Enquirer not letting go of this Al Gore massage story; Update: Portland police to re-open case

posted at 9:00 pm on June 30, 2010 by Allahpundit

The accuser’s identified herself, she’s apparently promising some sort of DNA test on her slacks (don’t ask), and a friend of hers claims she told him the whole story right after it happened four years ago. Even avowed lefty and Keith Olbermann fan Tommy Christopher concedes that “things don’t look good for Al Gore here.” So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened? Well, (a) if it did, then that Taiwanese animation will haunt my dreams forever, and (b) a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Having said that, I confess that the line in the police report about him “pleading for release of his second chakra” does sound oddly Goracle-ish:

The accuser said Gore maneuvered her into the bedroom. His iPod docking station was there, he told her, and he wanted her to listen to “Dear Mr. President,” a lachrymose attack on George W. Bush by the singer Pink.

“As soon as he had it playing, he turned to me and immediately flipped me flat on my back and threw his whole body face down over atop of me,” she said. “I was just shocked at his craziness.”…

Finally she got away. Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Yeah, really? His sex music is … “Dear Mr. President”? If you were going to make up a colorful detail and insert it into a story to get the media’s attention, isn’t that exactly the sort of thing you’d come up with? C’mon. Even John Edwards has the good sense to prefer tunes like “Rump Shaker” when he’s on the dance floor shaking it with grad students.

Update: Wow. Perhaps this is more serious than I thought.

In a statement Wednesday, police officials said: “The Portland Police Bureau has made the decision to re-open the case regarding the allegations brought forward against Mr. Al Gore.

“Consistent with our policy regarding open investigations, the Police Bureau will not be commenting on any additional specifics regarding this case at this time.”…

“If the complainant and the Portland Police Bureau wish to pursue the possibility of a criminal prosecution, additional investigation by the Bureau will be necessary and will be discussed with the Portland Police Bureau,” District Attorney Michael Schrunk said in a written statement last week.

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Why hasn’t he been arrested yet? There is no way that this little old lady could make this up. WHERE IS THE LAW!!!

Buddahpundit on June 30, 2010 at 9:03 PM

Q. Why does Al Gore hate oil spills?

A. They mess up the sheets.

Mr. Joe on June 30, 2010 at 9:04 PM

Can we expect Gore to have his own CNN show anytime soon?

MeatHeadinCA on June 30, 2010 at 9:04 PM

That joke will never get old.

Mr. Joe on June 30, 2010 at 9:04 PM

Chakra KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Christien on June 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

Where the hell did you find that clip?

A true Renaissance Man, that’s AP.

SteveMG on June 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened?

Climax denier..

macncheez on June 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

Local Portland news is reporting that the Portland police are re-opening the investigation and that the accuser has surveillance footage and dna evidence to back her claims. Let the games begin!

James Moriarty on June 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

I think this is a fitting end to the Goracle, and thank God for it! Everyone knows what a fraud he is, and how wretched it is that he must lord it over us and rub our noses in carbon soot every day of the week!! But now, it appears, he has his own tragic weakness: a penchant for abductor rubs and the release of the second chakra!!

This nimrod deserves every second of it.

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:06 PM

Look, even if it’s true, the larger issue here is global warming. I’m sure we can overlook this small transgression for the sake of the planet’s survival. Right, NOW?

BKeyser on June 30, 2010 at 9:07 PM

Fire does melt steel AP.

SteveMG on June 30, 2010 at 9:07 PM

Portland police are re-opening the case.

JammieWearingFool on June 30, 2010 at 9:07 PM

“Of course the core of the ….uh….earth…is ….uh…..several million degrees….’

DeweyWins on June 30, 2010 at 9:08 PM

a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Dude have you no sense of shame comparing Data to Al Gore. Al Gore is neither cerebral nor intellectual. The dude couldn’t get through a Graduate Theology major or an MBA Program.

chemman on June 30, 2010 at 9:08 PM

Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Good grief.

There’s a prime example of the mental giants that we are dealing with in the post about polls.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rush Limbaugh read the complaint yesterday in his most entertaining way, and it was pee in yer pants hi-larious.

tru2tx on June 30, 2010 at 9:08 PM

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

Lance Murdock on June 30, 2010 at 9:09 PM

I clicked the link and all I could think of was that this gal is what that Russian spy chick is going to look like in 26 years.

pugwriter on June 30, 2010 at 9:09 PM

Old and Busted: Hiking the Appalachian Trail
Teh New Hotness: Releasing the Second Chakra!

Christien on June 30, 2010 at 9:10 PM

Local news coverage.

James Moriarty on June 30, 2010 at 9:12 PM

He’ll beat it…he’s been so busy saving the earth, he’s allowed to blow off a little steam…and make a few hundred million with his fraudulent carbon credit scam.

AUINSC on June 30, 2010 at 9:12 PM

Why would they have video footage of a hotel room?

Zetterson on June 30, 2010 at 9:13 PM

This is even better than Edwards!

Dingbat63 on June 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM

His plea: My lockbox broke

Captain America on June 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM

Chris Matthews once described Gore as “the bathtub-ring of the Clinton Presidency”. He may have been more true than he knew. After watching the interview Juanita Broaddrick did with Lisa Myers of NBC about Bill Clinton raping her years ago, I had very little doubt she was telling the truth. Gore never struck me as the kind of guy to do this sort of thing and I doubted the massage/grope/assault story earlier, but this is a troubling development.

Jill1066 on June 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM

b) a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

That is the part that really boggles the mind. Gore??? I bet Clinton is laughing so hard that he p;ratically soils himself over this.

Southernblogger on June 30, 2010 at 9:15 PM

In all seriousness (yeah, I know) perhaps Gore didn’t consider it as, well, sex. Perhaps he thought it was like, flossing your teeth or something. Just something you did for hygiene.

Help me here folks ’cause otherwise I’m getting creeped out.

SteveMG on June 30, 2010 at 9:15 PM

(b) a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Something like this?

Weight of Glory on June 30, 2010 at 9:15 PM

Can’t a guy buy a few chakra credits?

faraway on June 30, 2010 at 9:16 PM

Yeah, but with his AGW scam, he’s trying to screw us all. Can we get that investigated?

trubble on June 30, 2010 at 9:18 PM

Dang, AP. That’s a much better Trek clip than mine. Good find.

Weight of Glory on June 30, 2010 at 9:18 PM

This is getting sticky.

BKeyser on June 30, 2010 at 9:18 PM

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

Got to admit, the thought of Al Gore having sex with anyone is a complete TURN OFF!

GarandFan on June 30, 2010 at 9:18 PM

First the leaking of the scientists emails, then Tipper leaves now this…it has been a rough patch for Algore after winning a Peace Prize…heh

d1carter on June 30, 2010 at 9:19 PM

The crazed sex poodle acted stupidly.

txag92 on June 30, 2010 at 9:19 PM

Hasn’t the Left always insisted that women don’t lie about these things? Were they consistent, this would place them on the horns of a dilemma. Of course, we learned from Bill Clinton’s defenders that such dilemmas don’t exist for the Left.

DrMagnolias on June 30, 2010 at 9:19 PM

Tasha seduces Data
=========================

Just the facts ma’m!!!

canopfor on June 30, 2010 at 9:20 PM

So, did he learn everything he knows at Bill Clinton’s, uh, knee?

18-1 on June 30, 2010 at 9:20 PM

Right about now Gore is worried about emissions that are something other than carbon.

Doctor Hook on June 30, 2010 at 9:20 PM

Duke lax redux. Except everything in reverse.

Aquateen Hungerforce on June 30, 2010 at 9:21 PM

It’s hard to believe a district attorney in Portland, Oregon would indict Al Gore. Could a Portland grand jury ever be convinced to indict Al Gore? For anything?

Maybe I’m being to cynical. Anyway, if this turns out to be true, National Enquirer sex scandal stories won’t be taken for granted any more. Alien abductions maybe. But not sex scandals.

SlaveDog on June 30, 2010 at 9:22 PM

Another Debaucherous Democrat in action!!

canopfor on June 30, 2010 at 9:22 PM

Okay if Al Gore gets arrested I will laugh for a week straight.

gophergirl on June 30, 2010 at 9:23 PM

Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Well it sure put a smile on Tasha Yar’s face.

portlandon on June 30, 2010 at 9:23 PM

I can’t believe bloggers didn’t take this more seriously since she said she had the slacks when this story broke.

Spirit of 1776 on June 30, 2010 at 9:24 PM

Um, Al and Tipper announced their divorce recently, right? I’m surprised I haven’t seen anyone post any speculation about maybe their relation ending over this.

NotCoach on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t wait till the next new South Park episode!

Scott Free on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM

Update:Wow. Perhaps this is more serious than I thought.

It’s not like you have a great track record with these things, Allah.

BTW – do you still think the Edwards ‘love child’ is photoshopped?

Mr Purple on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM

Clinton, algore and Kagan chased chicks together.

seven on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM

Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

You don’t hear a lot about the cultists today, like it was a big thing back in the eighties, where the fringe Democrat divinity school dropouts would create these cults and have sex with the traumatized people they could drag into their cults.

Buddahpundit on June 30, 2010 at 9:26 PM

“If the complainant and the Portland Police Bureau wish to pursue the possibility of a criminal prosecution…

Keep an eye on her spending habits….

If she suddenly buys a nine bedroom/six bath home and starts driving a Bentley, chances are the case will disappear.

tru2tx on June 30, 2010 at 9:27 PM

Portland Police re-opening the case was completely unexpected.

However, being that the case is now “Open”, it saves the police from having to answer any more questions from media regarding Gore’s “Chakra-gate”.

I doubt it is “Open” open.

portlandon on June 30, 2010 at 9:27 PM

Clinton, algore and Kagan chased chicks together.

seven on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM

:O

What about the grand puba senator Kennedy?

MeatHeadinCA on June 30, 2010 at 9:28 PM

Curse you, AP! Now I will always associate Data with sex poodles! Data is probably more “fully functional” than Gore.

clnurnberg on June 30, 2010 at 9:29 PM

Major Massage Therapy Disorder: Algoreophobia.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh on June 30, 2010 at 9:29 PM

It seems Al Gore wanted his “Abductors”
to be a attended to,according to the
massage therapist in her police report!!
==========================================================

Police Release Raw Audio of Al Gore Accuser,s Testimony pt 1 of 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLzvC366_OI&feature=related
========================
Part 2/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUhTQjzkJJs&feature=related
====================

part 3/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tRW0hoX0GQ&feature=related

canopfor on June 30, 2010 at 9:30 PM

All together now… “No controlling legal authority.”

ZK on June 30, 2010 at 9:32 PM

Since I don’t read crap media anymore, can some poor sucker who still reads it tell me if this is being covered yet by the drive-bys?

jeff_from_mpls on June 30, 2010 at 9:34 PM

So, when will the Nobel Foundation, and the Oscar people, rescind their “awards” to this fraud?

Del Dolemonte on June 30, 2010 at 9:34 PM

Spirit of 1776 on June 30, 2010 at 9:24 PM

In case you read that, didn’t mean you personally AP. Just in general.

Spirit of 1776 on June 30, 2010 at 9:34 PM

I believe it because of the police report. It’s very detailed and would take a lot to just dream all those details up. Plus, there are a couple weird details that fit Gore’s character. Like, the way he suddenly flashed into this furious, monstrous dude (albeit with a pot belly and ‘chakra’ at the ready). Or the way we wanted her to listen to some ipod music. Like, how f_cked up is that? If she doesn’t want to do you just let her go, Al.

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:34 PM

But did he Tipper?

SurferDoc on June 30, 2010 at 9:35 PM

An Inconvenient Masseuse

ICBM on June 30, 2010 at 9:36 PM

from jtlol on Twitter: Pants in a bag. Pants in a bag. Lookin’ at the goo on them pants in a bag.

ramrants on June 30, 2010 at 9:39 PM

An insistent, self-indulgent man:

Why, why? Why will you not release my second Chakra!!!

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:39 PM

I don’t know why people are so skeptical of this story. Tipper divorced his green rear end and everyone was shocked.

She believes it.

pearson on June 30, 2010 at 9:40 PM

Why hasn’t he been arrested yet? There is no way that this little old lady could make this up. WHERE IS THE LAW!!!

Buddahpundit on June 30, 2010 at 9:03 PM

Who you callin’ “little old lady”?

katy the mean old lady on June 30, 2010 at 9:40 PM

The accuser’s identified herself, she’s apparently promising some sort of DNA test on her slacks (don’t ask), and a friend of hers claims she told him the whole story right after it happened four years ago.

Four year old slacks, that you haven’t washed yet? Eww, eww, eww. I am no fan of Gore, and in fact despise his hypocritical nature. But this fact smells (among other things) of a set up.

rbj on June 30, 2010 at 9:41 PM

Let me put my hockey stick in your lock box baby.

Monica on June 30, 2010 at 9:42 PM

Bill Clinton. John Edwards. Al Gore. It seems like cheating on your wife is part of the resume for Democratic presidents and candidates. Can’t wait to learn about Obama’s affairs some day.

pearson on June 30, 2010 at 9:43 PM

This is getting sticky.

Really? I mean maybe it will make people that already dislike his politics and think he went a bit insane after 2000 think less of him. But Juanita Broadrick’s story, (and the others) seems to not really matter to the left.

lizzie beth on June 30, 2010 at 9:43 PM

Al Gore is allowed the occasional rape here and there. He buys offsets.

Blarg the Destroyer on June 30, 2010 at 9:44 PM

Major Massage Therapy Disorder: Algoreophobia.
Dr. Charles G. Waugh on June 30, 2010 at 9:29 PM

Niiiiice :)

mikeyboss on June 30, 2010 at 9:44 PM

Blarg the Destroyer on June 30, 2010 at 9:44 PM

Horrible. But what exactly is an offset (indulgence) for rape? Sponsoring a nun?

NotCoach on June 30, 2010 at 9:47 PM

I hope the Enquirer drags this damn story out for months and months.

Make them bleed.

jeff_from_mpls on June 30, 2010 at 9:47 PM

If the stain on the pants is from him, would that be…

An Inconvenient Juice ?

red winger on June 30, 2010 at 9:48 PM

If I was Al Gore’s lawyer I would call that lady’s lawyer and say, “Can we test the pants?” I mean, if Goracle had denied it all.

Then, if it was negative, I would confront The Enquirer with the news and if they didn’t make a full retraction I would destroy them. Al Gore has enough money to do that.

Since he hasn’t done that, it means either that Goracle has not denied it to his lawyer, or that he did but the test came back positive.

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:49 PM

Um, Al and Tipper announced their divorce recently, right? I’m surprised I haven’t seen anyone post any speculation about maybe their relation ending over this.

NotCoach on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. ;)

Tipper always thought the second Chakra was just for her.

pearson on June 30, 2010 at 9:50 PM

Enquirer probably gave them like a month to settle their affairs before going public. He had to tell her. That was it.

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:51 PM

What about the grand puba senator Kennedy?

[MeatHeadinCA on June 30, 2010 at 9:28 PM]

He was the designated driver …

… in unison from the back seat “No bridges, Ted!”

Dusty on June 30, 2010 at 9:54 PM

a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.”

Nicely played!

stldave on June 30, 2010 at 9:55 PM

Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Sweetie, you need new friends.

Shiny_Tiara on June 30, 2010 at 9:56 PM

“The Portland Police Bureau has made the decision to re-open the case regarding the allegations brought forward against Mr. Al Gore.

“Consistent with our policy regarding open investigations, the Police Bureau will not be commenting on any additional specifics regarding this case at this time.”…

So the Portland Police re-opened the case to bury it. How nice for Al Gore.

RJL on June 30, 2010 at 9:56 PM

Tasha Yarr looks like a dude in that clip. Yech!

DethMetalCookieMonst on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM

It seems the Kennedy’s had their share of late-night massages.

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM

NOTE TO WOMEN: The hair-plastered-to-your-head look is NOT sexy. Infact, it looks terrible!

DethMetalCookieMonst on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM

That 1992 ticket was quite the duo, eh? One stains a dress, and his underling stains a pair of slacks.

keep the change on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM

(b) a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.”

At least Data is trying to be more human.

Pilgrimsarbour on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM

How many other victims of Al Gore are out there??? You can’t tell me this was the first and only time Gore pulled this stuff.

brewcrew67 on June 30, 2010 at 9:58 PM

Climax denier..

macncheez on June 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

macncheez: Thats some storm,haha!!:)

canopfor on June 30, 2010 at 9:59 PM

Who knew the National Enquirer was staffed by right-wing crazies?

/sarc

cs89 on June 30, 2010 at 10:00 PM

RJL on June 30, 2010 at 9:56 PM

Too much publicity now and an actual, living victim. Even Clinton couldn’t keep himself out of court when Paula Jones turned up. And Gore is no sitting president. He’s a has been blowhard who will be worthless to anyone after this.

NotCoach on June 30, 2010 at 10:00 PM

In the police report, the massage therapist recounts that Al Gore said, “What has become clear to you lately?” Another clever poster (I won’t take credit for it) picked up on that as an undeniable allusion to Ralph Waldo Emerson, who in turn was echoing Benjamin Franklin. Only an addled Ivy League douche would make an obscure literary allusion while getting a massage (and I think it’s unlikely the average massage therapist would have invented such a peculiar and therefore damning detail), and it certainly sounds like a prelude to even weirder more intimidating behavior, sort of as in Pulp Fiction how Jules Winnfield would quote “Ezekiel 25:17″ right before shooting someone. Remember Al “HE PLAYED ON OUR FEARS!” Gore really isn’t like Data, because he’s not above losing his cool and getting his freak on now and then.

shazbat on June 30, 2010 at 10:01 PM

The DAs name is Michael Schrunk and Gore was going for Peter Schrunk. Coincidence or irony?

Aviator on June 30, 2010 at 10:02 PM

Don’t miss garrett’s poem over at Ace’s:

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/303156.php

Purple Fury on June 30, 2010 at 10:02 PM

Update: Wow. Perhaps this is more serious than I thought.

Yeah, the “I can’t believe it, ooh gross Al Gore sex” schtick was getting old.

Missy on June 30, 2010 at 10:02 PM

Of course we don’t yet whether AlGore left some of his swimmers on the clothing in question, but if he did, the parallel with BillyJeff getting tripped up by the same thing would be too rich. Some enterprising soul might even start a historical museum with notorious items of Dimmocrats’ clothing with the pants and dress, of course, and Robert Byrd’s hooded robe, and what else?

ya2daup on June 30, 2010 at 10:02 PM

Duke lax redux. Except everything in reverse.

Aquateen Hungerforce on June 30, 2010 at 9:21 PM

I wonder if Amanda Marcotte will be banging pots outside of Algore’s house. My guess? She and her feminazi friends will be smearing the victim here.

SouthernGent on June 30, 2010 at 10:03 PM

Since he hasn’t done that, it means either that Goracle has not denied it to his lawyer, or that he did but the test came back positive.

GTR640 on June 30, 2010 at 9:49 PM

Even if it came back positive Al Gore would just change the science to make it fit his own theory.

Hell, he might even get a Nobel Prize for doing it.

Mr Purple on June 30, 2010 at 10:03 PM

What about the grand puba senator Kennedy?

MeatHeadinCA on June 30, 2010 at 9:28 PM

..he and Dodd used to make waitress sammiches together. Algore could lie on top of one like a huge dumpling.

What with the Blago trial, The Pantload’s Golfing for the Gulf, and the upcoming elections, we’re gonna need more than a Summer of Recovery. We’re gonna need the Fall and most of the Winter as well.

The War Planner on June 30, 2010 at 10:06 PM

Hey, where is Sid Blumenthal when a guy needs him? You know the “nuts and sluts” defense is just waiting in the wings.

I suppose the Clintonistas will circle the wagons around old Al now – or are they all still buds? Seems like there was some bad blood after 2000.

I can’t wait until Al’s carbon trading house of cards starts falling down around him, too.

Missy on June 30, 2010 at 10:10 PM

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