The inevitable “Tiger’s mistresses weren’t diverse enough” column

posted at 1:30 pm on December 8, 2009 by Ed Morrissey

I expected this argument to be made, but not in the pages of the Washington Post; I assumed it would come as a blog post.  Eugene Robinson takes leave of his senses in his attempt to spin Tiger Woods as either a racist or a self-hating minority — or a little of both — by complaining that Tiger’s mistresses have too much in common.  Guess what that might be?

Here’s my real question, though: What’s with the whole Barbie thing?

No offense to anyone who actually looks like Barbie, but it really is striking how much the women who’ve been linked to Woods resemble one another. I’m talking about the long hair, the specific body type, even the facial features. Mattel could sue for trademark infringement.

This may be the most interesting aspect of the whole Tiger Woods story — and one of the most disappointing. He seems to have been bent on proving to himself that he could have any woman he wanted. But from the evidence, his aim wasn’t variety but some kind of validation.

I’m making a big assumption here that the attraction for Woods was mostly physical, but there’s no evidence thus far that he had a lot of time for deep conversation. If adultery is really about the power and satisfaction of conquest, Woods’s self-esteem was apparently only boosted by bedding the kind of woman he thought other men lusted after — the “Playmate of the Month” type that Hugh Hefner turned into the American gold standard.

But the world is full of beautiful women of all colors, shapes and sizes — some with short hair or almond eyes, some with broad noses, some with yellow or brown skin. Woods appears to have bought into an “official” standard of beauty that is so conventional as to be almost oppressive.

His taste in mistresses leaves the impression of a man who is, deep down, both insecure and image-conscious — a control freak even when he’s committing “transgressions.”

Of all the issues in play with this story, and even with many that probably shouldn’t be in play, this is easily the most ridiculous.  I haven’t seen much of the mistresses, and I hope to see even less as this story finally falls out of the media spotlight, but it seems to me that Tiger shockingly cheated with attractive women.  And while his assignations may have required a certain amount of logistical planning to keep them from coming to his wife’s attention, it seems very, very unlikely that Tiger planned his infidelities in such a way as to keep diversity as his primary motive.

For that matter, let’s think about what Robinson considers “oppressive.”  He’s angry to the point of dedicating a column to the issue that Tiger Woods didn’t exploit women of other colors, shapes, and sizes for sexual satisfaction.  Was his extramarital attention to these women some kind of liberating experience for them, to the point where Robinson argues that Woods should have distributed the wealth a little more?

And can anyone who has had as many flings as Tiger apparently has, with as much indiscretion as has been exposed, possibly be considered a “control freak”?  Is that why he’s managed to indict himself so thoroughly by giving his cell number out to his paramours while his wife has access to the phone?

Besides, no one knows whether we’ve seen the complete set of Tiger’s paramours.  There may be more crawling out of the woodwork in the next few days and weeks.  If one of them is a woman of color, or a little on the chunky side, will Robinson write another column hailing Tiger’s work in spreading the, er, wealth?

Woods has done plenty of wrong to his wife and his family, and to a much lesser extent his fans.  Insensitivity to Eugene Robinson’s sense of exploitation diversity isn’t one of them. (via The Corner)

Update: I Own The World points out that Robinson’s not alone.

Update II: Ace has a must-read rant on this subject, too.

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I’m glad you detect the differences between me and you. Admitting I’m right is the first step.

The Race Card on December 8, 2009 at 7:13 PM

Nice way to run from the whole point. You are a race hustler as much as Robinson. Good boy. Sadly you only think you are smart. Get a clue.

CWforFreedom on December 8, 2009 at 10:30 PM

You obviously have some expectation that political allegiance belies some other parity. Sorry dude. I don’t have act like the rest of you to be one of you.

I’m glad you detect the differences between me and you. Admitting I’m right is the first step.

The Race Card on December 8, 2009 at 7:13 PM

Oh I forgot to mention … the difference is …you are insane.

CWforFreedom on December 8, 2009 at 10:31 PM

No mea culpa from highhopes for his inaccurate statement?

Bradky on December 8, 2009 at 9:53 PM

Did you even comment on the column?

CWforFreedom on December 8, 2009 at 10:33 PM

I’m not so sure Tiger cut these calves out of the herd himself. The story is he go places and ask the bartenders to pick out likely prospects. One man suggesting a prospect to another man is going to pick the what is the current fashion (“man, the gal looks just like [pick one] Kate Becksindale – Stephanie Seymour – Heidi Klumm – Jennifer Beale”), he’s going to be conservative and use Playboy or Sports Illustrated as a yardstick. That seemed to be one of Tiger’s failings. He sought intermediaries and allowed himself to fall into other men’s interpretation of his possible inclinations. In some ways these girls all look alike, but really they are quite different without straying from the strict centerfold checkbone and vital dimensions parameters.

Even his wife was at first put off by the fact he didn’t ask her out directly, but first went to her employers.

Basically, his method of selecting mistresses assured they’d be visual perfection, available, discrete, and attracted to fame and fortune…at a distance. The method had worked for quite a while. Once however out of control, those same common traits made it unravel all the more quickly.

Limpet6 on December 8, 2009 at 10:55 PM

Attractiveness is measurable.

There isn’t enough to go around for everyone so most of us strive to become happy with what we eventually get.

It’s called life.

scotash on December 9, 2009 at 1:26 AM

“See how fucked up in the head dumb ass, racist liberals are?”

Done.

xblade on December 8, 2009 at 7:31 PM

You win.

The Race Card on December 9, 2009 at 1:43 AM

I think Eugene Robinson is a self-hating black man. He knows in any merit-based society, no one in their right mind would pay for his opinions, and he owes his position mainly to affirmative action on the part of his employer.
`
So, sadly, he lashes out at Tiger Woods, who earned his own way through merit in competition, and gets plenty of what Robinson only dreams about.
`
Can’t a brother get some love?
`
:-p
`

Adjoran on December 9, 2009 at 3:25 AM

Limpet6 on December 8, 2009 at 10:55 PM

Yep. At least an O.J. scenario didn’t unfold, well a reversed version nearly did. But ya know what, the women sure knew he was married. Whats the deal there? Is it the money? The limelight? Why don’t I see Tiger surrounded with other black men in photo’s hitting the ball around at the country club? No its all white women, parties, mansions, cars. I was a marginal fan at best, now my fan hopes are gone. The more bad press, the more sponsors will drop out. When Titlest drops out, he’s done IMHO. He’s throwng hush money around like its candy and that won;t last long. Think of how hard he worked for what is now hush money and how many games we sat on the edge of our seats for.

johnnyU on December 9, 2009 at 4:24 AM

Yeah, and Tiger only uses WHITE golfballs, what’s up with that Eugene? I only know this assclown from his appearances on “Meltdown with Keith Olbergoebbels”. Apart from that he really is an affirmative action “reporter” as he’s too stupid to make it on his own. From here on in I shall refer to him as “Token” Robinson…….

adamsmith on December 9, 2009 at 6:41 AM

Why doesn’t Eugene look at with pride, that no ladies of his race were stupid enough to stoop to Tiger’s level, that they had more brains and morals than Tiger’s current set of conquests.

Canuckistan on December 8, 2009 at 1:42 PM

Exactly! If Mr. Robinson actually cared one whit about women of color, he’d be giving them props for not joining the parade of trashy white skanks seducing the multiracial Tiger and helping him to betray his wife and his children of color (as Robinson would classify Tiger’s kids, since he evidently subscribes to the odious One Drop Rule).

Instead, he’s offended that black women are not being given the equal opportunity to conduct themselves as amoral husband & father-stealing sleazebags? Say what?

Hey Eugene: maybe the black women Tiger’s been meeting on the road were raised better by their mothers and have too much class to help this guy cheat on his wife & hurt his kids.

leilani on December 9, 2009 at 9:17 AM

So what’s with this whole Mandingo thing with Robinson? So what if Tiger wouldn’t touch Robinson’s wife with a ten foot pole?

kens on December 9, 2009 at 9:30 AM

Really? I have to be “diverse” while cheating? That’s like saying I have to be “green” while cheating on carbon credits.

stuartm650 on December 9, 2009 at 10:38 AM

I may be cynical, but I think Tiger’s being slowly set up here. Remember that one of the media’s biggest knocks on Tiger for years now is that he doesn’t provide enough money or publicity to social (liberal) interests. Sure, he has charitable foundations, but not the “right” ones. It’s not fair that someone so “diverse” isn’t speaking or spending for the cause. Liberals haven’t gotten their fair share of Tiger’s billion-plus earnings, and now the bill has come due.

So, after the story cools down, the media are going to provide him with a means for redemption – set up a foundation or ten devoted to their pet causes, and get in front of the cameras to talk about them. Note that this same out would be provided whether Tiger engaged in infidelity, drunk driving, signing an improper scorecard, whatever. This way, the new, more enlightened and approachable Tiger can sweep all of this under the rug with the media’s help and get back to endorsing products, and the media gets the world’s best athlete to finally do their bidding – it’s a win-win.

get outta Moms basement on December 9, 2009 at 11:08 AM

Lets see…Tiger is part black, part white, part yellow and part red. Its a mixed racial relationship no matter who he beds. Liberals prove everyday that they are intolerant racists and bigots.

Bevan on December 9, 2009 at 11:15 AM

Sooooo…..

Cheating is OK if it’s politically correct????

I’ll never understand Liberals. If I show any sign that I do, it is a sure sign that I’ve got end-stage Alzheimers.

landlines on December 9, 2009 at 11:46 AM

Oh I forgot to mention … the difference is …you are insane.

CWforFreedom on December 8, 2009 at 10:31 PM

insanity v inanity

The Race Card on December 9, 2009 at 6:21 PM

mediatakeout.com has a story stating one is black.

ackrite55 on December 9, 2009 at 7:59 PM

The leaked e-mails make the guy sound 16 years old.

AnninCA on December 9, 2009 at 8:46 PM

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