Obamateurism of the Day; Update: Some kick-ass Photoshops added

posted at 8:05 am on June 9, 2010 by Ed Morrissey

By popular demand, I decided to feature a real kick-ass OOTD this morning. The White House has gotten more and more desperate to have Barack Obama perceived as emotionally engaged in the Gulf oil spill, which is itself a mistake. The American public wants to see Obama more substantively engaged. Instead of that, though, we get the amateurish, middle-school version of “engagement” in this interview with Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today show:

I don’t sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar. We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick.

“Whose ass to kick”?  What an utterly impotent statement.  Obama hasn’t even bothered to call BP’s CEO to kick a little ass where it might arguably count.  He’s standing on Gulf beaches making jokes about tar balls in bathing suits.  He has literally spent more days and more time on the golf course than in the Gulf region.  He hasn’t been in 1000-leg’s distance of anyone’s ass for almost the entirety of this disaster.

Erick Erickson wonders why Obama is so focused on his drop-kicking skills when he should be focused on solving the problem instead:

He is talking to experts not to find out how to solve the problem but to find out whose ass to kick? Seriously? …

And in the President of the United States own words, he’s not talking to experts to figure out how to solve the problem, but to figure out who to assign blame to.

This is not leadership. Heck, this isn’t even bullying.

This is failure.

Speaking of leadership, one e-mailer (whose name I have since lost — my apologies) made a very good point about ass-kicking.  One has to be behind the people doing the work to kick their ass, not in front leading them to their objective.

Meanwhile, this costume is likely going to be very popular in October for a whole new set of reasons:

We need someone with good Photoshop skills to make this one work for Captain Kickass, as Allahpundit hilariously dubbed Obama.

Update: Stephen Macklin comes through:

Update II: So does HA commenter Sideout:

And Mike M:

And TPitman:

These are great, folks!

Got an Obamateurism of the Day? If you see a foul-up by Barack Obama, e-mail it to me at obamaisms@edmorrissey.com with the quote and the link to the Obamateurism. I’ll post the best Obamateurisms on a daily basis, depending on how many I receive. Include a link to your blog, and I’ll give some link love as well. And unlike Slate, I promise to end the feature when Barack Obama leaves office.

Illustrations by Chris Muir of Day by Day. Be sure to read the adventures of Sam, Zed, Damon, and Jan every day!


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Comment pages: 1 2

“Daddy, have you figured out whose ass to kick yet?”

apostic on June 9, 2010 at 8:09 AM

“Mr. President, the voters are getting more and more angry at how you’re NOT handling this disaster.”

“I’ve got news for you, pal. They’re going to nail us, no matter what we do. So we might as well have a good time. Toga! Toga! Toga!”

Daggett on June 9, 2010 at 8:12 AM

I think Obambi is more like Invisible Boy in the movie “Mystery Men”. He was the one whose only super power was that he could become invisible, but only if nobody was watching him – and he couldn’t even watch himself.

Pretty damn impotent, as far as super powers goes.

DuctTapeMyBrain on June 9, 2010 at 8:13 AM

He has literally spent more days and more time on the golf course than in the Gulf region. He hasn’t been in 1000-leg’s distance of anyone’s ass for almost the entirety of this disaster.

Don’t be so hard on the poor guy. It’s because he’s been busier than a one-legged dude in an ass-kicking contest.

tru2tx on June 9, 2010 at 8:14 AM

I keep thinking of this classic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbww-nCVQg

JetBoy on June 9, 2010 at 8:15 AM

Cap’n Kickin’Ass &Takin’Names (but I gotta hold meetings first … with whiteboards and stuff)!

ya2daup on June 9, 2010 at 8:16 AM

we’ve reached the limits of demagoging. A demagogue only has power insofar as he has “an ass to kick”. No asses to kic, and…..his own is hung out to dry.

….and Captain Kickass knows it.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 8:17 AM

Awesome:

Why is it that the president would talk to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad without preconditions, but he thinks that, in the middle of arguably the biggest domestic crisis of his presidency, it’s a waste of his time to have a conversation with the head of British Petroleum?

(h/t Instapundit)

apostic on June 9, 2010 at 8:17 AM

This clown was never in a good fist fight in his life.

IlikedAUH2O on June 9, 2010 at 8:17 AM

Leaders focus on solving problems.

Community organizers redirect blame by ‘kicking ass’.

petefrt on June 9, 2010 at 8:18 AM

kic=kick, duh

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 8:18 AM

Captain KA to the rescue!!

Heaven help us

cmsinaz on June 9, 2010 at 8:19 AM

Somehow I just can’t visualize anyone being in fear of Obama “kicking ass”. He’s such a sissy-man girly boy.

Key West Reader on June 9, 2010 at 8:19 AM

Captain Kickass, as Allahpundit hilariously dubbed Obama.

Allahpundit and I have our differences, but THAT’S funny!! Great way to start the day. Perhaps “Captain Kickass” will catch on. I certainly don’t think it could demean the office any further.

oldleprechaun on June 9, 2010 at 8:20 AM

Here’s the other video from me, Granny Jan:

Daddy, Whose Ass Did You Kick Today?

Do you think I could get a job doing voice-overs?

No Niks on June 9, 2010 at 8:21 AM

If we had a real comedy channel and some serious, serious skit writing skills, this little ass kicking line could be turned into some deep comedy gold……alas…..we just have to create it herre ourselves.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 8:21 AM

Obama hasn’t even bothered to call BP’s CEO to kick a little ass where it might arguably count.

He says they give Hayward instructions every day on what they want from him. Even the lowest level supervisor knows you have to talk to people when you give instructions, to be sure they’ve understood, to answer any questions, and perhaps to hear their concerns or ideas.

If a President could be impeached for being incapable of doing his job, we would have a solution to the Kaptain Kickass problem.

Dee2008 on June 9, 2010 at 8:21 AM

Spike Lee advised the President to “go off.” That’s what he’s doing! Give him a chance, already.

visions on June 9, 2010 at 8:24 AM

…but he thinks that, in the middle of arguably the biggest domestic crisis of his presidency, it’s a waste of his time to have a conversation with the head of British Petroleum?

apostic on June 9, 2010 at 8:17 AM

I hope the RNC or somebody is preparing to plaster this all over TV between now and November. It’s about as damning as it gets. Beat it like a drum. It screams out “incompetence”.

petefrt on June 9, 2010 at 8:24 AM

Obama looking for an ass to kick is like OJ looking for the real killer

Daveyardbird on June 9, 2010 at 8:27 AM

Predictions:

Captain Kickass will still be in use in the blogosphere in 2012.

The Blago trial will generate at least TWICE as many threads as Helen the Gnome at HA. I certainly hope we have seen the last of her pics here (gag).

GnuBreed on June 9, 2010 at 8:32 AM

I hope the RNC or somebody is preparing to plaster this all over TV between now and November. It’s about as damning as it gets. Beat it like a drum. It screams out “incompetence”.

petefrt on June 9, 2010 at 8:24 AM

If SNL does a skit on this, they should use that as well to remind everyone that we cannot afford to have rank amateurs in the WH who engage daily in this sort of buffoonery.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 8:32 AM

Why is captain kickass suit in BP:s colors…

the_nile on June 9, 2010 at 8:34 AM

Why is captain kickass suit in BP:s colors…

the_nile on June 9, 2010 at 8:34 AM

British Barack’s Petroleum?

Disturb the Universe on June 9, 2010 at 8:36 AM

From slublog.

“Charlie Crist is…The Riddler.”

http://yfrog.com/9fwzpbj

the_nile on June 9, 2010 at 8:37 AM

Well, Obozo could probably deliver a nasty roundhouse kick to the azz, considering all the room he has in those mom jeans …..

Jerome Horwitz on June 9, 2010 at 8:37 AM

. . .don’t gloss over the qualifier. . .

The committee of of experts have only the potential to identify the demon that must be driven out by our Shaman in Chief. We don’t yet know if that committee has actually identified the demon that besets us. Nor do we know who is on the committee.

Again, this is all illusion. We are not yet at the ass kicking stage as Obama admits that he is still waiting to be told what to do next.

Skandia Recluse on June 9, 2010 at 8:38 AM

3:00AM or 3:00PM Captain Kickass is not ready to take any phone call, solve any problem, or act on behalf of the citizens of this great country.

meci on June 9, 2010 at 8:38 AM

The asses that should be kicked is that of all the morons that voted for Obama.

docdave on June 9, 2010 at 8:39 AM

When he finds out whose ass to kick, will he kick it while standing in the rain?

As much as I find his ‘Ass kicking’ comment disturbing, the fact that he had to mention that he, THE ONE and ONLY, stood in the rain while talking was a much more telling statement.

I guess this President is willing to get wet, but is he willing to get dirty?

MagicalPat on June 9, 2010 at 8:39 AM

This man is trashing the office of potus like no other.

Keemo on June 9, 2010 at 8:40 AM

docdave on June 9, 2010 at 8:39 AM

Amen to that Dave.

Keemo on June 9, 2010 at 8:41 AM

As much as I find his ‘Ass kicking’ comment disturbing, the fact that he had to mention that he, THE ONE and ONLY, stood in the rain while talking was a much more telling statement.

I guess this President is willing to get wet, but is he willing to get dirty?

MagicalPat on June 9, 2010 at 8:39 AM

Heh…. the best one was Zip standing in a lightening storm with his umbrella telling the people in Illinois not to endanger themselves. Meanwhile, he’s standing there like a human lightning rod.

He’s a frikkin’ genius!!!!

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 8:43 AM

How about kicking the asses of Iran, N.Korea, …etc?

Dingbat63 on June 9, 2010 at 8:44 AM

It’s hard to kick ass when you’re bending over exposing your own.

Disturb the Universe on June 9, 2010 at 8:44 AM

Instead of engaging the head of the company responsible for this disaster, L’il Duce is pathetically trying to talk tough. This shows both His authoritarian nature and incompetence in actually doing something to solve the problem.

Cap’n Kickass’s incompetence is the only thing saving us from His malevolence.

rbj on June 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

Ed, Whike we are speaking about e- mails and ass kicking. Please address the matter of neuter boy on the McCain thread. I a extremely offended. Allah took the Captain Kickass route and closed it. The ban hammer is sorely needed.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

British Barack’s Petroleum?

Disturb the Universe on June 9, 2010 at 8:36 AM

Over at Politico, one of the lib commenters is calling him “Oilbama.” One way or another, he’s like one of those poor pelicans struggling to survive in a pool of oil.

Dee2008 on June 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

I guess this President is willing to get wet, but is he willing to get dirty?

MagicalPat on June 9, 2010 at 8:39 AM

You cant have Chicago politics without dirty.

the_nile on June 9, 2010 at 8:46 AM

Spike Lee advised the President to “go off.”

I wish he’d go off too, off to Chicago to his old house and give the reins to someone who can lead this country out of the ruin he created for us.

scalleywag on June 9, 2010 at 8:48 AM

test

thomasaur on June 9, 2010 at 8:48 AM

“Barack, Barack, Barack, you’re glib, Barack.”

forest on June 9, 2010 at 8:51 AM

Captain Kickass. Still cracks me up.
The only thing this idiot is good for is being the poster child for the Democrats.

ORconservative on June 9, 2010 at 8:53 AM

is this Bill Mahre’s real black president?

tai-pan on June 9, 2010 at 8:54 AM

Obama: I haven’t spoken to BP CEO — because “I’m not interested in words”

Incredible. Just plain incredible.

Even Matt Lauer finds it ‘strange’.

petefrt on June 9, 2010 at 8:56 AM

He’s standing on Gulf beaches making jokes about tar balls in bathing suits.

Not to mention trying to enlist James Cameron for his “expertise”… the man doesn’t know the difference betweent the fantasy he spun during the campaign and the cold, ugly reality that is his job.

His incompetence is boundless, it seems.

ProfessorMiao on June 9, 2010 at 8:56 AM

The ban hammer is sorely needed.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

I couldn’t agree more. People have been banned for far less. Maybe it’s OK to insult certain groups and not others.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Spike Lee advised the President to “go off.” That’s what he’s doing! Give him a chance, already.

Great! The Won is now taking advice from Spike Lee. I feel SO much better!

oldleprechaun on June 9, 2010 at 8:59 AM

Obama looking for an ass to kick is like OJ looking for the real killer

Daveyardbird on June 9, 2010 at 8:27 AM

ZING!! You hit the bullseye! Perfect!

jwolf on June 9, 2010 at 9:00 AM

Classic progressive mindset: it’s what you say that’s important – it is more important to look good/sound good, than it is to DO good.

“Style Over Substance”

rockbend on June 9, 2010 at 9:00 AM

Spike Lee advised the President to “go off.” That’s what he’s doing! Give him a chance, already.

visions on June 9, 2010 at 8:24 AM

He should be taking advice from people who know about the oil industry, but then appearance is more important than results for Obama.

I’d like to see him “go off”, too. Literally. He could best serve his country by stepping down. NOW!

ProfessorMiao on June 9, 2010 at 9:00 AM

President Present, A** Kicker

katablog.com on June 9, 2010 at 9:05 AM

petefrt on June 9, 2010 at 8:56 AM

It’s not strange, really. BO doesn’t want to confront someone more knowledgeable. Regardless of one’s view of Tony Hayward he does know his industry. He would also have to explain his behavior (purely political) after accepting money from BP. Hayward knows and understands all of this, but BO’s first order of priority should have been to row in and work to find solutions.

BO isn’t a team player. As we have seen everything is always about him, and only him. He would get kicked off of Little League baseball team for being a royal pain. He can’t work with other people because it would expose his weaknesses. Remember the meeting he had with GOP leaders on health care? Disaster. He’s all show and no substance.

Tragic as it is this episode has fully exposed BO for what he is – an incompetent narcissist who should never have been put in the position he currently occupies.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

He who needs to be banned just posted on the GOP/Year of the Woman thread.

Disturb the Universe on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

I don’t sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar. We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick.

This guy’s so clueless, he needs to talk to “experts” to figure out whose ass he should kick! “Excuse me, uh, I’m new around here, but, uh, who’s ass should I be kicking?”

PatMac on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 8:58 AM

Thanks! I’m getting damn tired of the bashing. Last time I knew anything about the KKK was in Highstown, NJ.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

He who needs to be banned just posted on the GOP/Year of the Woman thread.

Disturb the Universe on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

Terrific. Don’t trust my temper right now. That twit insulted a hero who defends our country. Allah wimped out.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 9:12 AM

Thanks! I’m getting damn tired of the bashing. Last time I knew anything about the KKK was in Highstown, NJ.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

It’s unacceptable. You know what my particular hot button is, and I’m not a native Southerner.

There’s no reason to tolerate this sort of double standard here. We see it 24/7 year in and year out with the MSM. There’s no reason to put up with it in this forum.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:13 AM

And in the President of the United States own words, he’s not talking to experts to figure out how to solve the problem, but to figure out who to assign blame to.
This is not leadership.

Nope, it’s classic “community organizing.” Find someone to blame for the community’s problems, ridicule and demonize them, then try to shake them down for some cash.

Doesn’t actually solve the “community’s” problems (the cash goes into the pockets of the organizers and their friends), but it gets the community organizer some valuable face-time on t.v., which helps him get elected to the Senate, which helps him get elected president.

AZCoyote on June 9, 2010 at 9:14 AM

Disturb the Universe on June 9, 2010 at 9:06 AM

My fellow HA community members:
There is the owner ban method, and there is the community ban method. You and I control the community ban method by not wasting one second on a known troll. Last night the community failed to use their own ban tool. We must also look in the mirror when we fail.

Keemo on June 9, 2010 at 9:17 AM

He has attacked several posters in the past and disrupted countless threads. Narutoboy needs to be shown the door. Hawkdriver is a good man and one of our Best and Brightest. That was waaay out of line.

kingsjester on June 9, 2010 at 9:20 AM

Keemo on June 9, 2010 at 9:17 AM

That’s true, but after a while it becomes annoying to have to step over and around the trash. If we have rules here, they should apply to everyone.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:24 AM

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:13 AM

Seen your comments. I consider you an honorary Southerner. You get it. I was raised to say Sir and Ma’am to any adult. Anyone was allowed to warm my behind if I was rude in public. If I did,the Church Ladies from Hell ratted me out. The CIA could have used them.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 9:27 AM

The ban hammer is sorely needed.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

As an outspoken McCain-dude myself, I certainly hope n-boy doesn’t get lumped in with myself. I was in and out on said thread early. He apparently got out of hand…but a lot of peeps were eagerly joining in on the flame war. Can’t put all the blame on n-boy.

Not defending his statements at all, mind you. He was wrong. But the flames didn’t fan themselves, either. The best thing to do when a situation like that occurs is to simply play “ignore the troll”. It’s easy!

JetBoy on June 9, 2010 at 9:30 AM

He has attacked several posters in the past and disrupted countless threads. Narutoboy needs to be shown the door. Hawkdriver is a good man and one of our Best and Brightest. That was waaay out of line.

kingsjester on June 9, 2010 at 9:20 AM

Second!

DarkCurrent on June 9, 2010 at 9:32 AM

Anyone was allowed to warm my behind if I was rude in public. If I did,the Church Ladies from Hell ratted me out. The CIA could have used them.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 9:27 AM

That’s funny, but I know exactly what you mean. It was the same where I grew up in the Midwest.

Slagging Southerners is the cheap, easy way out. Those who still engage in this sort of thing demonstrate a profound ignorance of this region and how it has changed.

It also tells me that they are missing an essential point with this administration and liberals in general. They despise anyone and everyone who disagrees with their agenda. It doesn’t matter where you live or what gender or color you are.

Time and again, we see how the millions of Americans are maligned because they don’t fit into the progressive plan. If people were really paying attention, they would realize that they are all viewed with the same contempt normally accorded to Southerners whether they live in Wisconsin, California or Maine or anywhere in this country.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:35 AM

President Kick-Ass photoshop, here too.

He can’t govern, but he can kick your ass!
haha

sarainitaly on June 9, 2010 at 9:38 AM

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:24 AM
Agree 100% Cody; just saying that we can’t control the owner ban button, but we can control the integrity of the thread by way of the community ban. I also agree that hawk is one of the treasured members and I’m pretty sure hawk knows that.

Keemo on June 9, 2010 at 9:39 AM

Can’t put all the blame on n-boy.

JetBoy on June 9, 2010 at 9:30 AM

Oh ,yes I can.I was not in that flame war. Saw it this morning. He went way over the line.

katy the mean old lady on June 9, 2010 at 9:42 AM

Nicely done, but where’s the bicycle helmet that Slublog made famous?

steveegg on June 9, 2010 at 9:44 AM

Keemo on June 9, 2010 at 9:39 AM

Yep. I know what you mean. Ignoring them (shunning!) is probably the best method. They really do tart up the place, though.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 9:45 AM

Why does Michelle Obama keep coming to mind when discussing ass kicking? Methinks Dear Leader has this in his mind.

50sGuy on June 9, 2010 at 9:46 AM

Kaptain (Comrade?) Kickass is engaged in a two-fronted battle: one with BP/figurehead for all oil companies and the other with Jan Brewer/AZ. ObaMao is the symbol of Oil of Ole.

Is tonight’s Wednesday-night soiree a wagyu beef celebration in honor of Helen Thomas?

onlineanalyst on June 9, 2010 at 9:49 AM

The infantry motto is “Follow Me“, a motto that connotates a leader, in front, convincing and commanding others to follow him or her. The Obama Motto of “find me some ass to kick” is a motto that connotates force, punishment, and an inability to act in a manner that actually gets things done.

He can try to kick all the ass that he wants, but he’s just going to continue to fail (and that sore leg will hurt his golf and dancing leg).

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 9:58 AM

Why does Michelle Obama keep coming to mind when discussing ass kicking? Methinks Dear Leader has this in his mind.

50sGuy on June 9, 2010 at 9:46 AM

Hardly. My money’s on Michelle in that matchup.

EconomicNeocon on June 9, 2010 at 9:58 AM

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 9:55 AM

It isn’t going over well in the UK. I took a look at some UK papers yesterday, and the reader comment sections are full of derision and loathing for BO’s actions. They’re finally figuring out that he’s a fraud.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 10:01 AM

Katy and Cody- I was born a Hoosier and a Yankee, but my mom is from Missouri and my dad’s folks from Kentucky. Both had Southern manners and values. So I am in many ways a Southern boy who grew up in the North. I still say “Sir” and “Ma’am” and have notions about family and personal honor, grace and courtesy, that go back to those southern roots. I didn’t realize for many years how much my parent’s Southern ways and values had influenced me. Now I am proud of those roots.

novaculus on June 9, 2010 at 10:05 AM

Obama is truly the one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Hell, Rahm has more chance of kicking someone as he pirouettes around the oval office in his tutu and ballerina slippers.

hip shot on June 9, 2010 at 10:07 AM

we’ve reached the limits of demagoging. A demagogue only has power insofar as he has “an ass to kick”. No asses to kic, and…..his own is hung out to dry.

….and Captain Kickass knows it.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 8:17 AM

How about “Captain Craftmen”, as he is a tool that can be replaced when it can no longer do the job.

mechkiller_k on June 9, 2010 at 10:07 AM

How about “Captain Craftmen”, as he is a tool that can be replaced when it can no longer do the job.

mechkiller_k on June 9, 2010 at 10:07 AM

One does begin to wonder when Soros and his pals will decide that the Zero is a non-starter.

Soon, I hope.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 10:13 AM

And in the President of the United States own words, he’s not talking to experts to figure out how to solve the problem, but to figure out who to assign blame to.

Assigning blame is #1 on the list of Obama’s “problem solving” skills. Goes with the community organizer thing. Who in the world could be more of an expert at assigning blame than this sham tough guy?

On another, lingering, subject, I’m not sure I qualify for invoking the ban hammer, but I will say that hawkdriver displayed some very high standards of personal behavior on the McCain thread–a true gentleman. The other guy? Despicable.

Gang-of-One on June 9, 2010 at 10:14 AM

If he’s so interested in finding whose ass to kick maybe he should drop his pants and turn his back to the hall mirror. Look over his shoulder at the mirror and he’ll get a real good look at the ass that needs to be kicked.

sdd on June 9, 2010 at 10:18 AM

hhheheheh—love the updates.

Hey, when does Captain Kickass face off with Chuck Norris?

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:24 AM

Hey, does Cap’n Kickass wear golf shoes too? A multipurpose, ass-kickin’ suit—one that he can wear when he’s out kickin’ ass….or pluggin’ holes out at Belvoir.

He needs a proper superhero symbol…CKA, or….*wheels turning*…

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:26 AM

“Who’s ass to kick?” LOOK IN THE MIRROR, JUGEARS!

GarandFan on June 9, 2010 at 10:29 AM

someone ought to photoshop out the sticks and put in his right hand pointing a finger and the other hand holding a golf club.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:33 AM

Key West Reader on June 9, 2010 at 8:19 AM

I think the expression is “girly-man”.

katablog.com on June 9, 2010 at 9:05 AM

President Present! I love it!

Wait, inspiration. (No, it isn’t the muse that whispers “boy” in MoDo’s ear. That muse speaks only to LibProgs.) Its a movie script!

Hans und Franz take President Present and Pump Him Up! Then he develops his super hero alter-identity, Kaptain Kickass! Now when facing an emergency, he retires to a phone booth, or, as those are in increasingly short supply, a Starbuck’s restroom (slip in product endorsement), emerging as Kaptain Kickass, with a bad attitude, a latte grande and a croissant. He then lectures every Republican and Tea-Partier in sight until they cease and desist their nefarious doings, and the world is once again safe for Democrats and aggrieved identity-groups.

OK, OK, I know the end needs some work, like some car wrecks and explosions. I can work those in. But otherwise, I think it has promise. Ideas stolen from several different sources, preposterous premise, all it needs is a little polishing and a lefty producer with more money than brains! And we know there are plenty of those!

Hollywood, here I come!

novaculus on June 9, 2010 at 10:37 AM

or take a loose paraphrase from the real Messiah, “You hypocrite, take your head out of your own ass so that you may see to kick your brother’s ass.”

kscheuller on June 9, 2010 at 10:40 AM

Great pics! Shouldn’t he have golf clubs in his hands rather than bats though??

PattyJ on June 9, 2010 at 10:47 AM

Hans und Franz take President Present and Pump Him Up! Then he develops his super hero alter-identity, Kaptain Kickass! Now when facing an emergency, he retires to a phone booth, or, as those are in increasingly short supply, a Starbuck’s restroom (slip in product endorsement), emerging as Kaptain Kickass, with a bad attitude, a latte grande and a croissant. He then lectures every Republican and Tea-Partier in sight until they cease and desist their nefarious doings, and the world is once again safe for Democrats and aggrieved identity-groups.

hehe.

He delivers a stunning oratory that renders college graduates unconscious in under 5 minutes. Beware of his deadly finger that he wields and points at whomever may be in his path, that finger is pointed at evildoers that shall be held accountable to his most lethal….most powerful….and most feared…weapon…of..all—-the mighty Ass Kicker. This size 10 is unlike any other size 10–whoa no no no. This size 10 can be shootin hoop and pivoting during one hour, and looking sharp on the Belvoir back nine the next. Looks are as deceiving as his words because this size 10 really kicks ass…especially when those experts tell him whose ass to kick—for despite all his magical superpowers, he lacks the fundamental skill of discernment—for otherwise he would kick ass indiscriminately, because he is ultimately, an ass-kicker that demands fairness amongst all ass kickees…amongst whom he loves to spread his ass-kickin’ blessings around without any discrimination whatsoever. But he loves to reserve his best ass kickin’ to businesses, republicans, talk show hosts, and the invenerable strawmen that plague his path every day and are immune to the finger wagging.

ok i’ll stop.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:48 AM

I like it!

I think “Captain Kickass” would look good with some Geordi La Forge glasses (I don’t have Photoshop though).

pain train on June 9, 2010 at 10:49 AM

Why don’t we just add a booted foot behind BO’s behind on the Obamateurism post of the day?

Simple. And it reminds people each day what a “Kick Ass” president we have.

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 10:51 AM

If SNL passes up this comedy gold…then I’ll consider us in comedy purgatory that feels like a nuclear winter….

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:51 AM

it’s probably hard to sit down and pee in a costume like that.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:54 AM

it’s probably hard to sit down and pee in a costume like that.

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:54 AM

Lololololololololololololololololololololol……………….!

Cody1991 on June 9, 2010 at 10:56 AM

This is just a hunch, but I’m guessing Obama’s been on the receiving end of a heck of a lot more ass kickings than he’s delivered.

If he’s delivered even one.

pain train on June 9, 2010 at 10:58 AM

Maybe someone should photoshop him in Mom jeans wearing that mask.

How unPresidential. It isn’t even Commander-in Chief-ish.

I won’t even comment on the Purple necktie.

Beaglemom on June 9, 2010 at 11:06 AM

ted c on June 9, 2010 at 10:54 AM

ZING!!!!!!!!!!!!

ladyingray on June 9, 2010 at 11:07 AM

Gee I don’t know about this Captain Kick Ass meme. What if some people started to replace a letter or two in the word kick and that meme took off ? U L F SS ,just a few suggestions. Help us Obeywon Snobby you’re our only hope!

bigmike on June 9, 2010 at 11:09 AM

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