Video: The most realistic combat game ever
posted at 6:50 pm on November 10, 2009 by Allahpundit
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An instant classic to cleanse the palate in honor of Veterans Day. The humor is black in parts but I suspect (hope?) military readers will enjoy it. The “Black Hawk Down” line had me doubled over.
I haven’t played Xbox in at least a year and half, but I’m thinking about it…
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
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Dude, you have GOT to get Dead Space
John the Libertarian on November 10, 2009 at 6:52 PM
I also liked this one.
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Enoxo on November 10, 2009 at 6:52 PM
if you do, rent it unless you play online as the campaign is really short
Doctor Zhivago on November 10, 2009 at 6:54 PM
man I can’t see it :(
upinak on November 10, 2009 at 6:55 PM
My favorite part was at the end:
“The game comes with a 17 pound M-249 SAW that you have to carry around everywhere you go, but never get to shoot.”
I laughed out loud at work today. The only part I didn’t care for was the ’soldier’ getting shot in the back. Apart from that this was one of the best ONN pieces I’ve ever seen.
BadgerHawk on November 10, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Bwahahahahaha!!! Funniest Onion evah!
John the Libertarian on November 10, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Heh, the WII M240 machine gun that you have to carry but can’t fire without explicit orders. Encapsulates the stupid ROE perfectly.
Bishop on November 10, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Huah.
exception on November 10, 2009 at 6:58 PM
+7%…
Seven Percent Solution on November 10, 2009 at 7:00 PM
Get Dragon Age Origins, Allah. It’s awesome.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 7:01 PM
lol funny.
karlant on November 10, 2009 at 7:03 PM
Heh.
Christien on November 10, 2009 at 7:03 PM
Since Bioware is now doubling up as a porn studio, are the sex scenes in it any good?
Darth Executor on November 10, 2009 at 7:03 PM
Ever heard of volunteering for a worthy cause? Real life trumps fantasy.
BHO Jonestown on November 10, 2009 at 7:04 PM
Here I am waiting for months for THIS to finally come out for PS3…
JetBoy on November 10, 2009 at 7:06 PM
Only a fool would think MW2 is realistic.
jdun on November 10, 2009 at 7:06 PM
The booby quantity is high in this one. I haven’t played in the brothel yet, and I haven’t gone down bioware’s inevitable “nail you companion” storyline yet either.
But combat is just fabuluous. Wish bioware would make a true open world format though, their games are a little restrictive where you can visit and what you can do.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 7:08 PM
Hate to present the opposite viewpoint here but I don’t think the humor is “black.” I think it demeans the very real and very tedious work that has to be done by the very real troops in the field.
highhopes on November 10, 2009 at 7:08 PM
I joined the Army in 94. After hearing how great the infantry was I just had to do it. Guns, grenades, excitement and a sense of purpose. What I got was mops, plungers, work details and extreme boredom. I reenlisted as an MP and actually had a job so it all ended well. If you join the infantry now it would be a different story.
Howcome on November 10, 2009 at 7:08 PM
Lorien,
Dragon Age is one of the best single player games I have ever played.
Howcome on November 10, 2009 at 7:10 PM
The other game I been waiting for – borderlands – is a total World of Warcraft rip off. I was genuinely pissed off at how blatant of a rip off it was.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 7:10 PM
Very funny, but on a day when the military (and CinC) honored a baker’s dozen soldiers gunned down while waiting for a graduation ceremony, MORE THAN A LITTLE TACKY.
skydaddy on November 10, 2009 at 7:15 PM
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Enoxo on November 10, 2009 at 7:15 PM
Whew! I was worried there wouldn’t be a Wii version of the game. Problem is, the M-249 controller will probably cost as much as the game itself. Not to mention the 17lbs WONT make ordering it online any cheaper. S&H would also probably match the game price.
I’m looking forward to the part where you lose your duffel bag and have to re-file the paperwork to replace it because you used a blue pen instead of a black one on the forms. AWESOME!
rihar on November 10, 2009 at 7:16 PM
Wish i had something strong enough to play it. Bought mass effect but my pc can’t even play that (which isn’t much of a loss, the gameplay looked way too simple for my taste). And I don’t mind their restrictive games. bioware would have to change their style considerably to make an open ended game work.
Darth Executor on November 10, 2009 at 7:16 PM
Borderlands is a WoW ripoff? Lorien, Borderlands is an absolute ton of fun, but it’s ripping off Diablo, not WoW.
Number 2 on November 10, 2009 at 7:17 PM
Isn’t borderlands sci-fi?
Darth Executor on November 10, 2009 at 7:17 PM
PS3 now plays streaming Netflix. Christmas is coming.
Mojave Mark on November 10, 2009 at 7:18 PM
“nail your companion”
Lor, you know I never noticed that but after reading that line, damn, it’s true! Ha.
javamartini on November 10, 2009 at 7:18 PM
I’m afraid to admit I find xbox to be a wonderful stress reliever. Waiting for my MW2 right now. Release day delivery.
No time to watch the video. Does this MW3 have a ‘maintenance day’ level? Achievements for laundry washing and monkey butt severity?
tuffy on November 10, 2009 at 7:18 PM
Borderlands is wonderful. Go play it.
tuffy on November 10, 2009 at 7:19 PM
I think picking up as many pirated dvd’s would have been a nice touch.
rob verdi on November 10, 2009 at 7:20 PM
It ain’t real until you have to polish the brass in the heads.
fourdeucer on November 10, 2009 at 7:20 PM
Mil-sim enthusiasts play ArmA 2.
swash_plate on November 10, 2009 at 7:22 PM
Dude.
Borderlands quests:
kill 8 bandits
collect 8 flowers
Weapons:
White = normal weapons
Green = Uncommon
Blue = Rare
Purple = Epic
It’s WoW. Down to the weapon coloring system. The quests follow the same flow. The grouping. What you have to do (one quest to kill guys in the area, another to collect things in the area, etc).
Diablo is probably similar. But given that WoW is more contemporary, clearly they had it mind.
It’s true LOL. It’s Bioware’s thing. Each party member has a little side quest involving their mommy or daddy. And the first one to “like” you the most, you get to nail. Getting a bioware game has some metaphysical certainties to it.
This one has a dog companion, and don’t think I’m not trying. Too bad it doesn’t really have a “favorability” meter to it. I was hoping to see how that panned out. Heh.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 7:24 PM
Did he say Clayton, Missouri? Thats only 20 miles from me.I didn’t see where he went to high school though. (sorry, a little joke only St. Louisans would know about)
Vince on November 10, 2009 at 7:25 PM
WoW with guns.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty fun, but it’s WoW. That you play alone. Reloading weapons bugs the hell out of me, which is why I’m not usually a fan of games with guns. I want unlimited clip size.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 7:26 PM
Even the quest tracking thing in Borderlands is identical to the WoW interface. :P
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 7:27 PM
IIRC, the 17lb is without the 200 round boxed belt?
Liked it a lot – for a bonus level, can you return to garrison where you do PT, eat doughnuts, sweep the vehicle compound, sleep and then repeat?
holdfast on November 10, 2009 at 7:32 PM
The “news” crawl at the bottom is hilarious.
beachgirlusa on November 10, 2009 at 7:34 PM
I love the last line, a dig at our ridiculous ROEs.
PattyJ on November 10, 2009 at 7:43 PM
Yeah, until you actually get do get shot or blown into chunky salsa. Real life doesn’t come with a reset button.
I do love the line about the gun-like controller…apparently the ROE’s are as lame as I’ve suspected. Maybe if your character does something stupid in basic training, you should have to wear headphones as some sadistic drill sergeant screams obscenities at you at ear-bleeding volume.
Dark-Star on November 10, 2009 at 7:50 PM
Even though it’s an ‘alternative history’ game, I think Valkyria Chronicles [PS3] totally rocks.
It can be brutally real if you’re careless; training and weapons development ALWAYS pays and it has some very amusing [and odd] characters. And the AI for the baddies is smart, and ruthless.
It’s a true battle sim: stupid will get you dead, quick.
CPT. Charles on November 10, 2009 at 7:52 PM
left 4 dead…or GTFO…
PC version…
Real Men do their zombie killin’ with a mouse..not one of them new fangled game…pad…thingies…
BF2 was a kick in the pants too…while it lasted….4 years now…
rox…
BigWyo on November 10, 2009 at 7:57 PM
BHO Jonestown???
REally???
BigWyo on November 10, 2009 at 8:00 PM
Borderlands is utterly stupendous…EXCEPT for the driving.
MadisonConservative on November 10, 2009 at 8:11 PM
Patronizing to the military…and just plain stupid.
JeffersonFan on November 10, 2009 at 8:12 PM
BF2 was great when it worked on my computer. It crashed so much that I ended up taking it off.
Battlefield 1942 however is one I still play often. Great graphics but not as good as today. Firing the V2 rocket and riding it like Slim Pickins at the end of Dr. Strangelove is a good way to finish the game. Hard to control those things though.
Hmm. Sometimes a V2 is just a V2.
rihar on November 10, 2009 at 8:15 PM
It’s all about the AI, isn’t it?
Gears of War ROCKS.
John the Libertarian on November 10, 2009 at 8:17 PM
I thought it was me! It’s the worst.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 8:18 PM
This squid approves.
Rightwingguy on November 10, 2009 at 8:26 PM
For this? Dude, you can’t be a true Beatles fan without playing side 2 of Abbey Road with a room full of friends on a Saturday night.
ScottMcC on November 10, 2009 at 8:28 PM
I agree with you, however, I don’t think it’s demeaning. It’s what the military is all about. I’ve mopped floors, painted offices, etc. and none of that is anywhere close to my actual job. I enjoy my job, though, and I’m d4mn proud of the people I work with.
Rightwingguy on November 10, 2009 at 8:33 PM
Of course, they need to start at the “command check-in”, where you go from one building to the next wandering aimlessly for the office you need only to find out the people you need to see are “out to lunch”.
Rightwingguy on November 10, 2009 at 8:34 PM
can’t watch. keeps hangin
fullogas on November 10, 2009 at 8:34 PM
“Heh, the WII M240 machine gun that you have to carry but can’t fire without explicit orders. Encapsulates the stupid ROE perfectly.
Bishop on November 10, 2009 at 6:57 PM”
We had the same ROE in Nam, but they were pretty well ignored when it got hot and heavy. As soon as I heard the first shot, I jacked a round in the chamber and started firing. I’d rather be court marshalled than dead.
Star20 on November 10, 2009 at 8:36 PM
Just preordered Left for Dead 2 for my son. The demo of it is pretty cool, so hopefully it will be more intense than 1. BTW, Jetboy, your link to the game over at youtube has a tampon commercial. I cracked up.
di butler on November 10, 2009 at 8:58 PM
The crawler at the bottom had me cracking up too. Had to watch it twice.
mike_NC9 on November 10, 2009 at 9:07 PM
Port of Call, Bayonne New Jersey
The Ugly American on November 10, 2009 at 9:21 PM
I’m going to get serious for a minute here guys.
Jessica Biel > Shakira.
e-pirate on November 10, 2009 at 9:57 PM
I’m guessing that gamer beta testing is slightly less painful than accounting beta testing, but “Infinity Ward” still cracked me up.
Tanya on November 10, 2009 at 10:24 PM
Jessica Biel!
Star20 on November 10, 2009 at 11:09 PM
Anyone who’s ever been in the military, ever, can appreciate this….
There Goes The Neighborhood on November 10, 2009 at 11:28 PM
Does anyone else find this reminiscent (not the same to be sure) of David Wong’s Ultimate War Simulation from a few years ago?
First time post; hope it works
listens2glenn on November 10, 2009 at 11:40 PM
That was hysterical. Reminds me of a photoshop-oriented buddy of mine in Okinawa, who decided that the Marine Corps recruiting posters were a bit unrealistic, and decided to create his own, feature such standards of the real Corps as waxing and buffing decks, cleaning the head, rustbusting, and pressing uniforms.
radar g on November 11, 2009 at 12:50 AM
I have to admit…that was hilarious…
dec5 on November 11, 2009 at 1:07 AM
Very funny.
Hog Wild on November 11, 2009 at 7:18 AM
Brilliant. There’s no way that wasn’t written by a vet.
Red Cloud on November 11, 2009 at 9:06 AM
What about Penn and Teller’s “Desert Bus”? Wasn’t that the most realistic game ever – you drive a bus in real time from Tuscon to Los Angeles.
KillerKane on November 11, 2009 at 9:18 AM
Forget all those other games Allah…BorderLands is the game to get. Besides this one. Just sayin. btw…dead space sucks!!!
~B
Brian on November 11, 2009 at 10:23 AM
Borderlands is utterly stupendous…EXCEPT for the driving.
MadisonConservative on November 10, 2009 at 8:11 PM
I thought it was me! It’s the worst.
lorien1973 on November 10, 2009 at 8:18 PM
Its the same driving style as Halo…took me awhile to get it down…fun game…currently at level 33 and it is getting tough!!!
Brian on November 11, 2009 at 10:26 AM
You really don’t need an xbox Allah, you need a PS3 so you can use the blu ray.
Sumeet on November 11, 2009 at 10:58 AM
28 years in the service, collected combat pay for less than 12 months, closest I got to combat in the Gulf War was when a SCUD landed 5 miles from the airfield in Bahrain, can I claim PTSD???
Only time I actually got shot at and could shoot back was a few months in Somalia.
Yep that video is waaay more accurate than any FPS!!
Of course almost immediately after I retired the troops got boots they don’t have to polish and BDUs they don’t have to iron, sigh. Why was my life so much harder than anybody else’s???? ;-)
E9RET on November 11, 2009 at 11:46 AM
Comedy must have an element of truth for it to be funny. This video is hilarious because it is true from start to finish.
Helloyawl on November 11, 2009 at 12:52 PM
You put up a Modern Warfare 2 article and I missed it? Maybe because I’ve been playing it for two days straight no-sleep. Awesome game. Never been in armed combat but it seems fairly realistic. Maybe the best game of the year. Multiplayer is worth the price alone. My only criticism is that the single player story is short and without spoiling anything definitely is the middle chapter in a trilogy. Still awesome though. I’d recommend renting the first Modern Warfare and playing that story line otherwise you won’t get most of the events taking place in the second game.
chicagojedi on November 11, 2009 at 5:13 PM
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