The obligatory “Obama elbowed in the face during pick-up game” post; Update: Elbower identified

AP- The day after.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Department of Homeland Security along with inter-agency ICE have been scouring the scene of the brutal attack of President Obama yesterday, looking for clues. According to persons at the scene, an argument ensued between Mr. Obama and a Mr. Rey Decerega -immigration status unknown- of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute over the letter “O” during a particularly rough game of HORSE. Mr. Obama rightfully claimed that he deserved the letter -even though he didn’t make the dedicated shot- as it represents his trademark. “‘O’ is for Obama!” he was heard shouting just before the battery.

MSNBC, however, is reporting that the incident in which Mr. Obama was brutally battered and beaten and which required 12 stitches to the president’s upper lip, was clearly a case of racism on the part of the perpetrator -whom they have determined to be white. Politico is reporting that the likely suspect is the de facto leader of the Tea Party movement, former AK Gov. Sarah Palin. Politico also reports that while Mrs. Palin was in Alaska at the time of the incident -which took place at Virginia’s Ft. McNair Army Facility- her deadly reach is practically global and it’s likely that if she didn’t actually effect the physical assault, she likely planned it. Allahpundit, a blogger on the Conservative website HotAir, agreed adding, “For a beta male, I just don’t trust that woman.”

In other news, the EPA is now directing all outdoor basketball courts to be closed for a period of at least six months while an investigation is conducted -jointly with Kathleen Sebelius’ HHS- as to the safe practice of all basketball games including the popular child’s game: HORSE. It is expected that strict new rules providing greater oversight of all pickup basketball games will be issued within the coming weeks.

President Obama is resting -rather uncomfortably- this evening with a rather large “fat lip” and a discoloration under one eye. Undaunted, however, the youthful and exquisitely fit President has vowed to return to the court and has already been fitted with state-of-the-art protective headgear. He was trying it out last night after what sources close to the President but wish to remain anonymous deemed an “alarmingly brief” shower upon his return to the White House. The good news is that HHS is already mandating that all BBall (col.) participants -from toddler to NBA- be required to wear the protective gear made by a company with ties to David Axelrod or be fined up to $800 for each occurrence. The IRS will administer collection of the fines. The administration is also recruiting someone from outside of the administration and not named “Oprah” to lobby the IOC to include the gear in all future Olympic Games.

[Sorry, I couldn't help myself.]

BKeyser on November 27, 2010 at 5:48 PM