Greg Gutfeld: I’m raising money to build a Muslim gay bar next to the Ground Zero mosque

posted at 7:07 pm on August 9, 2010 by Allahpundit

Andy Levy assures me that he’s quite serious. Media narrative on the GZ mosque: Shining beacon of liberal values bursting through the overcast skies of American intolerance. Media narrative on the GG gay bar: Dangerous provocation that needlessly inflames cultural tensions in the ostensible service of liberal values.

How very insensitive.

I’m announcing tonight, that I am planning to build and open the first gay bar that caters not only to the west, but also Islamic gay men. To best express my sincere desire for dialogue, the bar will be situated next to the mosque Park51, in an available commercial space.

This is not a joke. I’ve already spoken to a number of investors, who have pledged their support in this bipartisan bid for understanding and tolerance.

As you know, the Muslim faith doesn’t look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I’m building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.

The goal, however, is not simply to open a typical gay bar, but one friendly to men of Islamic faith. An entire floor, for example, will feature non-alcoholic drinks, since booze is forbidden by the faith. The bar will be open all day and night, to accommodate men who would rather keep their sexuality under wraps – but still want to dance.

Not an idea that would play well with Christians or Jews vis-a-vis property adjacent to a church or temple, but oh well: If we’re going to celebrate tolerance regardless of the sensitivities of the surrounding area, let’s celebrate! And the best part? Because, as we’ve been assured many times, the “Park51″ cultural center will be a model of moderation, gay Muslim men don’t have to worry about being seen entering Gut’s establishment. Flaunt it all you want, fellas; you’re in Moderate Town, U.S.A., on that block. I look forward to the congratulatory Mike Bloomberg press conference.

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“Between the Shieks”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:10 AM

“Abu Grab Me”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:11 AM

“Barry’s Place”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:12 AM

7. “Midnight at the Ogaysis”

OneVision on August 10, 2010 at 1:13 AM

“I Call It My Sword”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:14 AM

8. “The Fertile Crescent Moon”

OneVision on August 10, 2010 at 1:16 AM

And watch liberal heads explode…..

coyoterex on August 9, 2010 at 7:11 PM

popcorn! MUST. HAVE. POPCORN!!!!!

Yakko77 on August 10, 2010 at 1:16 AM

“Head”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:16 AM

“Allah’s Dirty Little Secret”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:18 AM

Re architecture, of course it will be a big black cube. They can even have a pet rock inside, on display.

slickwillie2001 on August 10, 2010 at 1:20 AM

iSlam

faraway on August 10, 2010 at 1:22 AM

Potential slogans for the new establishment:

1. “Bottoms Up, Face Down in the Qatar”
2. “Oman, What a Night!”
3. “Where Snakes are Not Evil – Just Sneaky”

OneVision on August 10, 2010 at 1:23 AM

Rectallah’s

jbinnout on August 10, 2010 at 1:23 AM

“Allah’s Dirty Little Secret”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:18 AM

LOL!!! Instant classic!

OneVision on August 10, 2010 at 1:25 AM

I hope Gutfeld is on here, somewhere. This would be comedy gold for his show (“Oman, What a Night!”)!

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:28 AM

Peacocks!
Sink me!
Think ye, sir, and madame
How those feathered boys love to flaunt their tails!
Of the mussie and the gay gander
Which orientation is the grander?
To render total candor, the splendor is the gay male’s!
Be an example to your persuasion
Give your boot a dapper strap
And it’s smarter if your garter has some snap!
Wear a nightcap when you nap
Be bewitching with some stitching on your cap!
Now, drape your cape
And puff your cuff
Embroider those lapels!
Be the King of the Beasts in pastels!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes
And that is why the Lord created gay men
Fill those pantaloons with light!
Dangle down a spangle out of sight!
Draw your britches in quite tight
Even more so, and your torso will ignite
Now, smock your frock
Perfume your plume
And let your waistcoat swing!
And the New York jungle will bow to its new King!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes
And that is why the Lord created gay men
Yes, that is why the Lord created gay men
Remember what your here for
Why you must be dressed to kill
If you have to look like Cleopatra
Then you will!
If you’re out to make a splash, gay cheri,
Do know your haberdashery!
Buttons, buckles, ruffles and lace
Represent the human race!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes
Each species needs a persuasion that’s fated
To be highly decorated
That is why the Lord created gay men
Yes, that is why the Lord created gay men

PercyB on August 10, 2010 at 1:29 AM

Percy,

I think you are more into the idea than the joke.

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:30 AM

Not that there is anything wrong with that. Hopefully, we will be hiring staff, SOON!

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:31 AM

Million Man Club

faraway on August 10, 2010 at 1:36 AM

Percy,

I think you are more into the idea than the joke.

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:30 AM

Zounds, sir!
Hounds sir! Stags!
Of the goosie and the gander, sir
Which gender is the grander, sir
To render total candor, sir, the splendor is the male’s!
Strut, sir!
What, sir?
Roosters do!
Give a cock his comb and the hens will pale!
Bucks! Bulls!
More, sir!
Boars, sir! Rams!
Of the nanny goat and billy, sir
Whose beard is fully wooly, sir?
It’s bully for the billy for he’s willy-nilly male!

PercyB on August 10, 2010 at 1:37 AM

How about “Kuran Kuran?”

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:38 AM

Percy,

Are you really Keith Olbermann?

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:39 AM

“Liquor in the front, poker in the rear”

Oh, wait!

Seven Percent Solution on August 10, 2010 at 1:42 AM

7%,

Yeah, “pokem” doesn’t really translate.

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:44 AM

Porky’s..

Dire Straits on August 10, 2010 at 1:48 AM

Are you really Keith Olbermann?

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:39 AM

Are you really Marquis de Chauvelin?

PercyB on August 10, 2010 at 1:50 AM

I’ll be there, with a prayer rug and condoms. Kneel in prayer, boys. Five. Times. A. Day.

Kralizec on August 10, 2010 at 1:52 AM

“Liquor in the front, poker in the rear”
Oh, wait!

Seven Percent Solution on August 10, 2010 at 1:42 AM

OK, now I need a new keyboard!

lovingmyUSA on August 10, 2010 at 1:55 AM

If we are going to include lesbians, how about Prayer Rug Munchers?

And to really rub their noses in it, Abu Gay.

coyoterex on August 10, 2010 at 1:55 AM

9. “Shariah She-Manigans”

OneVision on August 10, 2010 at 1:57 AM

What about PokeEMANS!

Dire Straits on August 10, 2010 at 1:59 AM

The Sand Pipers, blowing up a storm since 700 A.D.

SilentWatcher on August 10, 2010 at 1:59 AM

Keith,

No.

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:59 AM

How about Mo Ho! Thar He Blows!

SilentWatcher on August 10, 2010 at 2:04 AM

Keith,

No.

Star20 on August 10, 2010 at 1:59 AM

Maximilien Robespierre then. I thought so.

PercyB on August 10, 2010 at 2:05 AM

“Allah C_ckbar”

Logboy on August 10, 2010 at 2:09 AM

10. “The Foppy Wahhabi”

With that, fellow patriots, I bring my evening to a close and bid you a good week.

[Sign-off]

[National Anthem]

[White noise]

OneVision on August 10, 2010 at 2:12 AM

Nice. I enjoy the creativity on here.

Keep it up!!

Greg is our answer to Stewart; I wish that Fox would put him in a better time slot and promote him as a real competitor to the daily show.

TimTebowSavesAmerica on August 9, 2010 at 7:15 PM

No he isn’t. I don’t find him remotely funny at all. The 1/2 Hour News Hour is about as close as a conservative response to Stewart as we’ll get.

And the 1/2 Hour News Hour was pathetic.

Conservative Samizdat on August 10, 2010 at 2:12 AM

Great idea and I like it.

Better chance it getting built than a church in the raving islamist states. Much better chance . . . . I would hope.

A Bible in your hand in Taliban Land is a load off your shoulders sure enough. And no more hats need be worn.

Even try to doctor to the people in Taliban Land and look what happens . . . .Doctors shot down and a lone islamist left alone to tell the gory tale. All calculated . . . .

So build that bar.

It`s the least we can do!

Sherman1864 on August 10, 2010 at 2:18 AM

“Allah C_ckbar”

Logboy on August 10, 2010 at 2:09 AM

That’s very good. And Bishop’s Jizlam. And somebody offered Al-Jizzera.

John the Libertarian on August 10, 2010 at 2:21 AM

Mon Sharia

72 Balloon Knots

‘Free Burkinis on Ladies Night’

and of course, ‘Allah’s Snackbar’

rayra on August 10, 2010 at 2:33 AM

The Casbah.
‘Drop your bomb between our minarets’

rayra on August 10, 2010 at 2:37 AM

I think we should also open a porn shop on the other side of the mosque, an army recruiter, and a really seedy dive with really cheap booze. And a Jewish Temple… and Christian Church… and a Scientology .

Possibly an abortion clinic can be somewhere in the vicinity just for giggles. Maybe a sex change clinic…

There are so many choices. Gay muslim sex bar is of course still the best. But why stop there!

Karmashock on August 10, 2010 at 2:39 AM

It is about time there is a bar in NYC for stoners.

HellCat on August 10, 2010 at 2:40 AM

My Sharia Door.

rayra on August 10, 2010 at 2:42 AM

Late to the party but here is a classic

http://www.spike.com/video/robert-de-niro-snl/2730796

macncheez on August 10, 2010 at 2:46 AM

Holiest of Holies

rayra on August 10, 2010 at 2:49 AM

Allah ak Bar

Schadenfreude on August 10, 2010 at 2:55 AM

Almost time for Red Eye!

MikeknaJ on August 10, 2010 at 2:57 AM

Okay, I absolutely cannot remember laughing this hard! I am alone and laughing out loud. The creativity here is simply fantastic. I personally could only come up with the name “Porkulous!” With the exclamation point included.

CarlaPHX on August 10, 2010 at 3:08 AM

Allah’s Danglers

Yoop on August 10, 2010 at 3:12 AM

Allah’s Throats & Goats

Yoop on August 10, 2010 at 3:13 AM

or…

Allah’s Wild Oats & Goats

Yoop on August 10, 2010 at 3:14 AM

No he isn’t. I don’t find him remotely funny at all. The 1/2 Hour News Hour is about as close as a conservative response to Stewart as we’ll get.

And the 1/2 Hour News Hour was pathetic.

Conservative Samizdat on August 10, 2010 at 2:12 AM

If you don’t find Gutfeld funny, your sense of humor sucks.

If you find Jon Stewart funnier than Gutfeld, your sense of humor REALLY sucks!

Bizarro No. 1 on August 10, 2010 at 3:24 AM

New Pork City

Ronnie on August 10, 2010 at 3:29 AM

Almost time for Red Eye!

MikeknaJ on August 10, 2010 at 2:57 AM

U watching ?
What did Bill say the name of the bar should be ?
I couldn’t hear it

macncheez on August 10, 2010 at 3:30 AM

Coming to grips with shariah

Suddenly, it seems, everyone is talking about Shariah. In particular, growing controversies over proposed mosques at Ground Zero and other sites are becoming powerful “teaching moments” – raising awareness about the repressive theo-political-military-legal doctrine that animates the builders and that their fellow adherents seek to impose on the entire world.

Tav on August 10, 2010 at 4:08 AM

macncheez on August 10, 2010 at 2:46 AM

Late perhaps, but with a CLASSIC link. Thanks for that!

John the Libertarian on August 10, 2010 at 4:10 AM

Black Murders Eight Whites; Media Blames Whites

The title of this column seems unbelievable, but it is in fact what happened in America this past week. And almost no one has noticed.

Tav on August 10, 2010 at 4:15 AM

So many great names, but here’s few, hope no one’s mentioned them yet:

“Princes of Persia”
“Mecca When it Sizzles”

Scott P on August 10, 2010 at 4:53 AM

“Nights in White Satin”

Scott P on August 10, 2010 at 5:05 AM

Okay, one more:

“Midnight at the Oasis”

Scott P on August 10, 2010 at 5:06 AM

need a BBQ with massive fans across the sreet too.

unseen on August 9, 2010 at 7:12 PM

Don’t forget something on a timed sound system to counter the call to “prayer” 5 times a day.

TugboatPhil on August 10, 2010 at 5:21 AM

Fleas are not comfortable on clean dogs.

Kini on August 10, 2010 at 5:25 AM

Akbar and Jeff’s Juice Bar

Haiku Guy on August 10, 2010 at 5:42 AM

You could have a White Tie 1950s Havana night-club theme, and call it In Fidel’s

Haiku Guy on August 10, 2010 at 5:54 AM

Akbar and Jeff’s Juice Bar

Haiku Guy on August 10, 2010 at 5:42 AM

“Where the Elite Meet to Heat the Sheets!”

gridlock2 on August 10, 2010 at 6:08 AM

Al Qaeda (AKA The Base of the Column)

or, if you want to be more playful

Al Gay-da.

gridlock2 on August 10, 2010 at 6:09 AM

Princess of Persia.

xblade on August 10, 2010 at 6:30 AM

Let’s get back on topic.

Tuning Spork on August 10, 2010 at 6:32 AM

OK, now I need a new keyboard!

lovingmyUSA on August 10, 2010 at 1:55 AM

ditto
too dang funny

one of the best threads this year, I tell ya

cmsinaz on August 10, 2010 at 6:32 AM

Guilliani’s

Tuning Spork on August 10, 2010 at 6:32 AM

“The Pink Dishdasha”

Urban Infidel on August 10, 2010 at 6:34 AM

“The Pink Messiah”!

Brilliant!

Tuning Spork on August 10, 2010 at 6:36 AM

Jihad the rod

xblade on August 10, 2010 at 6:36 AM

Apacrachy Whiskey Sexy

Tuning Spork on August 10, 2010 at 6:38 AM

Apachracy Whiskey Sexy, even. :-)

Or not.

Tuning Spork on August 10, 2010 at 6:40 AM

“Bedouin, Bath & Beyond”

Urban Infidel on August 10, 2010 at 6:47 AM

Islam Unveiled

ajacksonian on August 10, 2010 at 6:52 AM

one of the best threads this year, I tell ya

cmsinaz on August 10, 2010 at 6:32 AM

yep…and no frikin trolls !!
( yet)

macncheez on August 10, 2010 at 6:57 AM

yep…and no frikin trolls !!
( yet)

macncheez on August 10, 2010 at 6:57 AM

:)

cmsinaz on August 10, 2010 at 6:59 AM

After that how about converting the Dome of the Rock into GLBT bar which could do Shi’a ‘temporary marriages’ on the side as a community service.

Annar on August 10, 2010 at 7:12 AM

I can’t wait for gay muslims to DEMAND to be married in that mosque. ACLU where are you….

Lisa on August 10, 2010 at 7:19 AM

Greg needs to set up a web site to accept donations. Seriously. Bet he could collect enough $$ to buy an adjoining site in no time. Plenty of people are ticked off about this in-your-face mosque plan. Time to show these Muslim cretins that “tolerance” in America is a two-way street.

AZCoyote on August 10, 2010 at 7:21 AM

Gay Muslims? Never heard of such a thing.
– Ahmadinejad

angryed on August 10, 2010 at 7:24 AM

JetBoy,. . . I bet you have a lousy fashion sense.

thuja on August 9, 2010 at 9:33 PM

Ohh, SLAP!

Siddhartha Vicious on August 10, 2010 at 7:30 AM

Sugar Baghdaddy’s

Grunchy Cranola on August 10, 2010 at 7:31 AM

I imagine the rear door will get a lot of action…
“I have never been there”, Baghdad Bob.

right2bright on August 10, 2010 at 7:40 AM

Bonus: They could give away puppies!
Jonah Goldberg from NRO weighs in.
Wethal on August 9, 2010 at 7:12 PM

Ha!

Buy Danish on August 10, 2010 at 7:56 AM

Moham-Head? Jizz-had? Fatwad? Rama-Ram?

allstonian on August 10, 2010 at 7:57 AM

The Satanic Purses

Grunchy Cranola on August 10, 2010 at 7:59 AM

Muhammeat!

IntheNet on August 10, 2010 at 8:06 AM

WOW

Left at two and a half pages of responses last night.

Woke up to an additional three and a half pages this morning.

The jokes just won’t stop writing themselves, will they?

I agree, it would be nice if Greg would give us an honorable mention on Redeye sometime.

listens2glenn on August 10, 2010 at 8:11 AM

“What’s that smell…?”

Seven Percent Solution on August 10, 2010 at 8:20 AM

Why stop with a gay bar, next to that should be a strip club, of course all the dancers will be cute girls from the Muslim faith. And on Monday nights, it can be tranny night with free lap dances!

nwpammy on August 10, 2010 at 8:25 AM

This sounds like a great idea – now if only someone would raise money to buy two airplanes that could be flown into this mosque after it’s built ….

LODGE4 on August 10, 2010 at 8:29 AM

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