The Lost Weekend Open Thread
posted at 8:00 am on April 27, 2009 by Ed Morrissey
I want to thank everyone for all of the prayers and thoughts this weekend while the First Mate and I conducted a Marriage Encounter weekend. We had a great group of couples, some of whom were trying to work through serious issues in their marriages. One needed more time and will go to another program for marriages in crisis called Retrouvaille and hopefully counseling, but several more couples shared with us how much progress our program allowed them to make. What we teach is a communications process and encourage couples to open themselves to each other, but we don’t participate in that process — so the couples just needed the right framework to make their own progress.
As always, we returned emotionally exhausted, and I’m just now trying to catch up to my e-mail and feedreader … which is always daunting after a weekend away. I’ll toss this out as an open thread on the big stories of the weekend: what did I miss? That’s got to be easier than wading through massive loads of junk mail on a Monday morning.
As a bonus, here’s a beautiful song that the First Mate and I discovered a few years ago and now use in every Marriage Encounter weekend. It’s become “our song”, and it really captures how we feel about each other and marriage. Clint Black and his wife Lisa Hartman Black sing “When I Said I Do”:
Blowback
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Well Capt’n Ed,me thinks this Flu is no accident,
but I’ll leave that to the NWO Moonbats!!
Glad you had a break,and are spending quality time,
with yout wife,hope you had a bit of a breather!!:):):)
canopfor on April 27, 2009 at 8:06 AM
Good for you, Ed. Keep the home fires burning.
pugwriter on April 27, 2009 at 8:06 AM
Well, the Democrats continued their never-ending campaign to destroy America. They’ve just gotten more overt about it.
So, you didn’t miss too much.
amkun on April 27, 2009 at 8:08 AM
Most lus come from China, not Mexico. Sure, in the wake of SARS, China may have stopped some of their bad ag practices that caused them to be homes of flu viruses and Mexico may have picked them up. But I always think the best way to get a disease into the US is by dropping it off in Mexico.
Think good thoughts for my husband. He’s been pretty ill.
Sekhmet on April 27, 2009 at 8:09 AM
lus = flus
Sekhmet on April 27, 2009 at 8:09 AM
ed, when all is said & done, you’ll still have mrs. ed. so kudos to you for keeping your marriage a priority.
meanwhile, the country is going to hell in a handbasket. did you anticipate that last week before you left?
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:12 AM
marriage is about commitment. Young people need more examples of good marriages like yours. It’s good that even though you aren’t having problems you are thinking of each other.
News? Well swine flu is the main one.
But of course the Pakistani ruse continues as our state department has asked India to let us be their State Department too concerning their arch rival Pakistan (because we’ve been so friendly to India in the region up to now).
Other than that, gay marriage is always super important but no new news on that.
Obama has decided to investigate the team around him that he’s got to depend on in the CIA and their lawyers. . . so basically we’re less safe because the president wants to throw the CIA guys in jail (even though he said he didn’t want to do that).
The good news is that America is still the superpower even if we don’t act like it. . . and it’s still a blessing to be an American. Welcome back.
ThackerAgency on April 27, 2009 at 8:14 AM
mrs. napolatino gave a presser yesterday. she doesn’t do well in that situation. how did she get to be gov. of AZ? aren’t there any goldwaters left out there?
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:14 AM
yes, i am still proud to be an American. in spite of bambi.
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:15 AM
Welcome home, Captain.
Aside, Clint Black took a right hook from Jesse James on Trump’s charity Apprentice for accumulated poor listening skills.
Allahpundit did a great Clinton revival in your absence, retrieving your combination of posts. That was then vs. now political fever.
maverick muse on April 27, 2009 at 8:16 AM
Welcome back, Ed. I have no idea what went out this week-end either (aside from the Red Sox sweeping the Yankees, of course) between paintball on Saturday and Sunday yard work. We have a long way to go before the yard is completely recovered from December’s ice storm and another winter of global warming induced permafrost.
Mrs. Crazy Legs and I went to the Engagement Encounter a couple of years back (before she was Mrs) that the Catholic Church requires before marriage. It sounds like this is similar, but more intense. The Engagement Encounter was pretty intense itself, and we both left emotionally drained, even for us getting married in our late 30′s and knowing who we were and what we were looking for. I think it was well worth it, so kudos to you for helping other married couples. I don’t honestly know if it is something I could do.
crazy_legs on April 27, 2009 at 8:17 AM
organized crime puppet from NYC
maverick muse on April 27, 2009 at 8:18 AM
Another thought on the Flu,I’m wondering,the economy isn’t
making much progress,and if this Flu gets out of control,
and it restricts the movement of people,its going to play
havoc on the struggling economy!
And,is this an accident,or a golden oppurtunity,to spread
this flu,and someone is deliberately trying to torpedo
the economy,or for that matter,the worlds economy!!
canopfor on April 27, 2009 at 8:20 AM
I guess I lucked out. My wife has stood by me through layoffs, poverty, and what was thought to be a terminal illness. Talk about thick and thin (mostly thin)! But that’s the ultimate test for the strength of a marriage, isn’t it?
stonemeister on April 27, 2009 at 8:20 AM
Obama thought disinfecting one’s hands after shaking hands with strangers is funny and is now undergoing tests for swine flu since one of the guys he shook hands with in Mexico died a couple days later.
Phoenician on April 27, 2009 at 8:25 AM
Ed I have a question
When is an appropriate time for divorce?
I’m having difficulty articulating but
If a couple tries marriage counseling and it doesn’t work at first
And they keep going but it still fails
I guess I’m trying to ask when the limit is?
I know that might sound ridiculous. I might not be explaining myself correctly
blatantblue on April 27, 2009 at 8:30 AM
Boy,I’m glad President Bush didn’t meet that guy that
Hopey shook hands with,
the Liberal Party would be looking for a murder charge
against Bush!!(Sarc).
canopfor on April 27, 2009 at 8:30 AM
Help, if you please.
How do you answer the comment (by a socialized medicine fan) that “We already have socialized medicine!”
This is a genuine question annnnnd I thank you.
IlikedAUH2O on April 27, 2009 at 8:30 AM
before you get married. if someone else is breaking the law (beating spouse, stealing, et. al) the authorities need to be notified and the person might need to be in jail. But marriage is a forever thing whether or not you get divorced. . . especially if you have children.
it’s an odd question
ThackerAgency on April 27, 2009 at 8:34 AM
blatant blue: is your question on marriage when to give up? there is nothing necessarily shameful in that at all, especially if you have tried many times.
my husband was a divorce lawyer for many years. he said that the statistics show that 85% of people are much happier one year after a divorce. you might not think it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
meanwhile, i am happily married now, but once was very unhappily married. so i know.
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:34 AM
When is an appropriate time for divorce?
When she stops obeying your orders.
Bishop on April 27, 2009 at 8:34 AM
Ed,
My wife of nearly 28 years rarely reads posts from political blogs (she rarely reads my blog!), but she read your post about the marriage encounter immediately. More power to you and the first mate for doing those encounters for others.
It’s Independence Day in Israel on Tuesday night and Wednesday. Please feel free to stop by my blog for all the latest that’s going on here. We’re under siege by the Obama administration as usual.
Carl in Jerusalem on April 27, 2009 at 8:34 AM
When is an appropriate time for a divorce?
blatantblue on April 27,2009 at 8:30AM.
blatantblue:
The limit?
The day my wife says she wants to be a suicide bomber!!
I’M Kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):):)
canopfor on April 27, 2009 at 8:35 AM
children are forever, but marriage is not. don’t get me wrong–i am a believer in marriage. but if you continue to stay in a horrible marriage, the children suffer, you suffer, the spouse suffers. its just bad all the way around.
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:36 AM
As always expected, it’s nice to see that you and the first mate have the admirable priorities to help others with the fragile institution of marriage. What you may have missed here cannot compare to the contribution and commitment to such a worthwhile project.
Rovin on April 27, 2009 at 8:39 AM
blatantblue.. Like taking food out of the oven or picking up a crying child, someone will know when to end a marriage. Unless there are real perceptural or mental problems in play.
When a marriage is really bad, it is like a collapsing building. Any decent sized shock can bring it down and a major one will surely do it. Ask any divorce lawyer. There is usually one final straw. Frequently in the shape of another person but it can be any change or inducement.
The problem you may face is that our system works tooo hard on severance and not at all on surviving and healing.
BTW I really like Ed. These aren’t swingers he is talking about, are they?
IlikedAUH2O on April 27, 2009 at 8:39 AM
One of the elements that made Captains Quarters so attractive in those early days, was your ability to communicate your deep love and commitment you share with your entire family. This is a quality that reads through your writings. This quality was attractive then and most certainly remains attractive today.
We got to meet that day for lunch in Orange County some years ago, and that was a good time had. Although my wife and I weren’t able to meet your lovely wife that day, we feel like we know her well through your writings.
Years ago, I had (for me) what was a profound moment in my life. Out of no where came this revelation; if I’m going to be good at any one thing in my life, let me be the best husband, father, & son I can possibly be. That thought was followed by the creation of a prayer I have repeated every day since…
Keemo on April 27, 2009 at 8:40 AM
What are you talking about? The left is trying to find an excuse to blame Bush even as we speak.
doriangrey on April 27, 2009 at 8:42 AM
Having never been married it’s difficult for me to know, but I suspect that it’s time to call it quits when either one or both of you become so hurt or selfish that you can no longer trust each other.
doriangrey on April 27, 2009 at 8:47 AM
my husband, the former divorce lawyer, said he thought that most divorces had their root in perceived inequities in a marriage; or perceived inequities in power in a marriage.
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:47 AM
blatant blue: try a different marriage counselor because that can really make a difference.
and if you are separated & like being separated from your spouse, i’d say that is a big clue.
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Boy,I’m glad President Bush didn’t meet that guy that
Hopey shook hands with,
the Liberal Party would be looking for a murder charge
against Bush!!(Sarc).
canopfor on April 27, 2009 at 8:30 AM
BWAAAAAAAA! If that isn’t the post of the week, I don’t know what is.
NYT headline: “Bush Uses Ninja Flu Handshake To Kill Brown Person.”
Bishop on April 27, 2009 at 8:55 AM
Welcome back, Ed, from a fellow Clint Black fan. Another very meaningful song of his is “Spend My Time”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWadTo-ariU
“I’m gonna spend my time
Like it’s going out of style
I’m moving the bottom line
Better than a country mile
I still have hills to climb
Before I hit that wall
No matter how much time I buy
I could never spend it all.”
I’ve heard of people with terminal illnesses requesting this be played at their memorial service.
radjah shelduck on April 27, 2009 at 8:55 AM
Compatibility (meaning friendship and attraction), love, respect and appreciation, and forgiveness.
And don’t take the other person for granted.
BigD on April 27, 2009 at 8:55 AM
Re: on when it’s time for divorce
Having been there myself, I can tell my own experience there. Was married to my high school sweetheart, way too young. We also did a “marriage retreat” one weekend, and at least *I* got some good out of it. However, within three years of Desert Storm deployment, and chasing drug runners through the Carribbean, on top of all the other problems we’d had, it was over. I myself never wanted it that way, but one thing I did learn is that one party can not ever save a marriage by themselves. When one decides its over, there it is.
When it really hit for me was the night the ship returned from three months underway, and as I walked my wife out to the car, I realized that I was glad I had the duty rotation that night so I wouldn’t have to go home. Not a good feeling.
JamesLee on April 27, 2009 at 9:01 AM
blatantblue: if you have to ask, i suspect you are in a world of hurt right now. i’m sorry.
kelley in virginia on April 27, 2009 at 9:01 AM
Divorce is an ugly thing and probably the most difficult decision a person can make. Sometimes people grow apart and there just isn’t anything you can do to bring it all back together. Sometimes you try way too many times and each time the result is the same but gets more and more painful to bear. I didn’t want to give up on the man who could make me deliriously happy, but when the times he made me agonizingly distraught started becoming more often than not, it was time to go. Now I’m all alone and lonely, but it’s better than being sad and anxious and afraid and having my heart ripped to shreds. You’ll know when divorce is appropriate or it isn’t, it’s not something someone else can tell you.
scalleywag on April 27, 2009 at 9:06 AM
Since I’m not married I am certainly not an authority on marriage, but I heard a great preacher, Paul Washer, say that if you (two people in a marriage) really get serious about loving Jesus (God) and allow Him to really fill your life, then it will fix your marriage.
Why? Because, as he puts it, the inherit foundational problem in a marriage is that each person is selfish, and when we let God change us, then that selfishness begins to recede.
Personally, my own experience shows me that selfishness is really the problem of humanity and can be found at the core of almost every problem. This is why we need Jesus all the more. No offense Allahpundit.
therightscoop on April 27, 2009 at 9:07 AM
You missed nothing Ed. Nothing happened in Fenway this past weekend. Now I have to go feed my unicorn.
rbj on April 27, 2009 at 9:07 AM
If you ever find yourself not looking forward to seeing your spouse, there may be a problem.
If you feel they are bothering you or “invading your space” when they ask what you are doing or interrupt you, there may be a problem.
If you act like brother and sister rather than husband and wife while walking through a store, there may be a problem.
I know I have the right woman because she tries to hold me down while the kids tickle me, and when I finally manage to roar to my feet, all three of them gang tackle me and restart the process. Never underestimate the goodness that comes with being able to goof around with your spouse.
Bishop on April 27, 2009 at 9:09 AM
What are you talking about? It was a great weekend at Fenway! They called it… the Boston Massacre.
Heh.
Carl in Jerusalem on April 27, 2009 at 9:13 AM
Rep. Ann Lenczewski says she’s reforming Minnesota’s tax code by eliminating the mortgage interest & charitable giving deductions. Tax reform, Minnesota DFL style.
LFRGary on April 27, 2009 at 9:55 AM
NFL draft weekend, baby!
The Jets made some great draft picks, including moving up to pick up Mark Sanchez as well as picking up a power running back.
My ‘Skins picked up defensive end star Brian Orakpo, but failed to make meaningful strides in our receiving or QB situation.
Eagles picked up some offensive weapons for Donovan.
Oddest moves were by the Raiders. They skipped over Crabtree (who wound up at SF) in favor of a less touted receiver with a better body (essentially) and shocked everyone with their second pick, a safety who most folks thought would go in the fifth round (or lower).
I’m afraid that your Vikings didn’t seem to do particularly well:
Y-not on April 27, 2009 at 12:00 PM
When is an appropriate time for divorce?
When she stops obeying your orders.
Bishop
Dead man typing.
Seriously, I’ve always believed that only three things can kill a marriage: Infidelity, substance abuse and violence.
Everything else is a bump in the road. A big bump, maybe, but still surmountable. It all comes back to committment, which is only possible if both are committed to some extent.
SKYFOX on April 27, 2009 at 1:18 PM
Why marriages fail.
Without a plan beyond & a commitment to something other than yourself & the here & now, it’s no wonder people divorce like they do.
But when you have God/Jesus in your life, you both know what you have to do to make it work & you will actually try & not give up bcs of that.
No fault divorce also gave spouses & children power they had no right to-the power to illegally break a contract with no consequences.
People need consequences. Divorce is a last ditch option.
You’re in my prayers blatantblue.
I hope all gets well with you & yours.
Badger40 on April 27, 2009 at 2:18 PM
.
“LOVE IS NOT A FEELING. LOVE IS A DECISION” That’s what we learned on our first Marriage Encounter weekend in 1982.
.
With the exception of violence, I think you have to “EARN” your way out of a marriage- ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN. By that I mean that you must commit yourselves to counseling by many sources: happily married family members & friends, church groups, your pastor/rabbi etc, professional family/marriage therapists, as well as individual therapy and tools like marriage-healing weekends like Retrouvaille.
.
Spend as much time working on your relationship as you possibly can because the day will come when your grown child(ren) will tell you of the life-altering & life-long pain you caused them. Be sure you will be able to look them in the eye and tell them, truthfully, “I’m so very sorry, but I did EVERYTHING I could to save our marriage.”
.
BTW: my high school sweetheart and I will celebrate our 32nd Anniversary this year.
.
blatantblue, we will keep you & your spouse in our prayers. I hope you find strength & courage to heal.
NightmareOnKStreet on April 27, 2009 at 5:00 PM
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, ‘If I were any better, I would be twins!’ He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, ‘I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?’ He replied, ‘Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or … you can choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood.’ Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or… I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
‘Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,’ I protested.
‘Yes, it is,’ he said. ‘Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live your life.’ I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, ‘If I were any better, I’d be twins…Wanna see my scars?’ I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
‘The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,’ he replied. ‘Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or…I could choose to die. I chose to live.’ ‘Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?’ I asked He continued, ‘..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’. I knew I needed to take action.’ ‘What did you do?’ I asked.
‘Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,’ said John. ‘She asked if I was allergic to anything ‘Yes, I replied.’ The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity’. Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude… I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’ Matthew 6:34. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
I keep trying this technique, and trying, and trying… I must admit, no human can do the damage to me that I can do to myself. I’ll keep trying…
Keemo on April 27, 2009 at 5:00 PM
Keemo, THANK YOU SO MUCH for telling us about your friend John! I know someone who is going through the most difficult time of her life and I will relate that message to her. What a wonderful approach to life!!
NightmareOnKStreet on April 27, 2009 at 5:08 PM
How awesome is that! Congratulations to both of you. My wife and I will celebrate our 30th this coming August. I will be forever grateful that I stumbled into my soul mate back in 1977…
Keemo on April 27, 2009 at 5:51 PM
.
Keemo, congratulations right back! We met in as sophomores in 1971 when he used to copy my answers in our Spanish II class! While I love him to death, he cracks me up when he insists that I am his soulmate because I disagree. And I’m pretty sure that has to be mutual, no? Lol!
.
Happy 30th Anniversary. May you happily celebrate at least 30 more!
NightmareOnKStreet on April 27, 2009 at 9:47 PM