Cheney + Haiku = Cheneyku; Update: More added
posted at 4:32 pm on May 21, 2009 by Jim Treacher
Yeah, I shot that guy
And I had some heart attacks
And I kept you safe
***
I’m bald and morose
I don’t look good in swim trunks
Eight years, no attacks
***
Dear Los Angeles:
We stopped an assault on you
“Hey, thanks” will suffice
***
Look out, terrorists!
Obama’s secret weapon:
Approval ratings
***
Every time I sneer
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed faints
Try that one, Barack
***
We left you a mess
You’re doing all the same things
Now they’re not messy?
***
Bronx synagogues burn
Because of waterboarding
On Bizarro World
***
Redefine “torture”
To mean anything you want:
Waterboarding worked
***
Hello, Jon Stewart
You cried on September 12th
But haven’t since: Why?
***
Remember, lefties
I’m not running for office
Your polls make me laugh
***
And, in the interest of equal time, here are some cheneyhaterku:
Didn’t stop Atta!
Did too much to stop his pals!
I believe both things
***
Wish you’d go away
How dare you remind us all
You stopped terrorists
***
Heat doesn’t melt steel
Fighting terror causes it
Up is really down
***
Earth to Dick Cheney:
Why no new 9/11?
They don’t feel like it
***
KSM’s damp face
Didn’t do us any good
Worst war crime ever
***
Follow #cheneyku and #cheneyhaterku on Twitter. And remember the #pelosiku craze from way back last week? You can relive those fond memories here.
Also, if you didn’t check out “Obama’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech from an alternate universe where he actually has a sense of humor about himself” because I wrote it on a Saturday and you have a life, check it out here.
Update: A few more cheneyku:
9/11 2:
Egocentric Boogaloo
Starring Obama
***
Colin’s not happy
His Republican Party
Always sides with Dems
***
Arterial plaque?
Don’t make me smirk, it ain’t $#!+
Arugula? Yuck!
***
Barack’s terror plan:
“Preventative detention”
Look out, Rush and Sean
***
I like Biden’s style
He thinks “jobs” is three letters
Unlike “KSM”
***
When you attacked me
I disclosed my location:
All up in your face
(Crossposted to jimtreacher.com)
This post was promoted from GreenRoom to HotAir.com.
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There once was a man from Nantu…
Sorry. Wrong form.
BobMbx on May 21, 2009 at 4:35 PM
I’ll kill you with hands
Or with a big bayonet
But I will kill you
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:37 PM
I smell a poetry collection series in the works!
My cheneyhaterku:
Shut up, Darth Cheney/Nine-one-one was inside job/Rosie told me so!
Michelle on May 21, 2009 at 4:37 PM
My god, Treacher, you should be the Poet Laureate of America.
promachus on May 21, 2009 at 4:38 PM
Dick is so joyful
But it’s not easy to see
He doesn’t smile much
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:39 PM
a crabby old man
he fights with the president
kicks presidents ass
moc23 on May 21, 2009 at 4:39 PM
I am Darth Cheney
I eat nails and sh17 buckshot
How does my a55 taste?
ronsfi on May 21, 2009 at 4:40 PM
bam
faraway on May 21, 2009 at 4:40 PM
Dark Master Cheney
Needs no shotgun to kill you
The Force strong with him
Hollowpoint on May 21, 2009 at 4:40 PM
I kept you all safe
After my three heart attacks
Biden Takes my Place?
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 4:40 PM
That was beautiful, man. Makes me want to shed a tear, flick my BIC, raise my single flame high into the air as I pay tribute to those that tortured those nuts into spilling their Yellow Jihadist Guts. And to the stinging insects that made the terrorists wet themselves. Here’s too you, stinging insect.
Thank you to Dick Cheney and George W. Bush for keeping us safe all those years.
I weep for the safety of our nation under the age of stupidity that will end abruptly in 2013.
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:41 PM
9/11 2:
Egocentric Boogaloo
Starring Obama
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 4:41 PM
Yes Dick Cheney smash
Terrorists cry in their sleep
Democrats join them
lorien1973 on May 21, 2009 at 4:41 PM
Cheney is a man
Obooba is a child
That’s the difference, simply
Akzed on May 21, 2009 at 4:41 PM
Cheney hunting jokes
Make me think of Kennedy
Dick’s friends make it home
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:41 PM
Not Again, or Dear Treacher!
How do I sleep now?
Cheney and Daughter, shall rule!
upinak on May 21, 2009 at 4:42 PM
“Meaningless” old man
Scares the bejesus out of
Pantywaist boy star
Vashta.Nerada on May 21, 2009 at 4:42 PM
The vice president
kept your asses safe for year.
Get off of his back.
cannonball on May 21, 2009 at 4:42 PM
*snorts*
upinak on May 21, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Illuminati
They secretly run the world
But bow to Cheney
Hollowpoint on May 21, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Liberals hate war no room
Obama mistakes he will do
Mushroom clouds will doom
canopfor on May 21, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Obama full of hot air
But HotAir best when
Full of Dick Cheney
right2bright on May 21, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Cheney – Obama
Intellectual mismatch
Dick by TKO
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:43 PM
I flick my BIC
Knowing that I was safe
Now I grab my ankles and pray
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Cheney’s Memory
It has records of success
O Forgets Gates Name
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Bloodletting ensued
as VP Cheney let loose
with reason and sense
The Precedent reeled
from the power of debate
that Cheney unfurled
progressoverpeace on May 21, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Heh.
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:44 PM
LMFAO! WEINER!
upinak on May 21, 2009 at 4:44 PM
Secure location
Secret bunker underground
Biden rats it out
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 4:44 PM
We owe you Mr. Cheney
You had the balls to do what
had to be done.
ArmyAunt on May 21, 2009 at 4:44 PM
year = years
cannonball on May 21, 2009 at 4:45 PM
I love Dick
But now we have obama
I hate P*ssies
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:45 PM
Thanks Mister Cheney
You’ve kept us safe for years now.
You deserve better!
Did I copy anyone?
petunia on May 21, 2009 at 4:45 PM
For those not so inclined,
haiku =
5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables
cannonball on May 21, 2009 at 4:45 PM
Jack#ss’s will Palomino be
Congress has no will to see
Cheney will grunt then hunt
canopfor on May 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Dick Cheney killed me
His gaze brought me back to life
Just because he can
Hollowpoint on May 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Bawney Fwank is that you?
/sarc
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Or 2 3 2, but those are harder :P
lorien1973 on May 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM
The left hates my guts
And I don’t care all that much
Because they’re just punks
bloghooligan on May 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Obama leaked them
They censored the positive
Cheney knows the truth.
cannonball on May 21, 2009 at 4:47 PM
Oh, we were all just copying getalife’s old post style.
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:47 PM
57 states
Cheney Protected 50
Obama can’t count
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 4:47 PM
hee hee.
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:47 PM
I am Darth Vader
But not good with a light saber
I’ll still kick your ass
bloghooligan on May 21, 2009 at 4:48 PM
Library Tower
Still stands and we are alive
My children thank you.
LASue on May 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM
Obama talks trash
at the National Archives
but Dick trashes him
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM
夏雨か
禿げの言葉や
天才如く
DarkCurrent on May 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM
For those not so inclined,
cannonball on May 21,2009 at 4:45PM.
cannonball: Thanks for the clarification!
As I make an idiot,out of myself!!:)
canopfor on May 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM
Terrorists love Bami
Terrorists pee pants seeing Cheney
Terrorists must Die
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM
Dick get heart transplant
We call you to serve again
Obama out 2012
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM
They drank the Kool-Ade.
America will suffer
Unless we act now.
cannonball on May 21, 2009 at 4:50 PM
Hiaku good for soul
HotAir feeds conservatives
May I have more, please
BobMbx on May 21, 2009 at 4:50 PM
On the boat looking
I spy a duck flying high
Shoot, missed Biden!
upinak on May 21, 2009 at 4:50 PM
Dude, you’re killin’ me.
Jaibones on May 21, 2009 at 4:51 PM
Cheney haiku posts
Bring a tear to this man’s eye
And make tummy hurt
connertown on May 21, 2009 at 4:51 PM
From the heart of hell
I stab at thee Obama
I’ll show you torture
OC Sandman on May 21, 2009 at 4:51 PM
Obama is rich
America eats dog food
Obama eats steak
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:52 PM
The Wrath of Cheney?????
upinak on May 21, 2009 at 4:52 PM
No balls, just minkies in the Obama camp.
saiga on May 21, 2009 at 4:52 PM
I am Dick Cheney
Chuck Norris is scared of me
Yes,I’m that awesome
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 4:52 PM
Speak from the heart Dick
Teleprompter Jeebus uhhhhhs
No match for your strength
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 4:52 PM
Foreign
Obama
Moron
US
Dick Cheney
Clever
progressoverpeace on May 21, 2009 at 4:53 PM
A Black Hole in space
Not even light can withstand
Only Cheney can
Hollowpoint on May 21, 2009 at 4:53 PM
Of a urinary tract infection?
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 4:53 PM
Guantanomo closed
Man-made disaster worldwide
Barack fans cheer
BobMbx on May 21, 2009 at 4:53 PM
Cheney’s speech was strong
Daily he doubtles proves that
Adults WERE in charge
common sensineer on May 21, 2009 at 4:53 PM
I’m just waiting for some literalminded lefty to mewl: “Jon Stewart’s first show back was on Sept. 20! LIAR!!!” Then we’ll bicker over Whoopi and Barbara’s seating arrangements on the choo-choo.
Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 4:54 PM
With Cheney in Charge
Every one knows its true
You slept peacefully.—–
Obama is weak
Endangers America
No one fears a fool.
canditaylor68 on May 21, 2009 at 4:54 PM
Cheney is the man
Obama chokes on Totus
Cheney grins with hope
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:54 PM
Cheney
Shoot to Kill
Congress!
upinak on May 21, 2009 at 4:54 PM
Tough guys do not dance
Around policy questions
Print that, New York Times!
fluffy on May 21, 2009 at 4:54 PM
Dick Cheney is our
Cincinnatus of today
Defending our way
progressoverpeace on May 21, 2009 at 4:54 PM
Fire can melt steel.
You know what else can melt steel?
Dick Cheney’s death stare.
Kid from Brooklyn on May 21, 2009 at 4:55 PM
Served in time of need
Saturday Night Live mocks you
Liberal douchebags
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 4:55 PM
Well, they don’t get enough WATER now. That can cause a UTI, or maybe it was the stinging insect that went up their pee pee.
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:55 PM
LOL.
progressoverpeace on May 21, 2009 at 4:55 PM
How we have fallen
From Cheney’s strength and wisdom
To hair plug moron
connertown on May 21, 2009 at 4:56 PM
Yeah, I shot the guy.
Just so you remember, that’s
how I treat my friends.
The Monster on May 21, 2009 at 4:56 PM
Dick, a real VP
what if his heart were healthy?
Suck it, Greasy Joe
Kid from Brooklyn on May 21, 2009 at 4:57 PM
Dick Cheney and Fred!
Punch hippies, kill terrorists
Tag team power hour
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on May 21, 2009 at 4:57 PM
Cheney is awesome
Barack can’t hold Dick’s jock strap
Now or anyday soon
bloghooligan on May 21, 2009 at 4:58 PM
Bambi loves hope change
Dick Cheney loves America
Damn it all acorn
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:58 PM
Style over substance,
that’s Obama; Cheney is
above O’s pay grade.
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 4:58 PM
Very Nice!
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 4:59 PM
George W Bush
Lets Dick Cheney Defend him
Bush Owes O Nothing
portlandon on May 21, 2009 at 4:59 PM
Dick is making a speech
He doesn’t smile much
But he is smiling now
Thanks for the inspiration, Jaibones :)
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 4:59 PM
Thank you, Jim — you rock!
Now I can put Cheney’s face
On my coffee mug.
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 4:59 PM
Cheney
Obama
Cheney
CK MacLeod on May 21, 2009 at 5:00 PM
I am the bus driver
I decide what we talk about.
Who’s in charge? Cheney.
batterup on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
We bowed to no one
America was Safe then
Kiss my ass, Barack
califcon on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
The meaning of life?
Dick Cheney knows the answer:
Do not anger him
Hollowpoint on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
Darth Cheney waves hand
This is not the hope and change
you are looking for
With Cheney speaking
G – O – P has found it’s voice
About freaking time
Pandering Leftist
Or a cagey old bastard
Who would be afraid?
DaveC on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
You don’t die of those… you just want to. :-P
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
God Bless Dick Cheney
He kept us safe in dark days
George Bush showed us grace
HornetSting on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
Jihads are bad
Rosie Knows
Axlerod blows
canopfor on May 21, 2009 at 5:01 PM
I form my opinions from facts and reasoning, and not to suit anybody but myself. If people don’t like my opinions, it makes little difference as I don’t solicit their opinions nor their votes.
- William Tecumseh Sherman
MB4 on May 21, 2009 at 5:02 PM
Cheney speaks truth
Obama cowers in corner
Wrapped in US flag
Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 5:02 PM
Liz Cheney I love,
Dick Cheney I love also,
I’m not a homo
LtE126 on May 21, 2009 at 5:02 PM
Obama waffles.
MSM syrup covers.
Cheney eats breakfast.
Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 5:02 PM
Now, where can I buy
Custom printed photo mugs?
Please give me advice.
Mary in LA on May 21, 2009 at 5:03 PM
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