Good news: New U.S. battlefield robots to feed on corpses or something
posted at 3:30 pm on July 14, 2009 by Allahpundit
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I’m torn. On the plus side, Bin Laden being composted by a piece of steel would be sweet poetic justice. On the minus side, when Skynet finally becomes self-aware, things are going to get dodgy in a hurry.
What if a guy’s not dead but just wounded and unable to walk? Gulp. (Literally.)
Robotic Technology Inc.’s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot — that’s right, “EATR” — “can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable,” reads the company’s Web site.
That “biomass” and “other organically-based energy sources” wouldn’t necessarily be limited to plant material — animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they’d be plentiful in a war zone.
Presumably there’s some way to distinguish between American and non-American corpses, and presumably it’s based on something other than, um, taste. Serious question, though: Given the media’s investment in casting America as the villain in every war it fights, how smart is it to risk a catastrophic error involving man-eating robots? Imagine a battlebot rolling up alongside the scene of a suicide bombing and unhinging its robo-jaw, like some sort of metallic anaconda, for a little “refueling.” That night’s very special edition of “Countdown” would be very special indeed.
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Obama will use them to guard polling stations
and dude
skynet WILL become self “ahhweeeuh”
blatantblue on July 14, 2009 at 3:34 PM
jaws of life indeed!
max1 on July 14, 2009 at 3:34 PM
Come on, AP.
lorien1973 on July 14, 2009 at 3:34 PM
The Democrats aren’t going to let our military keep killing people anyway, so this is just wasteful spending.
myrenovations on July 14, 2009 at 3:35 PM
Any chance it could be programmed to feed on the corpses in Congress?
jbtripp on July 14, 2009 at 3:35 PM
Mmmmm, Al Quaeda….. tastes like chicken.
UltimateBob on July 14, 2009 at 3:35 PM
Allah is gonna become more of a shut in
blatantblue on July 14, 2009 at 3:35 PM
Patton would’ve wanted a division of them. Oh, wait, he wouldn’t be able to grease those treads.
Nevermind.
OhEssYouCowboys on July 14, 2009 at 3:36 PM
The military will be converted into apology brigades (”The Big Red The One!”), so we’ll have plenty of need for corpse eaters.
NoDonkey on July 14, 2009 at 3:36 PM
too late, as soon as panetta caught wind of this, he shut it down… lest we be perceived by our world friends as anything more than weak and submissive
gatorboy on July 14, 2009 at 3:37 PM
I think I will tell my grandkids Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy got eaten by EATR.
fourdeucer on July 14, 2009 at 3:40 PM
The Left will be fine with this, once it’s explained that the machines will feed exclusively on aborted fetuses.
guntotinglibertarian on July 14, 2009 at 3:40 PM
Oh where art thou, John Conner?
thirteen28 on July 14, 2009 at 3:40 PM
Man-Flesh!!!
portlandon on July 14, 2009 at 3:41 PM
Soylent Green doesn’t make itself!
lorien1973 on July 14, 2009 at 3:42 PM
Program it to target progressives. Tell it to sniff for patchouli oil.
OhioCoastie on July 14, 2009 at 3:42 PM
Yet another brick in my “the world is being run by Hollywood” conspiracy theory wall.
Pomme143 on July 14, 2009 at 3:42 PM
We could put speakers on ‘em, so they could play The Ride of the Valkyries.
OhEssYouCowboys on July 14, 2009 at 3:42 PM
Finally, a low-cost alternative fuel.
tommuck on July 14, 2009 at 3:42 PM
How about politicians? Can we get them to feed on them? I’d love to see these robots roaming the halls of Congress. Implant a “corruption” chip and sensor and let them go!
darwin on July 14, 2009 at 3:43 PM
Yeah, nothing could go wrong with flesh eating robots. . .
Just want it on the record: I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.
rbj on July 14, 2009 at 3:43 PM
I would bet that there are sections of the Geneva Convention that deal with how battlefield dead must be treated that would not include being eaten by a machine.
Mark1971 on July 14, 2009 at 3:45 PM
This is such a ridiculous and obvious coloring of a story. It’s not meant to eat corpses, and would never be used as such. People passing this story along in it’s current form should be ashamed.
aelhues on July 14, 2009 at 3:46 PM
Well, if they do that I’ll invest in the company.
myrenovations on July 14, 2009 at 3:46 PM
“run away! run away!” /Monty Python
dedalus on July 14, 2009 at 3:46 PM
Yes, but make it look like a woman, and changing eating to something less threatening, and it’ll sell for thousands of dollars.
What? It’s energy from doing that, so it wants to do it all the time?
lorien1973 on July 14, 2009 at 3:48 PM
“Feed mee!”
the_nile on July 14, 2009 at 3:50 PM
Gonna need some Old Glory Robot Insurance
CP on July 14, 2009 at 3:50 PM
Now that’s thinking with your dipstick.
I’d hit it.
rbj on July 14, 2009 at 3:50 PM
They also say that illegal combatants can be stood up and shot and that those who wage war while taking cover in civilian areas, will be prosecuted for war crimes.
The Geneva Conventions are only used against US military personnel, otherwise they’re completely ignored. So yeah, we would have to worry about this but no one else will, so maybe we can sell these machines.
NoDonkey on July 14, 2009 at 3:50 PM
Nothing wrong with that. It’s a robot, we’re all robots…
Weight of Glory on July 14, 2009 at 3:50 PM
How long could it live off AlGore?
the_nile on July 14, 2009 at 3:52 PM
I imagine it’s gonna get pretty scary out there in the woods of Waziristan with Yankee infidel robot people eaters lurking in the dark.
Tantor on July 14, 2009 at 3:52 PM
It’s sort of like WALL-E meets Silence of the Lambs.
RightOFLeft on July 14, 2009 at 3:52 PM
First step to a fembot? It doesn’t necessarily have to consume flesh, does it?
Guardian on July 14, 2009 at 3:53 PM
At least the Matrix allowed you to live a digital life.
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 3:53 PM
Let’s have CEO Obama, GM and the UAW manufacture it so that we’ll have nothing at all to fear.
NoDonkey on July 14, 2009 at 3:55 PM
Do we really want fembots who started life as murderous killing machines who drank blood?
lorien1973 on July 14, 2009 at 3:55 PM
Even if it were all well and good for the US to have them, but you just know we are going to sell the technology to China at some point.
myrenovations on July 14, 2009 at 3:56 PM
And then this shit will be available to the public, at Wal Mart.
OhEssYouCowboys on July 14, 2009 at 3:57 PM
Too late.
lorien1973 on July 14, 2009 at 3:58 PM
Well played.
myrenovations on July 14, 2009 at 4:00 PM
I have a sign on my front door that says, “Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.” with my dandy WalMart guardian robot I can change it to, “Trespassers will be eaten. Survivors, well there never is.”
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 4:00 PM
+1
+5
Win.
OhioCoastie on July 14, 2009 at 4:01 PM
Democrats will support them if they are reprogrammed as community organizing robots that are able to be unionized and powered by the contents of the local Planned Parenthood dumpster.
rw on July 14, 2009 at 4:01 PM
As long as they grow up cute and cuddly I’d be ok with it.
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 4:02 PM
I ate his Liver with his Kidney’s and a glass of Motor Oil!
upinak on July 14, 2009 at 4:02 PM
Monty Python — Holy Grail —-
Bring out your dead — clunk — bring out your dead –
.
How much? — Nine pieces
Alright here you go — I’m not dead! —
Wait a minute, he says he’s not dead — Yes he is —
I’m not dead! — He isn’t dead —- He will be minute –
No, I can’t take him like that — I’m feeling better — No you’re not –
When will you be around next time? — Thursday —
Come on do us a favor — Thwap!! — Right, thanks
Americannodash on July 14, 2009 at 4:02 PM
How long could it live off AlGore?
the_nile on July 14, 2009 at 3:52 PM
Between Al Gore and Michael Moore it would never go hungry.
fourdeucer on July 14, 2009 at 4:02 PM
turn it loose and lock the doors in congress there is enough dead waste to fuel one for centuries.
workingforpigs on July 14, 2009 at 4:03 PM
Not unless they can also vote.
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 4:03 PM
LOL. But if you ever do have to defend your castle, and the body ends up outside, remove that sign before the cops show.
OhEssYouCowboys on July 14, 2009 at 4:04 PM
congress would have to be sure they didn’t smoke if they were placed on the battlefield
workingforpigs on July 14, 2009 at 4:04 PM
Damn, that was good. Great post.
OhEssYouCowboys on July 14, 2009 at 4:05 PM
The guys who get to design this stuff have such a cool job. That said, what a spectacular waste of money.
BadgerHawk on July 14, 2009 at 4:06 PM
haha, I saw that post earlier but never thought to ask the question…
Answer…not very smart at all. They’d be ok though if they were still allowed flag-draped casket photo ops for those unfortunate enough to have been consumed.
scalleywag on July 14, 2009 at 4:09 PM
If it devours a ChiCom, does it need to eat again in an hour?
TheUnrepentantGeek on July 14, 2009 at 4:10 PM
Why is a good or desirable thing to create robots that will compete with us for food supplies??? Honestly, creating robots that need to consume “biomass” is a dang stupid idea if we want to have any long-term future as a species.
EasyEight on July 14, 2009 at 4:12 PM
Don’t forget that they need to have the ability to vote five times in each election for a Democrat.
NoDonkey on July 14, 2009 at 4:14 PM
I live in the woods out of sight and sound of neighbors. Any garbage leftover from defensive action would be between me the garbage and the crickets. Our police captain gave an interview on TV a few years back and he was asked if any towns people had shot intruders. His reply was that we had an agricultural community where the houses were far apart and hearing gun fire was common so he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that there were a few intruders pushing up daises in someone’s farm field.
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 4:15 PM
It comes with an off switch right? Pffft. My ex is more dangerous. Come to think of it she might not have become my ex if she had an off switch. :)
Guardian on July 14, 2009 at 4:16 PM
Judging by the comments I’m fairly certain that most of the folks here are sort of taking this with a grain of salt and just having a little fun. If you try real hard you could probably manage a chuckle too….or not.
Oldnuke on July 14, 2009 at 4:18 PM
FINALLY, a solution to Gitmo.
DrAllecon on July 14, 2009 at 4:19 PM
Leading to a live, on air, stroke.
I might tune in for that…
juanito on July 14, 2009 at 4:19 PM
HAHAHAHA. That’s awesome man.
I think the biggest threat regarding these robots is the possibility that we’ll have to see Linda Hamilton again if these robots get out of hand.
Shock the Monkey on July 14, 2009 at 4:20 PM
So… who would win in the battle for Planet Earth? The murderous flesh-eating kill-bots, or the murderous flesh-eating zombie army?
crazy_legs on July 14, 2009 at 4:20 PM
If it devours a ChiCom, does it need to eat again in an hour?
TheUnrepentantGeek on July 14, 2009 at 4:10 PM
BWAAAHAAAA! HA!
max1 on July 14, 2009 at 4:22 PM
Because of this story I just dismembered my Energizer Bunny. I’m gonna miss the little fella.
Limerick on July 14, 2009 at 4:25 PM
No, but it gets a free fortune cookie for dessert.
NoDonkey on July 14, 2009 at 4:29 PM
Lack a sense of humor do you.
You know this is just a little “gallows humor” BHO
chemman on July 14, 2009 at 4:30 PM
Don’t they both need us to reproduce? All we have to do is stop making them and we are all set.
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 4:31 PM
Just install one of these and this thing can run forever. Did I just invent perpetual motion?
jdpaz on July 14, 2009 at 4:33 PM
I love living in the future.
ronsfi on July 14, 2009 at 4:37 PM
Same around where I live. Unless you reported the “defensive” action there is no way for the local sheriff office to know that a “corpus dilecti” was in play. One backhoe and all the evidence is gone.
chemman on July 14, 2009 at 4:39 PM
I was promised flying cars.
TheUnrepentantGeek on July 14, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Some versions pick up the ‘bio-mass’ with use of a toilet plunger while chanting, “Exterminate!”
- The Cat
MirCat on July 14, 2009 at 4:46 PM
I don’t care. Our side having man-eating robots makes this geek’s heart flutter with glee – especially if they’re giant man-eating robots!
irishspy on July 14, 2009 at 4:48 PM
Other versions can collect the ‘recyclable energy stock’, dry it, put in a green type substance that is used for a preservative, and ration the green crackers out to the hungry masses.
- The Cat
Universal Food Care – Yeah, it’s people
MirCat on July 14, 2009 at 4:48 PM
What if there are no readily available ummm “units” and this thing’s batteries are low?
MirCat on July 14, 2009 at 4:51 PM
But they were not robots. That was just the powered chair the ugly little critter used to get around with.
jmarcure on July 14, 2009 at 4:51 PM
Yes, but this is after the enevitable take-over by the flesh-eating kill-bots that (of course) leads to the zombie apocolypse. They’re fighting over us!!!
crazy_legs on July 14, 2009 at 4:57 PM
Tastes like chicken
CMonster on July 14, 2009 at 4:58 PM
I was afraid someone would bring that up.
- The Cat
P.S. NERD!
MirCat on July 14, 2009 at 4:59 PM
Now just throw in Nazis, Giant Sharks, and Guinea Pigs and you’ll have a straight to DVD hit on your hands.
- The Cat
MirCat on July 14, 2009 at 5:01 PM
How about giant Nazi Guinea-sharks?
crazy_legs on July 14, 2009 at 5:08 PM
So, when does this become available by GM?
ConservadorRebelde on July 14, 2009 at 5:23 PM
“Now With 40% More Women!”
TMK on July 14, 2009 at 5:26 PM
Beep *burp* Beep
profitsbeard on July 14, 2009 at 5:50 PM
Well, while I certainly have no problem with the actual introduction of ‘terminators’ to the battlefield, armed with any kind of weapon we can give them, yeah, I think this man-eating robot stuff is taking things a little far. Maybe at some level a good idea, but the liberals of CNN would just LOVE to catch the thing eating an American Soldier or Marine, or even drag a body out for one to try snacking on, to set up the scene.
Virus-X on July 14, 2009 at 6:21 PM
Nazi ZOMBIE Guinea Sharks. You have to remember, the best Nazis are undead Nazi that crave your brains.
Rightwingguy on July 14, 2009 at 6:36 PM
There is an anime where this concept was used a long time ago called MD Geist II: Deathforce – except the robots didn’t bother to wait until you were dead. It’s not the best anime (many folks think it’s horrible) – but oddly, frighteningly prophetic.
Mike in GB on July 14, 2009 at 7:45 PM
Too bad it’s real. This would have made a great sci-fi movie.
scrubjay on July 14, 2009 at 9:40 PM
I truly hope they take out the part that converts humans to energy. No matter if they are our foe or are our soldiers- someone wants to bury them and they should be allowed to do so.
Having that machine on the battlefield harvesting corpses would kill our recruitment numbers and increase theirs.
journeyintothewhirlwind on July 14, 2009 at 11:12 PM
I’ve got 10 bucks on the robots.
Chaz706 on July 15, 2009 at 12:54 AM
They didn’t need to mention human corpses; biomass covers a lot of things.
It’s almost like they went out of their way to do so
“btw if you didn’t get what we meant… yes… we meant DEAD PEOPLE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Reaps on July 15, 2009 at 8:45 AM
So some WoW (World of Warcraf) otaku decided to make his favorite unit a reality?
Can you say “Meat Wagon!”
http://static.wowhead.com/uploads/screenshots/normal/106166.jpg
Fatal on July 15, 2009 at 11:34 AM
Humans, the ultimate renewable energy source.
TrickyDick on July 15, 2009 at 1:46 PM
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