Video: Text your local hitman

posted at 9:17 pm on July 8, 2009 by Ed Morrissey

I can’t decide whether this is stupidly bizarre, or bizarrely stupid. A woman tried to hire a hitman to kill her ex-boyfriend in order to keep him from filing a paternity suit. As usually happens, anyone dumb enough to try this gets linked up not to a bona fide button man but with the police — or in this case, the FBI. Why the feds? The woman was dumb enough to send text messages to a co-worker to find a killer for hire:

Hiring a hit man is dumb enough, but why would anyone leave an electronic trail by using e-mail, text messages, Twitter, or anything else? Sending a text message that says “I need to find someone to kill my ex-boyfriend” is equivalent to spray-painting it on your garage door. No amount of “alibys” will help when the police start checking the records.

Somehow, I think the children will do better away from Mom in this case.

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Ed, this woman is considered a true genius among those who voted fro Obama.

doriangrey on July 8, 2009 at 9:21 PM

I’ve come to believe that there are no longer any real hitmen, just lots and lots of under cover FBI agents.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:22 PM

People like this usually end up in jail, and their worst moments videotaped and shown on TruTV for all eternity. Sucks to be them.

KillerKane on July 8, 2009 at 9:23 PM

i need some1 2 kill bird out my window. tweet 2 much. i h8 it. must die. will pay with sk8board

RR

ramrants on July 8, 2009 at 9:23 PM

Chicago………..

………. well that explains everything.

Community organizers must teach this stuff at local ACORN meetings………

Seven Percent Solution on July 8, 2009 at 9:24 PM

Like Barry Obama, another product of our wonderful education system.

GarandFan on July 8, 2009 at 9:24 PM

i need some1 2 kill bird out my window. tweet 2 much. i h8 it. must die. will pay with sk8board

RR

ramrants on July 8, 2009 at 9:23 PM

Call the Fawn Killing Granny. She’ll do it for free.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:25 PM

Seven Percent Solution on July 8, 2009 at 9:24 PM

Thank God she wasn’t from the south. We see enough of our trash on Jerry Springer.

txag92 on July 8, 2009 at 9:26 PM

txag92 on July 8, 2009 at 9:26 PM

Just think what the press would do if this happened in Alaska……….

Seven Percent Solution on July 8, 2009 at 9:29 PM

Hmmm..How much is she offering?

Jeff from WI on July 8, 2009 at 9:31 PM

If this is the same one I heard about on the news, part of the payment to the “killer” was an above ground pool. This is what happens when people think that the idiots on Jerry Springer are real.

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 9:32 PM

Hmmm..How much is she offering?

Jeff from WI on July 8, 2009 at 9:31 PM

A Pool in Wisconsin?..Forget it

Jeff from WI on July 8, 2009 at 9:33 PM

txag92 on July 8, 2009 at 9:26 PM

Word, Sistah!

ladyingray on July 8, 2009 at 9:33 PM

I’ve come to believe that there are no longer any real hitmen, just lots and lots of under cover FBI agents.
myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:22 PM

Not to mention real hookers are hard to come by too, most seem to be undercover police-women.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM

Okay, I am going to have to quit early tonight, I was looking for a link and looked right past the video.

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 9:38 PM

Not to mention real hookers are hard to come by too, most seem to be undercover police-women.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM

ummm, do you speak from some experience you want to share with us?
RR

ramrants on July 8, 2009 at 9:39 PM

Not to mention real hookers are hard to come by too, most seem to be undercover police-women.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM

And when was the last time there was a teen in a teen chat room frequented by older men? It’s all police now.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:39 PM

Ugh! Its come to this!

Getting snuff’d out by a text!
—-

I can just see,an updated GodFather movie,as the GodFather
whips out his cell-phone,and starts to text,for Guido Sar-
luchi,the hit-man!!

canopfor on July 8, 2009 at 9:41 PM

It’s more like typical to me. Let’s face it, if you think murdering someone is going to solve your problem you can’t be very bright to begin with.

Blake on July 8, 2009 at 9:45 PM

I’ve come to believe that there are no longer any real hitmen, just lots and lots of under cover FBI agents.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:22 PM

I’m pretty sure I can live with that.

Count to 10 on July 8, 2009 at 9:46 PM

And when was the last time there was a teen in a teen chat room frequented by older men? It’s all police now.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:39 PM

And still these stings are so successful. Because what 12 year old wouldn’t want to do it with a hot grandpa???

Blake on July 8, 2009 at 9:47 PM

i need…..

ramrants on July 8,2009 at 9:23PM.

ramrants: Thats funny!haha,I know,my three cats are indoors
and ever morning,the stalk the windows,for this
one annoying blue-jay,I can relate!!haha.

canopfor on July 8, 2009 at 9:48 PM

ramrants on July 8, 2009 at 9:39 PM

He speaks as one of the funniest people on HA. I’d leave it at that.

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 9:48 PM

Above ground pool and 200 bucks? Now that’s a bargain hunter….

/s

Hog Wild on July 8, 2009 at 9:50 PM

Oh, and if you hire a hit man, the rule is half now, half later. Otherwise, this will happen: Link

Blake on July 8, 2009 at 9:53 PM

I know that this woman is not quite bright, but how can anyone in this day and age still get caught doing these things (hiring hit men, hooker cops and chat room stings)?

Have they never watched a movie or television or nightly news broadcast?

It is difficult to get away with much anymore, unless, of course, one is a member of Congress.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:55 PM

i need some1 2 kill bird out my window. tweet 2 much. i h8 it. must die. will pay with sk8board

RR

ramrants on July 8, 2009 at 9:23 PM

Priceless.

nationspatriotcom on July 8, 2009 at 9:55 PM

Not to mention real hookers are hard to come by too, most seem to be undercover police-women.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM

Not true.

And no, I’m not going to explain how I might know that…

Hollowpoint on July 8, 2009 at 9:55 PM

Not true.

And no, I’m not going to explain how I might know that…

Hollowpoint on July 8, 2009 at 9:55 PM

ROTFLMAO… cough cough cough… That’s alright… I think we all know how you know that… ;P

doriangrey on July 8, 2009 at 9:59 PM

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM

You’re doing it wrong. I watched manswers one evening, and they said, instead of propositioning for sex, ask to take nude photos instead. That’s not illegal and the cop won’t do it. LOL

That show is full of useful info!

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:01 PM

OT: Have they been advertising the Obama Chia pet on Fox for a while, or is this new?

thevastlane on July 8, 2009 at 10:01 PM

It’s a cryin’ damm shame that a person can’t go on Craigslist anymore to find themselves a good hitman.

I don’t want a beer can collection and I’m not looking to trade my fishing boat for “atv, 18′ dock section, Acer 15-inch monitor, or ???”. All I want is a hitman. America isn’t what it used to be.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 10:04 PM

I know that this woman is not quite bright, but how can anyone in this day and age still get caught doing these things (hiring hit men, hooker cops and chat room stings)?

Have they never watched a movie or television or nightly news broadcast?

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:55 PM

Easy explanations:

a. hitmen – only for the dumb. If you can hire The Iceman, okay. But most hire the box boy at the local Ralph’s or their brother in law, Maury.

b. hooker cops – thinking with the little head.

c. chatroom stings – thinking with the little head.

Blake on July 8, 2009 at 10:05 PM

thevastlane on July 8, 2009 at 10:01 PM

It sells pretty well actually. I’ve been selling them for a few months.

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:06 PM

You’re doing it wrong.

I wasn’t referring to me, I was talking about my cousin.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 10:06 PM

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:06 PM

Yah, but you priced it $2 higher than all the other chia pets.

Whoever buys one, deserves to pay more.

Makes sense.

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:06 PM

It’s a cryin’ damm shame that a person can’t go on Craigslist anymore to find advertise themselves as a good hitman.

I don’t want a beer can collection and I’m not looking to trade my fishing boat for “atv, 18′ dock section, Acer 15-inch monitor, or ???”. All I want is a hitman cold hard cash. America isn’t what it used to be.

Bishop on July 8, 2009 at 10:04 PM

Heh heh heh… :P

doriangrey on July 8, 2009 at 10:08 PM

It sells pretty well actually. I’ve been selling them for a few months.

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:06 PM

I remember seeing them a while back, but seeing them advertised during Hannity just made me LOL.

If I buy one does that make me a racist?

thevastlane on July 8, 2009 at 10:11 PM

This is what happens when people think that the idiots on Jerry Springer are real.

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 9:32 PM

On N Michigan Ave & E Wacker Dr there is a great old-time hotel. I loved staying there when it was a Crowne Plaza. Years ago, the idiots from Jerry Springer were guests there on Sunday through Wednesday. Cindy, those people are very real. Amusing to meet in the bar, but scarred for life – I tell you – I’m scarred for life!

ericdijon on July 8, 2009 at 10:12 PM

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:06 PM

Walgreens pulled theirs.

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 10:15 PM

ericdijon on July 8, 2009 at 10:12 PM

Very scary. I wish the South hadn’t appeared to be disproportionately represented.

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 10:20 PM

It’s always “for the children” isn’t it? Good thing she didn’t have some killer Garden Gnomes or that dude would be dead.

ronsfi on July 8, 2009 at 10:29 PM

Sheeesh, everyone knows you use Craigslist for Hitmen.

- The Cat

MirCat on July 8, 2009 at 10:33 PM

Woops, someone already said that

MirCat on July 8, 2009 at 10:34 PM

If this had happened in L.A., the price would have been twice the amount: in ground pool, 8-feet deep, U-haul.

Pazman on July 8, 2009 at 10:41 PM

It is difficult to get away with much anymore, unless, of course, one is a liberal Democrat member of Congress.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:55 PM

Fixed it for you.

AZfederalist on July 8, 2009 at 10:48 PM

I’ve seen enough of these situations to appreciate that people get to a point where they are adversarial with an individual with whom they have an emotional connection that any reaction “reasonable.” That’s not to justify the action of seeking a hitman but those involved in these situations are not always rational. As an example, I literally saw an individual in the middle of a divorce (no kids involved) literally go into attack mode over who gets possession of a car that didn’t come close to what the legal fees cost.

highhopes on July 8, 2009 at 10:57 PM

Cindy Munford on July 8, 2009 at 10:15 PM

Over a single whiner, if memory serves. They’ve made a few questionable business decisions this year, that have benefited me though, so I’m not complaining :)

lorien1973 on July 8, 2009 at 10:59 PM

What an idiot. Everyone knows you just dial 1-800-4Hitman.

Rocks on July 9, 2009 at 12:16 AM

What an idiot. Everyone knows you just dial 1-800-4Hitman.

Rocks on July 9, 2009 at 12:16 AM

Sounds like a profitable business. Are they publicly owned, on the NYSE?

Jeff from WI on July 9, 2009 at 7:39 AM

Texting is wack. Ya know what I’m sayings, man?

jbh45 on July 9, 2009 at 7:48 AM

..but in this case texting was used to get someone wacked.

jbh45 on July 9, 2009 at 7:49 AM

She wouldn’t be in trouble if she handled it like Mc Nairs girlfriend did and just handled it herself.

Jeff from WI on July 9, 2009 at 9:18 AM

I love the way it’s referred to as ‘so 21st century’.

The inference is, of course, is that it’s so hi-tech and cyber cool.

Unfortunately, I think the real comparison with the 21st century is how dumbed-down the general population has become.

LimeyGeek on July 9, 2009 at 10:00 AM

I’ve come to believe that there are no longer any real hitmen, just lots and lots of under cover FBI agents.

myrenovations on July 8, 2009 at 9:22 PM

Neo Nazis and Klansmen too.

LevStrauss on July 9, 2009 at 11:16 AM

i need some1 2 kill bird out my window. tweet 2 much. i h8 it. must die. will pay with sk8board

RR

ramrants on July 8, 2009 at 9:23 PM

Heh…good one!

Ed, this woman is considered a true genius among those who voted fro Obama.

doriangrey on July 8, 2009 at 9:21 PM

Yep, a prime example of the intelligence level of an Obambi voter!

Liberty or Death on July 9, 2009 at 12:06 PM

Texting for a hitman,,, to much work. Just place a want ad in your local newspaper.

feedercattle on July 9, 2009 at 1:01 PM