Video: Summer blockbusters looking dumber, awesomer than ever
posted at 6:40 pm on May 4, 2009 by Allahpundit
Share on Facebook | printer-friendly
To cleanse the palate, the trailers for two of the biggest movies of the year: “Generic Industrial Light & Magic Explosion Flick” and “Megan Fox In Cutoffs With Robots,” respectively. It’s a testament to how incidental the plots are to these FX orgies that the one directed by Michael Bay actually seems to be the more lucid of the two. I don’t know why they bother with plot at all anymore, frankly; they might as well open these movies with battle scenes sans exposition, a la “Saving Private Ryan,” and just let the mayhem roll for two hours. If the audience deduces some sort of plotline along the way, great! If not, hey — you got your money’s worth. Stop complaining.
Fun fact about Megan Fox: She’s a “10″ on the Kade Scale. Kade fans will know what a truly monumental achievement that is. Exit question: Since Hollywood’s evidently intent on turning every cheesy afternoon cartoon from the 1980s into a feature film, when do we get “Voltron: The Movie”?
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Blowback
Note from Hot Air management: This section is for comments from Hot Air's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that Hot Air management agrees with or otherwise endorses any particular comment just because we let it stand. A reminder: Anyone who fails to comply with our terms of use may lose their posting privilege.
Trackbacks/Pings
Trackback URL
Comments
Comment pages: « Previous 1 2
What’s wrong with cut offs? How else would you fight an alien robot….. geeeesshh….
Hog Wild on May 4, 2009 at 8:17 PM
F you Hollywood. You have destroyed G.I. Joe.
jharada on May 4, 2009 at 8:24 PM
How about Star Blazers?
ThackerAgency on May 4, 2009 at 8:28 PM
RE: District 9
The original short film by South African filmmaker Neil Blokamp is a 10 minute-long fake documentary (and leftist teachable moment) about the inherent European patriarchical racism that peaceful aliens would naturally experience when coming to Earth. It is a didactic and boring waste of time that attracted attention because of its inexpensive but convincing digital effects.
The theatrical movie of District 9 will keep the original teachable moments while adding the conflict of the “military industrial complex” wanting to exploit the aliens’ technology to manufacture and sell weapons.
Make no mistake and choose wisely. If you pay money to see District 9, you will be paying money to further the careers of people that hate you and everything you believe in.
ScottMcC on May 4, 2009 at 8:29 PM
G.I. Joe is the real American hero.
Every child of the 80’s knows that.
I am NOT ok with them taking Duke, Snake, Scarlet, Lady J and the others and turning them into some fancy suit wearing, UN action force.
JadeNYU on May 4, 2009 at 8:35 PM
Agreed on both adjectives.
jgapinoy on May 4, 2009 at 8:38 PM
Voltron
I could never find the black lion. Got all the others but meh.
Did they not morph sort of into the Power Rangers.
tjexcite on May 4, 2009 at 8:47 PM
The only movie this summer I’m looking forward to is the Harry Potter flick. The 6th book was my favorite, so I want to see how they’ve interpreted it. We will be going this weekend to see both the Hugh Jackman Gun Show and Star Trek – I’m a bit of a light Trekkie, so I might as well. Hubby will want to see both GI Joe and Transformers, but I might try to talk him out of the first one if it’s as bad as it looks. He was a big GI Joe fan growing up.
I was big into Rainbow Bright back in teh 80’s, but I’d never want to see a movie based off of it. Robot Chicken did a funny parody of it, was good enough for me.
Anna on May 4, 2009 at 8:48 PM
Let me guess; France surrenders again?
carbon_footprint on May 4, 2009 at 9:00 PM
Psh.
I just watched the whole G.I. Joe trailer all the way through and didn’t see anybody with Kung-Fu Grip™ or lifelike hair and beard.
Chickyraptor on May 4, 2009 at 9:00 PM
Sheesh another white male villian. I’ll bet he is the head of a major corporation too…
I will see Transformers, skipping the rest of the “blockbusters.” These movies are why I did not want to see The Soloist. The Soloist is good though
Theworldisnotenough on May 4, 2009 at 9:11 PM
This was rumored quite a few years back, but haven’t heard anything in a long time. The premise was that they were going to replace the Yamato/Argo with the (groan) USS Arizona (wince)… If that was honestly what they were going to do, I’m glad it never got made. Please leave the Arizona alone…
Mike in GB on May 4, 2009 at 9:38 PM
Save your money for “Angels & Demons” – at least it’s an adult chase flick.
And it’s visually magnificent – both sets and costumes.
PS – When you see the opening credits during the Pope’s funeral procession, remember it was filmed in the parking lot of Hollywood Race track.
(From one of the many Cardinal extras)
fred5678 on May 4, 2009 at 10:01 PM
The only summer movie that looks endurable is “Public Enemies”.
Mike Honcho on May 4, 2009 at 10:11 PM
That thing inhaling sand looks pretty awesome.
cyclosarin on May 4, 2009 at 10:15 PM
Did they make America into the bad guy in GI Joe, or did they relent?
PattyJ on May 4, 2009 at 10:32 PM
Still counting down until Star Trek is in wide release. And then life will be complete. ;-)
itzWicks on May 4, 2009 at 10:58 PM
cyclosarin,
Time to pull out the giddy 10-year old that lies within. That’s Devastator. He’s a freaking giant robot made up of 7 Constructicons (robots that transform into construction equipment).
I’m so geeked out for the Transformers sequel. No, the Transformer movies aren’t going to win any Oscars but they are big dumb fun movies that are great to watch IMHO. And judging by the trailers, Bay seems to have learned from some of his mistakes in the first one….at least I hope.
Queasy on May 4, 2009 at 11:08 PM
Is that Kade site real? Dude.
JimRich on May 4, 2009 at 11:27 PM
OPTAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!
..oh, and was that Scorponok?
Someone didn’t watch the original animated movie..
Besides, it’s got a real-life Baroness in it; what more do you need?
Reaps on May 4, 2009 at 11:28 PM
Dennis Qaid? NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously though:
I don’t care when, just as long as it’s the lions and not the cars that fly in space and click together. That was always the more boring of the two.
AND they have to talk in rapid-fire Japanese translation speak.
rihar on May 4, 2009 at 11:36 PM
Collapsing Eiffel Tower symbolism for the collapse of Hollywood?
Change you can believe in.
amkun on May 4, 2009 at 11:37 PM
Right now its just a One off. The ending was a bit weak. But if there’s enough fan demand, and hasbro can print plastic cash, you know they’ll make more. Allegedly a DVD with more blood will be coming.
I want Robotech/Macross and Gatchaman/Battle of the Planets/G-Force. Nothing says drama like Science Ninjas in bird costumes.
I’ll watch Transformers on Netflix. I can’t stand Shia The Beef. All he says is “no no no no NO!”
Iblis on May 4, 2009 at 11:37 PM
I thought G.I.Joe was a guy from the 60’s.
This clip ain’t Joe. It’s some metrosexual bs that I’m sure AP is all orgasm over.
I’m watching Star Trek next week. Hopefully, Kirk won’t disappoint.
Sapwolf on May 4, 2009 at 11:38 PM
If you want to go back, you need to go way back to…
Ultra Man
Somebody dust off an old script and get it ready.
Sapwolf on May 4, 2009 at 11:40 PM
Another great movie:
Samurai Jack: The Movie
Sapwolf on May 4, 2009 at 11:44 PM
GI Joe was not about CGI.
GI Joe was about 6 hours stealthily crawlin slowly over into the Jap side in the middle of the night and quietly slittin 6 of their throats to be discovered at dawn on Guadalcanal.
Do it right.
Sapwolf on May 4, 2009 at 11:54 PM
I’m sympathetic to Allah when it comes to GI Joe. The cartoon is nothing like the movie and it along with the bad guys were way more fun than what the movie is making them look. Don’t get me started on Cobra Commander.
But Transformers is the exception. Soundwave, Ravage, and Arcee. Plus Welker is doing Soundwave’s voice and Nimoy will possibly do the Fallen’s voice. For 7-yr old fanboys like myself, ROTF can’t arrive soon enough.
bombos on May 5, 2009 at 12:04 AM
I was really impressed by the first Transformers movie because they did something I did not expect: the US Military was portrayed as competent and capable of putting up a good fight even when terribly outmatched. It would have been really easy for the writers to have cast Transformers as a war between two alien forces, with us as just collateral damage. Instead, we had conventional forces actually taking down giant robots.
And yeah, I’m not seeing GI Joe. The international shift turned me off months ago. Now, in that trailer, as the greatest tragedy they can conjure up from the preview is the destruction of an uninhabited tourist attraction, I don’t think I could even get myself to care enough in the plot.
Better stop that missile, GI Joe, or the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota will be next!
JSchuler on May 5, 2009 at 12:11 AM
And let’s go the other way… an animated version of the 1990 live action take of the original post-robo-Apocalyptic graphic novel “HARDWARE“.
Starring the delectable Stacey Travis.
(She later made Jerry Seinfeld eat mutton in one episode of his series.)
Retro-neo-authenticity, ho!!!
profitsbeard on May 5, 2009 at 12:14 AM
70’s.
Shy Guy on May 5, 2009 at 12:23 AM
Voltron? Bring it on! And while you’re at it, how about Thundercats?
OscarSchneegans on May 5, 2009 at 1:25 AM
Screw it. Just make a Robotech movie and I’ll be happy.
OscarSchneegans on May 5, 2009 at 1:25 AM
I’m an SFX junkie and I think I’ll plan on seeing them just for the FX.
ElRonaldo on May 5, 2009 at 4:09 AM
Robotech would be cool. One of the few that could actually be done today without the cheese factor.
I’ll never watch GI Joe. Supposed to be a real American Hero, not when Hollywood gets a hold of it.
What I really want is an R rated Conan. The Arnold movies were decent (the first one anyway) but I want to see a raw, savage and unabashedly politically incorrect movie representation of Howard’s original stories.
Daemonocracy on May 5, 2009 at 7:27 AM
People make fun of Michael Bay movies because they are usually horrible. He’s a hack.
Unless a movie is preaching to me, I leave the politics at the theater door. I have enough trouble with terrible screenplays and horrific line reads. If I started worrying about actors politics or how the director really feels about issues, I’d lose my mind.
Both of these flicks will be ‘mindless’. Thanks, but no thanks…I’ve had quite enough mindless entertainment to last me a lifetime.
The reason Hollywood produces such awful drek is because people accept it. And that results in more horrible movies aimed at a very casual demographic and pushes decent scripts out of the market.
Asher on May 5, 2009 at 11:22 AM
Seriously, can Megan Fox be any hotter? The only thing better than watchig her fight robots in a pair of Daisy Dukes, is watching her fight robots neked!
Wyznowski on May 5, 2009 at 12:04 PM
This is not grammatically correct. You used “UN” and “action” in the same sentence.
AaronGuzman on May 5, 2009 at 1:27 PM
I was actually semi-impressed by the Joe trailer…maybe because my expectations were so low. Probably not a good reason to see a movie, but I may end up checking it out…if only to see the alleged badassery of Ray Park as Snake-Eyes. And, that Baroness is spot-on, I must admit. (Was that Famke Janssen?)
The first Transformers movie met ALL of my expectations — both good and bad. The stuff that actually involved the Transformers was mostly very cool. The rest of the Shia Lebouf BS felt like it was ripped out of an American Pie spinoff or something, and literally almost had me walking out of the theater in more than one place. I’m glad I saw it once, but I’ll never watch it again, and the second movie — even with Welker and more Decepticons — looks like more of the same blend of FX glee mixed with excruciatingly bad writing/acting. And probably with more masturbation jokes, too.
I think I’ll wait for the DVD, so I’ll be able to skip through the 50-60% of the movie I know I’ll hate.
Cylor on May 5, 2009 at 1:30 PM
This TOTALLY sucks. Why did I have to know….WHYYYYYYY?????
Am I the only one that thinks that Fox never loosk serious…and that its totally obvious that she’s not really into him?
A voice of reason on June 8, 2009 at 6:33 PM
Both trailers rock. Got kid so I’ll wait for the DVD release.
Mojave Mark on June 9, 2009 at 12:42 AM
Comment pages: « Previous 1 2