Pelosi + Haiku = Pelosiku
posted at 5:50 pm on May 15, 2009 by Jim Treacher
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I knew I knew not
And I didn’t know I knew
Now my face implodes
***
What’s this trigger do?
Ouch, my right foot really hurts
Let’s try the left one
***
As I tell my tales
Watch me blink out in Morse Code:
“I’m a lying [bleep]”
***
I am not lying
Except for what I just said
And what I’ll say next
***
I’ve been a liar
A lot longer than Barack
But without his gift
***
My nose doesn’t grow
(Way too much rhinoplasty)
But my stitches twitch
***
Lefty blogs confused
They’ll opine on me, after
Rahm’s conference call
***
Who’s nervous? Not me
I’ve looked like this ever since
They cut up my face
***
I own some vineyards
Which will give me a good place
To store my sour grapes
***
Waterboarding stinks
I thought it would moisturize
But my face pruned up
***
For more, see Twitter. Or try your own in the comments. It’s fun!
Update (AP): I like this one from Karl, too.
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Oh no, I forgot
The CIA told me that,
I just couldn’t hear
Christina D on May 15, 2009 at 6:45 PM
Tears on my pillow
Pain in my heart
caused by CIA
GoodBoy on May 15, 2009 at 6:46 PM
Unintentionally the funniest one I wrote. Ah well.
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 6:46 PM
if you ever need a resident haiku-er
i will gladly honor that duty
i like breasts.
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:46 PM
Face full of botox
I crab walk to the exit
Get me out of here
Multibucket on May 15, 2009 at 6:48 PM
My lips are moving
The falsehoods flow forth freely
Nothing to see here.
kooly on May 15, 2009 at 6:49 PM
There once was a Speaker named Nancy
who’s eyes made her look like a banshee.
Although crossing the aisle
was just never her style,
she can’t be THIS partisan, can she?
Tuning Spork on May 15, 2009 at 6:53 PM
Pelosi must think
She is a Jedi Master
Sorry, strong mind here
Ah, these are fun. I probably should do something worthwhile… but… :)
Christina D on May 15, 2009 at 6:55 PM
I was informed, not
briefed. Bill Clinton taught me how to
parse my words slyly.
Mallard T. Drake on May 15, 2009 at 7:00 PM
Pelosi inspires flurry of poetic mockery on Twitter
Conservative_SAHM on May 15, 2009 at 7:00 PM
Hands are on my face
When I stretch you stretch we stretch
Our faces are numb
D.A
How The World Works (YouTube)
Dadvocate on May 15, 2009 at 7:04 PM
George Bush Dick Cheney
This Administration
Dick Cheney George Bush
abinitioadinfinitum on May 15, 2009 at 7:04 PM
Democrats have said
Let’s open pandora’s box
Now all Dems will pay
moc23 on May 15, 2009 at 7:05 PM
Dude, I enjoy your stuff, but not one of them actually qualifies as haiku. Think 5-7-5.
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 7:06 PM
I stand in a circle
a Democratic firing squad
Fix Bayonets!
Yoop on May 15, 2009 at 7:07 PM
Netroots will hound me
But can’t follow my Gulfstream
Offsets cost too much
fed-nad on May 15, 2009 at 7:07 PM
I like cougars
And false haiku
I forgot 5 7 5
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 7:09 PM
Bush, Cheney, Rummy,
the lawyers are criminals.
Oops, I am one too!
Mallard T. Drake on May 15, 2009 at 7:09 PM
The Agency now says
That I can tell the truth
See how the Agency lies
I lie for the children
As millions of readers know
Having read it in my book
Taranto used to have
His election campaign Bye-Kus
These are Lie-Kus.
CK MacLeod on May 15, 2009 at 7:10 PM
This distraction takes
Our minds off important things
Where is Miss Cali?
fed-nad on May 15, 2009 at 7:11 PM
All of my Lie-Kus
Scan 5 – 7 5
In the original Japanese
CK MacLeod on May 15, 2009 at 7:12 PM
Lies don’t worry me.
Who shuffle-truffled my face?
That’s the real question.
fed-nad on May 15, 2009 at 7:14 PM
Oh no you di-int
I said to the CIA
Oops. Leon says they did.
Fly_in_Ointment on May 15, 2009 at 7:14 PM
Blink blink blink stare blink
Waiting for brain to kick in
Deer in the headlights
SDSquint on May 15, 2009 at 7:16 PM
Adults are in charge
Bush recession is over
Whither getalife?
It takes a woman
to clean House. Drain is backed up,
now I’m in deep s***.
Fallen Sparrow on May 15, 2009 at 7:17 PM
Where is my bong
drugs, sex and more drugs,free mediacal care, free marijuana
Oh sorry did you say something
Where was I, blink blink
I am speaker of the Houese G** D**amit
I say something its true then its true
kangjie on May 15, 2009 at 7:23 PM
It’s a good thing I
Have eyes like a Bush Baby
Cause Bush should be blamed
fed-nad on May 15, 2009 at 7:23 PM
Deer in headlights freeze
Nancy, dear, you’re drowning fast
Abu Zubaydah
watchmen on May 15, 2009 at 7:25 PM
I can’t tell the truth
because I am a hypocrite.
please vote me out soon!
cannonball on May 15, 2009 at 7:27 PM
Gaping like a fish
Pelosi, close your mouth please
Your lies taint your breath
Christina D on May 15, 2009 at 7:31 PM
And let me counter with a Pelosi + Limerick = Peloserick
There once was a witch from the west,
whose lies gave her botox a test.
she said with a strain, as her cheeks stretched in pain,
thank god I didn’t botox my chest.
cannonball on May 15, 2009 at 7:31 PM
How can I get my
Democrat majority
If I tell the truth?
——————
Worthless peons who
Question their social betters
Deserve only lies
gridlock2 on May 15, 2009 at 7:33 PM
True artists redefine barriers.
the_nile on May 15, 2009 at 7:33 PM
I am San Fran Nan.
I am the most ethical.
Swan dive from Bay bridge.
BallisticBob on May 15, 2009 at 7:41 PM
Bung hole reamer #3 not working
mouth still opens
is it too late to try #5
dragondrop on May 15, 2009 at 7:48 PM
Our attempts here at the LastRick Household:
-*-
Rummy, can you help?
Can this be an “unknown known”
rather than a lie?
-*-
Can’t I just blame Bush?
Our scapegoat left in oh-eight
Man, I miss that guy
LastRick on May 15, 2009 at 7:50 PM
Steny Hoyer is
Going to eat my lunch and
Hang me out to dry.
gridlock2 on May 15, 2009 at 7:51 PM
A chill wind blowing
Truth is not to blame madam
blowing, blowing, cold
Tony Soprano on May 15, 2009 at 7:58 PM
many lies got by
taxidermy speaker
is coming unglued
abinitioadinfinitum on May 15, 2009 at 7:59 PM
no ethics found here
just a word that means nothing
in your house it seems
Tony Soprano on May 15, 2009 at 8:03 PM
Represent Frisco
But dying in Washington
Save me, Steve McQueen
I am queen of the
San Francisco Democrats
Bow to me, dammit
The fascist regime’s
Not in London, Sex Pistols
No future for you
*****
Now I offer this
Cautionary tale to my own
Representative
Betty McCollum*
Stares slackjawed in disbelief
Botox acolyte
Don’t hitch your wagon
To the lying sack of crap
Speaker of the House
Thought your seat was safe?
Automatic union votes
Guarantee your job?
Now the stench is part
Of you. Now we tell the tale.
You’ve no place to hide
* (Minnesota CD-4, friend of Nancy)
Mr. D on May 15, 2009 at 8:33 PM
Leon knew
High coup
Fancy Nancy
LEBA on May 15, 2009 at 8:38 PM
can’t stop blinking
blink, blink – what was I thinking
CIA – oy vey
djl130 on May 15, 2009 at 8:47 PM
An expert in cosmetic surgery,
and flamboyand lefty re-gurgery.
With garbage she talked,
While conservatives mocked.
Public opinion is really her-jury.
poetic license
limericks prefered
gotta comma?
LEBA on May 15, 2009 at 8:47 PM
I wonder how many of these far left extremists did drugs back in the 60’s?
DL13 on May 15, 2009 at 8:51 PM
First five syllables
Then seven, then five again
Haiku is easy
Now, on to Nancy:
I’ve been donkey punched
Whacked in the back of my head
That’s why I don’t blink
ynot4tony2 on May 15, 2009 at 8:53 PM
This is your brain on drugs.
And this is your country on brains.
Can I have bacon with that?
LEBA on May 15, 2009 at 8:55 PM
CIA LIARS!
Wait…they might leak more info
Bush/Cheney BASTARDS!
kagai on May 15, 2009 at 8:57 PM
We did this on Ace’s blog about the first Wook WHOOPSIE!!! The first “lady” Michelle Hussein Obama.
As you can imagine, is was lots of fun…especially since Ace’s blog isn’t censored. I think the one about Nancy I put up earlier that was taken down was pretty funny.
LtE126 on May 15, 2009 at 9:03 PM
There once was a Nan from Frantucket . .
Oh wait, neverming
MirCat on May 15, 2009 at 9:12 PM
I thought I was smart
Then a real thinker came back
Damn that Dick Cheney
itsspideyman on May 15, 2009 at 9:15 PM
I’m an engineer, so you’re automatically not making sense.
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 9:26 PM
Nancy Pelosi
leads her great leftwing crusade
right down the crapper
rockmom on May 15, 2009 at 9:33 PM
Where in the hell is
Phil Burton when I need him?
As dead as you are.
rockmom on May 15, 2009 at 9:34 PM
Carrie prejean
So hot
Would give my left,,,,
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 9:47 PM
They lied and they lied
I was briefed but not really
Oh look, a puppy!
DrAllecon on May 15, 2009 at 9:54 PM
Treacher’s awesome!
Here’s my little contribution:
Another facelift
The surgeon pulled way too hard
Goatee on my face
dougpowers on May 15, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Repeating my own twittery tweety pelosikus here, because I’m lazy and lame
Lies So Transparent
Now Truth Commision to file
The Botox Report
George Bush duped and stuff
Twitching and madly blinking
Oh, Also? GEORGE BUSH
Big, fat liar, I
but don’t set my pants on fire
please..’cause plastic melts
Lori_Z on May 15, 2009 at 10:15 PM
over at http://www.BeJohnGalt.com we have hosted a “Poetry Night” for the last few weeks. Here’s out latest: http://bejohngalt.wordpress.com/2009/05/15/pithy-poetry-honed-haikus-laconic-limericks/
We hereby CHALLENGE HotAir to a June 5th “Poetry Night Cage Match“.
Bring it!
Justrand on May 15, 2009 at 10:19 PM
Power hungry shrew
Melting under water board
Ding dong witch is dead
Christina_M on May 15, 2009 at 10:24 PM
another example of our BeJohnGalt poetry prowess
http://bejohngalt.wordpress.com/2009/05/08/pithy-poetry-night-take-2/
Our challenge to HotAir remains for June 5!
Justrand on May 15, 2009 at 10:26 PM
Nancy’s gettin fried
Dat Dumb beatch knew and lied
Nanny boo-boo… poo
RalphyBoy on May 15, 2009 at 10:50 PM
Hehe
I’ll take the false ones
Upstater85 on May 15, 2009 at 10:57 PM
What I said was so clear, obvious and memorable that I must refer to my pages of notes even though I just said it a mere 30 seconds ago with the utmost clarity and now I can’t remember WTF I said or even remember where I put the…
Geochelone on May 15, 2009 at 10:59 PM
folks at BeJohnGalt.ocm are getting excited about a “Poetry Night Challenge” On June 5…if HotAir can handle it?!?!?
Justrand on May 15, 2009 at 11:02 PM
I am not lying
(blink blink blink blink blink blink blink)
Botox wearing off
disa on May 15, 2009 at 11:05 PM
LEBA, your haiku is made of awesome.
Terrie on May 15, 2009 at 11:21 PM
From the unabridged diaries of Nancy Pelosi as edited by Doug Brinkley:
I Gitmo grief now
For torturing the language
Than ’scusing torture.
They tortured, I blinked.
If nobody saw me blink,
It didn’t happen.
Terrie on May 15, 2009 at 11:44 PM
That Keith Olberman has a huge ass
Hey Stenny, get in here and see this, did you know Keith Olberman has an old ladys ass.
Oh I forgot,dig up something on this Jim treacher dude.
Some guy on Hotair trying to be funny. I got his haiku right here. I am the speaker of the house G** D**mit
(looks in mirror) Steny does my ass look fat in this lime green paintsuit. Is it as big as olbermans ?
Steny rolls eyes,
kangjie on May 15, 2009 at 11:45 PM
This would be interesting to watch…
Upstater85 on May 16, 2009 at 12:12 AM
Last call for Haiku
The sun rests its pretty head
Will Nancy sleep well?
Lies are hard to tell
When the walls are crumbling round
Keep on, plastic friend.
Why do we lie today?
Political fun?
Or mindless sporting?
Do you care bout us?
Or is waterboarding sad?
Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.
The poor enemy
Let us worry about him
Hitherto til morn
Crush Bush’s skull now
To cover my angry tracks
Plastic doll is me
Goodnight
blatantblue on May 16, 2009 at 12:13 AM
Like Gracie Allen
An eye lash batting dingbat
Say “Goodnight Nancy.”
Ted Torgerson on May 16, 2009 at 12:24 AM
Terrie on May 15, 2009 at 11:21 PM
merci, mon Terrie…
limmerick / haiku?
no poo. just some foo.
LEBA on May 16, 2009 at 12:30 AM
Nancy Pelosi
You Should Be The Next Joker
In The Next Batman
SilverStar830 on May 16, 2009 at 1:14 AM
Nancy Pelosi
Fantastically Elastic
Botox Delivers
SilverStar830 on May 16, 2009 at 1:21 AM
Haikus for Nanci
When can we start to write some
Baikus for Nanci?
TeeDee on May 16, 2009 at 1:40 AM
As Busho, the poet put it:
This information
You hear from Nan Pelosi~
Disinformation
(Haiku… Gesundheit!)
profitsbeard on May 16, 2009 at 1:41 AM
Bus of Obama
comes for me now, I will lie
confuse the driver
Constitution Smash!
I will help distract stupid voters
while we steal your rights.
Sad sock puppet speaker
spring waters wash memories away
soggy alone stupid speaker
batterup on May 16, 2009 at 2:04 AM
Oh hai ku Nancee!
Has u swallowd hooj furball?
No lyin tiem 4 nap.
Loxodonta on May 16, 2009 at 2:58 AM
she
Seven Percent Solution on May 16, 2009 at 3:57 AM
It is a new day
What will Queen Nancy lie ’bout?
Should entertain us.
Upstater85 on May 16, 2009 at 6:30 AM
Norma Pelosi:
I’m ready for my close-up.
House. Death. Face. Fade-out.
Loxodonta on May 16, 2009 at 7:11 AM
Awesome.
Jaibones on May 16, 2009 at 9:07 AM
So I keep digging,
but the hole just gets deeper,
put the shovel down?
Jaibones on May 16, 2009 at 9:08 AM
Pelosi is fun!
She’s such a flaming nitwit
perfect Democrat
Jaibones on May 16, 2009 at 9:15 AM
San Fran liberal.
Spewing forth obnoxiosly.
Go the eff away.
BallisticBob on May 16, 2009 at 9:47 AM
Great Haiku. She needs to go back to S.F. and never be allowed to speak in public until she learns that she must speak the truth.
MSGTAS on May 16, 2009 at 10:01 AM
Holy smokes. When her time as speaker is up (soon), she should audition for the remake.
Fallen Sparrow on May 16, 2009 at 10:04 AM
But as for torture
Waterboarding cannot touch
Watching San Fran Nan
Disturb the Universe on May 16, 2009 at 10:07 AM
Meaningless gestures
The dance of San Fran Nan’s hands
As she grasps for lies
Disturb the Universe on May 16, 2009 at 10:20 AM
LOL!!! love these!
bridgetown on May 16, 2009 at 10:31 AM
! u win
bridgetown on May 16, 2009 at 10:45 AM
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