Finally: Abraham Lincoln, vampire hunter

posted at 9:08 pm on March 3, 2010 by Allahpundit

To cleanse the palate, the Civil War battle you haven’t heard of — until now. Believe it or not, this isn’t a movie trailer (although a movie is reportedly in the works); it’s a … book trailer, advertising the latest historical horror goof by the guy who wrote “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.” I guess they thought a campy vid showing the Rail Splitter splitting Nosferatu’s chest cavity would be guaranteed to go viral. They thought right.

Here’s the thing, though. I want to love it, I’m trying to love it, but … I don’t love it. Vampires? Really? What about an attack by Confederate zombies instead? Or better yet, an alien invasion in which E.T. forges an alliance with the rebels — only to enslave them after victory is secured. It’s the twist Twilight Zone ending that Rod Serling didn’t live long enough to write! Someone call Harry Turtledove, stat.


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Eh!

GarandFan on March 3, 2010 at 9:12 PM

Someone call Harry Turtledove, stat.

Dude.

Slublog on March 3, 2010 at 9:12 PM

I read PPZ and was bored to tears. I thought the formulation would include more of a retelling of the original tale but all it did was include occasional zombie attacks that were, pardon the pun, lifeless.

Bishop on March 3, 2010 at 9:13 PM

That was pretty dumb…

Lance Murdock on March 3, 2010 at 9:13 PM

Uh, wow. History just got a lot more interesting…

Hog Wild on March 3, 2010 at 9:14 PM

Now we know what he split all those rails for. Stakes.

ReubenJCogburn on March 3, 2010 at 9:15 PM

I had to run to Walmart, and saw the book on the shelf. I went….whaaaaaaaaa??? and went immediately to the check out. I don’t think it caught my interest enough to invest precious money into it. lol

capejasmine on March 3, 2010 at 9:18 PM

I liked it, and anyone who mentions calling Harry Turtledove gets 1000 points.

rob verdi on March 3, 2010 at 9:19 PM

We need a few stakes for the health care bill. Some silver bullets as well.

INC on March 3, 2010 at 9:19 PM

ooo-kay.

Midas on March 3, 2010 at 9:19 PM

I liked it, and anyone who mentions calling Harry Turtledove gets 1000 points.
rob verdi on March 3, 2010 at 9:19 PM

Indeed. “Guns of the South” is one of my all-time favorite books.

Slublog on March 3, 2010 at 9:20 PM

What if President Lincoln was bitten before he was shot…?

THAT means that he still walks the earth!

Linconln/Palin 2012 Baby…!!!

Seven Percent Solution on March 3, 2010 at 9:21 PM

That’s Lincoln/Palin 2012 Baby…

(remember to Preview/spell check)

Seven Percent Solution on March 3, 2010 at 9:22 PM

I don’t get it.

Lincoln?

tru2tx on March 3, 2010 at 9:23 PM

Fake. Ron Burgundy wasn’t sparkly enough to be a vampire.

Diane on March 3, 2010 at 9:25 PM

Too soon.

David Combs on March 3, 2010 at 9:28 PM

I tried reading Pride And Prejudice And Zombies, and, despite the good reviews, it was booooooooring. Almost as bad as Interview with the Vampire.

Harry Turtledove’s alternate history is much more interesting.

William Teach on March 3, 2010 at 9:29 PM

I find this completely believable…

Seven Percent Solution on March 3, 2010 at 9:34 PM

What about an attack by Confederate zombies instead?

I can’t quite imagine that; can we just do Democrat zombies instead? More realistic…

IntheNet on March 3, 2010 at 9:35 PM

Vampire stories are for chicks.

Alden Pyle on March 3, 2010 at 9:35 PM

Someone call Harry Turtledove, stat.

His Worldwar Series was great. funny.

elduende on March 3, 2010 at 9:37 PM

I think it is much funnier when Lincoln gets Screw-on to do kill vampires…and zombies.

Dongemaharu on March 3, 2010 at 9:42 PM

Abe’s Secret Service PSD must be as bad as Obama’s. Gunshots, breaking furniture and fistfights, and not one agent shows up. He’ll probably end up being assassinated by a John Wilks Booth vampire, at the end.

Virus-X on March 3, 2010 at 9:45 PM

Related (because Lincoln supported military commissions): Vampires, Werewolves, and Other Monsters Exploit Obama Terrorism Precedents: http://optoons.blogspot.com/2009/08/vampires-werewolves-and-other-monsters.html

Mervis Winter on March 3, 2010 at 9:49 PM

Harry Turtledove’s MO is to put Nazis in everything, not vampires.

/Nazi vampires???

DangerHighVoltage on March 3, 2010 at 9:56 PM

I read the free sample on Kindle and was so very dissapointed. Like it was trying too hard to not be Interview With A Vampire but couldn’t… quite… do it.

I also want to like it but was unimpressed with what I saw. I liked Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and have not yet read Sense and Sensibility and Seamonsters. But I probably will when it gets to Half Price Books.

rihar on March 3, 2010 at 10:00 PM

More little-known history: the part Abe played in The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Rosmerta on March 3, 2010 at 10:26 PM

Just curious, do you post this crap in the headlines then wait a couple hours to repost in the main content to drive up the number of hits to different pages, in turn increasing the ad revenue?

I mean, it is happening a lot lately.

Blarg the Destroyer on March 3, 2010 at 10:35 PM

Looks like this was previewed in the Sarah Connor Chronicles. They say in the post that some of their writers were working on an actual film.

RINO in Name Only on March 3, 2010 at 10:45 PM

RINO in Name Only on March 3, 2010 at 10:45 PM

Oops that really was zombies. This one is vampires.

RINO in Name Only on March 3, 2010 at 10:48 PM

PPZ was atrocious. Best idea ever and worst execution. The problem is the author, he cannot write. I wanted to love it. But, the book was painful to read and I had to give it up.

I just saw the second book in Barnes and Noble and I could not believe that he “wrote” another book much less got it published. That it is being turned into a movie is not that surprising given the crap that hollywood regularly turns out (especially in this genre) yeah I am talking to you Bloodrayne.

America1st on March 3, 2010 at 10:53 PM

I dunno…seeing the man who wrote Gettysburg Address portrayed so was…uncomfortable.

muggedbyreality on March 3, 2010 at 11:01 PM

I dunno…seeing the man who wrote Gettysburg Address portrayed so was…uncomfortable.

muggedbyreality on March 3, 2010 at 11:01 PM

That just speaks to how dramatically powerful this movie is. It is the artist’s job to make you uncomfortable.

RINO in Name Only on March 3, 2010 at 11:06 PM

We need a few stakes for the health care bill. Some silver bullets as well.

INC on March 3, 2010 at 9:19 PM

I think all we really need to do is get it out into the sunlight.

boomer on March 3, 2010 at 11:17 PM

I just bought a copy!

KSgop on March 3, 2010 at 11:20 PM

First Law of Comedy: Jokes about Lincoln are never funny.

AaronGuzman on March 3, 2010 at 11:26 PM

Someone call Harry Turtledove, stat.

His Worldwar Series was great. funny.

elduende on March 3, 2010 at 9:37 PM

I liked his Southern Victory series.

AaronGuzman on March 3, 2010 at 11:27 PM

That strikes me as something that could have been done well, but just wasn’t.

Merovign on March 3, 2010 at 11:29 PM

Indeed. “Guns of the South” is one of my all-time favorite books.

Slublog on March 3, 2010 at 9:20 PM

His “Southern Victory” series is tops as well. Very insightful.

“In the Presence of Mine Enemies” is a great “Nazis won” timeline book.

Squid Shark on March 3, 2010 at 11:31 PM

First Law of Comedy: Jokes about Lincoln are never funny.

AaronGuzman on March 3, 2010 at 11:26 PM

Which is a shame, because Lincoln was a big fan of jokes.

Squid Shark on March 3, 2010 at 11:32 PM

Not funny, not even really creative, just dumb.

American Elephant on March 3, 2010 at 11:59 PM

Well, Obama and the progressives are sucking the blood out of us.

Amendment X on March 4, 2010 at 12:06 AM

First Law of Comedy: Jokes about Lincoln are never funny.

AaronGuzman on March 3, 2010 at 11:26 PM

Which is a shame, because Lincoln was a big fan of jokes.

Squid Shark on March 3, 2010 at 11:32 PM

Johnny Carson once noted every joke he ever made that mentioned Lincoln bombed. If Carson says something is not funny then, by golly, it’s not funny.

AaronGuzman on March 4, 2010 at 1:19 AM

Ulysses S. Grant: Re-Animator

AaronGuzman on March 4, 2010 at 1:20 AM

I’ve got my copy on hold for pick-up at the bookstore later today.

Civil War vampires. Oh yes.

pilamaye on March 4, 2010 at 7:30 AM

Who reads this crap?

fleiter on March 4, 2010 at 7:59 AM

F*ckin’ hell that was terrible.

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on March 4, 2010 at 8:04 AM

Congrats, Allah. You properly capitalized ‘Confederate’ this time.

JimP on March 4, 2010 at 8:19 AM

Well, I’m officially old. I never understood why my Dad hated my taste in music, movies, books, etc. when I was a kid. Now
I understand.

GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING WHIPPERSNAPPERS!!

BobOfTexas on March 4, 2010 at 9:33 AM

I question the timing.

Beo on March 4, 2010 at 9:39 AM

Slublog on March 3, 2010 at 9:20 PM

Read the rest of the series. That was just the first book! Harry Turtledove is one of my favorite writers. Him and David Weber.

Torch on March 4, 2010 at 10:35 AM

I tried to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but it put me to sleep (much like Pride and Prejudice). I gave it to a buddy at work who loves zombie stories. I don’t think he could get through it either. I’ll look at this book, but just at the cover while it sits on the shelf at the bookstore.

Torch on March 4, 2010 at 10:38 AM

What a piece of SHIT!!!!

Confederate on March 4, 2010 at 10:43 AM

I read where Natalie Portman is going to star in the “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.” Movie based on the book.

Dr Evil on March 4, 2010 at 12:26 PM

I guess they thought a campy vid showing the Rail Splitter splitting Nosferatu’s chest cavity would be guaranteed to go viral. They thought right.

Except Lincoln wasn’t a railsplitter. He was one of the most wealthy lawyers in Illinois. He was busy representing railroads and slave owners demanding the return of their “property.”

Ironically, Lincoln never got around to representing a slave seeking his freedom from the Compromise of 1850.

Tim Burton on March 4, 2010 at 1:14 PM

This isn’t his first book about a Republican president. The book that preceded his smash zombie hit was Pardon My President: Fold-and-Mail Apologies for 8 Years, apparently a collection of “letters” penned by the author in order to apologize for the “wrongs” the letter subjects had “suffered” under the administration of George W. Bush. It was marketed as “the perfect gift for Bush bashers and disenchanted Republicans.”

calbear on March 4, 2010 at 1:40 PM

It looks like this guy saw Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter and decided to write a slightly less offensive version.

sansapprobation on March 4, 2010 at 1:49 PM