Cheney + Haiku = Cheneyku; Update: More added
posted at 4:32 pm on May 21, 2009 by Jim Treacher
Yeah, I shot that guy
And I had some heart attacks
And I kept you safe
***
I’m bald and morose
I don’t look good in swim trunks
Eight years, no attacks
***
Dear Los Angeles:
We stopped an assault on you
“Hey, thanks” will suffice
***
Look out, terrorists!
Obama’s secret weapon:
Approval ratings
***
Every time I sneer
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed faints
Try that one, Barack
***
We left you a mess
You’re doing all the same things
Now they’re not messy?
***
Bronx synagogues burn
Because of waterboarding
On Bizarro World
***
Redefine “torture”
To mean anything you want:
Waterboarding worked
***
Hello, Jon Stewart
You cried on September 12th
But haven’t since: Why?
***
Remember, lefties
I’m not running for office
Your polls make me laugh
***
And, in the interest of equal time, here are some cheneyhaterku:
Didn’t stop Atta!
Did too much to stop his pals!
I believe both things
***
Wish you’d go away
How dare you remind us all
You stopped terrorists
***
Heat doesn’t melt steel
Fighting terror causes it
Up is really down
***
Earth to Dick Cheney:
Why no new 9/11?
They don’t feel like it
***
KSM’s damp face
Didn’t do us any good
Worst war crime ever
***
Follow #cheneyku and #cheneyhaterku on Twitter. And remember the #pelosiku craze from way back last week? You can relive those fond memories here.
Also, if you didn’t check out “Obama’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech from an alternate universe where he actually has a sense of humor about himself” because I wrote it on a Saturday and you have a life, check it out here.
Update: A few more cheneyku:
9/11 2:
Egocentric Boogaloo
Starring Obama
***
Colin’s not happy
His Republican Party
Always sides with Dems
***
Arterial plaque?
Don’t make me smirk, it ain’t $#!+
Arugula? Yuck!
***
Barack’s terror plan:
“Preventative detention”
Look out, Rush and Sean
***
I like Biden’s style
He thinks “jobs” is three letters
Unlike “KSM”
***
When you attacked me
I disclosed my location:
All up in your face
(Crossposted to jimtreacher.com)
This post was promoted from GreenRoom to HotAir.com.
To see the comments on the original post, look here.
Blowback
Note from Hot Air management: This section is for comments from Hot Air's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that Hot Air management agrees with or otherwise endorses any particular comment just because we let it stand. A reminder: Anyone who fails to comply with our terms of use may lose their posting privilege.
Trackbacks/Pings
Trackback URL
Comments
Comment pages: « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next »
Dear Vice President Cheney,
There are no words to express how grateful we are for you, and your daughter, Lynn’s entry into this debate.
Big prayers for you and your family.
Watching you verbally eviscerate, these commie bastards position, is sheer joy!
My personal dream team:
Cheney – Ashcroft 2012.
Obama: Paladin of the downtrodden – enabler of failure.
luvstotango on May 21, 2009 at 7:07 PM
TOTUS had waffles
for breakfast
Dick had his narrow ass
on a stick
RepubChica on May 21, 2009 at 7:07 PM
On an strange-but-true related side story, Cheney actually contributed to the breakup of a previous relationship. (Long story short: she was very liberal, I was not… Dick does not allow for middle ground) Yes, he’s THAT powerful!
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 7:08 PM
Oh, snap!
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:08 PM
Cheney’s name is Dick
But Barack’s daddy had his
In many women
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 7:08 PM
If you want to know
Why they call me Dick, click on
This link to Ace and the pic
http://ace.mu.nu/archives/253626.php
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:12 PM
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:12 PM
Whoa.
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 7:13 PM
My Vader-like gaze
Rests on B.O.’s lack of faith
It is disturbing
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 7:15 PM
Yeah . . . no wonder people are scared him, lol!
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:16 PM
scared of him . . . sheesh, I’ve come unglued!
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:17 PM
Dick’s hung like a horse
New VP is horse’s ass
Very big difference
kooly on May 21, 2009 at 7:18 PM
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:16 PM
He is well endowed
Mentally and physically
Barack? Girly man!
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 7:18 PM
Is it just me but is there something absolutely Truman-esque about Cheney?
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Cheney hung like horse
Barack says, hey, that’s nothin’
You should see Michelle
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:20 PM
kooly on May 21, 2009 at 7:18 PM
excellent
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 7:20 PM
Cheney plus ammo
Is more than awesome; He is
Crazy delicious
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 7:20 PM
sad bush legacy
bible quotes and water boards
freefall epic fail
strangelet on May 21, 2009 at 7:21 PM
If that was true you wouldn’t spend your time on the internet continually calling Bush a failure. Liberals are just pissed that a conservative administration managed to be more idealistic than them. Liberals are supposed to be the ones with all the idealism. Liberals wanted the status quo, keep the Middle East exactly the same. Keep Saddam in power. Bush didn’t. But go ahead keep stating you wanted the status quo in Middle East.
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 7:28 PM
Women and Lefties
Fear me for I’m the Big Dick
They cannot resist
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 7:29 PM
Barack pleads his case to the American people,
Cheney reloads.
Cheney in elevator,
picks up Biden,
two men enter,
one leaves.
Barak whines,
Cheney praises.
Just like dogs
Liberals hear only one.
The Constitution
is not whole cloth
to fabricate your lies, Barack.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 7:29 PM
Spine where spine belongs,
Other fortitude intact;
Marrow coursing strong.
-Cheney in Fog-Veiled Mountains
profitsbeard on May 21, 2009 at 7:32 PM
Yeah, they both dropped huge bombs on the enemy after an unprovoked attack.
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 7:32 PM
Real men prefer Bush
Real women like a big Dick
Strangelet is neither
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 7:34 PM
Cheney and Saddam?
One was hung from the gallows
The other’s well hung
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 7:34 PM
Stand at podium
My words sting hard as if I
Took One quail hunting
SDSquint on May 21, 2009 at 7:40 PM
Where my hoes at yo?
I need my cougars biatch
Don’t playa hate me
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 7:41 PM
Listen up, Barack
Now you know what they mean by
Barbed [oops] of Cheney!
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:41 PM
Stranglet’s paranoid
What’s that noise on my cell phone
Cheney haunts her dreams
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 7:44 PM
I can’t think of a single haiku that wouldn’t get me banned.
wccawa on May 21, 2009 at 7:45 PM
Is there a place that one can write to VP Cheney and express my profound gratitude for his amazing service to this nation for decades? As I listened to the two speeches today, one was a whining read the teleprompter put the blame on the evil Bush and the other was a factual (no teleprompter) walk through the events (which BTW, The One is adopting…thank God).
Mr Cheney and I are of the same age. He has better things to do like enjoy life after decades of service. The One has done community organizing. If I were Mr. Cheney, I’d say FU. I’d be wrong. Mr Cheney is a Patriot.
Dingbat63 on May 21, 2009 at 7:46 PM
just let me introduce myself
My name is Cheney, pronounced with a heney.
Yo ladies, oh how I hump thee.
The Cheney Dance is the chance to do the hump.
pc on May 21, 2009 at 7:46 PM
LOL…..
The Ugly American on May 21, 2009 at 7:48 PM
Obama not pro-abortion?
Vatican says so.
Jesus H. Christ…
Cheney takes aim,
hits all in his sights,
Barack and Biden lick their wounds
Cheney is evil,
liberals said it’s true,
over and over and…
With a terrorist knife
at your neck, do you call
Barack or Cheney?
Muslim terrorists
do not care about black or white,
only yellow.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 7:54 PM
My patented sneer
makes liberals soil themselves.
Go on – make my day!
disa on May 21, 2009 at 8:02 PM
Trumanesque Chenney
gives hell to the emperor
who has O clothes, yes!
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 8:14 PM
Hey, dear, I am still waiting for that answer to my question. You have been dodging it all afternoon and evening. Obviously you haven’t been told how to answer me.
But hey, I’ll try again.
You claimed earler and on another thread to be an “equal oppotunity despiser of torture” , but when I asked you if you approved of us taking out serial torturer Saddam Hussein, you suddenly became silent and refused to answer the question.
I can only assume that like your heroes at CNN, who gave Saddy’s thuggery a pass for a decade just to keep their Baghdad bureau open, you had absolutely no problem with his torturing and killing his own people.
Del Dolemonte on May 21, 2009 at 8:16 PM
Cheney is the man
locked up badguys, kept us safe
Barry, not so much
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 8:21 PM
What if it was a bunch of teenage girls voting 4 Allen and it had nothing 2 do with religion?
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 8:21 PM
Dear Mister Cheney,
Thanks for all you’ve done for us.
– Proud Americans.
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 8:30 PM
Califcon-
Whoa, what a picture!
That made my eyes water. Pho/
to shop? Please say no.
LASue on May 21, 2009 at 8:30 PM
I think it is difficult assess why people prefer one performer to another. I think we can all name good singers/performers that have been outsold in records with people with much lesser talents.
Some advice for Kris: He should probably get into the Christian music industry. They don’t pay the big bucks but it seems that the singers in the Christian music industry have longer careers. Christian radio won’t dump you because you turned 30.
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 8:31 PM
terryannonline
inserts a non sequitur
in non haiku form!
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 8:33 PM
I just realized i’m posted on the wrong thread. OOPS!!!!!!!!
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 8:34 PM
I’ll post on the right thread now. :(
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 8:34 PM
I don’t know. Someone over at Ace posted a comment requesting that the picture be used in all future Cheney threads. I’d never seen it before. Usually Ace will identify a p-shop, and the quality of the picture is pretty fuzzy, so I’m guessing it’s the real (if slightly terrifying) deal.
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 8:35 PM
I blame Bush for posting on the wrong thread. It is his fault.
terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 8:35 PM
We all make mistakes,
but few as funny as yours here.
Take credit. Be proud!
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 8:40 PM
Kenyan whoremonger,
porked pale tramp in Hawaii,
muslim bird flies now
LtE126 on May 21, 2009 at 8:43 PM
terryannonline
Apologizing, blaming Bush
like Obama
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 8:44 PM
BO thinks he knows all.
Chaney loves his Country more.
Chairs against the wall.
Coastal Paradise on May 21, 2009 at 8:47 PM
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 8:40 PM
Speaking of mistakes
Don’t you wish Obama would
Just say oops and leave
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 8:48 PM
So talented on this site.
Cindy Munford on May 21, 2009 at 8:48 PM
Why do I come here?
To be abused, pwned, and slammed?
I must need a shrink.
Grow Fins on May 21, 2009 at 8:51 PM
Cheney is the man
Faithful to nation and wife
He is no Edwards
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 8:52 PM
Grow Fins speaks the truth
Even a broken clock is
Correct twice a day
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 8:54 PM
Grow Fins is learning
Liberals are quite “special”
They live on Hopium
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 8:55 PM
Is just Biden time
Loxondonta on May 21,2009 at 7:05PM.
Loxondonta: Me likey your haiku:):)
canopfor on May 21, 2009 at 9:01 PM
Barack learned well
from his mid-east ‘brothers’,
Pelosi as human shield
Chicago isn’t that far
from Washington, DC
Barack has proven
Cheney proves that
Barack uses the Constitution
to wipe his *ss
To the NY Times,
Obama, Biden, Pelosi:
Cheney knows best
Blink, blink, Pelosi -
Wink, wink, NY Times -
Drink, drink Obama -
Dick wins
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 9:04 PM
O’s Chicago home
in Trinity United
racist pastor preached
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 9:04 PM
World lives in fear
Cheney speaks truth, some listen
Barack reads teleprompter
BobMbx on May 21, 2009 at 9:04 PM
I know the answer:
Because your name’s not Grow Brains
You’re welcome, sweetie
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 9:05 PM
Religion of Peace
Masked men cutting off heads
Peace be upon Him
BobMbx on May 21, 2009 at 9:10 PM
Why do liberals
detest torture when they are
so masochistic?
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 9:11 PM
Cheney’s grit teeth scowl
And swagga makes hearts atwitter
Obama quakes in boots
Christina_M on May 21, 2009 at 9:19 PM
PALAMINO!
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 9:19 PM
Books have’m, teas have’m,
Even educated trees have’m,
Obama, let’s have him leave.
[Sorry Mr. Treacher, sometimes haiku is just not enough. We need a complete tragicomedy opera cycle to fully express Obama's awesomest nuanceness. I'm sure PercyB agrees.]
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Biden plagiarized
Kinnock once? Highly unlikely.
Gaffes are his forte.
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Experienced white haired men,
frightening liberal children.
Daddy?
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Really? Worse than 6 million dead Jews? Worse than the extermination of other tribes in Africa? Worse than the Rape of Nanking? The Bataan Death March? Really? Waterboarding one guy worse than all that?
Hatred makes you blind.
29Victor on May 21, 2009 at 9:24 PM
Where the hell did that come from?
ROTFLMAO
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 9:25 PM
Cheney should chage his name (in honor of “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”) to Biggus Dickus–as in, the largest swinging one in the room.
This debate is driving the liberals absolutely bonkers. It’s the most fun we’ve had in a long, long time.
WasatchMan on May 21, 2009 at 9:26 PM
Dude?
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 9:28 PM
John McCain says Spanish Inquisition.
Cheney says no.
Shut up, John.
First it was quail,
then liberal socialist presidents,
RINOs next.
Dick Cheney having fun,
Knocking them down as they stand up,
McCain next?
I just perused one of the liberal blogs and there’s an post on there about John McCain – supposedly, he’s calling waterboarding a technique from the Spanish Inquisition. Anyone have a link to real news article about this?
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 9:35 PM
Where stronger men live,
lines are drawn on principle.
Cheney’s chalk divides.
LEBA on May 21, 2009 at 9:37 PM
April showers late
And Helen asked the Gibbster
Why Barry backed down
Trochilus on May 21, 2009 at 9:40 PM
Yes, I really have
This Cheney velvet painting
Hanging on my wall
Over my desk, even. God bless you Big Time!
Missy on May 21, 2009 at 9:41 PM
Try to understand
Jim Treacher is sarcastic
You’ll laugh a lot more
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 9:42 PM
Cheney is a man
Obama is but a boy
What else can one say?
RedNewEnglander on May 21, 2009 at 9:43 PM
That’s what I was referring to with this:
Guess I should have been less subtle?
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on May 21, 2009 at 9:46 PM
Cheney pulls Ka-Bar
From turban’d heart; wipes on grass.
Barack sees, soils self.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 9:53 PM
A fax of Constitution
Tacked up behind The One
As Cheney urged “get real”
Trochilus on May 21, 2009 at 9:54 PM
That boy needs changing!
Quick, before his nappies leak!
Trickle down his leg!
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 9:55 PM
Dick and Barry went hunting
Dick shot his face off and fed it to his dog.
Everyone lived happily ever after.
Geochelone on May 21, 2009 at 9:55 PM
Cheney grills bear steaks;
Barack chews arugula,
In pool of urine.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 9:57 PM
Not my fault he said;
Shit falls upon Barack’s head.
Once again, you lose.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 10:00 PM
Obama spoke for one hour
Mr. Chaney spoke for 20 minutes.
Guess who said more?
kingsjester on May 21, 2009 at 10:03 PM
Cheney sets trap lines,
Prepares for harsh winter.
Barack weakens us.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 10:03 PM
Many were surprised:
Constitution’s not aflame
From The One’s Hellfire.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 10:06 PM
Dick Cheney does not wear a watch.
He decides what time it is.
Geochelone on May 21, 2009 at 10:15 PM
Cheney’s time is like
a Mountain: giant, lasting.
Barack’s is quicksand.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 10:22 PM
Cheney’s head glistens
From worry for our country
Media condemns
Obama’s pecs glisten
From sweat and sunshine
Chris Matthews’ leg tingles
Cheney’s hands are covered
With the blood of terrorists
Liberals wail
Obama’s hands are covered
With the blood of the innocent
None care
After Cheney warns
The president ignores
None are left to complain
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Cry Baby blames Bush
Cheney lights up Baby’s a**
Dick’s waiting Bring it
tigerlily on May 21, 2009 at 10:27 PM
From the Milwaukee Magazine, the original story.
ht: Lefty blog, “No More Mr. Nice Blog,” where they’re all a twitter, reading into Johm Boehner comments.
Trochilus on May 21, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Safe since nine one one?
You might ask how this was done.
Saddam/Saudi fun.
BL@KBIRD on May 21, 2009 at 10:38 PM
Drop Cheney in desert
with Ka-Bar and a canteen.
He’ll find, kill, Mahmoud.
RWExtremist on May 21, 2009 at 10:47 PM
Some men born to lead —
Others born without a
birth certificate
jeff_from_mpls on May 21, 2009 at 10:59 PM
Here’s your faux war crime,
Plus no razed City of Angels,
I’m calling you out, One!
Trochilus on May 21, 2009 at 10:59 PM
Tired of Cheneyku
No one reads anyway
Post is now buried
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 11:02 PM
My personal dream team:
Cheney –
AshcroftPalin 2012.Obama: Paladin of the downtrodden – enabler of failure.
luvstotango on May 21, 2009 at 7:07 PM
FIFY
ProudPalinFan on May 21, 2009 at 11:02 PM
Comment pages: « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next »