 30 years has my faith in his fidelity been challenged. Character counts and his is sufficient to have overcome any temptations he’s encountered along the way.

The question is, how do adults instill character in a child, male or female?

SukieTawdry on May 18, 2011 at 2:36 PM

Born that way.

Gays say they were created the way they are.

seven on May 18, 2011 at 2:39 PM

Well – you can say what you want about the state of today’s young men. I’m 49, a veteran of both Iraq and Afghanistan – and I’ll tell you – the young men out there fighting these wars today are EQUAL or BETTER men than the ones who fought WWII for us.

Yeah – we lost thousands of men rushing the beach at Normandy – and I’ll tell you – that for most of my Naval career – I thought this new generation would never be able to accomplish such a fatal mission today.

But – I was wrong. I saw young men, exhausted – fighting at altitudes in the mountains of Afghanistan beyond the limits of human endurance – REFUSE to leave the field of battle, even when totally exhausted and their primary mission was accomplished. These are kids raised on X-Box. These are kids that I’m sure are reflected in your stats for “TV watching” youth – yet, they ROSE to the challenge and continue to do so.

This practical experience taught me that people can OVERCOME their upbringing and SUCEED in spite of their disadvantages.

It taught me that statistics – are for losers.

College education compared to the rest of the world? Please – why is that important? This is the only nation I know of where it’s not uncommon to meet MILLIONAIRES who have no college at all!

And besides – what does any of that have to do with Arnold and his love child?

My daughter just dumped a boyfriend because she caught him surfing porn. I don’t know what kind it was – it could have been bad – but I liked that guy, he was a former Marine. I trust her judgement – but I did tell my wife … “She does realize that she’s going to be a very OLD woman before she finds a single man who’s NOT a pervert doesn’t she?”

“Coolidge Effect” – Google it – men have been wired by evolution. This doesn’t mean it’s right – but it does mean that men deal with demons and have to WORK HARD to live up to societal norms. This is not unique to today – Arnold’s situation isn’t unique to the 21st or the 20th century.

Just look at the history of English Royalty for a “microcosm” of what men have been dealing with since we adopted the Judeo-Christian norms. This doesn’t make “cheating” right – that’s not the point I’m making – but it is HARD thing to do and some fall down. It’s always going to be that way. Maybe there are lot more “cheating” today – but maybe that’s because IT’S RELIGION that told us that more than one woman was wrong – and IT’S RELIGION that government seems to bent on cutting out of our lives. You “ax” the support system for those norms – and you will see many people violating them.

Simple as that.

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 2:50 PM

Is there really a crisis ?

MetaThought on May 18, 2011 at 2:23 PM

No – there is no crisis. “Coolidge Effect” – Google it. Men are wired differently and it just upsets the hell out of women that we’re like that.

I’ve never cheated on my wife – but that’s because I’ve worked hard to keep my “wired male” in check. And it’s not been easy.

No woman will ever understand – we’re not like them. We can sleep with a thousand women and still LOVE ONLY ONE.

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 2:55 PM

If you don’t believe me, work at a hospital for a few months. And it’s not a guy thing either.

xblade on May 18, 2011 at 12:37 PM

Hmmm – this is an interesting comments. Do “cheaters” gather at hospitals?

Uhm … exactly WHERE in the hospital? Heheh.

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 3:03 PM

I don’t think men and women have changed at all. I think we’ve been the same way for thousands and thousands of years. Yes, our culture changes, but we always require a solid upbringing to counter our natures.

My husband left, and my (then) 4 year old son told me “When I grow up, if I’m bad to my girl then I can get a new girl.”

So I had to set him straight on what a “good” man does/doesn’t do, and I will have to continue this instruction for many years to come. I don’t think our “culture” is to blame for this (especially since my husband grew up in another country, and a very conservative culture.)

CambellBrown on May 18, 2011 at 3:04 PM

Bee on May 18, 2011 at 1:55 PM

I think you will find that a group such as the Boy Scouts will be very helpful in teaching proper social skills. One of the awesome things about kids with autism is that they seem to really respond to and appreciate a concrete written code of behavior.

The Boy Scout Oath, Motto, Law, Slogan, and Outdoor Code, are wonderful, concrete and specific expectations of behavior that give scouts an ideal to shoot for. This can help you redirect your son (or anyone’s son really) by giving you a vocabulary to use that will mean something to your son.

For instance, if a scout loses his temper after striking out in a baseball game, the scout master or other adult can say something like “Remember the Scout Law. Is this being cheerful and friendly?” The scout knows exactly what is expected, no explaination needed.

Of course all this takes time and just joining scouts won’t help if he doesn’t buy into the code of conduct. But generally speaking, if you can get a kid with autism some tools to work with like this it can really help them. It can help you too because you are then pointing to the Law as the enforcer of behavior and taking yourself a step back. It really helps to de-escalate incidents because you can’t argue with the Law, right?

Lily on May 18, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Clinton’s definition of oral sex as not really being sex has contributed to similar behavior in many of our youngsters. Public officials do impact societal behavior. I don’t mind holding them accountable. I do agree with you that blaming wives for a husband’s straying is a bit far fetched. Handy excuse.

a capella on May 18, 2011 at 1:34 PM

And let’s not forget that when Clinton was fooling around, he was being vigorously defended by the Left, who said that lying under oath to a Federal Grand Jury about sex was perfectly acceptable-even though Clinton’s own Justice Department had several years earlier successfully prosecuted a female employee of the VA for doing the exact same thing. She wasn’t above the law, but he was. The hypocrisy of NOW on that issue speaks volumes.

But another part of the problem was that Clinton’s wife blamed his adultery not on him, but on his mother and grandmother. Enabling 101.

Del Dolemonte on May 18, 2011 at 3:22 PM

I hope Tina’s posts get a lot better because this one sucked. Lots of stats quoted without showing any causation. Guy are more likely to cheat because they watch more TV than girls? Prove it. Boys are less educated so they cheat more? Really? Spitzer, Gingrich, Edwards, Paterson and Gore all have undergraduate and post-graduate degrees, so low education level is neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for being cheater.

And without historical data, the stats are meaningless. It’s highly possible that men have been cheating dogs for centuries but now with mobile technology, the internet and the 24 hr news cycle its simply easier to catch them and publicize it. Of course, like Tina’s stat parade, that’s just another unproven theory…

rcpjr on May 18, 2011 at 3:28 PM

It’s hard to pin a thesis on AHHNOLD stepping out on the missus. I’m sure their marriage was under a completely different set of stress points than your typical Bob and Betty.

The fact that young boys misbehave more than young girls is hardly 21st century, or 20th, or 19th for that matter.

In my limited study group of one, I’ve found that full-time, responsible, fully engaged parenting within a nuclear family works wonders when raising young men.

nico on May 18, 2011 at 3:48 PM

Boys need strong ethical male role models and to be encouraged to want to be Men, not physically grown up boys.

Unfortunately, they’re hard to find these days. Some sports coaches can be good role models, my eldest son had the greatest guys as football coaches his freshman year of high school. If they had remained his coaches throughout high school, I think he would have taken a different path. Instead, the head football coach was convicted of embezzling and his replacement had no time for any boy who wasn’t one of his favorites.

I can’t say my husband is a good role model either. He works hard at his job, and sometimes at projects around the house, but never enforces discipline, school, or hard work in the kids. Nothing I did or said seemed to be able to counteract that. Don’t get me started on video games and TV.

The other trend I’ve noticed is that anything boys like to do is illegal. Cruising, fireworks, scooters, toy guns, etc are all illegal or get boys into trouble. God forbid you forget that your Boy Scout pocketknife is in your backpack. There’s no outlet for resolving issues between boys either. It used to be that you could take it out of school, have a little confrontation, and it would be over with. Now however, because the victim is punished the same as the perpetrator, boys can’t even defend themselves, let alone fight back, without garnering a police record.

Boys need to be taught by men how to be men, women can’t do it themselves, I know, I’ve tried. They need to be taught how to treat women with respect, including their mothers and sisters.

Cheating is the ultimate in selfish, disrespectful behavior.

Common Sense on May 18, 2011 at 3:54 PM

I’m married to someone I’d classify as a “real man” and not once in over 30 years has my faith in his fidelity been challenged. Character counts and his is sufficient to have overcome any temptations he’s encountered along the way.

The question is, how do adults instill character in a child, male or female?

SukieTawdry on May 18, 2011 at 2:36 PM

Look – again I’ll say that I haven’t cheated on my wife and next year is my 25th wedding aniversary.

Hey – I travel all over the world – I ALWAYS WEAR MY WEDDING RING. Yeah – I know some guys pull it off when they’re away from the house – but I wear mine. In fact, there are some times when I work when wearing a ring is hazardous – but I have it on anyway, even though I could lose a finger. I always CHECK that I have the ring on before I get on an airplane. It’s an obsessive thing for me – but not for the reasons you’d think.

I wear the thing as a “talisman” to ward off any women who might possibly take an interest. I don’t want to be tempted – not even a little.

Not that I’m great looking or anything – but I do have a unique appearance that appeals to a few women – whatever.

I will tell you this story … I was in LONDON at a pub one evening – eating fish and chips. Yeah – it was a pub – but if you’ve been to London you know the food sucks so you go to pubs to get decent food. This woman – MUCH YOUNGER than me … and quite attractive … asked if she could sit down and chat a moment because I looked like an American and she had some questions. She asked me about politics – and hell, that is all it takes to get me to let down my guard and open up – no matter who you are. I didn’t figure the gal was interested in me – since I was at least 15 years older than she was. We did get along quite well though and her opinions on things seemed to match mine for the most part.

After about 30 minutes of convo – I was finishing my meal and getting ready to leave – and she asked me if I wanted to continue the conversation in her hotel room – which was in the same building as the pub we were in – and just upstairs.

I raised my left hand and showed her my wedding ring – and I said … “You know what this is don’t you?”. I really didn’t know if the English wore weding rings on the left hand – I’ve seen some in Europe wear them on their right.

She looked real deep into my eyes, leaned across the table (so her cleavage would have max effect on me), she smiled and told me … “Yes I see your ring – and I don’t want to steal you from your wife – only borrow you for a few hours.”

This is when I knew the female race was created by Satan. This woman didn’t know me – but I was a man and she knew men. She knew exactly how to formulate her approach so that it was next to impossible for me to say “No”. Suddenly – I saw myself as a complete bystander – like a parked car that gets hit in the parking lot – I’m innocent – it’s just happened. I couldn’t see how any jury in the world could condemn me for spending hours with this beautiful woman – who had wrongfully used her female jedi mind control skills on a powerless male such as myself. Afterall – she saw my “talisman” … she chose to ignore it. Clearly I wasn’t taking advantage of her if I complied with her request.

A male evolution “chorus” sang in my head and I began to go into a trance – like on auto pilot. It was like – I had just been given a job to do and I would have to perform it. My head didn’t even question it.

But then – like any male facing a mating prospect – my thoughts turned to how safe I would be from discovery if I complied with this woman’s wishes. STD’s came to mind – some of which you can catch even with a condom. And – I had no condom anyway – maybe she did since she was the one all fired up to do this? Maybe she didn’t.

I was going to be seeing my wife in a few days – and she’d want to be intimate – and what if I gave her an STD even if I didn’t know I had one. My LIFE would be over – my wife wouldn’t understand it.

And that’s when the everything came crashing down and I told the woman – “I can’t”.

It wasn’t because of any special feelings for my wife. Yeah – I love her – and I don’t want to hurt her – I’d rather die but, if there had been a 100 percent way to ensure she didn’t know … well – as the DirectTV Russian says … “I JUMP IN IT!”

The male evolution “chorus” suddenly changed it’s tune – to … “What kind of man are you to turn this woman down like that – you failure!”.

And – I couldn’t even make myself feel good by telling myself that my CHARACTER had overcome. It wasn’t my character that made me turn that beautiful animal down – it was a fear that my life would be destroyed if I went with her.

This is ONE example of the demons men fight.

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 3:55 PM

Lily on May 18, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. You have no idea how much I need it…he just had a mini meltdown, actually.

I think you’re right. We’ve seen him respond well to catechism (Westminster Shorter) and every scientific system (he’s currently obsessed with astronomy). Having a concrete code, as you put it, will be good for him.

Bee on May 18, 2011 at 3:55 PM

I’m sure it’s already been said, but with an out-of-wedlock birth rate of about 40% (i.e. 40% of babies are born out of wedlock) and a very high divorce rate, most boys grow up without dads.

Then we act surprised when they treat women like garbage (because their mothers let themselves be treated that way by their baby daddies and the slew of boyfriends who came and went during the child’s formative years) and have behavioural problems. It does a boy’s soul a lot of good to play catch with his dad in the backyard, but about half of young boys don’t have that these days.

Roxeanne de Luca on May 18, 2011 at 4:04 PM

A male evolution “chorus” sang in my head and I began to go into a trance…..

Are you sure that didn’t happen later?

nico on May 18, 2011 at 4:06 PM

It’s women’s fault, usually. While there are men (and women) who are just cheaters, most men will not cheat on a woman who treats them with love and respect.

Squiggy on May 18, 2011 at 4:08 PM

I’m sure it’s already been said, but with an out-of-wedlock birth rate of about 40% (i.e. 40% of babies are born out of wedlock) and a very high divorce rate, most boys grow up without dads.

Then we act surprised when they treat women like garbage (because their mothers let themselves be treated that way by their baby daddies and the slew of boyfriends who came and went during the child’s formative years) and have behavioural problems. It does a boy’s soul a lot of good to play catch with his dad in the backyard, but about half of young boys don’t have that these days.

Roxeanne de Luca on May 18, 2011 at 4:04 PM

That would be why.

nico on May 18, 2011 at 4:12 PM

Well written! As the father of three sons, I wholeheartedly agree.

jediwebdude on May 18, 2011 at 4:13 PM

It’s women’s fault, usually. While there are men (and women) who are just cheaters, most men will not cheat on leave a woman who treats them with love and respect.

Squiggy on May 18, 2011 at 4:08 PM

I’d say that a preponderance of married men aged 25 – 35 WOULD cheat if there were zero, and I mean absolutely zero, repercussions.

nico on May 18, 2011 at 4:16 PM

What’s the fuss? Republicans have always been for domestic drilling!

huckleberryfriend on May 18, 2011 at 4:16 PM

“Unfortunately, they’re hard to find these days….
Common Sense on May 18, 2011 at 3:54 PM”

That’s true and as you said boys need a strong male role model in their lives.

Not that this applies to you personally, but American women, and their Beta male enablers, are the prime factor in why there are so few of those role model men around now, for the reasons I alluded to in my earlier post.

JimP on May 18, 2011 at 4:31 PM

Somebody has to just say it already.

Is there some ‘issue’ with Kennedy women that forces their men to look elsewhere for comfort?

Freddy on May 18, 2011 at 4:41 PM

There are tens of millions of women in America who will screw anything that moves if it’s rich and famous. A friend of mine who worked on some rock tours had some interesting stories. I know an attractive, intelligent girl who was quite happy and proud to be flown to different cities by a well known (and married) baseball player to to serve as his sex toy.

It’s annoying to read these types of essays where womens’ eagerness to be “starf*ckers” is never taken into consideration. Often, the culture still pretends that women are chaste, dainty little virgins when that’s not the reality at all, especially with younger women who’ve only known the world of Madonna feminism.

Men are horny. If loads of women are chasing after them all the time, they’re probably going to let themselves get caught. If women were collectively really all that upset about rich and famous men screwing around then they wouldn’t be screwing them. Yes, I know, not all women are like that…but many are.

Django on May 18, 2011 at 4:50 PM

Years ago I saw a clip of a interview of Ah-nold taken during a muscle competition. He was asked about if he had recently lied or cheated and his response was “Why shouldn’t I use any talents I have to win” so I’m not surprised by his behavior it was arrogantly on display years ago.

G. on May 18, 2011 at 4:53 PM

I’d say that a preponderance of married men aged 25 – 35 WOULD cheat if there were zero, and I mean absolutely zero, repercussions.

nico on May 18, 2011 at 4:16 PM

That’s really what it boils down to.

I mean – sure – there are times when my “character” is completely “bullet proof” and no woman can sway me – but those times are rare. I think it may be when I have a little too much “estrogen buildup” – which can happen in males because our hormones fluctuate too a bit. During those times – I can think of my wife and cry – I love her sooo much! Estrogen can fluctuate in men based on aromatization of excess testosterone – and also based on your ability to metabolize estrogen.

I’m convinced that John Boehner has a chronic buildup of estrogen – he cries so damn much. And – I submit it’s probably from smoking cigarettes – though I suspect he also tips the bottle now and again.

But, for the most part – most of the time – the male wiring is “there” and “on”. And women – well, they know EXACTLY how to activate it. Once it’s activated – the only switch that can turn it off is FEAR – fear of repercussions.

I don’t care what people say about “character” … if you are a male you might turn a woman down with your character on the day after your honeymoon – but that’s the only time just about. The rest of the time it’s FEAR that turns her down.

Which is why it’s FEARLESS ONES like Arnold that always get into this trouble.

My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world – I love her to death – and I would never leave her for anything in the world. But I could have an affair and not bat an eyelash if I knew she wouldn’t find out – or wouldn’t become a “victim” of my “affair” through catching a disease from me – or having to sacrifice $$ for me to support an illegimate child.

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 4:54 PM

This is when I knew the female race was created by Satan….
HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 3:55 PM

LMAO

Django on May 18, 2011 at 4:54 PM

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 2:50 PM

Great post.

Django on May 18, 2011 at 4:56 PM

Not exactly a recent development. Contemporary politician’s dalliances are actually pretty tame compared to historical standards of hound-dogging.

RightOFLeft on May 18, 2011 at 5:13 PM

Everyone knows it’s a wizard alien that causes it.

Tzetzes on May 18, 2011 at 5:22 PM

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 4:54 PM

Where the general public is concerned, I think it’s a risk/reward calculation. As you age, you begin to appreciate your wife for intangibles you never even thought of as a young man, you are wiser about your present and future, and you have a hell of a lot more to lose. Of course, as you fossilize, you also get progressively less attractive to the young attractive women you would risk it all for anyways. That’s when the wiring is most easily disabled. Life gets easier (and sweeter) as life goes on. Thank God for that. I wouldn’t trade places with too many youngsters, if any.

nico on May 18, 2011 at 5:48 PM

The point is, while the president has busily created a White House Council on Women and Girls and while women have continued to crusade for their own cause, boys have begun to fall through the cracks. And that’s a shame — because we need more honorable men. Just ask Maria Shriver.

Like so many free radicals, they age us all. Young men should have to work for sex, then marry to get it. Young women should actually keep their thighs pressed together and stop thinking about what they look like all the time.

I’m officially old.

disa on May 18, 2011 at 6:16 PM

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 4:54 PM

Sadly, my husband failed that test. When he came home he broke down and confessed what he had done, thne burdening me with his weakness and male chorus moment.

Yes, some women are created by Satan and they purposefully, playfully and deviously break the hearts of the women who were not.

Fallon on May 18, 2011 at 6:21 PM

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 3:55 PM

Sexual continence used to be a manly virtue – a point of pride that didn’t lower you in the eyes of other men (or your self because you feel other men would thing you weak), but which gained you respectability – since all men know the difficulties of temptation. Honoring one’s wife didn’t used to be seen as what the suckers do.

I blame pornography I think. And the lowered regard for checking any selfish impulse.

SarahW on May 18, 2011 at 6:30 PM

Go to your local college and see if you can sign up for a class in men’s studies. Get back with me if you find one.

MikeA on May 18, 2011 at 7:06 PM

SarahW on May 18, 2011 at 6:30 PM

You are correct but it really has been nearly 2 centuries since that was the operative position. A famous Christian Evangelist undid that. With the start of the Industrial revolution Charles Finney went about teaching young women that they needed to be the moral leaders of the home since their husbands who were away working in factories would behave as boys while away. This relieved the men of maintaining their moral virtue and it has been an uphill battle ever since.

chemman on May 18, 2011 at 7:24 PM

It’s not like the Kennedy’s are rocking the actuarial tables. I’d spread the risk too. This commoner kid will probably make movies.He looks just like the Ahnold.

pc on May 18, 2011 at 8:51 PM

Yes, some women are created by Satan and they purposefully, playfully and deviously break the hearts of the women who were not.

Fallon on May 18, 2011 at 6:21 PM

That’s hot. Come on. Wow. As a guy. Just damn. It’s not the devil ma’am. it’s biology. Competition.

pc on May 18, 2011 at 8:53 PM

Who wrote this article? It’s a behmoth load of crap! personal responsibility here. Bad boys beahvoir are thier own fault because they can’t keep it in their pants. For your 5 prominent figures you can name, i can name 500 that didn’t screw areound on their wives. men of the world, stop trying to blame anything but yourselves for your roaming ways, your not fooling anyone

Niteowl45 on May 18, 2011 at 9:04 PM

No Appreciation For Christian Morals
The first thing that came to mind was that if Maria Schriver, the Democrats/liberals/progressives, the media and et al, had not spent their entire life denigrating the Christian faith principles and lifestyle, then maybe they would be able to discern what a real man is.

For starters, a woman with principles would’ve never even hung around a man that believes that lying is permissable in order to get ahead, etc.

For two, a real woman with principles would’ve never hung around a man who compromises with liberals/progressives.

For three, a real woman with principles has a very good chance of never getting involved with a man that hangs around those whose denigrates the Christian values of modesty, honesty, etc.

The Judeo/Christian value principles have for thousands been the best guidepost and shining light on how to conduct as a human beings, and they have always been successful where faithfully and unabashedly applied.

Now before any of you bash me with a snide comment of religious people being unfaithful: you are correct.

The failure within so called various flavors of christian religions is because they get caught up with the business of religion (which is self-promotion) rather than their leaders being good examples of living the those true pious principles.

Statistics don’t give the true tale of what’s really going on. Paying attention to the underlying principles of what make a society successful does.

Just like a politician who primarily spends his time doing self-promotions rather then being examples of what a good statesmen is, promotes selfishness…..so also the promotion of various flavors of the christian religion promotes short-sighted self-gratifying acts in people that watch them – cue Bill Clinton promoting oral sex as not really being a sexual act by splitting the atom in the word “is”.

So the above factors within their corresponding leadership combined with Corporations obsessed with promoting their brand over providing excellent satisfied customer service, we are pretty much screwed as a society, because we have no leadership defining what is right and good anymore.

I do believe that a society cannot rise higher than their leadership.

Mcguyver on May 18, 2011 at 9:15 PM

But then – like any male facing a mating prospect – my thoughts turned to how safe I would be

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After the divorce… I walked away from a few extremely inviting situations because I too had this thought process ingrained… left over from the all that time being married. I didn’t do the run out and get laid immediately thing after the breakup, and I’ve never regretted being reserved for a while.
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I was re-single and in my 30′s and found that even 16 year olds would come on to me (not because of any stud status on my part, but because of weird sex morals on theirs). One girl exposed the depth of the problem very concisely when she said… ‘I’ve (like) slept with every thing that’s come into my parent’s house’.
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Lot’s of that young and crazy going around… but jail time for having sex with a minor was not on my ‘to do list’
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Then there was AIDS… and the other life changing STDs… Let that thought in and it should slow ya down a bit…
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Plus, I was trying to set a reasonable example for my daughter… Trying not to have her grow up thinking her dad was a pig to put it bluntly.
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As to the bad boy thing… From what I’ve seen… there are lots of ladies who like that type. I don’t know why… but in the end it falls on the person who does the cheating. They made the vow… and they broke it.
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The interloper has a different type of blame.
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Quick story…
I had a close friend who was dating 2 women. I asked if they both were aware of the 3 way… He said no, and I responded that that wasn’t right. I said that he should be honest with the ladies, and if they were okay with it… have fun.
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He told one of them about the other… while they were 20 miles from home in her car… She pulled over and told him to get out (or maybe it was get the hell out).
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They never dated again, though I think she stopped hating him eventually.
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RalphyBoy on May 18, 2011 at 9:59 PM

Secret feminist goal – no real men left on the planet – they want all men to be like our girly-mon president.

uber-con on May 18, 2011 at 11:42 AM

Sadly, Maria Shriver herself proved exactly your point in the blog entry she posted on the same day she and Arnold announced their separation.

Got Me Thinking: Is the Model of Masculinity Changing in America?

By Maria Shriver

I’ve been wondering recently whether we are at a transformational moment in American culture as it relates to our expectations of men, our views on manhood, and our definitions of masculinity. This description of President Obama’s “leadership style” bears some of those tensions out.

I’m fascinated that President Obama has been able to “project strength” in a way that is authentic to himself without having to imitate traditional “alpha male” models.

http://www.mariashriver.com/blog/2011/05/got-me-thinking-model-masculinity-changing-america

Given that Maria must have known that her separation from “Mr. Universe” would become public on the same day as this blog post, her decision to post it seems to be based on a desire to be intentionally cruel to the father of her 4 children.

Unfortunately there are at least 3 adults who are behaving in a way that is completely despicable in this sad situation.

And as a result, at least 5 children are being deeply hurt.

All three of these “adults” should be ashamed of themselves.

wren on May 19, 2011 at 2:33 AM

HondaV65 on May 18, 2011 at 4:54 PM

I understand being afraid to be caught, and that influence keeping you faithful. But that is still a selfish fear. Shouldn’t a man also refuse to cause pain to his wife and family; a pain he has no right to inflict. Some roads you don’t go down because it’s inescapably wrong and that’s enough.

SKYFOX on May 19, 2011 at 9:00 AM

I would suggest cheating today is no different from cheating in the past.

Men will be men.

The only difference today is that woman are cheating on their spouses more and more.

rickyricardo on May 19, 2011 at 11:53 AM

I’m tired of hearing about Ahnold and Maria’s domestic situation. Yeah, he cheated. He’s a Hollywood actor, he’s rich and fairly powerful. He married into a family where it is at least tolerated. Not to mention, in Hollywood, such behavior is not only tolerated with a wink and a nod, it is almost admired. The Hollywood elite, at the very least, look down on middle class America because we have, for the most part, these silly standards about fidelity that interfere with doing what feels good. If I had been Maria, I’d have parted his hair with a rolling pin before I kicked him out the door. She didn’t, which is probably just as well, but I hope she makes his life as miserable as possible from here on in. At least she had the good sense to leave.

Of course, that’s just me.

I have been married for 38 years last April, and my husband has never cheated on me, nor have I ever felt the urge to cheat on him, and we have one of the best marriages around. Of course, I learned early, by watching the bad example in front of me, that nagging and guilt-mongering is a good way to be sure your husband never comes home, so I didn’t. My husband was raised in a solid, traditional family where his dad worked to support them and his mother raised the kids and took care of the house. Neither of them had a college education, but they raised 4 well-behaved kids that believed in stable families.

I won’t say any more, except that I’m sick of hearing about the 9-day wonder of the ex-Governator and his fairly predictable behavior. I’m not a voyeur, and I’ve been switching channels or turning the TV off a lot recently.

hachiban on May 19, 2011 at 12:03 PM

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