Video: The obligatory “SNL goofs on Tiger getting beat up” clip
posted at 8:04 pm on December 7, 2009 by Allahpundit
It’s nice to see the media in high dudgeon over this given the tendency to treat domestic violence as male-on-female only, but I have to confess: This didn’t bother me 1/100th as much as it would have if the golf club was wrapped around a woman’s head. Whether that’s because I’m inured to the cartoonish image of the angry wife chasing her husband with a frying pan or because the strength disparity between the genders makes it hard to grasp the danger at a gut level, I don’t know. But let the record show that whatever happened that night outside Tiger’s house, he was hurt bad by it. How bad? This bad:
When Tiger Woods was brought to the Health Central Hospital in Ocoee, Fla., his condition was more serious than previously reported. According to a person with knowledge of Woods’ hospital admission, the star golfer had to be admitted directly to the hospital’s intensive care unit, where he was immediately intubated and his breathing stabilized.
Also, there’s clarification about the police interview with Woods’ neighbors, who called 911. At the time of the 911 call, neighbor Jarius Lavar Adams told dispatchers that Woods was asleep on the lawn, snoring. “Although the body can snore in any state of unconsciousness, it’s unlikely he was snoring,” said the source. “That was the sound of an airway that wasn’t stable. That’s part of the reason there was an intubation when he got to the hospital.”
After Woods underwent treatment, he was extubated, then immediately released home. One physician from the hospital said that discharging a patient directly to his home after being admitted to the ICU was “highly unusual.” The doctor, who did not treat Woods, said standard protocol “usually involves some sort of step-down — if your condition is serious enough to be admitted to ICU, you don’t go straight home. It points to some extreme privacy measures being taken for that decision to be made.”
The director of the National Council Against Domestic Violence told TMZ she’s “horrified” by the skit. Part of the problem here, I think, is that Tiger’s so rich, so powerful, and so, er, smooth that it’s hard to imagine anyone posing a threat to him, let alone his wife. But make up your own mind. Sounds like we may be nearing the end of the road for this horror show anyway.
Update: Oh, one not-so-fun fact that I forgot to mention: The musical guest this week was … Rihanna.
Blowback
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You? No.
Why else would they do it?
You never told us you were such a tough guy.
And if you did that, you’d be the bad guy. You’d be the one the cops, who of course have no authority over your soul but merely your body, would lock up. Normally I’d say that would be an injustice, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 3:37 AM
It talks about itself in the second person or it gets the hose again.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 3:37 AM
As opposed to bragging about what a man you are on the Internet.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 3:39 AM
You, fronclynne, are an asshole. Hope that’s clear-cut enough for you.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 3:39 AM
You, fronclynne, are an a-s-s-h-o-l-e. Hope that’s clear-cut enough for you.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 3:40 AM
Jeremiah 17:5
“Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm…”
Basil Fawlty on December 8, 2009 at 3:40 AM
Australian Rules Football, for one. Bicycle polo, for another. But, seriously, you really don’t die the first 3 or 4 hundred times you get hit, & generally not several hundred after that. & it doesn’t matter why, sometimes it just part of the game. Even when it’s a car & they just didn’t check their mirrors.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 3:50 AM
Hey there, Mister Kettle. Guess what? You’re black.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 3:51 AM
and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 3:53 AM
And then what happened?
Whoa, leave the good stuff for when you really need it.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 3:54 AM
So, mind explaining why making and defending an argument makes me an asshole and calling names makes you a white knight?
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 3:57 AM
“Good” Muslim men beat their wives for any reason whatsoever.
They’ve also been known to kill their wives for spurious reasons, too.
To cite the Old Testament dictates for capital punishment for the sin of adultery as justification for what Tiger’s wife did is ludicrous!
First of all, Christians live by the teachings of Christ, who came to fulfill the Law and he did not stone the woman taken in adultery, but forgave her.
What fronclynne advocates is no better than the violent abuse of women condoned by Koranic law.
Christ taught us to both observe the law of the land and to respect women as well as men, adulterous or not.
That being said, if Elin beat Tiger with a golf club, that is domestic abuse and she should be liable for charges.
Regardless of how many affairs Tiger had, she committed assault and that is wrong.
She has a rage problem and would not only be physically harming Tiger, but she has a responsibility to model good behavior for her children.
Epic fail.
2 wrongs (his and hers) don’t make a right.
Solving their marital problems by staging a domestic ThunderDome doesn’t do it either.
If Elin and Tiger have reached the stage where she’s swinging at him with golf clubs, the marriage is over and she needs serious mental health help.
The children should be place in foster care, too, as it seems both parents are seriously irresponsible.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 3:58 AM
Good one, Mr. Dangerfield.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:01 AM
It’s just another modern double-standard (I hate double-standards): It’s comedy when a woman is beating up on her husband, but it’s tragedy when a man beats up on his wife.
Theophile on December 8, 2009 at 4:02 AM
Dude, I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re no Christian and you’re not speaking for Christians!
This is nothing but the “laws” of the caveman.
This isn’t about the Bible but about something that happened to you personally.
If I were a woman, I’d run as far away from you as I could get.
You’re a rage machine and a misogynist.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:03 AM
At this rate you’re going to run out of Wildean quips in no time.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 4:03 AM
Hear the Scripture you quote: beating up women isn’t of the Lord.
Likewise, a marriage that has devolved into an incident involving golf clubs and car wrecks isn’t of the Lord, either.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:06 AM
Mark 10:18
“And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.”
Basil Fawlty on December 8, 2009 at 4:09 AM
Admittedly it is an appeal to authority, but it’s a much better grounded authority than, “I don’t feel that people should hit people.”
Justice and Mercy are often at odds. But that doesn’t mean that Justice is evil.
Personally I find your cure repugnant. But perfectly legal. Carry on.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:10 AM
Thanks. Beating women is not of the Lord. Yes. I agree actually. And haven’t stated otherwise.
Anyway, you see a failed marriage, I see a decent test of the efficacy of percussive therapy.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:15 AM
It is more than an “appeal to authority:” It is the law.
The woman took after Tiger with a blunt instrument.
This is 1st degree assault.
“Justice” in our country doesn’t entail appointing one’s self judge and jury and then issuing punishment.
This “cure” is legal and necessary if dad is a serial adulterer and mom is a rage-a-holic and they engage in their infantile behavior in the middle of the night.
What if one of the babies had needed feeding, changing or been sick while all this drama was going on?
Not to mention the long-term effect of the parents’ behavior on the children…
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:19 AM
It’s not actually. But you’re conflating two seperate threads.
It’s not like I’d be trying to get closer.
Well, thank you Doctor Freud. Do I also wish I was a cigar?
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:21 AM
Clearly, it wasn’t efficacious.
If Elin was brought to the point where she’s chasing Tiger into the street with golf clubs, it’s clearly reached a horrible point and she is beyond frustrated and fed up.
And were they fighting about all 8-12 (?) of Tiger’s mistresses or just the one (s) she knew about?
All of this is futile on both their parts and there are no winners.
This marriage is doomed and the lady needs psychological help and shouldn’t be around small children.
Obviously, Tiger shouldn’t have gotten married and he doesn’t want to be a parent, either.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:23 AM
I’m pretty positive that I’m not the only one who was taught at a young age that hitting a woman was 100% unacceptable regardless if you were justified or not.
We’re not being beta or gamma males here. Its not about being a “man”. I think men have a right to insist that they not be abused either.
This isn’t a man or a woman thing here. You just don’t abuse people. Period.
Conservative Samizdat on December 8, 2009 at 4:23 AM
Only if you want to be in some way useful.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 4:25 AM
No, I wish you’d stop mis-quoting Scripture and making Christians look like cavemen or Muslims or worse!
You have a rage problem, like Tiger’s wife.
In addition, it takes a special kind of a$$hole man to drive a woman to be violent…Just sayin’.
But that doesn’t make the lady right, just frustrated as hell.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:25 AM
She does have rage issues. If she were a man, she would have been sent to anger management classes ASAP.
That is another double standard.
Conservative Samizdat on December 8, 2009 at 4:31 AM
Again, let me use a personal example: I was poking along in the bike lane with my groceries and a car pulled out into me without checking her mirrors. I bounced over her fender, got up, cussed at her, checked to make sure I was still alive and rode on. Judge, jury, executioner. She assaulted me with a deadly weapon (don’t just take my word for it, go poke around groklaw for a while & learn what constitutes a deadly weapon), I found her guilty, and sentenced her to have me call her some bad words. Case closed.
They’re are not necessarily guilty of all of these things yet. & should Tiger actually learn from those alleged blows to his head more good will be done than any court or mental institution ever could do.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:31 AM
Is it moral for women to join the military if you cannot behave violently towards them?
Once again, not every violent or forceful act is abuse.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:42 AM
This one time, your personal way worked.
But there have been thousands of similar incidents where it wouldn’t and didn’t.
You could have been hurt. She could have run you over again when you called her a name.
Etc, etc.
That’s why civilized folks call the police, call an ambulance or call a lawyer to solve situations like this.
In addition, the instance you site was an accident.
The Tiger/Elin incident not only wasn’t an accident, but involved a good deal of what the Law deems “malice” and possibly even “malice aforethought.”
Tiger won’t learn a thing and nothing will be accomplished by it: they’re both lousy parents.
Elin has a serious rage control problem and Tiger has a lust problem.
They both need help.
Together the combination borders on toxic, if not lethal.
Would you really be surprised to find she’d murdered him if they tried to stay together?
I wouldn’t.
This has O.J./Nicole (in reverse) written all over it.
To make matters worse, it seems alcohol and drugs were involved, too.
A complete mess.
One can only pity the innocent children.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:45 AM
Different scenario.
(Treacher’s right: you really are an idiot.)
Obviously, the enemy doesn’t respect any chivalrous conduct and isn’t expected to.
Combat presents a different set of rules than civilized domestic society.
I wouldn’t use the word “abuse.”
Crime is more apt-Assault with malice (intent to harm) with a blunt instrument is a crime.
So is destruction of property.
There’s no way you’re going to justify (domestic) violence.
Even male on male violence isn’t condoned in our society.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:50 AM
An assault is different from an accident.
Assault requires intent. The intent to cause immediate harmful contact with another person.
The lady that ran into had no intent to harm you. Therefore, she didn’t assault you. She didn’t posses the necessary mental state to meet the requirement of assault.
When Elin swung the golf club at Tiger, she had an intent to cause immediate harm to Tiger Woods.
Conservative Samizdat on December 8, 2009 at 4:54 AM
It’s not about whether I’m a spotted loon or a bacon butty. I, and many people like me, do not find occasional violence and mayhem, when respectfully contained, objectionable. And we are both amused and puzzled by people who are so sickened by the sight of blood or bruises they can only retreat into silly platitudes like, “No one should ever be hit.” & we dislike being told that violence is evil.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 4:55 AM
Perhaps I was too kind.
Jim Treacher on December 8, 2009 at 4:56 AM
Hey, I like violence as much as the next guy. I enjoy watching the UFC and seeing people use their MMA skills to win or to support the troops in kicking terrorist ass.
But you don’t get it.
Violence isn’t evil. Its evil when its unjustified.
Violence isn’t evil when in self-defense. Violence isn’t evil when two guys consent to box in a ring. Violence isn’t evil when going on the offensive against terrorists. Its acceptable for police to use violence to subdue a suspect.
Those are some justified uses of violence.
Hitting a spouse out of anger, hurt, revenge, betrayal is unjustified. ALWAYS.
Spousal abuse is evil because its unjustified violence. Its never acceptable.
Conservative Samizdat on December 8, 2009 at 5:03 AM
You’re back to the law of the Caveman and the Jungle again.
(What happened to the Bible?!)
The dicta that “no one should ever be hit” and that “violence is evil” have been in place since Man became civilized and organized himself into functioning and functional societies.
These are not platitudes, but truisms.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 5:03 AM
I hardly see how calling someone an idiot is useful. It reflects more poorly on your ability to control your tongue than anything.
And you simply can’t square the notion that “hitting women is wrong 100% of the time” with purposefully placing them in the path of projectiles.
<
I wouldn’t use the word “abuse.”
Crime is more apt-Assault with malice (intent to harm) with a blunt instrument is a crime.
So is destruction of property.
There’s no way you’re going to justify (domestic) violence.
Even male on male violence isn’t condoned in our society.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 4:50 AM
Outside of certain “civilised” areas (which ironically tend to have quite high murder rates) male on male violence is common & mostly acceptable. Guys go to bars to pick fights. They get thrown out. The only time the police get called is if someone really gets out of control. So maybe twice a month for every month of 4 or 5 fights a night.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 5:05 AM
I would say quit while you’re ahead, but that would have been never.
You are so not going to win this argument.
I don’t know what your derangement is, but I hope like hell you don’t live anywhere near me…
And I hope you live alone with no dog, cat, wife or children.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 5:08 AM
While in operation of a device which commonly causes more than 45,000 deaths per year in the United States alone, she negligently battered someone. You’re right, it was wrong of me to use the word assault.
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 5:10 AM
You’re not only an idiot but sound nuts yourself.
You have only to look at the crime stats for every major city in this country to see where bar/club fights lead…
Chicago has a higher murder rate than the war in Iraq and on most weekends, higher than war casualties in Afghanistan.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 5:11 AM
There is such thing as negligent battery. Battery is also an intentional tort which means it requires the mental state of intent.
While negligence involves an act that a person of ordinary intelligence and prudence ought reasonably to foresee will subject another person to injury, battery involves an act which the actor either intends to cause injury or is substantially certain will cause injury.
Conservative Samizdat on December 8, 2009 at 5:18 AM
It’s a legal distinction which has no bearing on the principles of safe automobile operation. 34,017 deaths by automobile accident in the United states in 2008 per NHTSA. 16,272 muders. So intent kills less than half of the number killed by mere accident (in automobiles). Ergo, I would be safer if they were pointing guns at me.
I’ll let my previous quote stand:
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 5:19 AM
Yes, I have lived in Chicago. But that was my point.
I’ve also lived between two towns, the larger of which was close to 200 people. & out in those uncivilised areas guys fight a lot. & everybody owns guns. & in the time I lived there not one person was murdered.
Also, pray tell, what make you think that repeating the word idiot make you sound like a better, more Christian person?
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 5:24 AM
I know where to be violent, & I know where to not be violent. My cat is exceptionally violent with strings, mice, other cats, & he’s calm and quiet in my lap, so this fuzzy thing with a brain the size of a peanut knows when & where to be violent, & he doesn’t suffer from maladjustment or unfocused rage or call people who respectfully disagree with him idiots. So what’s your problem?
fronclynne on December 8, 2009 at 5:31 AM
What does your cat call such “people”?
Basil Fawlty on December 8, 2009 at 5:42 AM
Violence is never the appropriate response unless it’s to defend yourself.
My problem is that you’re a moron who clearly is barely restrained by society’s, Civilization’s or the Bible’s rules and principles.
My worry is that there are more out there like you.
Pity the poor cat who has the misfortune to be owned by you.
God forbid you should lose your temper and throw her against the wall.
BTW, as we type this, Lucianne.com is reporting that EMTs are on their way to Tiger’s house to take “a woman” to the hospital.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 7:32 AM
Sure it does.
If you kill someone by the negligent maintenance and driving of your car, it’s manslaughter.
If you do it with intent, it’s murder.
But here, you were trying to compare an accident to an assault.
The first is unfortunate.
The second is criminal.
No matter what Tiger did, Elin could be charged with assault, if not on Tiger, on the car.
But I heard he had marks, bruising and bleeding on his face.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 7:41 AM
I never said that it did.
But God doesn’t like stupid.
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 7:43 AM
By the numbers:
1 – While I don’t care about the story, I *do* love the humor that eventually springs from it.
2 – Domestic violence is bad, no matter what gender is involved. If one feels the need to physical hurt their spouse, they should LEAVE or otherwise force the other person to leave via non-violent means.
3 – The SNL skit was funny.
4 – Tiger should seek help, but also man up and hold one press conference where he bares his soul ONCE, seeks actual forgiveness from his fans, and then NEVER talks of the matter ever again in public.
5 – A vacation from golf would not be a bad idea at this point if he uses the time to get right with his family (if he can).
There is no Number Six. (obscure geek reference)
itzWicks on December 8, 2009 at 8:10 AM
Sadly,this man,no matter what he says now,will never have the respect that he once had from the world,now just something to make a joke about.
ohiobabe on December 8, 2009 at 8:36 AM
Just goes to show, SNL has no class.
- The Cat
MirCat on December 8, 2009 at 8:45 AM
There’s no evidence that she hit him. Zero. If she had struck his head/face with a golf club, he would have had extensive injuries. His injuries are consistent with his having bit his lips during the crash, based upon the testimony of his two neighbors who attended to him before the police arrived.
The description from the neighbor that he was “snoring” on the road sounds more like extreme DUI … if it was damage to his throat, he would not have walked out of there the next morning.
He mixed alcohol with prescription drugs and it messed him up. Sadly, that’s not super uncommon. Hey people–if the label says “don’t drink alcohol when on this medication,” don’t drink alcohol while taking the medication. You’d think that would be pretty easy to understand.
funky chicken on December 8, 2009 at 9:25 AM
You want her charged for assault on a vehicle?
funky chicken on December 8, 2009 at 9:27 AM
Poor Kel:
He has one facial expression in every sketch he is in: the glazed over wide-eyed look.
Lothar on December 8, 2009 at 9:48 AM
If he truly cheated with at least 10 women, she should leave him.
jediwebdude on December 8, 2009 at 10:09 AM
Sure. The idea of women being abusers is not new. That the basis of the story of Cinderella.
Doesn’t mean she laid a hand on Tiger in anger.
Spirit of 1776 on December 8, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Maybe it’s time for the state to check in and make sure those children are okay.
I could care less about Tiger and his wife. The children need protection.
bridgetown on December 8, 2009 at 10:37 AM
Not mean enough.
LtE126 on December 8, 2009 at 10:45 AM
I’m sick of hearing about this garbage.
If Tiger can’t keep it in his pants, why did he get married?
Why did he make a promise he knew he couldn’t keep?
leereyno on December 8, 2009 at 10:53 AM
If I were Tiger, my prenup. would simply state:
“I’M TIGER WOODS B!TCH!”
TheSitRep on December 8, 2009 at 11:45 AM
+1,000!!
ProudPalinFan on December 8, 2009 at 12:21 PM
Have been watching The Tudors, supposedly King Henry the 8th used Leviticus to divorce from the Queen. He claimed she slept with her brother; then married him.
I am aware it is not THAT historically accurate.
ProudPalinFan on December 8, 2009 at 12:32 PM
From what? Sadly, it appears they needed “protection” from second-hand STD infections while in utero. Even more sadly, their father chose to withhold that protection from them.
I don’t think the state can help out with that problem.
I can’t believe how many people here are taking their “facts” from a SNL skit. You all are pretty sharp when it comes to the whole Palin “I can see Russia from my house” nonsense that originated from a SNL skit, but now they are a rock-solid factual source?
funky chicken on December 8, 2009 at 12:35 PM
They say the road should run both ways, but this guy was banging like 9 or 10 chicks on the side. Lucky for her and their kids she didn’t kill him…lucky for him too I guess. Money can’t buy everything I suppose.
Wyznowski on December 8, 2009 at 12:37 PM
fronclynne,
I know I’m gonna get flamed for this, and I don’t (yet) know if the term “troll” applies to you as I’ve never seen you post before, but that was an entertaining exchange.
You were clear, concise, and in my opinion correct. Tiger did some dumb things, and if getting a golf club upside the head has the ability to teach him anything positive, I say swing away Merrill (or Elin, in this case). As for Tiger, rub some dirt in it and get back on the course, dumbass.
I normally have great respect for Jim Treacher and the others who were bashing you, but you kept your cool under the circumstances. THAT’S the way to post here. THAT’S entertainment!
runawayyyy on December 8, 2009 at 2:17 PM
So I take it you two were OK with OJ killing Nicole and Ron Goldman (her lover?)–that’s what you get for catting around on an ex-spouse, huh?
Nicole was a “whore” so she had it coming from OJ?
How does that line of illogic work?
And when does it ever become assault and murder in your book?
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 2:24 PM
You, too, are an apologist for domestic violence and assault with a blunt instrument as long as it’s between “cheating spouses”, even when it occurs on a public street?
Jenfidel on December 8, 2009 at 2:25 PM
Mainstream “hip” comedy has no class. Hasn’t for a long time. Like the recent commercial says, Richard Pryor “He changed comedy”. For the worse in my opinion.
kirkill on December 8, 2009 at 4:11 PM
I see we have a Monty Python fan. ;)
The police and medical officials stated that Tiger was not drinking or engaging in any kind of substance abuse.
Moreover, evidence shows that Tiger Wood’s face was scratched and bleeding BEFORE the accident.
Finally, not one, but TWO windows were smashed out of his car which is not consistent with someone trying to “rescue” Tiger Woods.
Clearly, I think there is enough evidence to show that Tiger’s wife was assaulting Tiger.
Conservative Samizdat on December 8, 2009 at 6:15 PM
Facts, please.
LarryG on December 9, 2009 at 10:11 AM
I thought this was funny.
AnninCA on December 9, 2009 at 10:17 AM
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