Finally: The Depressionmobile
posted at 5:00 pm on April 7, 2009 by Allahpundit
I call it the Betamalemobile, a reader in Headlines calls it the Bailoutmobile. Either way, this is what we’ll all be driving once the Dow loses another five thousand points and we can’t afford the Recessionmobile anymore. See Jalopnik for the specs: 300 lbs., max speed of 35 mph, capable of running for 35 miles on a single charge to its lithium-ion battery, which makes it ideal for men with short commutes who plan on never attracting a woman again. Worried that the light frame means you might not survive a head-on collision with, say, a moped? Don’t be. The designers are going to wire all the vehicles into some central network so that they all run in perfect synchronicity and there’s never any traffic, or something.
Did I forget to mention who the designers are? Why, Segway, of course, and … General Motors. The comeback is on, baby!
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D, for instant death.
TheBigOldDog on April 7, 2009 at 5:38 PM
Speaking of the Depression, it’s like something out of a depression era scifi movie. Very Metropolis.
- The Cat
MirCat on April 7, 2009 at 5:38 PM
oops – i see he has a sling on…never mind
kooly on April 7, 2009 at 5:39 PM
Hmmm armor plate it and mount some machine guns maybe?
- The Cat
MirCat on April 7, 2009 at 5:39 PM
Is the glovebox big enough to fit what’s left of your shriveled manhood in it?
drballard on April 7, 2009 at 5:39 PM
2.4+billion dollars and all I got was this stinking segway…
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 5:40 PM
The really funny thing about driving a Segway is that, if the tires ever lose traction and start to spin, you fall flat on your face.
AubieJon on April 7, 2009 at 5:40 PM
Hey I think my cocker spaniel buried one of these in the backyard yesterday.
GreenBlade on April 7, 2009 at 5:42 PM
That looks like a trash can…
TheBigOldDog on April 7, 2009 at 5:42 PM
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 5:34 PM
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:42 PM
Funny. The Segway never gained any profit.
So this is right up there on GM’s future product model–not making profit.
Enoxo on April 7, 2009 at 5:43 PM
BINGO!! and pass legislation NOW that they’ll abide by Nationalized Healthcare if ever passed. Stand in line, Nancy.
marklmail on April 7, 2009 at 5:45 PM
I push one of those to my curb every Friday for pick-up. Even hose it out every couple of weeks because of the smell. Never thought of driving it to work.
ej_pez on April 7, 2009 at 5:45 PM
OK OK O-man, you can have nationalized healthcare. Just get that god-awful thing out of my sight.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:49 PM
Folks, there can only be one name for this vehicle. The Obama-mobile. This is so Yugo, so EU, so socialist, so statist, so Obama’s economic “solution.” We have to hang this economy and everything that comes from it around his neck. Repeat after me, Obama-mobile, Obama-mobile, Obama-mobile. . . And watch, it’ll be as big a hit as the Segue, which was huge, right? The market is going to have the final say, correct? Obama be damned–the market will decide. And let his name go down with the “ship.”
smellthecoffee on April 7, 2009 at 5:50 PM
Los Angeles, and San Francisco, you’d be thankful to average 35 mph in your car during commute hours.
yeah, but you can only go 17.5 miles out if you want to get back home again. Plus, you want to share the road with trucks and buses in that thing?
It wouldn’t be bad for running errands, but you can’t even fit family groceries in it. Or a family.
I suspect they’d also make riders wear a helmet.
MayBee on April 7, 2009 at 5:50 PM
OK OK O-man, you can have nationalized healthcare. Just get that god-awful thing out of my sight.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:49 PM
——
I walk to work. Well, I walk to public transportation, then walk from public transportation to the cube farm. Days I don’t telecommute, that is.
I’ll keep my health care, and store two of these things next to the trash bins. The garage is for the Camry and Tundra.
Mew
acat on April 7, 2009 at 5:51 PM
Wow, a coffin on wheels!
RedbonePro on April 7, 2009 at 5:51 PM
Italy will see their glorified wheelchair, and raise:
http://www.popsci.com/cars/article/2009-04/9000-plug-hybrid-will-beat-volt-market
Reminds me of the scooty in Vice City, the Faggio.
Blacksmith on April 7, 2009 at 5:52 PM
“Project PUMA”? More like Project Gerbil.
Django on April 7, 2009 at 5:54 PM
“I suspect they’d also make riders wear a helmet.
MayBee on April 7, 2009 at 5:50 PM”
they just voted down a motorcycle helmet law here in Illinois again…
WaaaaHoooo!!!!!
Freedom!!!
LtE126 on April 7, 2009 at 5:55 PM
PUMA: Porting Ugly Men Around
Typhoon on April 7, 2009 at 5:57 PM
Speaking seriously, can you imagine an accident between even a small car and this thing. It would be like watching a pool ball flying across the table. Check out the metal bar right at the level of your neck. Lawyers are already lining up.
Of course they are small enough a look enough like a casket that you don’t have to worry about…
GunRunner on April 7, 2009 at 5:57 PM
Hmmm. The people’s car, eh? Well Hitler had the Volkswagen. This is what our DearLeader has brought us.
Ahhhcommmmon someone had to say it!
kurtzz3 on April 7, 2009 at 6:00 PM
This is more Yugo than a Yugo… More Lada than a Lada…
This is so beta male it isn’t funny.
Chaz706 on April 7, 2009 at 6:01 PM
I heard Rush talking about this thing today. What a joke. A strong gust of wind will blow that thing over.
Call it the moonbatmobile.
JammieWearingFool on April 7, 2009 at 6:01 PM
Wasn’t that in the movie Wall-E? Eutopia! Sipp’n your burger from a cup!
shick on April 7, 2009 at 6:02 PM
The original Segway really created “quite a sensation” — I’ve seen exactly one in use on a public street since they were introduced.
This POS looks like it’s headed for the same level of “sensation.”
cruadin on April 7, 2009 at 6:03 PM
Aww, come on. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you don’t have to go anywhere, it’s not too hot or too cold outside, or raining or snowing. All they need is to do is add a rack to hold a few recycled grocery bags filled with arugula and a bottle of Chardonnay and it’s a winner.
Buy Danish on April 7, 2009 at 6:04 PM
Yeah. Good luck gettin’ that nerd-mobile through a safety inspection, guys.
mojo on April 7, 2009 at 6:07 PM
What is the weight capacity on that thing?
I’m pushing 450, so I doubt I will get anywhere on that.
SCOOPTHIScarlos on April 7, 2009 at 6:08 PM
Make Obama trade in his limo for one of these –
and Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Frank nFurter & Dodd
must start using these to show the American people an example.
What???
That is what I thought.
izoneguy on April 7, 2009 at 6:08 PM
I got two words, Turd & Punchbowl.
TheSitRep on April 7, 2009 at 6:09 PM
The only way they sell that POS, is if it is less than 2500 bucks.
TheSitRep on April 7, 2009 at 6:12 PM
The people at the Scooter Store must be crapping their pants right now.
furytrader on April 7, 2009 at 6:12 PM
It’s the Obamanation’s Volkswagon, our answer to Hitler’s ‘People’s Car’. Soon everybody will want one. It’s the flagship of the Obama-run General Motors.
BTW, Hillary said earlier today that Obama has wanted to be a car designer ever since he was in elementary school.
petefrt on April 7, 2009 at 6:14 PM
It’s an interesting piece of tech, but that’s about it. They make electric bicycles for under 400 dollars now, and a nice step through scooter will run you thousands less than this will cost(once they get done making it ‘practical’).
BMW tried something similar to this and it really didn’t fly.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BMW_C1
There is no infrastructure available for this kind of vehicle and existing modes of transportation already exist that fill the niche much, much better.
It’s pointless.
Asher on April 7, 2009 at 6:15 PM
cup holders.
Where are the cup holders? I don’t see any cup holders.
chalons on April 7, 2009 at 6:16 PM
Reminds me of this contraption from the start of this music video … which I believe came from Star Trek.
crosspatch on April 7, 2009 at 6:16 PM
This thing is emblematic of Obama himself: untested, weak, and fundamentally useless to an American family with children. Looks good on paper but is a disaster waiting to happen in real life.
Mike D. on April 7, 2009 at 6:16 PM
It’s like a motorcycle, only you can’t control the balance, the girl you’re with doesn’t hug you from behind, and it’s the opposite of cool. Fantastic.
Gaunilon on April 7, 2009 at 6:17 PM
I’m sniff’n out a great T-shirt slogan. Mind if I steel your idea and TM it myself?
jbh45 on April 7, 2009 at 6:19 PM
Cup holders? I’ve got your cup holders. What size cups do you wear?
petefrt on April 7, 2009 at 6:19 PM
I don’t like it. The 57 Chevy was much better for “scoring” with the ladies….
jbh45 on April 7, 2009 at 6:20 PM
It looks like a Port-John on Wheels. Probably runs like S@#T too.
ZagChuck on April 7, 2009 at 6:22 PM
Doubles as a trash can!
PattyJ on April 7, 2009 at 6:23 PM
About the same for most compacts and any kind of car made from Chinese automotive engineering.
sethstorm on April 7, 2009 at 6:25 PM
Thanks to one and all posters on this thread, very funny.
Cindy Munford on April 7, 2009 at 6:29 PM
Go for it and make sure I get a tshirt with my name on it.=)
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 6:30 PM
May I ask what classes are worth 32 hours of driving and 100+ gallons/$850+ of gas a month?
TMK on April 7, 2009 at 6:33 PM
Are you supposed to drive these on public roads? Or on the sidewalks? Maybe you’re supposed to use the bicycle lanes.
ncjetsfan on April 7, 2009 at 6:35 PM
May I ask what classes are worth 32 hours of driving and 100+ gallons/
$850$250+ of gas a month?TMK on April 7, 2009 at 6:35 PM
My 4 year old son has a Power Wheels Jeep that is bigger than that thing.
jimmy2shoes on April 7, 2009 at 6:35 PM
No offense to the women out there, but there is absolutely nothing male about this thing at all.
jimmy2shoes on April 7, 2009 at 6:39 PM
DON’T give any to Barry, America can only handle getting F’d for four years, not eight.
marklmail on April 7, 2009 at 6:42 PM
Firarms training. And how to cook for a militia. Bring the whole family.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 6:47 PM
Change is want some of these fools wanted.Now live with it.
thmcbb on April 7, 2009 at 6:47 PM
That’s funny.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 6:48 PM
EXACTLY my first thought as i saw the video of it running down the street.
Midas on April 7, 2009 at 6:49 PM
That was my very first thought! A trash can on wheels! With a pile of garbage inside!
JellyToast on April 7, 2009 at 6:51 PM
Rush called it a motorized wheelchair. A blind guy called the show and said he was excited because he thought even he could drive it. So Rush said it wasn’t for handicapped people but to handicap the rest of us. I love Rush :)
Warmongerer on April 7, 2009 at 6:56 PM
What do you do?… pick up one of these from the Scooter Store? What an ugly liberal wheelchair!
dominigan on April 7, 2009 at 7:05 PM
might be a decent golf cart or meter reader thingy. otherwise, only beardos, ponytailed euros wearing clogs, college pipesmokers sipping frapicinno’s and afficinados of ‘Queer Eye’ would dare ride one in public.
DrW on April 7, 2009 at 7:06 PM
Can’t wait to see one with the Seal of the President of the United States on it…………..
Seven Percent Solution on April 7, 2009 at 7:09 PM
Kinda neat, actually . . . But in a fanny pack sort of way . . . but frankly, a fanny pack is a bit more practical.
I kinda dig the “rockin” underscored track, though. Works on an ironic level. Kinda like playing Tool underneath a Care Bears cartoon.
zeromusic on April 7, 2009 at 7:10 PM
That’s awesome! All it needs is some room for additional passengers, cargo and a bit more speed and range—and 4 wheel drive, then paint it blue and put a Toyota 4-Runner logo on it and I’m so there.
FloatingRock on April 7, 2009 at 7:10 PM
Did that thing read SCION on the back? LOL!
rightside on April 7, 2009 at 7:24 PM
Finally something to rival the “It” from Southpark…
Constitution1st on April 7, 2009 at 7:32 PM
After Obama’s crap-and-trade, and after his ‘green’ energy economy, you won’t be able to afford recharging this thing. Obama knows it, too.
So PUMA v.2 will have a windmill on the roof. Pray for wind.
petefrt on April 7, 2009 at 7:32 PM
So we’ll be seeing Richard Gere shilling for gov’ment motors.
jdkchem on April 7, 2009 at 7:34 PM
I bought one of these.
After it broke, I kept putting out on the curb. The garbage man would just empty it and put it back.
You can’t get rid of these things!
It’s a TRAP!!!
Immolate on April 7, 2009 at 7:37 PM
This thing would never work in SF; the hills are too steep. My friend’s wife can barely climb them in her mini-cooper.
mad scientist on April 7, 2009 at 7:39 PM
force every democrat to drive it, they will never make it to the polls
UNREPENTANT CONSERVATIVE CAPITOLIST on April 7, 2009 at 7:39 PM
Has anyone thought what would happen if we transferred the power load for any significant portion of our transportation on our already-struggling power grids?
We’re already using off-peak power; where will the extra energy come from? Will we put the unicorns on treadmills?
mad scientist on April 7, 2009 at 7:42 PM
winner
ej_pez on April 7, 2009 at 8:02 PM
Best comment I saw on this elsewhere…
GM can’t even get their April Fool’s joke done on time.
gekkobear on April 7, 2009 at 8:03 PM
I’d rather go back to the horse and buggy days than drive that thing. My family could at least fit in a buggy! Oh, yeah, horses are probably bad for the environment with their farts just like cows.
conservativemama on April 7, 2009 at 8:12 PM
Wen Uhhhhbama gets done screwing up the economy with his cap and trade crap, among other things, there won’t be any cars left on the roads. These things will have the streets to themselves.
darwin-t on April 7, 2009 at 8:17 PM
Did I see a wheely bar on the back of that thing?
Gwillie on April 7, 2009 at 8:23 PM
Well, nobody has the exact numbers; but they’re looking between 1/3 and 1/4 of the price of a “normal vehicle”… Hahahahaha. Yeah, that’ll happen.
A Segway costs $5-7K, and only goes 12 MPH. Anyone think adding all the extras to a Segway will lower the cost?
So, figure the $5-7K for a segway, plus extras, engine boost to go 35, battery boost for size, the cab & seats, extra balance, collision detection, etc. and a markup for both segway and GM… what, 10-12K at a minimum?
Which explains what their “average car” is, the Chevy Volt estimated to cost $40,000…
gekkobear on April 7, 2009 at 8:25 PM
Where do you put your clubs? Sand ‘n’ seed? Cupholders? WTF?
km on April 7, 2009 at 8:27 PM
Government Motors = Regression. New GM/SEGWAY car looks a lot like the Butler TriCycle of 1884 – http://www.twitpic.com/2z8s4
Delta Tango on April 7, 2009 at 8:42 PM
Looks like an electric rickshaw.
Bigfoot on April 7, 2009 at 8:44 PM
Mmkkayy…Yeah I heard Rush too on this. At first I thought he was being rough on the poor guy, I mean he wants to be able to contribute to society and be mobile. Me too, but for the moment we can’t.
At least Oscar The Grouch finally got his wheels and can move around Sesame Street!
My feedback:
1) WHERE THE HECK AM I GONNA PUT MY GREAT PYRENEES? Those of us owners of giant dog breeds, like Irish Wolfhounds, Great Danes, or large for that matter!… My dog sits on the passenger seat or on the floor of an Ody when the whole family is in. Those owners that have pooches that weigh 135-150 lbs. combined with the weight of the driver just won’t do!
2) You want to see your relatives a couple of states away? How many times a: do you have to stop to plug it back in, and b: if you go to Disney or another amusement park, forget about purchasing souvenirs and ride mementos. That just won’t do.
3) Those of us who live by the snowbelt; I can’t get that thing outta my driveway! Will it come with snow tires, height adjustment for snow/inclement weather and extra protection for ice?
4) Can’t haul wood in that thing, so forget about it. Heh, not even groceries! And boat owners, kayak owners, pro cycling gear users cannot place any sport equipment/attachment there.
Out of touch, just like this administration.
ProudPalinFan on April 7, 2009 at 8:48 PM
Let’s not forget you have to get insurance before you leave the lot! So add that to the price…full cover?
ProudPalinFan on April 7, 2009 at 8:50 PM
The perfect pic that shows the real intellectual inspiration behind the betamobile.
Lance Murdock on April 7, 2009 at 8:53 PM
Wow does that look shockingly uncomfortable!
David
LifeTrek on April 7, 2009 at 8:55 PM
Leave your penis at the door.
ex-Democrat on April 7, 2009 at 9:31 PM
This is not a substitute for your car. This is a substitute for taking the subway because you have no car. I give it thumbs up. Any privately owned vehicle that moves us away from public transit is to be championed by the right.
keep the change on April 7, 2009 at 9:45 PM
That thing reminds me of a trash bin….
bullseye on April 7, 2009 at 10:01 PM
From the side it looks a little like Admiral Ackbar. Cue the “it’s a trap” photoshops…
JackOfClubs on April 7, 2009 at 10:21 PM
I don’t think your statement applies to PA law; of course Rendell can snap this into law anytime. Scooters (not for the handicapped) are not allowed on avenues. If this goes, IMO PA has to allow two-wheel scooters as well.
I’d rather spend whatever stimulus comes my way (yea right) on an Audi TT or a Pontiac Solstice.
ProudPalinFan on April 7, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Bwa ahhahaha hahaha.
I give you … the Obamamobile
bitsy on April 7, 2009 at 10:48 PM
The absolute ONLY way this would work is if it somehow has a working Mr. Fusion hidden somewhere we haven’t seen yet. If not, then this must be just a bad nightmare.
GM pushing that thing? My grandparents would be SO ashamed of what we’ve become.
AbeFroman on April 7, 2009 at 11:25 PM
Yeah. I want to be on the highway in something like that. Please, sell it to the pinch-faced liberal in the rimless glasses who eats tofu. Let that SOB die when that contraption is struck by anything larger than a buzzard!
kens on April 7, 2009 at 11:29 PM
Just paint flames on a Golf Cart. That would be cooler, and more practical than this.
Daemonocracy on April 7, 2009 at 11:47 PM
With all vehicles wired into navigational network, they’ll be like Johnny Cabs in Total Recall.
casel21 on April 8, 2009 at 12:10 AM
Engineers are supposed to be smart.
What happened?
I weep for the future of technology. We aspire to the stars, yet we build rolling plastic coffins that can’t outrun a horse.
(headdesk)
Merovign on April 8, 2009 at 12:48 AM
Now they’ll be able to steal your car with just an appliance dolly.
And I want to see one wheel hit a nice 4 in. deep city pothole.
eeyore on April 8, 2009 at 1:26 AM
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