Finally: Starbucks unveils coffee drink bigger than a human head

posted at 10:14 pm on January 20, 2011 by Allahpundit

If the KFC Double Down qualifies as “news,” my friends, then so does this. Besides, what’s more suitable for fun, frothy late-evening blogging? A story about yet another damned Kennedy toying with running for higher office? Or a story about one of America’s foremost restaurant chains selling something that’d be more suitable for a horse? I ask you.

The headline is a joke, of course. The 31-ounce “Trenta” isn’t bigger than a human head, it’s … bigger than a human stomach. Or, if that’s not perspective enough for you, try this on for, er, size:

An adult human bladder, when full, holds about 500ml of fluid (or about 16.9 fluid ounces). Think about that the next time a barista asks you what size you’d like.

Here’s the question: Why? Not “why are they selling it?” but “why will people inevitably buy it?” Even knowing that they’re limiting it to iced drinks and therefore most of the extra tonnage will be made up of cubes, not coffee, I still went looking for it two days ago when I passed by a Starbucks. I don’t even like their iced coffee; it was more that I wanted to physically experience the caffeinated nirvana of a coffee bomb being dropped on my stomach. Was I man enough to cope? Or would the stress bring about a Boehnerian episode?

Alas, they’re not selling it here yet. Soon, soon. Exit question: You know who’s to blame for this whole sorry Trenta/Double Down phenomenon? This guy.

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The sad thing isn’t that Starbucks will sell the drink. It’s that people will buy it.

amerpundit on January 20, 2011 at 10:18 PM

now THIS indicates a slow news night. Just sayin…

One Angry Christian on January 20, 2011 at 10:18 PM

This is worse than a big gulp how exactly?

Vera on January 20, 2011 at 10:19 PM

A story about yet another damned Kennedy toying with running for higher office?

Leeches are hard to destroy.

Schadenfreude on January 20, 2011 at 10:19 PM

As the Onion mused…

“So decadent. All that ice”.

SouthernGent on January 20, 2011 at 10:20 PM

I live on Caramel/extra coffee Frappucino’s with skin milk and light whip.
I have no desire to have one as big as I am.
*I’m short. rimshot*

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:21 PM

I’m too cheap to pay those prices. However, that’s less than I swill down in the AM.

katy the mean old lady on January 20, 2011 at 10:21 PM

I’d like one of those stale cranberry scones to go with that Quadruplet Espresso Mocha, with whipped cream.

Given Starbucks prices, do I have to take out a Home Equity Loan to get one of these coffee’s?

Kini on January 20, 2011 at 10:21 PM

If they had a insulated cup for their iced beverages, I might buy them.

Hate all the condensation on cups like this when its hot out. The ice melts too early, etc.

catmman on January 20, 2011 at 10:22 PM

Kini on January 20, 2011 at 10:21 PM

The pumpkin scones are quite tasty.

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:22 PM

I live on Caramel/extra coffee Frappucino’s with skin milk and light whip.
I have no desire to have one as big as I am.
*I’m short. rimshot*

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:21 PM

What would happen if you fell into the up? Shudder.

katy the mean old lady on January 20, 2011 at 10:22 PM

As Dennis Miller said years ago about the Super Big Gulp sold at 7-11 stores:

Do I need 32 ounces of any fluid?

sultanp on January 20, 2011 at 10:23 PM

My bladder screams just thinking about it. :)

Bob's Kid on January 20, 2011 at 10:23 PM

cup sticky keyboard.

katy the mean old lady on January 20, 2011 at 10:23 PM

COFFEE PARTY!

Tony737 on January 20, 2011 at 10:24 PM

An adult human bladder, when full, holds about 500ml of fluid (or about 16.9 fluid ounces).

Makes me wonder where all the liquid from a 7-Eleven Double Big Gulp goes.

You know who’s to blame for this whole sorry Trenta/Double Down phenomenon? This guy.

I have to get my arteries scraped when I watch his show.

Do you think they pump his stomach after each show?

VibrioCocci on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

If they offer free refills, I’m in.

j_galt on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

katy the mean old lady on January 20, 2011 at 10:22 PM

Heh.
Actually, I’m going to be cutting back.
Since we’re hoping to relocate FAR AWAY from Chicago this summer I’d rather our money go toward THAT than Starbucks.
I’m sure there are ‘Bucks in Texas and Wisconsin.

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

Gibbs will be pleased!

OldEnglish on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

Gibbs will be pleased!

OldEnglish on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

*slap on back of head*

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:28 PM

COFFEE PARTY!

Tony737 on January 20, 2011 at 10:24 PM

Chock Full of Nuts Party

Kini on January 20, 2011 at 10:28 PM

Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s, had an interesting take on this in his book.

Even though the Triple was on his menu, hardly anyone ever bought it. But it made the Double seem more reasonable and led to more people buying Doubles.

So this drink will cause people to rationalize buying the new “medium” size, which was the old large size.

commodore on January 20, 2011 at 10:29 PM

Starbucks: Just circumventing the 1.6 gallon per flush law.

Electrongod on January 20, 2011 at 10:29 PM

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:28 PM

Sorry, boss. :)

OldEnglish on January 20, 2011 at 10:31 PM

I’ll stick with my gallon of cafe con leche.You can raise the dead. Get up fall over dog, heat milk,done.

katy the mean old lady on January 20, 2011 at 10:33 PM

Notice how ‘trenta’ kinda rhymes with ‘trencher’?

ElRonaldo on January 20, 2011 at 10:34 PM

What’s it cost? Like $17.00? LOL…

Here’s a cool video called “Watching Freedom Burn” to wind up the evening.

deedtrader on January 20, 2011 at 10:37 PM

I like coffee but mostly in cold weather(1st qualifier). That being said I often can’t even finish a “tall” cup of Starbucks. Which I only buy when someone gives me a gift card for the place(2nd qualifier).

Using the “Good Eats” recipe for coffee, I can make a better cup at home. Thanks Alton!

rihar on January 20, 2011 at 10:37 PM

If they offer free refills, I’m in.

j_galt on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

If you’re a registered Starbucks patron, refills are free if you’re in the store and not drinking a specialty beverage ie if you’re drinking coffee. Also, they offer a variety of reusable insulated cups. Not an employee or a stockholder, just a gold member and lover of the bux.

elcapt on January 20, 2011 at 10:39 PM

So this drink will cause people to rationalize buying the new “medium” size, which was the old large size.

commodore on January 20, 2011 at 10:29 PM

Hmmmm.
Can this this same theory be used with Michelle’s obesity project?

Electrongod on January 20, 2011 at 10:40 PM

I love starbucks. But it’s not always the same cup of coffee. I’ve had it sometimes where it’s not that good at all. But, it only cost about 50 cents more than a McDonalds coffee and it’s much better overall.

JellyToast on January 20, 2011 at 10:42 PM

Kind of the Dunkin Donuts / Starbucks convergence. Soon Starbucks will be hiring police officers to give them street cred…

ParisParamus on January 20, 2011 at 10:42 PM

I’ve refused to learn the arcane language for ordering at Starbucks and always order a ‘large coffee black’ and they always ask if I want room for cream and I indicate that I’d just ordered it black. Now I guess they’ll ask if I want the ‘new’ large only to be told they don’t have it here in CA yet…

And they have become tree killers here in LA because they always give you a new cup with the 50 cent refill (health department?), but at least they are fair trade tree killers.

Ahh… the dances you have to go thru to counter PC…

ElRonaldo on January 20, 2011 at 10:48 PM

But, it only cost about 50 cents more than a McDonalds coffee and it’s much better overall.

JellyToast on January 20, 2011 at 10:42 PM

True.

The whole “it tastes burned” argument is so silly.

blatantblue on January 20, 2011 at 10:48 PM

They should call it “The Jethro Gibbs”.

JimP on January 20, 2011 at 10:56 PM

Can someone here tell me what the attraction for gypbucks is? I enjoy coffee but was never a big fan until I retired. My friends and I used to go to Starbucks as well as other coffee joints. I always thought and still do that most of their coffee was bitter and too strong. I like it strong but not just for the sake of “strong”. I grind my own beans and mix it up. I just don’t think their product is much better than my mom’s nasty axx Folgers.

arnold ziffel on January 20, 2011 at 10:56 PM

They should call it “The Jethro Gibbs”.

JimP on January 20, 2011 at 10:56 PM

LoL

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:58 PM

They should call it “The Jethro Gibbs”.

JimP on January 20, 2011 at 10:56 PM

LOL
I hate that show…

yet I watch it all the time.

blatantblue on January 20, 2011 at 10:58 PM

“An adult human bladder, when full, holds about 500ml of fluid (or about 16.9 fluid ounces)…”

No sh%T…?

… After all these years, I wondered why I had the uncontrollable urge to throw up after three bottles of wine.

/

Seven Percent Solution on January 20, 2011 at 10:59 PM

yet I watch it all the time.

blatantblue on January 20, 2011 at 10:58 PM

My niece calls me ‘McGeek’-and despite his practically being old enough to have a child my age-Mark Harmon is a total silver fox!

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 11:03 PM

Coffee causes A.D.D. It’s dangerous to our youth. Whaddyamean you don’t support SAVING OUR YOUTH from over sized coffee drinks?

Why would you need an over sized coffee drink? We’re not trying to take your coffee away! We’re just saying you don’t need that over sized cup. It’s a public menace!

The safety of our public from overly energetic annoying hyped up dannnnngerous teens hangs in the balance. Only you can prevent … mass cafenation.

One Angry Christian on January 20, 2011 at 11:07 PM

One Angry Christian on January 20, 2011 at 11:07 PM

Moosechelle-is that you?

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 11:13 PM

This is worse than a big gulp how exactly?

Vera on January 20, 2011 at 10:19 PM

Well, a Super Big Gulp is getting smaller. It’s gone down from 44 ounces to 40 ounces. So it’s now worse by nine ounces. Target size is now 40 ounces. Oops — I didn’t mean to use that word.

unclesmrgol on January 20, 2011 at 11:14 PM

I would guess their relatively small cups put them at a competitive disadvantage in some parts of the country. Few places in my neck of the woods don’t sell at least 32 oz. cold drinks (tea and soft drinks). 44 oz. drinks are common. And I can think of a few that sell 64 oz. drinks.

flyfisher on January 20, 2011 at 11:15 PM

I drink thirty ounces of coffee before I get in my car to go to work. Drink another 20 ounces driving to work. Drink another pot at work before noon. What’s the difference?

lowandslow on January 20, 2011 at 11:16 PM

If they add alcohol to it the government will have to step in.

Mojave Mark on January 20, 2011 at 11:35 PM

If I were to pay more than $1.50 for a cup of coffee, I had better get free refills! Remember when the Feed the Starving Kids people said that you could feed a kid for a day for the same cost as a soda? Using that thought, you could feed the whole damn vilage for the price of a cup of Starbuck’s coffee.

DAT60A3 on January 20, 2011 at 11:42 PM

Gluttony you say AP? Am I a glutton for wanting one of these?

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00130/girls1_130728g.jpg

toliver on January 20, 2011 at 11:44 PM

Excellent. More stomach linings peeled away at a faster clip.

rickyricardo on January 20, 2011 at 11:51 PM

I’m sure there are ‘Bucks in Texas and Wisconsin.

annoyinglittletwerp on January 20, 2011 at 10:26 PM

I know of a street corner in Houston that has a Starbucks across the street from another Starbucks!

DAT60A3 on January 20, 2011 at 11:57 PM

I love Man vs. Food.

His carnivore episodes were life-changing.

The Ugly American on January 21, 2011 at 12:19 AM

Gluttony you say AP?

toliver on January 20, 2011 at 11:44 PM

It might be gluttony, but it might not. If he lived in a hot and humid climate and worked outdoors he might have a different opinion. In Memphis, people die every year from the heat. A gigantic cold drink can be difference between making it home for dinner and dying of heat stroke.

flyfisher on January 21, 2011 at 12:19 AM

This is “big” news? I recently threatened to relabel the carafe of the drip coffee-maker near my office at work, to be accurate to my coffee mug. The markings on the “12-cup” carafe would then be -1-, -2-. I only have four or five mugs a day…

Black thanks, and NOT Starbucks.

Freelancer on January 21, 2011 at 12:22 AM

It’s a one-liter cup. So what? Been to a gas station lately? They sell one-liter bottles of soda.

MadisonConservative on January 21, 2011 at 1:02 AM

It might be gluttony, but it might not. If he lived in a hot and humid climate and worked outdoors he might have a different opinion. In Memphis, people die every year from the heat. A gigantic cold drink can be difference between making it home for dinner and dying of heat stroke.

flyfisher on January 21, 2011 at 12:19 AM

Core temp management. ~98.6 is to be kept.

toliver on January 21, 2011 at 1:26 AM

An adult human bladder, when full, holds about 500ml of fluid (or about 16.9 fluid ounces). Think about that the next time a barista asks you what size you’d like.

Well, that number is kinda pointless tho, right? Clearly, you can drink much MUCH more than 16.9 oz and not pee your pants. Yeah, I admittedly have no recollection of where liquids go as they pass through your body.

Funny tho- 33 oz doesn’t actually seem that big, especially in comparison to so many convenience store drinks these days.

TheBlueSite on January 21, 2011 at 1:48 AM

It’s a one-liter cup. So what? Been to a gas station lately? They sell one-liter bottles of soda.

MadisonConservative on January 21, 2011 at 1:02 AM

It’s a big fxxxing deal, ok?

Ok, it’s not; you’re right. This is a yawner.

Newsflash: Seven-Eleven releases the Krakken of all to-go drinks: All hail the bladdah bustah. Please don’t crowd the register.

hillbillyjim on January 21, 2011 at 2:05 AM

friend of mine announced this in the office yesterday. He said that starbux won’t put frappacinos in the cup because they’re concerned about people’s health or something……

ted c on January 21, 2011 at 5:43 AM

Yes! Florida is selling it! Just in time for my triumphant return.

But – besides it being bigger than the human head – ah – stomach – ah, er – bladder, since it is Starbucks ($$$), what kinds of financing plans do they have available?

Timothy S. Carlson on January 21, 2011 at 6:16 AM

Black thanks, and NOT Starbucks.

Freelancer on January 21, 2011 at 12:22 AM

Racist!
//

BacaDog on January 21, 2011 at 6:52 AM

This is worse than a big gulp how exactly?

Vera on January 20, 2011 at 10:19 PM

This is probably 5 times more expensive than a big gulp.

vcferlita on January 21, 2011 at 7:23 AM

I call the double gulp a medium.

Slowburn on January 21, 2011 at 8:07 AM

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pilamaye on January 21, 2011 at 8:19 AM

It’s been a while since I have had an ice coffee at Starbucks. I do know that even in a Venti size they are a waste because it was mostly ice. I know that the amount of actual liquid is way under the oz. that it says.

TturnP on January 21, 2011 at 8:24 AM

Why would anybody care what they sell and what their customer’s buy? Undoubtedly, they market tested it and deemed it to be a winner.

Blake on January 21, 2011 at 9:21 AM

Remember when the Feed the Starving Kids people said that you could feed a kid for a day for the same cost as a soda? Using that thought, you could feed the whole damn vilage for the price of a cup of Starbuck’s coffee.

DAT60A3 on January 20, 2011 at 11:42 PM

Here’s an interesting tidbit about food-for-the-poor organizations — a few years ago, I wrote an article about the head of a local food pantry in our state’s most populous area. During the course of the interview, she mentioned that they show kids how to make “ants on a log” with celery, peanut butter and raisins. Making it fun encourages them to eat it. Hmmm….

A while later, I interviewed the head of a national food-for-the-poor program, and asked him: If kids are hungry, why would one need to make eating fun? If they’re hungry, they’ll eat, right? So, sir, what do we mean when we say that Americans are ‘hungry’?

He answered, “When we say there are Americans who are ‘hungry’, we mean that they rely on someone else to provide their food — such as a charity, non-profit organization or church.”

So, I surmised, ‘hunger’ in our country is more about economics and distribution methods than about physical hunger.

No doubt the definition is much different in countries such as Sudan.

KyMouse on January 21, 2011 at 9:26 AM

Can you imagine them serving something like this at an NFL game?

My God, the stands would be emptied and the lines from the restroom doors would be stretching clear into the parking lot………..and we are talking BEFORE Halftime!

pilamaye on January 21, 2011 at 9:28 AM

Great, now the coffee house lefties will be even more wired.

Oil Can on January 21, 2011 at 9:49 AM

actually Starbucks is a little behind, Maverick, and others have had bigger mugs for a long time, I have a 51oz, but the ones I used most are my 32 maverick or 34 Flying J, the only reason is they fit in the holder in my car.

RonK on January 21, 2011 at 10:13 AM

People that drink Starbucks every day will one day look back and wish they had all that money back.

They should read this:

http://itech.fgcu.edu/faculty/wohlpart/alra/franklin.htm

esnap on January 21, 2011 at 10:16 AM

I’ll take Wawa Colombian over Starbucks any day.

abcurtis on January 21, 2011 at 10:38 AM

The initial rollout states pretty closely overlap the states with the highest percentages of fatties.

They know their marketing.

Alex_SF on January 21, 2011 at 10:49 AM

What’s it called now, the piccolo? I mean, grande is the medium sized one, right?

mile66 on January 21, 2011 at 11:07 AM

FYI: since we’re discussing the size of the average human bladder ….
it takes approx. 20-30 minutes to FILL a previously empty bladder !!
That tiny little factoid (learned the hard way, via sonogram) comes in pretty handy when planning to leave the house for any extended length of time. LOL

Carry on.

pambi on January 21, 2011 at 11:55 AM

This seems interestingly timely with the sudden emphasis on extended magazines. Should we outlaw these, because no one needs them?

Besides, some nut could use these giant size cups to stunt the growth of 2 innocent children between refills instead of just 1.

BlueCollarAstronaut on January 21, 2011 at 12:00 PM

“Boehnerian episode” what a great new tag line….”Obama threatens to ruin our Superbowl experience, planning to attend”…ah I feel a Boehnerian episode looming!

PrincipleStand on January 21, 2011 at 12:18 PM

Trenta. As in roughly the number of ounces in the cup.

Just like in Italy… hence the Italian?

Greek Fire on January 21, 2011 at 1:32 PM

Heck, let’s be civil and social and generous …

It’s a bargain if you take (or bring with you) some extra cups and share it with 4 or five friends.

Bottoms up!

marybel on January 21, 2011 at 3:05 PM

Does that come with a set of defib paddles?

johnnyU on January 21, 2011 at 7:39 PM

Starbucks is for chumps.

I can get my 32 Oz. thermal mug filled at my local coffee shop for $1.45. with either a straight blend, or a mix of the 9 types of coffee options they have.

I have to say that the Jamaican Blue Mountain is good, but the Hawaiian Royal Kona Coffee is pretty good too.

Anyone who pays more than $3.00 for a coffee is a chump.

Jones Zemkophill on January 22, 2011 at 1:11 AM