Cheney + Haiku = Cheneyku; Update: More added

posted at 4:32 pm on May 21, 2009 by Jim Treacher

***

Yeah, I shot that guy
And I had some heart attacks
And I kept you safe

***

I’m bald and morose
I don’t look good in swim trunks
Eight years, no attacks

***

Dear Los Angeles:
We stopped an assault on you
“Hey, thanks” will suffice

***

Look out, terrorists!
Obama’s secret weapon:
Approval ratings

***

Every time I sneer
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed faints
Try that one, Barack

***

We left you a mess
You’re doing all the same things
Now they’re not messy?

***

Bronx synagogues burn
Because of waterboarding
On Bizarro World

***

Redefine “torture”
To mean anything you want:
Waterboarding worked

***

Hello, Jon Stewart
You cried on September 12th
But haven’t since: Why?

***

Remember, lefties
I’m not running for office
Your polls make me laugh

***

And, in the interest of equal time, here are some cheneyhaterku:

***

Didn’t stop Atta!
Did too much to stop his pals!
I believe both things

***

Wish you’d go away
How dare you remind us all
You stopped terrorists

***

Heat doesn’t melt steel
Fighting terror causes it
Up is really down

***

Earth to Dick Cheney:
Why no new 9/11?
They don’t feel like it

***

KSM’s damp face
Didn’t do us any good
Worst war crime ever

***

Follow #cheneyku and #cheneyhaterku on Twitter. And remember the #pelosiku craze from way back last week? You can relive those fond memories here.

Also, if you didn’t check out “Obama’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech from an alternate universe where he actually has a sense of humor about himself” because I wrote it on a Saturday and you have a life, check it out here.

Update: A few more cheneyku:

***

9/11 2:
Egocentric Boogaloo
Starring Obama

***

Colin’s not happy
His Republican Party
Always sides with Dems

***

Arterial plaque?
Don’t make me smirk, it ain’t $#!+
Arugula? Yuck!

***

Barack’s terror plan:
“Preventative detention”
Look out, Rush and Sean

***

I like Biden’s style
He thinks “jobs” is three letters
Unlike “KSM”

***

When you attacked me
I disclosed my location:
All up in your face

(Crossposted to jimtreacher.com)

This post was promoted from GreenRoom to HotAir.com.
To see the comments on the original post, look here.


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Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 11:05 PM

Obamaku

Waterboarding bad
The enemy must go free
TOTUS tells him so

Cheneyku

Make liberals cry
Too much gravitas for you
Can not debate me

Vast-Right Wing Conspirator on May 21, 2009 at 11:09 PM

Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 11:02 PM

Read your Cheneyku
On the edge of the abyss
You are not buried

Loxodonta on May 21, 2009 at 11:11 PM

Obama speaking
BP rising
Cheney better than Diovan

Too much fun here
Cheney versus Obama
Post no longer buried

G’nite, Loxodonta

Timothy S. Carlson on May 21, 2009 at 11:26 PM

He spoke of Bill Gates
Doesn’t know his Sec. of State
I feel so safe now

congma on May 21, 2009 at 11:49 PM

He spoke of Bill Gates
Doesn’t know Defense Person
I feel so safe now

(Correction)

congma on May 21, 2009 at 11:52 PM

Demographic fix,
Quantity and quality:
Ladies, ask for Dick!

Kralizec on May 21, 2009 at 11:54 PM

Jim, hyperbole aside, you really are the best thing to happen to the intertubes since Al Gore.

Mark V. on May 22, 2009 at 12:10 AM

The Messiah says:
“Good Lord, Cheney’s fighting back!
Help me, New York Times!”

Mark V. on May 22, 2009 at 12:15 AM

Adults were in charge
Obama plays games with lives
Stop Socialist Democrats

petunia on May 22, 2009 at 1:06 AM

canopfor on May 21, 2009 at 9:01 PM

O Canada cold,
did you know without TOTUS
Obama duh gold?

Loxodonta on May 22, 2009 at 1:42 AM

So talented on this site.

Cindy Munford on May 21, 2009 at 8:48 PM

The desserts you do
show a far greater talent
than a Cheneyku

Loxodonta on May 22, 2009 at 1:46 AM

Richard B. Cheney
The man, the myth, the legend
Obama ain’t Dick

capitalist piglet on May 22, 2009 at 1:54 AM

Compare
Gravitas
Hubris

connertown on May 22, 2009 at 2:23 AM

I was laid off
I am pissed
I am running for the Senate

Seven Percent Solution on May 22, 2009 at 2:24 AM

Unlike them leftards
With mental gonorrhea
This Dick does not run

OC Sandman on May 22, 2009 at 3:04 AM

I was not shot at
In skies over Bosnia
Those guys wouldn’t dare

OC Sandman on May 22, 2009 at 3:08 AM

My favorite things:
Lawyers, ducks and unicorns
In open season

OC Sandman on May 22, 2009 at 3:15 AM

Does anyone else think
Waterboarding sounds just like
A fun summer sport?

TheQuestion on May 22, 2009 at 5:22 AM

Cheney
Twenty-twelve.
Boo-yah.

TheQuestion on May 22, 2009 at 5:27 AM

Megyn kelly and,

Perino on FOX right now,

I have a boner.

LtE126 on May 22, 2009 at 9:07 AM

I’d like to see Cheney run in 2012 without even picking a running mate. Just win it on his own and then nominate a veep after he takes office. That, my friends, is the Cheney way!

t.ferg on May 22, 2009 at 9:38 AM

Pelosi vs waterboarding
I would choose waterboarding

workingforpigs on May 22, 2009 at 10:46 AM

why look for terrorists
most of them are in congress now

workingforpigs on May 22, 2009 at 10:47 AM

difference between 9/11 and the stimulus
we didn’t hear an explosion when the stimulus hit our country
But, it will destroy far more lives

workingforpigs on May 22, 2009 at 10:49 AM

Go Cheney, go man!
Give the lefties heart failure.
Watch empty heads pop.

SKYFOX on May 22, 2009 at 11:31 AM

I think one of the great failures of the Bush Presidency was the failure to respond to so much of the unfair criticisms leveled at him from the left.

As much as I detest O’zero, the Kenyan does go out of his way to defend himself and his abominable socialist agenda. This doesn’t change the minds of those firmly on the left or right, but it does influence those in the middle, who actually sway election outcomes.

The lack of a convincing argument from the Bush Admin about the Democrats’ long-term central role in this country’s dramatic economic collapse (Community Reinvestment Act, Fannie/Freddie, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, etc) now has us marching to the drumbeat of socialism.

Maybe not quite that simple, but certainly part of the cause and effect. And the result? We now have the foxes guarding the henhouse.

I only wish Cheney was as outspoken then as he is now.

BO blows smoke and lesser legs tingle.
Cheney talks smack and Patriots have hope
Can we hit the “reset” button on the last election?

Sweet_Thang on May 22, 2009 at 11:58 AM

I think one of the great failures of the Bush Presidency was the failure to respond to so much of the unfair criticisms leveled at him from the left.

You make a valid point, but personally, I’m conflicted about whether Bush should have defended himself. It just doesn’t seem to be in his political DNA to fight back. I think he was raised to believe that fighting back tit for tat was beneath the office of the Presidency. If OTHER Republicand had defended him against the crazy attacks, I’d have been satisfied, but I was continually frustrated by their lack of active rebuttal.

Red State State of Mind on May 22, 2009 at 1:04 PM

I think one of the great failures of the Bush Presidency was the failure to respond to so much of the unfair criticisms leveled at him from the left.

You make a valid point, but personally, I’m conflicted about whether Bush should have defended himself. It just doesn’t seem to be in his political DNA to fight back. I think he was raised to believe that fighting back tit for tat was beneath the office of the Presidency. If OTHER Republicand had defended him against the crazy attacks, I’d have been satisfied, but I was continually frustrated by their lack of active rebuttal.

Red State State of Mind on May 22, 2009 at 1:04 PM

I shared your frustration with lack of a rebuttal, as did many, I’m sure.

While Bush has been characteristically silent, at least we now have Dick Cheney responding forcefully to BO’s drivel.

I caught Rick Santorum (R) on Fox the other night, also defending the country’s founding values and unprecendented success. Hopefully this becomes part of the Republicans’ playbook. Non-stop criticism is what the Dems did during the Bush years, except they had the MSM carrying the torch as well.

Go get ‘em Dick! And thanks for showing the courage of your convictions!

Sweet_Thang on May 22, 2009 at 1:40 PM

Cheney da man
Liz a warrrrior
You go, girl!

Christian Conservative on May 22, 2009 at 1:52 PM

Cheney’s in the house
Obama’s in the White House
Barry still loses

ladyingray on May 22, 2009 at 1:56 PM

Ted Kennedy invites BO for a ride in his waterlogged Buick
Cheney offers to take BO on a grouse hunt.
BO runs off with Cheney before Teddy calls again.
D’oh!

Sweet_Thang on May 22, 2009 at 2:22 PM

Dick’s no Darth Vader!
He’s Obi-Wan Kenobi,
Ø’s R2-D2

JM Hanes on May 22, 2009 at 2:24 PM

Cheney’s in the house
Obama’s in the White ShiteHouse
Barry still loses

-Wheldon ShiteHouse- (D)RI

ladyingray on May 22, 2009 at 1:56 PM

Sweet_Thang on May 22, 2009 at 2:39 PM

Let me debate you!
I’ll make you look like a fool.
Bring it on, Barack.

cannonball on May 22, 2009 at 3:15 PM

O’zero excoriates Bush/Cheney Gitmo policy.
Cheney bitch-slaps BO, and Dems kill shutdown funding.
Barry dances with a Margaritaville footwear malfunction!

Or something.

Sweet_Thang on May 22, 2009 at 3:41 PM

Dick says what he means
Pat wants to have two faces
Fuck Yourself Leahy

jimboslice on May 22, 2009 at 4:47 PM

Liz Cheney is hot
Barak Obama is not
Dick Cheney is proud

ladyingray on May 22, 2009 at 5:18 PM

Dick Cheney I love you
made me feel safe, safe, so safe
Barry not so much…

djl130 on May 22, 2009 at 5:42 PM

Is it just me but is there something absolutely Truman-esque about Cheney?

terryannonline on May 21, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Yeah, they both dropped huge bombs on the enemy after an unprovoked attack.

Jim Treacher on May 21, 2009 at 7:32 PM

What a jerk he was
Those Japanese, so gentle
Why oh why Truman?

(My first sarcastic haiku.)

capitalist piglet on May 22, 2009 at 5:48 PM

My glower alone
Can melt steel and crash jet planes
Just go ask Rosie

Ken McCracken on May 22, 2009 at 6:05 PM

Heh, late to the party, here is my Pelosiku:

the truth is simply
what I say it is, because
I am the Speaker

Ken McCracken on May 22, 2009 at 6:11 PM

and an Obamaku:

I promise I will
protect you all, for the
next eight to ten years

Ken McCracken on May 22, 2009 at 6:20 PM

Barack addresses
Catholics and the Midshipmen:
Stream poisoned with shit.

RWExtremist on May 22, 2009 at 7:16 PM

Obama solves the Gitmo crisis by declaring enemy combatants to be fetuses.

The president noted that America’s global reputation has been devastated by U.S. treatment of terror suspects, but that “our treatment of a million fetuses each year earns us nothing but admiration, and requests for clinic-funding from those who aspire to be like us.”

Sources acknowledged continuing White House debate about whether a terrorist who escapes from Gitmo alive can still be treated as a fetus.

win win

Mr. Joe on May 22, 2009 at 7:56 PM

I’m about 6 beers into this night and yet I find myself unable to get my haiku on. Know what I’m sayin
Me and the wife are going to get up and hit the casino tomorrow bright and early say 11 or noon.

Dick cheney I salute you
Haiku writers of Hot air go forth and haiku .I salute you
Nancy Pelosi and Monkey ass Olberman I think about you often and have nothing but contempt for you and your ilk and can only thank god I am not you. Seriously you disgust me

kangjie on May 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM

Comment pages: 1 3 4 5