Newest cause of global warming: Fatties
posted at 9:13 pm on April 20, 2009 by Allahpundit
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Two possible solutions: Rationing food or extermination, which makes sense given the warnings about cannibalism and reproduction taxes if we don’t get our carbon output under control.
If we can figure out a recipe for soylent green, we can solve this whole problem. Dibs on the 200-pounders.
Each fat person is said to be responsible for emitting a tonne more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one.
It means an extra BILLION TONNES of CO2 a year is created, according to World Health Organisation estimates of overweight people.
The scientists say providing extra grub for them to guzzle adds to carbon emissions that heat up the world, melting polar ice caps, raising sea levels and killing rain forests.
The environmental impact of fat humans is made even worse because they are more likely to travel by car — another major cause of carbon emissions.
Solution: Kill them, let animals feast upon their carcasses, then let humans feast upon the animals, yes? What could go wrong, Darwinists?
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That will bankrupt the beer goggle industry
blatantblue on April 20, 2009 at 9:16 PM
Last I checked, Al Gore wasn’t looking too svelte.
JamesB on April 20, 2009 at 9:17 PM
It ain’t the fat; it’s the flatulence.
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on April 20, 2009 at 9:17 PM
he’s exempt since he needs the extra fat to power his “beautiful mind”……
//s
sven10077 on April 20, 2009 at 9:18 PM
Mad Cow Disease, which, come to think of it, makes more sense than liberalism.
Feedie on April 20, 2009 at 9:19 PM
I think the Cult of Anthropogenic Global Warming has finally become a parody of itself. Implosion should occur at any moment.
irishspy on April 20, 2009 at 9:19 PM
Some of the fattest people I see in the grocery store use food stamps at the check out. How ironic is it that welfare has led to so-called global warming.
2rightwings on April 20, 2009 at 9:19 PM
i better stop trying to lose the 10 pounds i wanted to then.
deidre on April 20, 2009 at 9:20 PM
Too many cornholes.
JetBoy on April 20, 2009 at 9:20 PM
Why not skip the middle step? I hear cellulite tastes much like bacon…
/s
beancounter on April 20, 2009 at 9:20 PM
Oh, there’s a lot of bloating going on in regards to global warming, but it isn’t from fat people!
Weebork on April 20, 2009 at 9:20 PM
Having never proven AGW the greenies have already resorted to shifting responsibility.
jdkchem on April 20, 2009 at 9:21 PM
Third possible solution…
Exercise or junk science
F15Mech on April 20, 2009 at 9:21 PM
Really, so if you are anywhere from 50-300 pounds overweight, you give off another ton?
Sounds very, uh, discreet to me. I’d like to see the fat to carbon dioxide output graph…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:21 PM
So, because I’m a chubby chaser, I’m contributing to global warming?
This rivals the pride I had on Wednesday.
MadisonConservative on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM
They have Bacon Vodka now….yummmmm
deidre on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Amazing! There is absolutely no lefty cause that can’t be attributed to Global Warming.
ronsfi on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM
So, because I’m a chubby chaser, I’m contributing to global warming?
This rivals the pride I had on Wednesday.
MadisonConservative on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Allah, you’d better post as much of Maghan McCain’s rantings before they require you to buy lots of carbon offsets for promoting her.
progressoverpeace on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Solution: Let’s kill all the global warming people.
GarandFan on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM
I see this thread going wrong quickly.
Cindy Munford on April 20, 2009 at 9:23 PM
It’s not enough. No matter how fat I get the winters are still cold!
backwoods conservative on April 20, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Now that was funny!! +100
deidre on April 20, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Global Warming, hey!
It’s religion for the drones.
And Algore’s the pope.
carbon_footprint on April 20, 2009 at 9:23 PM
Everyone should make a French Fry sacrifice to an image of Al Gore on Earth Day in order to save the planet…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:24 PM
Comments like these are why more people are starting to believe Global warming is just a scam.
Kjeil on April 20, 2009 at 9:24 PM
Hey!
I did my part.
I had lunch on Jenny Craig…didn’t work out too well, though.
[Jenny was a bit offended...but I enjoyed it.]
So….now they intend to use “global warming” (or is it anthropogenic climate change) to regulate the eating habits of fat people?
Oprah is not amused. I thought fat people were a protected class under current law?
coldwarrior on April 20, 2009 at 9:24 PM
Hahaha
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:24 PM
Does this mean Michael Moore is now a fair target?
PersonalLiberty on April 20, 2009 at 9:25 PM
It is time to start treating fatso like some do smokers.
Your eating is so gross, smelly and it makes it hard for me to breath.
kahall on April 20, 2009 at 9:25 PM
You guys have all forgotten about the whole Sheryl Crow “vegan mandate equals rabbit turds and 1 sheet of toilet paper per bathroom visit” bit haven’t you?
babylonandon on April 20, 2009 at 9:25 PM
Probably be cheaper if we just ate the fat people directly. Boy, wouldn’t that make a fun Domino’s video.
Stop juggling those heads! People are going to eat those.
Hey, maybe we could stop exporting farm goods to 3rd world countries and export fat people instead. Save our crops, and feed the hungry.
Or, we could set up an exchange program. We send our fat people to 3rd world countries, they work them farm labor until they aren’t fat anymore then ship them back.
Or we could feed the really stupid fat ones to polar bears.
austinnelly on April 20, 2009 at 9:26 PM
Meghan McCain, please come to the courtesy phone. Meghan McCain…
carbon_footprint on April 20, 2009 at 9:26 PM
I say we take Allah’s suggestion but use hippies for zoo feed
Defector01 on April 20, 2009 at 9:26 PM
So if I knock off two little runts would I qualify carbon credits
multiuseless on April 20, 2009 at 9:27 PM
He’s going to be thrown under the bus any day now.
Why does the left need him anyway when they have the clowns at MSNBC and Stewart to edit their way to the truth?
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:27 PM
And it begins.
Cindy Munford on April 20, 2009 at 9:27 PM
+eleventy
sven10077 on April 20, 2009 at 9:27 PM
Too late.
blatantblue on April 20, 2009 at 9:28 PM
Damn!!! Beat me to it!!! I was going to use the same on the Bakon Vodka thread.
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 20, 2009 at 9:28 PM
And here I was, all ready to start a tire fire for Earth Day… since I’m a fatty, I’m already doing more damage than the average person! Sweet!
Stereotyping and fear-mongering, what a beautiful combination./
Anna on April 20, 2009 at 9:28 PM
Can we make a promise not to try to eat Michael Moore?
blatantblue on April 20, 2009 at 9:28 PM
Hey, I haven’t forgotten. It upsets me that I am using leaves/paper/hands while Al Gore uses his crates of Charming’s Ultra. At least we can take comfort that Obama is using getalife’s tongue…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:30 PM
How much longer must we endure this crap?
Weight of Glory on April 20, 2009 at 9:30 PM
Only if Planned Parenthood is involved…/s
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:32 PM
Couple more MM hits and I have to bow out of the thread. Promised myself.
As to eating the other MM Michael Moore, I think I would prefer a slow painful death.
Cindy Munford on April 20, 2009 at 9:32 PM
Nah. We need to eliminate the termites.
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 20, 2009 at 9:32 PM
Nope. Bacon credits.
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 20, 2009 at 9:33 PM
Ugh. Guess I won’t be killing the planet tomorrow, I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach food for a while after having read that.
Anna on April 20, 2009 at 9:33 PM
Yeah, not so much fun, but I’d tune into the reality show that puts him on first… I’m thinking MTV Biggest Gas Bag
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:33 PM
LOL…
Kjeil on April 20, 2009 at 9:34 PM
Wait, so growing more food to eat is bad and is causing the end of the world….but growing more food to use for biofuels is good and will save the world?
It’s not just the Great Global Warming Hoax, it’s also the Great Global Warming Paradox.
seketabi on April 20, 2009 at 9:35 PM
Solution: Logan’s Run for fatties (they are not going to make it, doncha know)
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 20, 2009 at 9:36 PM
I hope overweight global warming activists don’t feel that they aren’t loved by their skinny global warming activist friends because of this. Maybe they should emphasize the fact that they are actually carbon sinks.
AUINSC on April 20, 2009 at 9:36 PM
all fat liberals should be air dropped over afghanistan to fight in the combat trenches……if they survive (heh, not likely) they can come home skinny & repentant
Ris4victory on April 20, 2009 at 9:36 PM
Hmmm? How can we make Obama fat?
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:38 PM
He’d probably be quite mealy
blatantblue on April 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM
Wow, we have hit the epitome of a SLOW NEWS DAY!!!
fumpbump on April 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM
Just another disgusting case of how the lib mind works. Separate us, divide us, pit us against one another. Single out certain groups or individuals for exploitation or stigmatization.
If any group needs to be stigmatized it is liberals. Fat ones, thin one, old ones and young ones. Liberals, both male and female, every shape, size, color and social class are a clear threat to everything good.
A study perhaps should be done to at least see if they are really human. I am not entirely sure that they are. I think they may really be little alien things, slimy and green,, snake like, sitting on little chairs pushing buttons deep inside their human form. Like in that movie. Tiny little things that we would step on if we saw them out in the open,, but this is their plan to take over our resources,, pit us against one another and then after we have destroyed ourselves, they will slither out of their human forms, light up a cigarette, and then remake our world.
JellyToast on April 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM
All the liberals I know can spare to lose a few pounds.
deidre on April 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM
cons are huge.
getalife on April 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM
hahaha, OT sorta but the logo on the bacon flavored vodka looks like an image of clogged arteries.
scalleywag on April 20, 2009 at 9:39 PM
So can fat people buy carbon offsets from us slender folks?
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:40 PM
100 years from now (left or right) we are going to look back and be appalled at the logic used by the left.
The right will hopefully never forget this.
The left will try to sweep it under the carpet just like every other “project” they’ve had…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:40 PM
Don’t be vulgar now…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:41 PM
getalife,
Can you run down your objections to Conservatism again for me? I mean specifically, point by point.
And while you’re at it, tell me how the Liberal agenda will create an earthly paradise?
Thanks!
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:41 PM
I’m still waiting for mass Lefty suicides to save the planet.
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:42 PM
Religion for lefties. Whether its global warming or religion, its just people who have no idea how political philosophy works buying into nonsense that makes them feel more enlightened than they are.
LevStrauss on April 20, 2009 at 9:44 PM
Why do you think there are so many assembled on the coasts? They are waiting for the Oracle to come to earth and tell them to plunge into the Ocean…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:44 PM
We finally agree on something.
Michael Moore and Al Gore are huge cons.
carbon_footprint on April 20, 2009 at 9:45 PM
Lefty heroin addicts are skinny.
AUINSC on April 20, 2009 at 9:45 PM
Without any /s, this is the definition of what it means to be an American Liberal… Man is good and can solve problems.
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:45 PM
A thought occured to me here.
Fat people cause global warming because they eat and are fat. But more than likely these fat people are “lazy” too hence why they are fat.
However people who workout and excercise have a higher metabolism and therefore intake more food. By the standard suggested it is athletic people that are causing global warming not fat people.
People who workout breathe harder therefore use up more oxygen and producing more carbon dioxide than their fat laxy counterpart. In the end it is athletes like those in baseball, basketball, football, soccer, rugby, hockey, swimming, running etc so on that eat more and produce more CO2 than the fat slob sitting on the couch.
The athletic person has to get in his car and carry more food home to appease his voracious appetite brought on by his workout regimen. Not to mention he has to cook more food therby expending more energy to create his meals.
Keep expounding on this and I think we have a real case against any activity whatsoever except for sitting on your lazy keester and eating.
theguardianii on April 20, 2009 at 9:45 PM
Could Al Gore be the Warmies’ Jim Jones?
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:46 PM
leftoids believe in “partner assisted suicide” they assist their conservative or hard working partners to die with the aid of gulags and guns….
sven10077 on April 20, 2009 at 9:46 PM
You weren’t complaining about my weight a few decades ago when we needed all these greenhouse gases to combat the coming ice age…
malclave on April 20, 2009 at 9:46 PM
Make him watch the latest square butt Burger King commercial.
califdreamnred on April 20, 2009 at 9:47 PM
Al Gore? You’re on HA? /s
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:47 PM
Brilliant! I’ll start testing your theory tomorrow morning.
scalleywag on April 20, 2009 at 9:47 PM
Science has proven to be much more interesting if you dress it out in terms no one has a clue about.
If at 1 atmosphere at 0 degrees C gases have a standard volume of 22.4 liters and one liter of CO2 (1 carbon atom and 2 oxygen atoms) is 44 grams while one liter of oxygen is 32 grams, how many liters would 1 tonne (1000 kg) or long tons (2240 pounds, about 1016 kg) of CO2 comprise and how much of it would be deadly oxidizing oxygen versus the carbon our life form requires to sustain life?
ericdijon on April 20, 2009 at 9:47 PM
At what point does someone point out to these clowns that life on earth is carbon based, with CO2 being the largest transfer vehicle?
Cutting down CO2 (and it’s various sources) will just cut down both the quantity and diversity of life on Earth, as well as reduce overall evolutionary development of new life forms.
droofus on April 20, 2009 at 9:49 PM
Whattayabet Barry sites this study in his health care reform? No healthcare for you if he can prove you’ve been to a burger joint in the past 24.
anniekc on April 20, 2009 at 9:49 PM
Getalie…see even the left thinks you are bad
Jamson64 on April 20, 2009 at 9:50 PM
.
Yeah, that’s the ticket! Just tell’em they’d be going on a little vacation to the ‘Fat Farm’.
martywd on April 20, 2009 at 9:50 PM
And so they’ll monitor our eating habits because we’re not allowed to antagonize their Goddess? Which, of course, is a veneer over their true God, their egos.
I can’t wait until they put a cap on the number of children per family ‘for the public good’.
Scott H on April 20, 2009 at 9:50 PM
Unless it’s a local DC “Ma & Pa” restaurant…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:50 PM
Al Gore? You’re on HA? /s
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:47 PM
everybody is superstoked on me…even if they don’t know…
we have to stop manbearpig.
theguardianii on April 20, 2009 at 9:50 PM
Steal his cigarettes.
JetBoy on April 20, 2009 at 9:51 PM
How many of these fools know that CO2 is a trace gas? It is statistically insignificant at 3 ppm or .037% of the atmosphere.
Ask average Joe, either party, and they will give estimates as high as 30%. Most people, in spite of years of public school sarc/, have no idea what the make up of the atmosphere is. Nor do they show enough interest to even find out.
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:51 PM
I know some thin people who eat three times as much as I do; should we kill them to cut down on food consumption?
What about teenagers?
Also: I doubt very seriously that a 300-lb. driver burns much more gas to get to work than a 150-lb. driver-that is unless one of them is a leadfoot…. Speaking of which a lot of teenagers are leadfoots-double trouble!
mad scientist on April 20, 2009 at 9:51 PM
… Nancy Pelosi screaming…
“It’s my body my choice… I mean… You selfish right wing extremist BREEDERS…”
followed by Bawney’s
“Yeah, hypocrites!”
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:52 PM
Nice…
Hey, he shouldn’t qualify for Obamacare if he doesn’t give them up ;)
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:53 PM
Can we please spare the funny fatties?
The world needs a clown…
omnipotent on April 20, 2009 at 9:54 PM
Oh , this just in from Megs mcain on this subject
I quote “Kiss my fat ass”
More to follow
kangjie on April 20, 2009 at 9:54 PM
Can’t think of any “funny” lefty fatties…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:55 PM
We have Jeneane Garafalo
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:55 PM
+100
You had me going there for a second, but then I realized she would never speak back to her progressive heroes
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:56 PM
Can’t think of any “funny” lefty fatties…
Upstater85 on April 20, 2009 at 9:55 PM
Well, not intentionally funny at least….
mad scientist on April 20, 2009 at 9:56 PM
Upstater: Well, obviously the ZPG people want to limit families. Abortion can only do so much, and the ‘big problem’ with abortion as population control is that it’s an elective procedure.
Children caps would solve this little problem. I’m just wondering what form it would take.
Scott H on April 20, 2009 at 9:56 PM
They’re all dead:
Sam Kinnison
Jim Belushi
Chris Farley
John Candy
DerKrieger on April 20, 2009 at 9:56 PM
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