Video: The worst movie ever?

posted at 4:34 pm on March 27, 2010 by Allahpundit

Normally I’d relegate this to Headlines, but (a) it’s Saturday, (b) we need something to laugh at after such a dreary week, (c) it’s a rare opportunity for bipartisan blog consensus, and (d) it really is so bad that it qualifies as bona fide news.

Prepare yourselves, my friends. That which has been seen cannot be unseen.

Breaking on Hot Air

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Didn’t you notice the shark?

ladyingray on March 27, 2010 at 5:43 PM

There’s a shark in it?
Cool!

annoyinglittletwerp on March 27, 2010 at 10:15 PM

just shoot me.

Is this for mentally challenged people? Or just made by them?

And hey, isn’t it time someone started crying “RACISM!” on all these wacky animal (or robot) sidekicks who have to be voiced by Black or Hispanic actors? Seriously, if Stepin Fetchit were alive today, he’d be on contract for Dreamworks for the next 20 years.

somewhatconcerned on March 27, 2010 at 10:24 PM

I liked it.

bagoh20 on March 27, 2010 at 10:32 PM

George Lopez’s voice alone makes me run for the hills.

Shame. I like Marmaduke the comic strip. Could’ve been a really cute movie if they had just been true to the strip. Wish the creator hadn’t sold out.

-Aslan’s Girl

Aslans Girl on March 27, 2010 at 10:36 PM

It will be the greatest dog related movie since “Beethoven.”

AaronGuzman on March 27, 2010 at 10:38 PM

C’mon, it wasn’t THAT bad. At least they’re not barking to Jingle Bells.

RationalIcthus on March 27, 2010 at 10:43 PM

I’m a sucker for talking dogs. Even when voiced by Lightening McQueen. I’ve seen worse movies, I’m sure. Like anything by Michael Moore. (Which I watched at someone’s house, no way would I pay money to support that idiot.)

byepartisan on March 27, 2010 at 10:46 PM

It should be no surprise that the movie’s a stinker. Look at the totally mindless and unfunny comic strip it’s based on.

bgoldman on March 27, 2010 at 10:50 PM

I blame George Bush…

MunDane68 on March 27, 2010 at 10:53 PM

I laughed…I cried…I sniffed Fergie Sheltie’s butt-pie!
Teddy the Sheltie (Eff Cliffy’s owner)

Eff Cliffy on March 27, 2010 at 10:55 PM

This wasn’t even Grease 2 bad…

Mike in GB on March 27, 2010 at 11:03 PM

I liked the dance scene.

SheofTwoMinds on March 27, 2010 at 11:05 PM

I think there isn’t a drop of creativity left in the movie industry and the movie probably sucks but it doesn’t strike me as being the worst movie evah. Any Micheal Moore “film” or anything with Alec Baldwin in it must automatically be way suckier.

Big John on March 27, 2010 at 11:06 PM

I’m a nerd. I like history and documentaries. The first time my husband and I saw Band of Brothers on DVD we watched all 10 hours of it straight through.
That said- this seems cute and lighthearted.
I might go see it. Maybe.

annoyinglittletwerp on March 27, 2010 at 11:11 PM

How do you know EAST Tennessee accent??????

ladyingray on March 27, 2010 at 8:45 PM

That was a Maynardville, TN accent, where the character is supposed to be from. Trust me, I worked in Maynardville and lived about fifteen miles from there.

Holger on March 27, 2010 at 11:13 PM

Hey, Holger, was the Dragon movie any good? I’m thinking of taking my nephews.

-Aslan’s Girl

Aslans Girl on March 27, 2010 at 11:15 PM

Could be worse.

DangerHighVoltage on March 27, 2010 at 11:16 PM

that stupid, stupid movie with John Cusack Serendipity

Branch Rickey on March 27, 2010 at 9:20 PM

Yeah, that was a special kind of stupid. But then, anything with that sniveling little pansy Cusack sucks.

Jaibones on March 27, 2010 at 11:17 PM

How do you know EAST Tennessee accent??????

ladyingray on March 27, 2010 at 8:45 PM

I didn’t say it was “east Tennessee”, and I’m pretty sure I don’t know east from west. I just know bad when I hear it, and Inglourious Basterds was serious bad.

Jaibones on March 27, 2010 at 11:18 PM

oh, please -

it’ll take a lot more than this to chase the likes of films like “Freddie Got Fingered” from their well deserved places on the Worst Movies Ever list.

dissent555 on March 27, 2010 at 11:40 PM

“Jade” was an awful movie. “The Happening” made me wish I had a “Hot Tub Time Machine” so I could get those two hours back.

nogooddeed on March 27, 2010 at 11:41 PM

Well, it’s no Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus…

But then again, few are.

JohnGalt23 on March 27, 2010 at 11:44 PM

Hey, it’s like Look Who’s Talking but with animals! Is it in 3D as well? Oh man I am gonna drink so much cola when watching this!

Sharke on March 27, 2010 at 11:51 PM

Oh Hell Yeah!

Bring it on!

2 hrs of total escape for $20 including popcorn!

Sounds stimulating!

Texas Gal on March 27, 2010 at 11:59 PM

I watched the trailer. Now it says on my screen “PLAY AGAIN?” and I’m afraid to touch my computer. Help…

Shy Guy on March 28, 2010 at 12:01 AM

Allah must be a cat person – beta male, figures. :-)

Firefly_76 on March 28, 2010 at 12:13 AM

All 7 of my Boston terriers said they could out act Owen Wilson in this one, and their voice over would be better. The did agree they would never be able to pull off the dance scene however.

Mini-14 on March 28, 2010 at 12:44 AM

How’s this supposed to pass Short Circuit or Solarbabies? Come on, those were monuments to bad movie-dom. Could this even beat Plan 9??!! Perish the thought!

Axeman on March 28, 2010 at 1:37 AM

Aslans Girl on March 27, 2010 at 11:15 PM

It was good. I wasn’t really paying attention to the humor but nothing stuck me as not meant for kids (take that with a grain of salt). I remember most of it being slapstick.

There is a ‘love’ story that is PG and is mostly puppy-love crush like (a couple of slightly chaste and yet not chaste kisses between Hiccup and Asterid!!!!) and to put it simply, it is about a kid challenging the assumptions of his culture concerning Dragons (whether you think there is a political message in there or not is upto you but it is not as preachy as others) and not fitting into their notions in general.

Kids should love the other kid characters and will get a kick out of Gobber the Belch.

There is one thing you might want to be aware of in a kid’s story. Hiccup (the scrawny hero) looses his leg in the end of the movie.

Holger on March 28, 2010 at 1:43 AM

C’mon, it wasn’t THAT bad. At least they’re not barking to Jingle Bells.

RationalIcthus on March 27, 2010 at 10:43 PM

If you have friends (or family) whose little darlings are the bane of your existence, (1) find a version where Jingle Bells is performed by meowing cats, and (2) find a way to present it to said darlings. True, it’s evil, but it’s far, far better for inflicting lasting discomfort than giving them drums or whistles, because playing it over and over is like catnip to said little darlings.

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 1:50 AM

Heard Clifford is slated for next year

offroadaz on March 27, 2010 at 4:40 PM

My middle brother would kill to have P. D. Eastman’s “Go Dog. Go!” come to the big screen.

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 2:02 AM

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

Theophile on March 27, 2010 at 5:05 PM

However, this line from TAOBBAT8D strikes a chord since last Sunday: “It’s not my planet, Monkey Boy!”

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 2:15 AM

I lol’d

omriceren on March 28, 2010 at 2:18 AM

Holger on March 28, 2010 at 1:43 AM

Awe! Thank you for that! My cousins haven’t forgiven me for 40 years for having to leave the movie theatre when Bambi’s mother died. It’s been a major issue for me ever since, even fictional animals.

margategop517 on March 28, 2010 at 2:19 AM

Somebody mentioned “Battlefield Earth.” End of discussion.

However, somebody also mentioned “Howard the Duck,” which holds a special place in my heart for some reason.

However, no one has mentioned “The Love Guru.” I win?

Knuckledragger on March 28, 2010 at 2:34 AM

Sharona: You told her that stupid Marmaduke joke, and you got a medical plan? (from “Mr. Monk Gets Fired”)

Once again, Hollywood’s poor timing allows cart to slip in front of horse.

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 2:36 AM

Are all HotAir commenters as uptight and snooty as the ones who have posted on this thread?

Why can’t you just enjoy a good laugh?

TeleL on March 27, 2010 at 6:39 PM

We are… in this thread

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 2:39 AM

In the comic, the owner has a Hitler ‘stache, which let’s you pretend the comic strip is about Hitler trying to hide out in the suburbs with his giant, genocidal dog.

darii on March 27, 2010 at 7:07 PM

Now you’ve done it… someone, somewhere, with way to much time on their hands will unleash another “Hitler Learns of…” “parody” (and PETA will press charges for another poor horse beaten to death).

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 2:45 AM

Sir, I beg to differ. Have you not seen “The Thin Red Line”?

Tony737 on March 27, 2010 at 7:47 PM

You refer, of course, to the one with Sean Penn and John Travolta in it. You could not possibly mean the one that came out in 1964.

Oldnuke on March 27, 2010 at 8:07 PM

The Thin Red Line movies were adapted from a novel that came out in 1962. Written by James Jones who also wrote From Here to Eternity. If you have the opportunity it’s well worth the read.

Oldnuke on March 27, 2010 at 8:14 PM

Read the book and liked it. Saw the 1964 movie with Keir Dullea and Jack Warden in the leading roles and liked it, too. Have no intention of watching the remake.

ya2daup on March 28, 2010 at 2:54 AM

Sure it’s bad but it isn’t Gymkata bad.

Bill C on March 28, 2010 at 2:56 AM

Holger on March 28, 2010 at 1:43 AM

Thanks, Holger :) I was afraid of there being a preachy political message in it, but I’m glad it isn’t “hit you over the head”. Thanks again!

-Aslan’s Girl

Aslans Girl on March 28, 2010 at 3:35 AM

Dumb, but not even close to the worst movie ever — at least not judging from the trailer. IMHO, the only point at which it approached Worst Of All Time status was the line dance scene.

If I was told I must attend a movie or my mother would die, I would rather see Marmaduke than anything in the Twilight series, Dwayne Johnson’s Tooth Fairy flop, the John Travolta/Robin Williams monstrosity Old Dogs, or the upcoming Kick-Ass with its profane preteen female assassin.

(I’m already on record at IMDB as voting for The Skydivers for WOAT.)

L.N. Smithee on March 28, 2010 at 5:19 AM

I don’t know, though…

Surf Ninjas was pretty bad. :D

Diane on March 28, 2010 at 5:33 AM

Allah needs to get out more often and/or have some kids!

That got 2 genuine LOL’s from me, and the only part I found cringeworthy was the dancing part at the end, which will no doubt be running during the credits ala Shrek.

My daughter and her friends will love that movie, and I’ll be hero for a day for taking them. ;-)

Woody on March 28, 2010 at 6:41 AM

Thomas and the Magic Railroad with Alec Baldwin and Peter Fonda was putrid.Even my little boys hated it.

pugwriter on March 28, 2010 at 7:27 AM

we’ve hit rock bottom and we’re starting to dig for comedy gold…… times are tough, times are sure tough…

ted c on March 28, 2010 at 7:30 AM

I can’t wait until they make Dora the Explorer into a CG movie like this….///

ted c on March 28, 2010 at 7:31 AM

I can’t wait until they make Dora the Explorer into a CG movie like this….///

ted c on March 28, 2010 at 7:31 AM

Oh, I’m sure it’s coming.

pugwriter on March 28, 2010 at 7:36 AM

Actually, I think this one is going to be way cool!

As for the dubious distinction of worst movie ever, exactly what is Michael Moore’s next project?

pilamaye on March 28, 2010 at 7:42 AM

How do you know EAST Tennessee accent??????

ladyingray on March 27, 2010 at 8:45 PM

That was a Maynardville, TN accent, where the character is supposed to be from. Trust me, I worked in Maynardville and lived about fifteen miles from there.

Holger on March 27, 2010 at 11:13 PM

It wasn’t any kind of Southern accent, except bad. Typical Hollywood. However, Im a big Tarantino fan and liked the movie.

di butler on March 28, 2010 at 8:00 AM

It will be the greatest dog related movie since “Beethoven.”

AaronGuzman on March 27, 2010 at 10:38 PM

I’m with you. I love that trailer. I can’t wait to see it.

I predict a $50 Million opening and $300 Million total.

Besides, any movie with William H. Macy can’t be that bad.

Jaynie59 on March 28, 2010 at 8:19 AM

It made my hair hurt.

Potfry on March 28, 2010 at 8:26 AM

This would be the best dog movie ever … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH8bFBnhzaY

Tony737 on March 28, 2010 at 8:28 AM

My kids will eat this crap up. sigh.

VoxRobotica on March 28, 2010 at 8:56 AM

Exit question: Will this be, what should be a safe for kids ane yet be tainted with adult humor ruined by Hollywood, movie?

shick on March 28, 2010 at 9:56 AM

My family just watched Benji last night. I miss films like that for families.

shick on March 28, 2010 at 9:57 AM

Compared to all the out and out garbage Hollywood puts out, this ain’t that bad looking. Maybe kind of cute for kids.

MNHawk on March 28, 2010 at 9:58 AM

It’s actually not even close to the worst movie ever. The worst movies either have to work to be bad or are unwittingly bad. It takes a “Baby Geniuses” or a “Heaven’s Gate” to be that bad.

Here’s what I want to know. What are the odds that one of the 11 people in the world who reads and enjoys the Marmaduke strip would be able to get a movie made? I thought Markaduke wasn’t a strip. It was a primer to make me think “Cathy” was funny.
I just caught myself about to ask why they haven’t made a Calvin & Hobbes movie.

An Objectivist on March 28, 2010 at 10:09 AM

Excuse me while I go shoot myself in the head.

James on March 28, 2010 at 10:49 AM

like a live action Hagar the Horrible?

JetBoy on March 27, 2010 at 5:25 PM

It’s called the obama administration.

lorien1973 on March 27, 2010 at 5:30 PM

I’m a big guy with red hair and a big beard. Hagar is sorta a hero of mine in a comi sort of way. I resent that comparison, lorien1973! Harumph!

friendlygrizzly on March 28, 2010 at 11:48 AM

*comic

friendlygrizzly on March 28, 2010 at 11:48 AM

Not even close. The littlest ones among us (yes, they do exist) will enjoy it and part of being a parent is sitting through the occasional crap to let your kids enjoy something.

No, it’s not going to make the list at Cannes but, hey, these days that’s not a mark against you.

And what was the crack about racism? Are you kidding me, whomever that was? Stepinfechit? Gimme a freaking break. Mierda de toro.

princetrumpet on March 28, 2010 at 11:48 AM

Another reason it won’t make Cannes is:

1) Nothing in it slams Bush.

2) The colors are real and vibrant, not muddy and flat.

3) The cameras at least seem to be mounted on tripods; they are not handheld by people with nerve diseases.

4) There is no off-to-the-side character mumbling something in incomprehensible French.

friendlygrizzly on March 28, 2010 at 12:18 PM

It will do well with kids & their parents and anyone who has / had a Great Dane.

Allah, if you’d said “Silly”, maybe …

but “Worst” – not a chance.

BD57 on March 28, 2010 at 1:52 PM

Eh…If the country bought Avatar..they’ll buy this.

If given a choice between angry smurfs taking themselves seriously and talkin dogs..I’d probably go for the talking dogs.

Handel on March 28, 2010 at 3:17 PM

I would never be able to handle listening to the voice of that POS Lopez.

Army Brat on March 28, 2010 at 3:19 PM

In the context of the intended audience, Cop Out was far worse. My kids (the intended audience for Marmaduke) just watched it and thought it was OK. When I (the intended audience for Cop Out) watched that trailer, I thought it was supposed to be some broad parody of buddy cop movies, a la “Date Movie,” “Scary Movie,” etc. When it became increasingly apparent that it was in fact a buddy cop movie intended to be “funny,” I was appalled at the ineptitude.

Dudley Smith on March 28, 2010 at 3:27 PM

It’s Rob Schneider aaaas…..The Stapler!

hisfrogness on March 28, 2010 at 3:30 PM

This is the best dog movie evah!

platypus on March 28, 2010 at 3:51 PM

I might be a little late to the party here,but I’d like to nominate “There Will Be Blood” as a contender for the worst movie ever. Roughly 3 hours of waiting for it to develop into something worth watching. Boring, slow, shallow, pointless… did I mention boring?

Sure, it may have been my fault for sticking with it. (In my defense, it was a selection – not mine – for a family movie night at my son’s place – no kids, thankfully.) After the hype I’d heard, I kept thinking there might be some reason to keep watching, but alas, I was wrong. Thank goodness it was a Netflix selection, and I didn’t pay to see it in a theater.

3 hours of my life I will never get back…sigh.

LooseCannon on March 28, 2010 at 4:36 PM

There Will Be Blood deserves special mention as a bad movie because it starts out with potential. The first half hour builds expectation. There’s Daniel Day Lewis with a carefully developed character. He’s in there showing his craft. The music builds expectations. Then over the course of the next two hours, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Day Lewis decisively demonstrate how to make a lousy movie. By the end, Lewis’s character is a mere caricature. Reminds me of Anthony Hopkins in “Legends of the Fall” playing a man debilitated by a stroke for some reason – another lousy movie.
Critics love both of those movies.

An Objectivist on March 28, 2010 at 5:39 PM

I notice in the headline AP said ‘ever’, not evah. That’s certainly different. What does it mean, I wondah?

As for moi: looks like fun. Would definitely rather watch this thing than that Scientologist crepic Battlefield Earth.

RD on March 28, 2010 at 6:32 PM

Feh, you people are amateurs! You want a really BAD movie… one that will make you beg those around you to just put you out of your misery?

“Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn”

In 3-D! Because two dimensions of pain just weren’t bad enough.

How bad could it be? Consider two points, which I will offer as merciful spoilers: There is no Metalstorm, and Jared-Syn is not destroyed.

If you insist on watching this, have someone tie a rope to you in order to drag you out of the room before it’s too late. Just in case, have a durable power of attorney in effect beforehand.

You have been warned.

VekTor on March 28, 2010 at 9:58 PM

Marmadumb

Elchasebo on March 28, 2010 at 10:37 PM

Right after this comment, I’m going to burn my eyes out with a curling iron.

lionheart on March 29, 2010 at 7:03 AM

This looks kinda dumb. But keep in mind, movies like this are geared towards the 3-8 year old crowd. I will probably rent this and maybe end up owning it for my 2 yr old.

I already own Alvin and the Chipmunks, and G-Force, and it looks like I will be owning Alvin and the chipmunks 2 real soon.

jeffn21 on March 29, 2010 at 10:06 AM

Dude, it’s a kids movie. Of course it’s going to be silly and dumb. There are no oscar pretensions for this kind of movie; it’s just meant for entertainment. You want dumb that takes itself seriously, hello Avatard. Hello Green Zone. Hello Rendition. Talking dog movies don’t raise my expectations very high. Lighten up Francis.

austinnelly on March 29, 2010 at 11:55 AM

The only way this movie could possibly suck any worse is if Nicholas Cage or Eddie Murphy was starring in it.

JohnBG on March 29, 2010 at 12:38 PM

I disagree one one main point.

The worst movie ever made was:
“The Life Aquatic” starring Bill Murray

Fortunately, I didn’t pay for it,
but watched it on cable when it came on at 1am.

I watched it to the end simply because it was so bad
that I was hoping for at least one moment
that would make it worth the time.

Sadly, I wasted 4 hours of my life.

It may not have been that long, but it seemd that long
and it didn’t even help with the insomnia.

It was THAT bad.

TimLenox on March 29, 2010 at 12:41 PM

Worst movie ever? I don’t think so, have seen much worse…

Confederate on March 29, 2010 at 2:14 PM

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