Awwww, this is killing me.

I am not big on organized boycotts, but I have always chosen not to patronize businesses whose advertising lets me know they have no problem deliberately offending someone with my opinions and/or values. If I’m especially piqued, I will call and let the companies know they are getting money with my fingerprints on it until they shape up.

To that end: Sick of the bias, I stopped subscribing to my hometown rag, the San Francisco Chronicle, back in the early ’90s. I no longer purchase the New York Times. In 2000, I stopped purchasing Procter & Gamble products (which is very hard to do — they’re everywhere) after it chickened out of sponsoring the short-lived Dr. Laura TV show under pressure from the Gay-stapo. More recently, I have not had a Pepsi since last December, when Pepsico decided it wanted to ride the wave of Obamamania by apeing his campaign themes in their display and print ads and using BHO worshipper will.i.am in their TV commercials. And I didn’t patronize Subway while it was using Family Guy’s Peter Griffin in its TV commercials. I would have sworn off Miller for its unconscionable decision to co-sponsor San Francisco’s vile Folsom Street Fair (Industrial Strength NSFW) if I was a drinker.

With the exception of McDonald’s squeaky-clean Justin Timberlake “I’m lovin’ it” spots, burger ads have edgier in recent years — they’ve become the heir apparent to beer commercials. But even in the brew ads, while there was always eye candy of some sort to make you feel tingly, (remember Old Milwaukee’s Swedish Bikini Team?) few would venture into the area of directly invoking sex acts in themselves. Some ad agencies went for the subliminal; take a look at the “Beer Heaven” ad for Miller Lite, and watch closely what happens at 0:23-0:25. However, it appears an edit was made to keep it subliminal and not overt. Urban-targeted ads traditionally haven’t pulled punches: Recall Billy Dee Williams’s suggestive ads for Colt 45 malt liquor (”It works every time”) and Ice Cube’s unbelievable-in-retrospect ads for rival St. Ides (”Get your girl in the mood quicker / Get your jimmy thicker with St. Ides Malt Liquor”).

It seems to me that a new Quizno’s spot has inspired Burger King to a new low. I have not gone to Quizno’s since it started with its ads pushing a new foot-long sandwich starring a queer toaster oven out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. You have probably seen the creepy primetime/broadcast/basic cable version of that one, but the version played late at night and on more “adult” cable outlets is worse. It shows the oven begging a Quizno’s crew member to “Put it in me, Scott” and has other dialogue indicating that “Scott” and the oven had previously gone further (”I’m not doing that again. I burned.”)

Now I have to go cold turkey and eschew the Steakhouse Mushroom & Swiss Burger. Sorry BK, you screwed yourself out of my business.

L.N. Smithee on June 24, 2009 at 6:37 PM

And although reminiscing about the innocent days is fun, BK’s recent ad campaigns have been an indication of a very real “vulgarization of culture” — I seriously worry about what my kids’ world will be like in 20 years…

KS Rex on June 24, 2009 at 6:23 PM

Amen, Rex.

Recently, the FBI files on Deep Throat director Gerard Damiano were partially released through a FOIA request. The Nixon Administration and J. Edgar Hoover were apparently worried about the effects of a highly sexualized culture. Thirty-eight years later, stuff harder than Deep Throat is as easy for children to find with a mouse click. It makes me laugh through clenched teeth every time I hear some advocate of amorality insist there is no such thing as a “slippery slope.”

L.N. Smithee on June 24, 2009 at 7:00 PM

Seriously folks, it’s an ad. Don’t we have anything *iran* more *economy* important *deficit* to *healthcare* worry about?

wv619 on June 24, 2009 at 7:29 PM

I can multitask. Apparently, you can’t.

L.N. Smithee on June 24, 2009 at 7:48 PM