11 a.m. ET on ABC. Odds that this’ll end up as anything other than a complete clusterfark: 80-1. Over/under on how long the boss will be allowed to speak before being interrupted: Four seconds. Likelihood that I’ll deal with the mounting anxiety by getting buzzed before airtime: 95 percent.

Dude, I’m nervous. What if Whoopi comes armed with a study proving that fire really can’t melt steel?