John Kerry’s not so secret any longer MySpace entry:

Hi there fellow bloggers. My name is United States Senator John Forbes Kerry from the great state of Massachusetts. You can call me JFK if you want. I was born on December 11, 1943, although people tell me that I look at least 20 years younger. It’s probably my great hair and rugged good looks.

I graduated from Yale in June 1966 in the top 1% of my class. To earn extra money during the summers, I loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door. That is probably one of the reasons that I am so humble. Over my four years at Yale, I maintained a 96 grade average and received a 101 average in my senior year.

I am one of the most senior members of that grand and much loved and respected institution known as the U.S. Senate. Probably the only living Senator even a little bit greater than me is my dear friend Ted Moore Kennedy. I also have a very high IQ. Very high. At least 250 on a bad day. Much higher than that creep who stole the election from me. I know that he stole it because exit polls are never ever wrong.

I am also a great war hero. I set all kinds of records for heroism when I was in Vietnam. I was grievously wounded at least three times yet continued to insist on staying in the fight when lesser men would have given up. I won the bronze star with extra V’s for extra valor and the Silver Star for defeating a whole battalion of NVA with my bare hands.
Sometimes I feel like a had to carry all the water for those other ungrateful swiftboaters.

I sometimes like to chill out after a long day of serving the American people by having a double martini with my good friend Ted. We usually have a servant bring 21 double martinis. I get one and Ted gets one for each of his fingers and each of his toes. Contrary to what some of my very few enemies say I never marry women for just their money. They must also have a pulse. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam? I was also in Cambodia, so don’t forget that!

I would like to think that I am open minded, honest, polite, heroic and trustworthy. And I appreciate the same qualities in others although I am realistic enough to know that no one else could come close to me.

Turn offs: other politicians who spend more on haircuts than I do. That is just not right.

Who I’d like to meet:
…other progressive bloggers. Other great war heroes who hate that damn S-T-U-P-I-D Texan in the White House and those lying sons of #itcher swiftboat #astardos whose pants are on fire! Cool people who live close to Washington D.C. so that we can get together, talk about you for about 30 seconds and then spend about 9 hours talking about me. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam and Cambodia? Just one more BTW, if anyone has found my magic hat please return to me.

MB4 on June 24, 2009 at 7:01 PM