Pelosi + Haiku = Pelosiku
posted at 5:50 pm on May 15, 2009 by Jim Treacher
I knew I knew not
And I didn’t know I knew
Now my face implodes
***
What’s this trigger do?
Ouch, my right foot really hurts
Let’s try the left one
***
As I tell my tales
Watch me blink out in Morse Code:
“I’m a lying [bleep]”
***
I am not lying
Except for what I just said
And what I’ll say next
***
I’ve been a liar
A lot longer than Barack
But without his gift
***
My nose doesn’t grow
(Way too much rhinoplasty)
But my stitches twitch
***
Lefty blogs confused
They’ll opine on me, after
Rahm’s conference call
***
Who’s nervous? Not me
I’ve looked like this ever since
They cut up my face
***
I own some vineyards
Which will give me a good place
To store my sour grapes
***
Waterboarding stinks
I thought it would moisturize
But my face pruned up
***
For more, see Twitter. Or try your own in the comments. It’s fun!
Update (AP): I like this one from Karl, too.
This post was promoted from GreenRoom to HotAir.com.
To see the comments on the original post, look here.
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It’s worth getting on Twitter just to read some of these.
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:52 PM
They say I knew it
so says Leon Panetta
I think I’m dead meat
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:52 PM
Immortal!
Mark Strand step aside!
Limerick on May 15, 2009 at 5:52 PM
If lying is wrong
then I don’t want to be right
just far to the left
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:53 PM
ROFL!!!!
capejasmine on May 15, 2009 at 5:54 PM
Watch my eyes bug out
I just can’t help it, you know
happens when I lie
(Yeah, I’m copying my own that I already tweeted)
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:54 PM
Bill Clinton lied too
But that was no prob
Where’s my Monica?
Michael van der Galien on May 15, 2009 at 5:55 PM
I thought I would have
a plausible denial
now I flip burgers
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:55 PM
I’m happy to find out that Pelosiku is poetry and not another one of those weird math puzzles.
myrenovations on May 15, 2009 at 5:56 PM
Guy on “Lie To Me”
said Botox would hide my lies
I think he lied, too
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:56 PM
Nancy Pelosi is the leader of the Democratic Party. Pass it on.
Jim Treacher on May 15, 2009 at 5:56 PM
Be very afraid.
Woman who lies, blinks a lot.
Is third in line. Eep.
TheQuestion on May 15, 2009 at 5:57 PM
My face keeps twitching.
Why is this?
My lips are burning — they pain my sleep at night.
I cannot control myself
Nor my minions.
They are turning — eating their own for feasts.
No good news in sight
Depression sinks in at night
With all the pain and all the plight
Everyone has forsaken me
Running, not walking.
The lies I’ve told, I am being destroyed
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 5:57 PM
There is also a Nancy Pelosi Poll at Sarah Palin 2012
http://sarah-palin-2012.blogspot.com/2009/05/liar-liar-pants-suit-on-fire.html
Dr Evil on May 15, 2009 at 5:58 PM
I’m sixty years old,
and I have huge fake implants,
my face cannot move.
LtE126 on May 15, 2009 at 5:58 PM
I’m only mad ’cause
they wouldn’t waterboard me
I’m kinky like that
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 5:58 PM
rolling on the floor
laughing my ass completely
at nancy’s folly
JiangxiDad on May 15, 2009 at 5:59 PM
Kinky, Pelosi.
In same sentence together.
Oh dear God my eyes.
TheQuestion on May 15, 2009 at 6:00 PM
Politics is more
important than National
Security, right?
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 6:00 PM
Democrats are peculiar
A-Sexual creatures.
Always screwing themselves.
Democrats are confusing.
But wildly entertaining
Traitorous foes take soft steps at night.
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:01 PM
Jim, you’re brilliant. I’ve missed having more material at your regular site while you’ve been working on your alter ego.
Laura in Maryland on May 15, 2009 at 6:01 PM
I told CIA
if you want to waterboard
start with Newt Gingrich
flipflop on May 15, 2009 at 6:02 PM
Stop the madness now
I can not take this botox
Help, I am melting
upinak on May 15, 2009 at 6:02 PM
Oh but it is, just the numbers never seems to add up right.
Laura in Maryland on May 15, 2009 at 6:03 PM
Poker face.
House of cards.
Botox cannot save.
the_nile on May 15, 2009 at 6:03 PM
doesn’t matter now
media will cover Nan
sheeple will follow
kirkill on May 15, 2009 at 6:04 PM
Pelosi needs to resign the speakership and Panetta needs to go as well.
elduende on May 15, 2009 at 6:06 PM
Spanky: Don’t drink the milk, it’s spoiled!
Pelosi: Don’t drink the milk, it’s SOCIALIST!
Western_Civ on May 15, 2009 at 6:06 PM
Ethical, I am.
Not even lying about
Not using botox.
The proof’s in the mud.
I forgot to drain the swamp.
Sinking in the past.
Weight of Glory on May 15, 2009 at 6:08 PM
I am living in a house of leaves
Gusts of truth may wash me away
Into barren streets filled with cats of stray
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:09 PM
Waterboarding’s cool!
Oh, what’s that? The mike is on?
Waterboarding fools!
Tuning Spork on May 15, 2009 at 6:10 PM
They will believe me
Oh no my pants are on fire
Must distract – Bush lied!
LASue on May 15, 2009 at 6:10 PM
I’m digging myself / so deep a hole they’ll call me / “Baby Jessica”
Mallard T. Drake on May 15, 2009 at 6:10 PM
The only way I will / admit to being wrong is / I’m waterboarded.
Mallard T. Drake on May 15, 2009 at 6:10 PM
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:11 PM
I did not have sex
With that agency,the CIA
They lie,about my butt.
Yoop on May 15, 2009 at 6:11 PM
Got caught playing games
the safe word is PALOMINO
better say it now
juanito on May 15, 2009 at 6:12 PM
My lies are so so / transparent that birds fly in / to them. I kill birds. ~ Andy Levy, re-formated into pelosiku
Mallard T. Drake on May 15, 2009 at 6:12 PM
Two by four coming.
Cannot move melon quickly.
Gray matter on wall.
BallisticBob on May 15, 2009 at 6:12 PM
Nancy out of loop
Loopy Speaker Lying Like Rug
That Dog Don’t Hunt
eaglewingz08 on May 15, 2009 at 6:12 PM
Pelosi crab walks
her House of cards collapses
splats of frog marching
Loxodonta on May 15, 2009 at 6:13 PM
Intelligence ?
No , nothing I got!
They lie.
the_nile on May 15, 2009 at 6:13 PM
Since the original moved over here after I posted my comment …
I did not have sex
with that dermatologist
but he did poke me
#pelosiku
Stickeehands on May 15, 2009 at 6:14 PM
San Fransisco is my home.
My rainbow people love me there.
What’s that “dead” smell?
Wyznowski on May 15, 2009 at 6:14 PM
If she were on our
Side of the aisle. Just think
What the press would say.
TheQuestion on May 15, 2009 at 6:15 PM
don’t fear the reaper
dated him back in high school
I gave him the plague
#pelosiku
Stickeehands on May 15, 2009 at 6:15 PM
my statement is clear
sorry, i have to find it
no no no no no
wryteacher on May 15, 2009 at 6:16 PM
Douse me in water.
See my flesh disappear fast.
Pelosi. The Witch.
John Eric on May 15, 2009 at 6:16 PM
From up on my throne
Where my power has grown
Why does it have a flush handle?
Yoop on May 15, 2009 at 6:17 PM
That is really very clever. I wish I could come up with stuff like that.
Terrye on May 15, 2009 at 6:17 PM
With a face like this
Everyone should believe me
Must blame GOP
Christina D on May 15, 2009 at 6:17 PM
What’s a girl to do
Now the time is to resign
This I say is true
Tuning Spork on May 15, 2009 at 6:19 PM
Loved that one. The first one on the post with face implodes was a great non-sequitor.
kirkill on May 15, 2009 at 6:19 PM
I sit on important committees
Watch as I focus my laser sharp intellect
Oh my, that’s a pretty butterfly
Wyznowski on May 15, 2009 at 6:21 PM
Stiff upper lip.
Eyes wide open shut.
Transplant to save face.
the_nile on May 15, 2009 at 6:21 PM
Allah so dishy
Delicious renegade mind
Sadly Treach is not
strangelet on May 15, 2009 at 6:22 PM
If I knew of shame
This would be embarrassing
Look! a Unincorn!
ronsfi on May 15, 2009 at 6:23 PM
Very clever stuff
I wish I could come up
with that yes like that
Loxodonta on May 15, 2009 at 6:23 PM
damn the CIA
damn the CIA to hell
i’ll pull their funding
***
who can i hire
to take care of this problem
i can pay cash now
bloghooligan on May 15, 2009 at 6:24 PM
If you vote Palin,
Morons would run things, they said.
Guess what. They were right.
TheQuestion on May 15, 2009 at 6:24 PM
Oh, Jim…no one can top that one.
ladyingray on May 15, 2009 at 6:24 PM
(sp)
ronsfi on May 15, 2009 at 6:25 PM
Just think; if she were
Young, single, slightly plump; would
AP be in love?
TheQuestion on May 15, 2009 at 6:26 PM
I will destroy the CIA
Wyznowski on May 15, 2009 at 6:27 PM
Mama Mia Mama Mia
Beelzebub has a devil
Put aside for me.
GoodBoy on May 15, 2009 at 6:27 PM
They said Slip-n-Slide
Soap, water, terrorists would talk
Back in 2003
CFL on May 15, 2009 at 6:27 PM
I do not know you
But yes, you are a stalker
Go away, you freak!
upinak on May 15, 2009 at 6:27 PM
Do over…
I will destroy the CIA
Even though they destroy people for a living
Why does my butt hole hurt?
Wyznowski on May 15, 2009 at 6:28 PM
My brow is frozen
No smile my face breaks into
Blinking’s all that’s left.
Fortunata on May 15, 2009 at 6:28 PM
crushing on AP
i wonder what he is?
slender? slim? husky? huge?
i fantasize about his beautiful kisses on my trolly lips
does he taste like ramen?
as shut-ins do?
i am aroused
/strangelet
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:28 PM
Says Speaker of Lies
I know not water torture
Why make moonbats cry?
Fortunata on May 15, 2009 at 6:30 PM
Morning prayers to ME
My beloved Stalin!
Military Planes have no cappuccino?
GoodBoy on May 15, 2009 at 6:30 PM
This is very very good. But, somehow, disturbing that you can even think that way.
PappaMac on May 15, 2009 at 6:31 PM
they are out to get
me because they are racist
and sexist homophobes
bloghooligan on May 15, 2009 at 6:31 PM
What is this assault?
The C.I.A. done lied to me!
It’s all Bush’s fault!
Tuning Spork on May 15, 2009 at 6:32 PM
On twitter right now LOL
Conservative_SAHM on May 15, 2009 at 6:32 PM
need a bigger plane
Plastic Palomino girl
slides into the Bay
fluffy on May 15, 2009 at 6:32 PM
Let it go. Just stop thinking about it… it has to be the beer!
upinak on May 15, 2009 at 6:33 PM
I am the speaker
The CIA will blink first
Nothing will go wrong.
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 6:33 PM
My face is of rock.
This inane grin permanent.
Eyelids will not close.
BallisticBob on May 15, 2009 at 6:34 PM
Thank you! Here’s one more:
Photos scar my ceiling
AP eating from afar
Sitting at a desk at night
Eating cereal in the morning shine
With my SLR
300x Zoom Lens
I can gaze from a distance
He is well endowed..
..
..
he has big hands.
/strangelet
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:34 PM
the republicans
have forced my eyelids into
supersonic mode
bloghooligan on May 15, 2009 at 6:34 PM
I was not advised
Or I was not in charge then
Which do you like more?
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 6:36 PM
Glass house speaker
Stoning the walls
Transparency shatters
the_nile on May 15, 2009 at 6:36 PM
dude, stop right now!
You are freaking me way out!
I can’t take it!
upinak on May 15, 2009 at 6:36 PM
ROFLMAO
PappaMac on May 15, 2009 at 6:37 PM
To channel troll haikus
are stranglet things than fiction
blantant but oh so blue
Loxodonta on May 15, 2009 at 6:37 PM
Car up on sidewalk.
Heading towards me so quickly.
Picking teeth from grill.
BallisticBob on May 15, 2009 at 6:37 PM
If I had one wish
I’d turn back the hands of time
I was once a dish
(Not neccessarily Pelosi-specific but what the heck.)
Tuning Spork on May 15, 2009 at 6:38 PM
…Dude! No just…NO!
ronsfi on May 15, 2009 at 6:39 PM
Obama just called
He says he still has my back
Why am I nervous?
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 6:39 PM
Twilight as brain goes
Reminiscing Speaker role
SanFranNan, who knows?
Sapwolf on May 15, 2009 at 6:40 PM
I shudder in fear.
If BO and Biden leave
She is in charge. Help.
TheQuestion on May 15, 2009 at 6:41 PM
Drip, Dig, Drip, Dig, Drip
It’s tough to dig and challenge
My eyes never blink
watchmen on May 15, 2009 at 6:41 PM
Too much conformity in this Pelosi haiku.
May I recommend something radical and new?
She’s a stumbler when it comes to CYA.
Can’t get her story straight on the CIA.
And she’s gotten the cold shoulder from her own crew.
CFL on May 15, 2009 at 6:41 PM
I’ve hit the bottom
TexasDan on May 15, 2009 at 6:42 PM
one more from strangelet
I am alone.
Blogger’s love is out of reach.
I will do what is needed
Even if it means violating the already established restraining order that you put on me when I was sitting outside of your apartment for six weeks during last summer.
blatantblue on May 15, 2009 at 6:42 PM
There’s no evidence,
I’ll just lie about it all!
Oops, I stepped in it.
Tuning Spork on May 15, 2009 at 6:44 PM
I’m haunted by spooks
said Nan, need exorcism,
call Pope and Jindal?
Fallen Sparrow on May 15, 2009 at 6:44 PM
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