As promising as the headline sounds, the article is even better. For once, I recommend skipping the transcript and actually listening to the audio. How often do you get to hear a cultural stereotype come magically to life?

Nate Stark has an explanation.

Mr. STARK: I guess it’s laziness and like, what’s the point? When it comes down to it, nobody wants to fill out like another form that’s just like getting sent to your house that really relatively has nothing to do with your life.

SMITH: He thinks the young people just haven’t been given a good enough reason to fill out the census.

Mr. STARK: I mean people would do if they got like five bucks.

SMITH: Five bucks?

Mr. STARK: Yeah. Or if there was like more than just like a piece of paper that’s like you have to do this or you could get in trouble, which no one will get in trouble; that’s why they don’t do it.

I, like, like that they made a point of including all the “likes” in the transcript. Said another tragically disillusioned tragic hipster of a country that’s so, like, disappointed her, “If we don’t count, why be counted?” If you believe the media narrative, it’s precisely that sentiment that’s got Michele Bachmann and tea partiers burning their census forms in their backyards in protest. Except, of course, it’s a lie: The rate of return in Republican districts is doing just fine (better than fine, actually). Which means it’s a time for a new media narrative: The fact that conservatives are turning their forms in proves that the tea party’s a total bust. QED.

Here’s SNL’s mildly amusing opener from last night. This is the best you’re going to get with Armisen having to carry a sketch as Obama, so don’t grumble. Exit question: How will hipsters cope when Brooklyn loses House seats due to their low rate of participation? Ironically, I’m guessing.