Finally: The Depressionmobile

posted at 5:00 pm on April 7, 2009 by Allahpundit

I call it the Betamalemobile, a reader in Headlines calls it the Bailoutmobile. Either way, this is what we’ll all be driving once the Dow loses another five thousand points and we can’t afford the Recessionmobile anymore. See Jalopnik for the specs: 300 lbs., max speed of 35 mph, capable of running for 35 miles on a single charge to its lithium-ion battery, which makes it ideal for men with short commutes who plan on never attracting a woman again. Worried that the light frame means you might not survive a head-on collision with, say, a moped? Don’t be. The designers are going to wire all the vehicles into some central network so that they all run in perfect synchronicity and there’s never any traffic, or something.

Did I forget to mention who the designers are? Why, Segway, of course, and … General Motors. The comeback is on, baby!

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Doubles as a trash can!

PattyJ on April 7, 2009 at 6:23 PM

Sooo…now, besides all the other road hazards, we have to avoid traveling streets where a sanitation crew is working???

And when the battery is low, doesn’t the Segway just lose its gyroscope and fall over? That will really be special in the middle of the road on the way to work!!!

landlines on April 8, 2009 at 1:43 AM

PS –

And by the way, who is going to tell the Libs that the electricity they use in this thing comes from COAL!!!

There is absolutely no energy savings here: in fact, any energy which goes into the gyroscope is wasted – just because some lib designer didn’t want to use three or four wheels and make the thing unconditionally stable. You would get better energy efficiency, range, and safety from a motorized scooter.

In short, this silly vehicle causes a lot more problems than it solves, including dead passengers and a totally destroyed vehicle as a result of the slightest accident or pothole and vehicles with dead batteries littering the road everywhere there is stop and go traffic or a construction delay on the way to work.

And what about battery disposal and replacement?

landlines on April 8, 2009 at 1:54 AM

They would probably be good for evacuating a city after a terrorist attack. But then again, you’d only get 35 miles away.

hepcat on April 8, 2009 at 2:05 AM

That looks great to drive, as long as there is no strong wind, rain, sleet, snow, hail, ice on the roads. Or it gets dark out (there are no apparent headlights on it anywhere.

Its too big and fast to go on a sidewalk, and so small and hard to see it will be dangerous on the road with real cars.

The perfect solution to a problem that doesn’t exist, yet!

Neo on April 8, 2009 at 3:08 AM

Sooo…now, besides all the other road hazards…

That pretty well sums this thing up: another hazard.

karl9000 on April 8, 2009 at 9:21 AM

Thanks, but no. One hit from a NYC taxi and this thing will pong about two city blocks. In fact, it could become a sport!

Paul_in_NJ on April 8, 2009 at 9:46 AM

Let’s make this viral. The New GM/SEGWAY car looks a lot like the Butler TriCycle of 1884. Check out this comparison and repost please –

Delta Tango on April 8, 2009 at 10:37 AM

Another politically correct product that no one wants

Bevan on April 8, 2009 at 11:04 AM

South Park did it first:

Mr. Garrison’s IT

Dukeboy01 on April 8, 2009 at 12:48 PM

The perfect perscription for birth control. No guy will ever get laid driving that thing…..

itsspideyman on April 8, 2009 at 4:38 PM