Finally: The Depressionmobile
posted at 5:00 pm on April 7, 2009 by Allahpundit
I call it the Betamalemobile, a reader in Headlines calls it the Bailoutmobile. Either way, this is what we’ll all be driving once the Dow loses another five thousand points and we can’t afford the Recessionmobile anymore. See Jalopnik for the specs: 300 lbs., max speed of 35 mph, capable of running for 35 miles on a single charge to its lithium-ion battery, which makes it ideal for men with short commutes who plan on never attracting a woman again. Worried that the light frame means you might not survive a head-on collision with, say, a moped? Don’t be. The designers are going to wire all the vehicles into some central network so that they all run in perfect synchronicity and there’s never any traffic, or something.
Did I forget to mention who the designers are? Why, Segway, of course, and … General Motors. The comeback is on, baby!
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you’d get laughed out of every DMV office trying to get that thing street legal
gatorboy on April 7, 2009 at 5:02 PM
This is not an Onion video?
James on April 7, 2009 at 5:02 PM
Did you check this on SNOPES?
////snark
seejanemom on April 7, 2009 at 5:03 PM
It’ll fit in perfect with our command economy.
lorien1973 on April 7, 2009 at 5:03 PM
This better not be a load bearing part of GM’s turnaround model.
BadgerHawk on April 7, 2009 at 5:03 PM
Better idea. DRILL FOR SOME GOD DAMNED OIL!!!!!!
marklmail on April 7, 2009 at 5:05 PM
More like: the Depressing Mobile
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:05 PM
looks like they tossed 2 bicycle tires onto a trash can
gatorboy on April 7, 2009 at 5:05 PM
It looks like someone put a plexiglass bubble top and a pair of 20s on my trash can.
gonnjos on April 7, 2009 at 5:05 PM
COMRADE…the DMV is an arm of THE GOVERNMENT, and we’ll all be REQUIRED to buy them, because that is the only “car” that your friendly neighborhood, GOVERNMENT OWNED BANK will lend on!!
Silly, silly, gatorboy….
seejanemom on April 7, 2009 at 5:05 PM
I can already see myself turning on my wipers to clean that thing’s guts off my windshield.
trubble on April 7, 2009 at 5:06 PM
The Barackmobile?
eaglewingz08 on April 7, 2009 at 5:06 PM
Didn’t take long for GOVERNMENT MOTORS to come through for us
gatorboy on April 7, 2009 at 5:06 PM
Reason 1,097 why I telecommute.
saltydogg14 on April 7, 2009 at 5:07 PM
the version of this photoshopped on the Corner right now is hilarious. check it out.
also again, see Iowahawks Pelosi car video on youtube from a few months back. eerie
jp on April 7, 2009 at 5:07 PM
How am I gonna pick up on chicks in that contraption?
Quikc, let’s beat him up.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:07 PM
Looks like Project POS instead
gonnjos on April 7, 2009 at 5:08 PM
seejanemom on April 7, 2009 at 5:08 PM
If I had to drive that, I’d be less worried about head on collisions and more worried about suicidal thoughts.
frankj on April 7, 2009 at 5:08 PM
Christopher Pike comes to mind…
pseudonominus on April 7, 2009 at 5:08 PM
Vee haff vays of makink you buy zis Government Motors Elektrik Karski. Zis is zee people’s glorious green revolution. All running dog kapitalist konveyances will be seized!
OhioCoastie on April 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM
I’ll just call it a “Speedbump” for my Escalade.
saltydogg14 on April 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM
Can’t wait for Project C.O.U.G.A.R.
pseudonominus on April 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM
Just the thing if I want to go to a Halloween party as Captain Pike.
Other uses are problematic, as Spock would say.
cheers
eon
eon on April 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM
I’m not getting one of those…Capitulis, race card and the wall are.
I guess smaller cars are better…but don’t come for my bike. That’ll be a mistake.
LtE126 on April 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM
So how long before all the safety standards are “set aside” for conservation?
All of these crash standards, bumper standards, that were so important…will soon be not so important.
right2bright on April 7, 2009 at 5:10 PM
Is homosexuality the future of mankind?
ballz2wallz on April 7, 2009 at 5:10 PM
35 MPH? I’ve seen bar stools that go faster than that.
trubble on April 7, 2009 at 5:10 PM
Good God. Sell that thing in Europe maybe.
Dash on April 7, 2009 at 5:10 PM
finally
AP has some hot wheels to pick up chicks in.
thought the day would never come
blatantblue on April 7, 2009 at 5:11 PM
Michelle’s ass wouldn’t fit in it.
What?
I’m just sayn’
LtE126 on April 7, 2009 at 5:11 PM
Is that 35 mph uphill? I live in Seattle and I can see a whole lot of pushing to get that baby up one of our hills.
swatter on April 7, 2009 at 5:11 PM
Coincidentally the first accident involving one of these “vehicles” was reported today when it collided with an elderly lady in a crosswalk in San Francisco. The driver was critically injured, the vehicle was totalled and the elderly lady–who has trouble hearing and seeing–didn’t realize that she’d been in an accident and was not injured.
perroviejo on April 7, 2009 at 5:11 PM
Trashcan on wheels…. Better not park it too close the the alley, one of the trashtrucks might come by and try to dump it with it’s mechanical arm.
CynicalOptimist on April 7, 2009 at 5:11 PM
Just need to ‘Detail’ it a little bit…flashy paint job with flames and skulls and stuff…maybe install some fake chrome exhaust pipes with a audio recording of a drag car you can flip on when stopped at a red light.
AUINSC on April 7, 2009 at 5:11 PM
It looks like a garbage can on wheels.
capitulus on April 7, 2009 at 5:12 PM
I agree it looks like a motorized trash can.
Barackolounger? Seg whaaaaat? ah the heck with it,sorry to see you go GM. Buh bye.
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 5:12 PM
I’d rather walk.
ddrintn on April 7, 2009 at 5:13 PM
As a man, I say feminizing our cars is the last straw. The libs feminized our beer 70 years ago and now its our cars.
Its own, keep stocking up on guns and ammo boys!
jp on April 7, 2009 at 5:13 PM
Heh, heh.
You see. All those articles and claims that the Segway was going to revolutionize society were correct. There will be segways everywhere, whether we want them or not. The government will be purchasing 20,000,000 of these things annually, and taxing everything else through the roof. Yep.
progressoverpeace on April 7, 2009 at 5:13 PM
Looks like a rolling coffin (figuratively and literally).
SPCOlympics on April 7, 2009 at 5:13 PM
I don’t think that will ever replace some of these.
right2bright on April 7, 2009 at 5:14 PM
I think they made this car in South Park already.
El_Terrible on April 7, 2009 at 5:14 PM
Not street legal in Minnesota; it would have to be capable of 40 or 45 mph, I forget which. (And in my town, the 45 mph speed limits are frequently exceeded; you’d get cited for obstructing traffic.)
htom on April 7, 2009 at 5:14 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAqPMJFaEdY
just watch, the Pelosi Car! from Congressional Motors
jp on April 7, 2009 at 5:14 PM
Nope.
Just “PRE-cycling”.
seejanemom on April 7, 2009 at 5:15 PM
It looks like the trash can the whiskered janitor had on The Pink Panther cartoon.
ladyingray on April 7, 2009 at 5:15 PM
OK you pissass trolls.
Just TRY to defend that p of s monstrosity.
Just try it!
Poptech, you got one your newfangled resumes of the chief engineer?
Let’s have it tough guys.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:15 PM
Its a mail receptacle on wheels!
AbaddonsReign on April 7, 2009 at 5:16 PM
Where they gonna fit the power amp and subwhoofer?
LtE126 on April 7, 2009 at 5:16 PM
How’s The Wall gonna nail his ex-Eagles cheerleader in that?
LtE126 on April 7, 2009 at 5:18 PM
They are perfect considering that they, i.e. the left, want us to live in cities and within walking distance of our job. We don’t want people to deviate from the plan or go into the elite sections of town so having them all controlled from a central location is just icing on the cake. It is the perfect transport for the peasant in our perfect communist utopian future. I know perfect communist utopia is redundant. Silly me.
jmarcure on April 7, 2009 at 5:19 PM
this is their plan to get us off of Oil
jp on April 7, 2009 at 5:19 PM
looks like a dumpster america doesn’t need it ,we as a country are fat and lazy get up and walk
wade underhile on April 7, 2009 at 5:19 PM
Fred and Wilma would love it!
scalleywag on April 7, 2009 at 5:20 PM
I assume that’s the prototype and that the model they offer to the public will have the Waste Management logo on it.
Mr. D on April 7, 2009 at 5:20 PM
That thing would be at home in an Aeon Flux video.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:22 PM
Well they tried…/Sarc/feigned disappointment/mostly hysterical laughing.
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 5:22 PM
Laugh all you want, but this could have a market. In many dense areas like Manhattan, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, you’d be thankful to average 35 mph in your car during commute hours. If this little thing can open up new capacity at tiny fraction of the cost and political and physical obstruction of a new freeway or other road, then more power to it. If being a beta male means never having to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic again, then bring on beta-male-dom.
Or it could be a flop.
calbear on April 7, 2009 at 5:22 PM
what a royal piece of garbage. what a total piece of crap, what a complete waste of materials and manpower…. liberals…. here’s your product for you to defend……. garbage pure garbage. Won’t last two minutes in MN or anywhere there is traffic or pedestrians. This cannot be serious… oh wait…. Nimrod is President.
MNDavenotPC on April 7, 2009 at 5:23 PM
Only 300 lbs? Can’t wait to encounter one waiting at a red light. It’ll be fun to flip it over on its side like a mean kid might do to a turtle.
innominatus on April 7, 2009 at 5:23 PM
Thats a wheelchair/go-kart.
Speedwagon82 on April 7, 2009 at 5:24 PM
I doubt it.
Fred is an alpha-male. It needs more weight. It’s too purty. Wilma would not feel safe in it with Pebbles.
One piss on it from Dino and that might be the end of it.
And I don’t even want to think of what Bam-Bam would do to that thing.
Sapwolf on April 7, 2009 at 5:24 PM
It also helps that those are the areas where liberals live who’d most often keep their vehicles in a 35-mile radius anyway. Like I said, there might be a market!
calbear on April 7, 2009 at 5:26 PM
Can you imagine the embarrassment when drunks on “liquorcycles” scream past you?
Guardian on April 7, 2009 at 5:26 PM
On the bright side after much engineering, test demonstrate that the P.U.M.A. can in fact survive a head-on impact with a 10 speed bicycle thus meeting governmental safety standards….
Braindroppings on April 7, 2009 at 5:26 PM
Come on now guys lets all sing and give Betamalemobile its proper coming out. “See me roll on my segway.”
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 5:26 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAqPMJFaEdY
just watch, the Pelosi Car! from Congressional Motors
jp on April 7, 2009 at 5:14 PM
——-
Ah, the Citi Car. Sebring Vanguard, 1974 or so.
There’s still some of those odd little wedges running, they come up for sale on eBay Motors from time to time….
http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Other-Makes-Comuta-Car-electric-vehicle-new-batteries-charger_W0QQitemZ280331255759QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUS_Cars_Trucks?hash=item280331255759&_trksid=p4506.c0.m245&_trkparms=72%3A1205|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318
This one’s tricked out – check the wheels!
Mew
acat on April 7, 2009 at 5:26 PM
Good God. Segway is down the street from my office. I already see
those dweebstheir employees tooling around on the dumb scooters, so I can pretty much garentee that I’ll beseeingrunning over this stupid idea with my Grand Cherokee soon.crazy_legs on April 7, 2009 at 5:27 PM
My guess is that it’ll be a big hit with the Vespa crowd.
locomotivebreath1901 on April 7, 2009 at 5:27 PM
What the?
I cant wait to see Russell Crowe on Jay Leno with this thing. Instead of telling the guy to get the hell out of his way, he is just gonna run over him.
50 years from now, instead of driving to the point in an automobile, teenagers will be riding in one of these things.
TheHat on April 7, 2009 at 5:28 PM
It’s perfect for:
The elderly, who shouldn’t be driving deadly full-sized cars.
Teenagers, who are all deathrace candidates, and it would greatly reduce teenage pregnancy rates as well.
Middle-aged women, who are nearly as deadly as teens, and clog roads while wasting millions of gallons of gas doing absolutely nothing.
TMK on April 7, 2009 at 5:29 PM
If you had these in the city, they’d be stolen at a rate that would boggle the mind.
progressoverpeace on April 7, 2009 at 5:29 PM
My guess is that it’ll be a big hit with the Vespa crowd.
locomotivebreath1901 on April 7, 2009 at 5:27 PM
——
Nope. Vespas can be wedged into a garage, provided the car in the garage is a compact or smaller… this Segway/GM abomination (obamanation-mobile?) looks too big for that…
Mew
acat on April 7, 2009 at 5:29 PM
Other than a garbage can, it actually, it looks a bit like R2D2. Now, if it would also be able to make all the R2D2 sounds, they might be on to something.
MrFreeman07 on April 7, 2009 at 5:29 PM
I’ll stick to my Mercedes 560SEL…
Are these “things” street legal?
$300 for this “thing?” Might as well buy a good bike for that amount of money…do better than 35 mph, too.
coldwarrior on April 7, 2009 at 5:29 PM
It’s the “special olympics” of cars.
/sarc
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 7, 2009 at 5:30 PM
The Russians, Cubans, Iranians, Venezuelans, Europeans, and Chinese are all having a very good laugh right now………..
……….. I wonder how this “gay fest mobile” will stand up against a tank?
Seven Percent Solution on April 7, 2009 at 5:30 PM
Medicare could cover 80% of the cost of your new power chair or scooter. And if you have supplemental insurance, it may cover the remaining 20%. That means the mobility you need could cost you little to nothing!
A Balrog of Morgoth on April 7, 2009 at 5:30 PM
If they would mount the golf rack maybe a round of golf could be finished in under 4 hours. That’s about the most useful purpose for this vehicle.
WashJeff on April 7, 2009 at 5:31 PM
Bawney Fwank says it’s “fabulous”.
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 7, 2009 at 5:31 PM
Master Card is giving special credit if you purchase this through them…it will be called the Master-Betamalemobile…
right2bright on April 7, 2009 at 5:31 PM
Look at it this way, this bug mobile will look like a dragster compared to the solar car which will be the only other choice.
progressoverpeace on April 7, 2009 at 5:31 PM
Can you see the gangbangers doing drivebys with those things?
LtE126 on April 7, 2009 at 5:32 PM
Many weeks (months) ago there was a post here about the Segway where I demanded a seat on the blasted thing. Obviously truly talented people read the comments at HotAir.
Skandia Recluse on April 7, 2009 at 5:32 PM
Make all the members of congress use them. It should be required transportation for them.
robblefarian on April 7, 2009 at 5:32 PM
Oh hell yes! First thing I do with mine is stretch the frame and drop a short block V8 in it and we’re off the the races! It can’t be that much more dangerous than crotch rocket!
hburns on April 7, 2009 at 5:33 PM
Not kidding. I just pulled my SUV next to my big 4 door car in the driveway and they are both running with the AC on and the windows down – blaring Sean Hannity.
marklmail on April 7, 2009 at 5:33 PM
So the libs want us all to drive Little Rascals now?
Dr.Cwac.Cwac on April 7, 2009 at 5:34 PM
The study cited old aged women as being as dangerous as teenage boys. Clog roads?Waste gas-dude my classes are nearly 45 minutes highway driving from my home, and if you equate middle aged with doing nothing you are sadly misinformed. You sound a little immature suggesting that the only people that should be allowed to drive on the roads are young women and young to middle aged men.
canditaylor68 on April 7, 2009 at 5:34 PM
Exit Question: Is there a waiting list to buy one of these?
Bonus Exit Question: Is Allahpundit on it?
A Balrog of Morgoth on April 7, 2009 at 5:34 PM
Then Medicare could cover 80% of the cost of your care after getting hit in one of these things.
Sounds perfect for the Obama years. Government subsidizes your purchase of this thing on environmental grounds. Then subisidize your care when you get hurt.
WashJeff on April 7, 2009 at 5:34 PM
The next stimulus bill will fund the “Police Interceptor” variant of the model so that first responders will be carbon neutral.
rw on April 7, 2009 at 5:34 PM
I’d rather take my chances on a motorcycle.
smfoushee on April 7, 2009 at 5:35 PM
Try deathmobile or, simply a projectile when struck by anything more substantial than a bike messenger.
TheBigOldDog on April 7, 2009 at 5:36 PM
I picturing a bunch of Hummers, Escalades, et. al. chasing the members of congress down. No pitchforks required.
WashJeff on April 7, 2009 at 5:37 PM
Wonder what the crash-test rating on that POS will be.
bluelightbrigade on April 7, 2009 at 5:38 PM
Where are the headlights taillights and turn signals? Have they never heard of NIGHTTIME?!?!
I don’t care if it’s wired into the central network, that’s not gonna help when a deer jumps out in the road.
Also, why does Lauer wear his coat that way – arms not through the sleeves? Like some sort of cape?
kooly on April 7, 2009 at 5:38 PM
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