There’s a boatload of primaries happening in Alabama, Mississippi, and New Mexico tonight but only one of them really matters. Can the greatest political ad ever propel America’s next president to victory in his first step towards the White House? Watch the returns here. It’s a three-way race and the top two will move on to a runoff if no one gets 50 percent, which, frankly, might be optimal since it might mean a new ad from D-Pete. Imagine it. Dude, one word: Rodeo.

A clear majority win for Peterson will warrant a Humpbot cameo in this space later. For now, via Ben Smith, enjoy the latest from gubernatorial candidate Tim “Does It to You?” James, whom you may remember for his lovably goofy ad about speaking English. If not for you know who, he’d be the breakout star of the political-ad season. You can follow the returns in his race here.

Update: Wow, a major upset in Alabama on the Democratic side. Rep. Artur Davis, who voted against O-Care in order to preserve his shot at becoming the state’s first black governor, is getting crushed in the primary.