Cheney + Haiku = Cheneyku; Update: More added
posted at 4:32 pm on May 21, 2009 by Jim Treacher
Yeah, I shot that guy
And I had some heart attacks
And I kept you safe
***
I’m bald and morose
I don’t look good in swim trunks
Eight years, no attacks
***
Dear Los Angeles:
We stopped an assault on you
“Hey, thanks” will suffice
***
Look out, terrorists!
Obama’s secret weapon:
Approval ratings
***
Every time I sneer
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed faints
Try that one, Barack
***
We left you a mess
You’re doing all the same things
Now they’re not messy?
***
Bronx synagogues burn
Because of waterboarding
On Bizarro World
***
Redefine “torture”
To mean anything you want:
Waterboarding worked
***
Hello, Jon Stewart
You cried on September 12th
But haven’t since: Why?
***
Remember, lefties
I’m not running for office
Your polls make me laugh
***
And, in the interest of equal time, here are some cheneyhaterku:
Didn’t stop Atta!
Did too much to stop his pals!
I believe both things
***
Wish you’d go away
How dare you remind us all
You stopped terrorists
***
Heat doesn’t melt steel
Fighting terror causes it
Up is really down
***
Earth to Dick Cheney:
Why no new 9/11?
They don’t feel like it
***
KSM’s damp face
Didn’t do us any good
Worst war crime ever
***
Follow #cheneyku and #cheneyhaterku on Twitter. And remember the #pelosiku craze from way back last week? You can relive those fond memories here.
Also, if you didn’t check out “Obama’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech from an alternate universe where he actually has a sense of humor about himself” because I wrote it on a Saturday and you have a life, check it out here.
Update: A few more cheneyku:
9/11 2:
Egocentric Boogaloo
Starring Obama
***
Colin’s not happy
His Republican Party
Always sides with Dems
***
Arterial plaque?
Don’t make me smirk, it ain’t $#!+
Arugula? Yuck!
***
Barack’s terror plan:
“Preventative detention”
Look out, Rush and Sean
***
I like Biden’s style
He thinks “jobs” is three letters
Unlike “KSM”
***
When you attacked me
I disclosed my location:
All up in your face
(Crossposted to jimtreacher.com)
This post was promoted from GreenRoom to HotAir.com.
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Cities burn, the country destroyed,
No one left to blame,
Dick Cheney cries
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 5:40 PM
Old ‘has been’ Cheney
Ten times the man as Barry
No comparison
Vashta.Nerada on May 21, 2009 at 5:41 PM
Hey! Where’s my fifteen,
affirmative action points?
give Michelle her’s too.
LtE126 on May 21, 2009 at 5:41 PM
Hot Air troll sez
Troof Commission WTF!
Shorter: Cheney works!
Christien on May 21, 2009 at 5:41 PM
You insult my pride
You ID my bunker
Care to go hunting?
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 5:43 PM
Obama apologizes for everything.
Dick Cheney
Does not.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 5:43 PM
Dijon’s for wusses
in fact so are cooked burgers
Cheney eats meat raw
Lori_Z on May 21, 2009 at 5:44 PM
Dick Cheney speaks truth
The Precedent stammers bad
Truth will set us free
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 5:45 PM
Obama now owns the war on terror,
Dick Cheney warns
and worries.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 5:46 PM
Cheney
To BO.
Pwned, n00b.
TheQuestion on May 21, 2009 at 5:48 PM
Who would you fear more?
A waterboard-less pussy?
Or an angry Dick?
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 5:48 PM
Dick Cheney
Has honor and integrity.
Obama? Not so much…
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 5:52 PM
Arrogant Barry,
You think you know the answers.
The bus comes for you.
Vashta.Nerada on May 21, 2009 at 5:55 PM
Barry loves himself
Cheney loves America
Michelle loves the House
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 5:57 PM
How to admit it?
Uncle Dick, he saved my ass
Signed, Lib Crapweasel
thirteen28 on May 21, 2009 at 5:59 PM
Brilliant, Treacher.
Esthier on May 21, 2009 at 5:59 PM
Listen to my speech, Barry
I pwned you today
Heh heh, game over
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:01 PM
Barry loves himself
Cheney loves America
Michelle loves the House
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 5:57 PM
………..
That’s pure awesome!
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:01 PM
Wait’ll she finds out the house always wins . . .
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:02 PM
Cheney defended.
Obama undoes,
Biden spills all,
Nancy blinks.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:02 PM
I like Biden’s style
He thinks “jobs” is three letters
Unlike “KSM”
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 6:05 PM
Michelle’s all south side,
Barry’s raised by white people,
He’ll never be be black.
LtE126 on May 21, 2009 at 6:05 PM
Smoke Monster from Lost
Personified by Cheney
Liberals worst fear
DaveC on May 21, 2009 at 6:06 PM
Arugula is
Like other greens, a substance
That you feed to food. ;-)
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 6:06 PM
I am Dick Cheney
I eat liberals for lunch
You’re next, Obama
thirteen28 on May 21, 2009 at 6:07 PM
The chi coms kill men
In buses aboard with gas
Killing prisoners
In spite of this crime
Liberals whine about us
Liberating Iraq
Mujahideen bomb
Girls going to brand new schools
But liberals whine
Liberals complain
About fighting terrorists
Trying to help them
Traitorous f*ck sticks
Suck a fat one you dip sh*t
Thank a soldier now
Whine about this and
Whine about that – never stop
Complain ’bout your life
Always wanting more
Beg for scraps and welfare checks
Pathetic weasels.
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 6:09 PM
You diss my record
On fighting a war, and yet
I drink your milkshake
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:10 PM
Wait until the day
When Jihadists will convert
Our lovely felons
Multibucket on May 21, 2009 at 6:10 PM
Treacher unleashes
teh fun on Hot Air
Too bad Ed is missing this
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:11 PM
Cheney waterboarded.
Obama’s method:
“Do you want a lawyer?”
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:11 PM
Barack’s a naive, dishonest
Uninformed fool, indeed
The ultimate Islamist tool
Basilsbest on May 21, 2009 at 6:14 PM
Terminator V
Cheney Kicks Terrorist Ass
Who’s you’re Daddy, a.Q.?
thirteen28 on May 21, 2009 at 6:14 PM
Sure I look angry
But beneath the cold, hard veneer
Lies a ruthless heart
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:15 PM
Cheney angered muslims.
Recruitment tool.
Barry apologizes.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:15 PM
You a terrorist?
Hope you like the water board
Kick your ass, buddy
SDSquint on May 21, 2009 at 6:16 PM
Ed’s on vacation
He’ll check in to see whats up
Ed will laugh with Glee
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 6:17 PM
The need to apologize
Is strong in Obama.
What has he done?
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:18 PM
Pelosi Sputtered
Erupting Botox Fueled Lies
Uncle Dick Set Her Straight
thirteen28 on May 21, 2009 at 6:18 PM
You’re an almost man
Work without the teleprompt
Suck my stones, O-Boy.
SDSquint on May 21, 2009 at 6:18 PM
When you attacked me
I disclosed my location:
All up in your face
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 6:19 PM
There are two D.C.’s
One makes laws, and the other
Is a bad-ass Dick
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:19 PM
Obama’s swagga
pitiful showing today
Cheney MOJO rocks
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 6:19 PM
Too much guilt.
White men instilled.
Black man apologizes to all.
(I may be fudging here – is ‘instilled’ two syllables or three?)
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:21 PM
Many women here
Must do them all asap yes
PercyB will guide
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 6:24 PM
Barack Obama preempts
Instead of responding.
Dick Cheney laughs.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:24 PM
The leftists hate me.
Are they mis-wired or inbred?
May they fellate me.
ae5x on May 21, 2009 at 6:25 PM
Off topic but true
AP is a cat, you see?
Drinking milk all day
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 6:25 PM
How this thread has grown!
Yet it will never be as
Long as Cheney’s ****.
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 6:25 PM
Stuck on this thread now
No matter, it’s good to laugh
All too rare lately
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:26 PM
Want a piece of me?
I eat fatwas for breakfast
Mmmm, tastes like chicken
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:26 PM
Cheney’s speech
Was the verbal equivalent
Of a Texas quail hunt.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:27 PM
Which would you prefer,
Dick Cheney tough as nails, or
More Hope from the Dope?
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 6:29 PM
Cheney lays blame where
it belongs and rightly so.
A true teabagging.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:29 PM
He’s a Dick alright
Whose tenure is at an end
STFU Dick!
Grow Fins on May 21, 2009 at 6:30 PM
No cure for stupid
You don’t need to demonstrate
Every day, Grow Fins
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:31 PM
Sorry, no can “do” –
Though you are very handsome,
Hubby won’t approve! :-)
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 6:31 PM
The dark force is strong
with Darth Cheney.
May the empire live forever!
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:32 PM
Waterboarding was
Never taken lightly so
We tickled them too
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:32 PM
Aw, isn’t that cute?
Grow Fins can count to seven.
What a smarty troll!
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 6:33 PM
The trolls want to be
clever like us.
Try it without obscenities.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:35 PM
Treacher is quoting
Himself again. What are we,
Chopped liver? I guess . . .
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:37 PM
Thank you kind lady
Husband may not approve it
Who said he must know?
jkjkjkjk!!!!!
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 6:37 PM
Though you may Grow Fins
And slink into the sewer
Dick will hunt you down
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:37 PM
The Trolls claim ‘We Won! We Won!’.
But the reality is
We all lost.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:38 PM
Essential intel
We learned from the terrorists
Kept you whiners safe
VekTor on May 21, 2009 at 6:39 PM
Blatant Blue, you
Too young for the ladies here
Get a job, you punk!
(sorry, man, it wrote itself . . . mwah!)
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:39 PM
Everyone run!
The vice-president has a gun.
Not Cheney – Biden.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:42 PM
Obama is Chamberlin
Cheney is Churchill
Have you forgotten?
Christian Conservative on May 21, 2009 at 6:42 PM
Bitch slap the Liberals
You magnificent bastard
Barack wets himself
Zorg on May 21, 2009 at 6:42 PM
Califcon you silly
I started a new job yes
It is a wine store
So many liberals
Snotty folks from new York city
Come to see “hamptons”
Even tho we aren’t in the hamptons. Just near.
Broke haiku form.
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 6:43 PM
Obama’s got looks
And a sweet teleprompter
But he ain’t got Dick
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:44 PM
All these liberal trolls,
Fearless on the blogs,
Wet diapers in person.
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 6:44 PM
Obama schooled
Wants to run with the big dogs
Should stay on the porch
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 6:45 PM
My friend, you are simply en fuego today!!
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:45 PM
What empowers you?
“Testicular fortitude”
Said the man named Dick!
ae5x on May 21, 2009 at 6:47 PM
Does Ed have
the internet on
his hard earned vacation
I wonder
aceinstall on May 21, 2009 at 6:47 PM
Cheney to Obama:
Eight percentage points
My popularity climbs
As I kick your ass
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 6:49 PM
califcon, no harm
eighteen old enough to play
he just randy boy
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 6:50 PM
B*tch slap the Liberals
You magnificent bastard
Barack wets himself
Zorg on May 21, 2009 at 6:50 PM
See Dick fight terror
Hear Joe speak on F.D.R.
Uh-oh must gird loins!
Ted Torgerson on May 21, 2009 at 6:51 PM
Saw this on Facebook
“I wish Dick Cheney would just
Sit down and shut up”
MikeZero on May 21, 2009 at 6:51 PM
I salute Biden
For bringing such gravitas
To my old bunker
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 6:51 PM
Cheney went hunting.
Obama said he was game.
So Cheney bagged him.
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 6:52 PM
I like that phrase, Zorg:
“Magnificent bastard”
My wife is laughing!
ae5x on May 21, 2009 at 6:53 PM
Ladyingray, hey
I like your style mama
21 old ’nuff
blatantblue on May 21, 2009 at 6:53 PM
The truth must offend
Tender sensibilities
Oh well. F*** that lib
MikeZero on May 21, 2009 at 6:54 PM
Gaffe-tastic Slow Joe:
I’m the Vice President now
Who is this Cheney?
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 6:54 PM
I agree w/ Califcon – OC Sandman is a haiku genius.
LASue on May 21, 2009 at 6:56 PM
Everybody knows now
exactly what is blatant
and blue about you
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 6:58 PM
Adopts our principles
In spite of himself
How’s my ass taste
The Ugly American on May 21, 2009 at 6:58 PM
+1
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 6:59 PM
What was that? Earthquake?
No, that’s just me in L.A.,
Laughing my *** off! :-)
Snotty liberals
Come into BlatantBlue’s store,
To stock up on “whine”.
I need new glasses.
I thought you said, “Does Ed have
The Internet hard on”!
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 6:59 PM
O is thin skinned
needs to get tougher hide, man
Iran is coming
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 6:59 PM
Cheney, you hungry?
Dinner time here in Texas -
Quail au vin is served.
ae5x on May 21, 2009 at 7:02 PM
Biden sees snipers
Any time he gets on plane
Cheney just shoots back
Hollowpoint on May 21, 2009 at 7:04 PM
Barack has issues
Still pining for his daddy
Who didn’t love him
*************
Oh, I forgot that
Haikus are about Cheney
Not our worthless prez
Disturb the Universe on May 21, 2009 at 7:04 PM
Bush-Cheney took stands
while Obama’s hope and change
is just Biden time
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 7:05 PM
Barack looks for dad
in all the wrong places, finds
Dick Cheney instead
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 7:06 PM
Dick Cheney, our muse
For Hot Air poetry slam
We haz more often?
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 7:07 PM
Good one!
ladyingray on May 21, 2009 at 7:07 PM
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