Finally: Atheists join forces with Scientologists

posted at 5:30 pm on March 31, 2009 by Allahpundit

Stranger things have happened. Well … actually, no. Nothing stranger ever has.

Oh well. Hail Xenu.

GAM Australia CEO, Bryan McGee, has told LIVENEWS.com.au the groups are a perfect fit.

“Although by definition we are anti-religion, Scientology is not so much a belief system as an integrated method of knowing,” he said.

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.

“More importantly, their structures and disciplined approach is exactly what a wide-ranging movement like ours requires.

“I would be surprised if any of the world’s major religions – Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Judaism – will be able to hold a candle to us by 2020.”…

Mr McGee says the publicity campaign planned for the launching of 1Truth will be something special.

“We’ll be staging mass nude demonstrations across 136 nations,” he revealed.

Looking forward to meeting Ariane Sherine at the demonstration, not looking forward to meeting Hitch. I’m going to go out on a limb and postulate that the date of publication holds a clue to the veracity of the story — and indeed, a Google search of “Bryan McGee” and “atheist” returns no relevant hits — but let’s not spoil the dream. Exit question: Does this mean I’m now qualified to advise Palin? I kid!

Update: I’m informed that Xenu is, in fact, the villain in Scientology. I have much to learn from “Dianetics.”


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blatantblue on March 31, 2009 at 5:31 PM

Sweet Evil Jesus.

Atheists are allying themselves with these people?

One question: Will atheists start asking what your crimes are if you mention Paulette Cooper or Lisa MacPherson?

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 5:34 PM

Everyone believes in something bigger than themselves, even if it’s the random element of chance.

Or Space Aliens. Imprisoned on Earth. By other Space Aliens.

lorien1973 on March 31, 2009 at 5:35 PM

One question: Will atheists start asking what your crimes are if you mention Paulette Cooper or Lisa MacPherson?

BANNED.

Hail Xenu.

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

Exit question: Does this mean I’m now qualified to advise

/Tom Cruise? Allahpundit’s new BFFE.

maverick muse on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

“I would be surprised if any of the world’s major religions – Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Judaism – will be able to hold a candle to us by 2020.”……

“We’ll be staging mass nude demonstrations across 136 nations,” he revealed.

And you had to Google the dude’s name and look at the date to see if this story is made up? ;-)

amerpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

“Oh well. Hail Xenu.”-Allah P.

Shouldn’t this have been followed by “or something?”

rihar on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

And you had to Google the dude’s name and look at the date to see if this story is made up? ;-)

Gotta be thorough.

Hail Hitchens.

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:37 PM

Does this mean I’m now qualified…

to co-star in a remake of Battlefield Earth?

(shudder)

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on March 31, 2009 at 5:37 PM

… “or something.”?

sorry, I put the question mark in the wrong place.

rihar on March 31, 2009 at 5:38 PM

They actually have a lot in common.
No Big Deal.

old trooper2 on March 31, 2009 at 5:38 PM

BANNED.

Hail Xenu.

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

Idiot. Scientologists don’t ‘hail’ Xenu, he’s the bad guy.

snickelfritz on March 31, 2009 at 5:38 PM

“We’ll be staging mass nude demonstrations across 136 nations,” he revealed.

So you’ll march nude in the streets saying Zoltan!, but you won’t post your picture online for us to see?

lorien1973 on March 31, 2009 at 5:39 PM

BANNED.

Hail Xenu.

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

Fool.

You cannot ban an OT9.

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 5:39 PM

Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.

All of us are just the product of a sowing of seed by an alien intelligence from some distant galaxy. That’s a tenet of the belief system developed by it’s founder, L.Ron Hubbard. “Based on science” my arse!

journeyman on March 31, 2009 at 5:39 PM

You know what was missing from Atheism? The creepy supporters.

lorien1973 on March 31, 2009 at 5:40 PM

There’s a difference? I bet you can get your message out to the mainstream by wearing Goth makeup or something.

kirkill on March 31, 2009 at 5:40 PM

Idiot. Scientologists don’t ‘hail’ Xenu, he’s the bad guy.

I have so much to learn from Dianetics.

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:41 PM

Is there some way we can get Scientology fighting with George Soros? The way they took down Bob Minton, this could be a boon.

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 5:41 PM

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:37 PM

Heh. By the way, isn’t Xenu a bad guy or something?

amerpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:42 PM

snickelfritz on March 31, 2009 at 5:38 PM

Nevermind.

amerpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:42 PM

Lord Xenu approves.

sonofdy on March 31, 2009 at 5:43 PM

Thetans are scientific.

Hoodlumman on March 31, 2009 at 5:43 PM

Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.

LOL

Lehosh on March 31, 2009 at 5:44 PM

Idiot. Scientologists don’t ‘hail’ Xenu, he’s the bad guy.

AP loves to be contrarian.

Karl on March 31, 2009 at 5:46 PM

AP is Xenu

blatantblue on March 31, 2009 at 5:46 PM

Ooh. My first Hitchens drink twice hit!

Nethicus on March 31, 2009 at 5:46 PM

“The most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs. There’s not one of them which won’t make us into devils if we set it up as an absolute guide.” CS Lewis, Mere Christianity…have you read that one AllahP?

kirkill on March 31, 2009 at 5:47 PM

This is beyond parody.

AbaddonsReign on March 31, 2009 at 5:47 PM

But of course.

maynila on March 31, 2009 at 5:48 PM

Inevitable.

maynila on March 31, 2009 at 5:48 PM

AP,

Didn’t you post this about 6½ hours early?

Snowed In on March 31, 2009 at 5:48 PM

Finally: Atheists One creepy cult join forces with Scientologists another.

Norwegian on March 31, 2009 at 5:48 PM

Who/what is “Tom Cruise?” Is that a secret missile program being developed by Hussein and GM? Is “John” revolting over this?

JoeySlippers on March 31, 2009 at 5:49 PM

Just a pre-holiday gift for them.
Happy Atheist Day!

maynila on March 31, 2009 at 5:51 PM

The movement has organised well-attended protests against Christmas mass, the Hajj and the Pope’s visit to Sydney.

April fools!

Pablo on March 31, 2009 at 5:52 PM

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.

No, idiot, they’re based on science-fiction.

FloatingRock on March 31, 2009 at 5:52 PM

Lord Xenu will crush you punny dissenters with law suits, counter demonstrations and direct questioning about your criminal past!!!

Lord Xenu is not amused.

All hail Lord Xenu!!!!

sonofdy on March 31, 2009 at 5:53 PM

April fools!

Pablo on March 31, 2009 at 5:52 PM

Might be on us!
Except I know AP is a believer in UFO’s.
Or is he?

maynila on March 31, 2009 at 5:55 PM

Exit answer:

*Dr. Egon Spengler: Don’t cross the streams.
*Dr. Peter Venkman:Why?
*Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
*Dr. Peter Venkman: I’m a little fuzzy on the whole “good/bad” thing here. What do you mean, “bad”?
*Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

Or Barak Obama could be elected president…

locomotivebreath1901 on March 31, 2009 at 5:56 PM

I need to check my Thetan levels.

Punchenko on March 31, 2009 at 5:56 PM

Xenu has got nothing on

KROM

blatantblue on March 31, 2009 at 5:57 PM

April fools!

Pablo on March 31, 2009 at 5:52 PM

You son of a bitch. You made me check the date of the article.

I am pwned.

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 6:00 PM

Yes!
Praise be!
And Sarah Palin can be our candidate!
lol

strangelet on March 31, 2009 at 6:01 PM

We’ll be staging mass nude demonstrations across 136 nations,” he revealed.

That’s a revelation I’d rather not be a witness to.

baldilocks on March 31, 2009 at 6:01 PM

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!111!!one!

It’s like atheists don’t even want credibility.

Ampersand on March 31, 2009 at 6:02 PM

The movement has organised well-attended protests against Christmas mass, the Hajj and the Pope’s visit to Sydney.
April fools!

Pablo on March 31, 2009 at 5:52 PM

After the little pissy fit Isaac Hayes (Chef) made over the South Park Scientology episode, I’d expect the Scientologists to join forces with the Muslims. Maybe they can get special UN favored religion status, too.

Disturb the Universe on March 31, 2009 at 6:05 PM

The story makes no mention of Hitch. The Cap is misleading. I find it hard to believe he would sign on to this nonsense.

ronsfi on March 31, 2009 at 6:06 PM

Allah, do they make you sing this?

Hands down, the creepiest Scientology thing ever.

SnarkVader on March 31, 2009 at 6:06 PM

I guess the beta males are hoping to get some pointers from Tom Cruise.

malclave on March 31, 2009 at 6:08 PM

Hmmm. I consider myself an atheist and think this is a little nutty. Scientology isn’t a science. It’s a myth… a pretty idiotic one at that which does not stand up to any kind of ‘scientific’ methodology.

lexhamfox on March 31, 2009 at 6:10 PM

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.”

Yes, the sound science, as shared by their prophet, the science fiction writer, that every human is inhabited by a spirit. I thought atheists laughed at this notion.

DrMagnolias on March 31, 2009 at 6:14 PM

Perhaps “laughed at” is an inappropriate word choice. If it is, please accept my apology, Allahpundit, and others.

DrMagnolias on March 31, 2009 at 6:15 PM

For the love of god, people, it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Didn’t you read what I said in the post about noting the date of publication?

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.”

GROAN!

ronsfi on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

For the love of god, people, it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Didn’t you read what I said in the post about noting the date of publication?

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

Oh come on, let me just believe it’s real. I want to see a remake of Grease with Hitch and Travolta.

Priceless.

John_Locke on March 31, 2009 at 6:19 PM

Sweet Evil Jesus.

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 5:34 PM

This is my second request on this blog to ask that you not engage in this horrible and gratuitous blasphemy.
Out of consideration for your fellow posters who are Christians, who would please refrain from doing this?

Jenfidel on March 31, 2009 at 6:21 PM

For the love of god, people, it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Didn’t you read what I said in the post about noting the date of publication?

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

Dirty atheist, not capitalizing the G!

:p

blatantblue on March 31, 2009 at 6:21 PM

Dirty atheist, not capitalizing the G!

:p

blatantblue on March 31, 2009 at 6:21 PM

It’s all a lead in to the greatest April Fool’s Joke ever: Allah’s conversion to Islam.

John_Locke on March 31, 2009 at 6:24 PM

BANNED.

Hail Xenu.

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

Fool.

You cannot ban an OT9.

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 5:39 PM

Dude, I was scared for a minute. I thought he actually banned you.

BadgerHawk on March 31, 2009 at 6:25 PM

Birds of a feather…

right2bright on March 31, 2009 at 6:27 PM

… not looking forward to meeting Hitch.

Why? He waxed just for you!

Blake on March 31, 2009 at 6:28 PM

You know what was missing from Atheism? The creepy supporters.

lorien1973 on March 31, 2009 at 5:40 PM

Also alien ghosts.

John_Locke on March 31, 2009 at 6:28 PM

April fools jokes shouldn’t be so believable.

oh… and they should happen on April 1st.

Ampersand on March 31, 2009 at 6:29 PM

and they should happen on April 1st.

Ampersand on March 31, 2009 at 6:29 PM

But you know what’s coming… You have to get a surprise April Fool’s in there somewhere.

John_Locke on March 31, 2009 at 6:30 PM

Hail Hitchens. His takedown of Mos Def was magnifique. No miracle, but jolly good show nonetheless.

Enrique on March 31, 2009 at 6:39 PM

Jenfidel on March 31, 2009 at 6:21 PM

No. Sweet Evil Jesus is my best bud. How about I get my name officially changed to that?

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 6:41 PM

Nutcase meet nutcase. Actually they are a good fit since both groups believe in the supremacy of human beings.

If only people would abandon the worship of their God and join them, athiest and scientologist, in creating their own.

docdave on March 31, 2009 at 6:43 PM

I guess the old adage that “Those who believe in nothing will fall for anything” is true.

Mike Honcho on March 31, 2009 at 6:43 PM

Got me AP…bastard.

ronsfi on March 31, 2009 at 6:49 PM

Fake.

Mr Gus on March 31, 2009 at 6:52 PM

Again, I’m too late to the party to have an original comment.

FloatingRock on March 31, 2009 at 5:52 PM

Ampersand on March 31, 2009 at 6:02 PM

Those two combined cover what I came here to say. Good job everyone, keep up the good work… I guess I’ll go fishing or something.

gekkobear on March 31, 2009 at 6:56 PM

99% of Atheists make the rest of us look bad.

OldEnglish on March 31, 2009 at 7:11 PM

This is yet more proof that atheism per se is no guarantee of rationality. There are lots of other ways to be irrational than believing in a god, and few theistic religions are more irrational than scientology.

hicsuget on March 31, 2009 at 7:20 PM

Dear AllahPundit:

I really, really didn’t need to see that picture.

Rear male nudity content warning.

Loxodonta on March 31, 2009 at 7:33 PM

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM
LOL Aww Shoot, ya got me! But a joke is ruined if one has to explain it. Maybe next time…

FontanaConservative on March 31, 2009 at 7:35 PM

Atheists need a catchy slogan if they’re going to market themselves properly. I suggest,

“We Got Nuthin’”

Cicero43 on March 31, 2009 at 7:55 PM

Read the Headline, skimmed the text…bought it whole hog.

Clicked the link, saw the picture..went “Wait…What?’

Good one….

BigWyo on March 31, 2009 at 7:58 PM

For the love of god, people, it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Didn’t you read what I said in the post about noting the date of publication?

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

Oh.

I think I’m a day behind and a dollar short.

Loxodonta on March 31, 2009 at 8:14 PM

For the love of god, people, it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Didn’t you read what I said in the post about noting the date of publication?

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

I’ve always thought a lot of people on here read the headline and then start posting comments without even reading a damn thing.

Vigilante on March 31, 2009 at 8:14 PM

No. Sweet Evil Jesus is my best bud. How about I get my name officially changed to that?

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 6:41 PM

How about you stop staying this?
I can’t tell you how offensive I find this.
And then there’s the logical contradiction: Jesus isn’t evil, nor could he be and he is sweet but no-one can be both evil and sweet at the same time, not even for a godless half-wit like you.

Jenfidel on March 31, 2009 at 8:20 PM

I can’t tell you how offensive I find this.

Jenfidel on March 31, 2009 at 8:20 PM

I can’t tell you how offended I am that you think your chosen religion is a license to tell me what to do.

Got it?

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 8:26 PM

Dream on, Scientology boy.
I’m not touching you with a ten foot pole.

Count to 10 on March 31, 2009 at 8:33 PM

And then there’s the logical contradiction: Jesus isn’t evil, nor could he be and he is sweet but no-one can be both evil and sweet at the same time, not even for a godless half-wit like you.

Jenfidel on March 31, 2009 at 8:20 PM

I think the logical contradiction is the point: I think a case can be made for holding the double think inherent in believing a contradiction as the most profane thing in existence. What is a profanity but the profane?

Count to 10 on March 31, 2009 at 8:36 PM

Atheists need a catchy slogan if they’re going to market themselves properly. I suggest,

“We Got Nuthin’”

Cicero43 on March 31, 2009 at 7:55 PM

“Nuthin’ mean worth nuthin’, but its free.”

Count to 10 on March 31, 2009 at 8:38 PM

April Fools.

petunia on March 31, 2009 at 8:40 PM

Last year there was apparently an article on April Fool’s Day that Snoop Dog had become a Mormon… I didn’t see it until a couple of months later! That was so weird… I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt… I believe people can change… The article said he was close with Gladys Knight’s family… But then I discovered the date of the story… They got me.

That reminds me I need to figure out something to fool my kids… hmmmm any ideas?

petunia on March 31, 2009 at 8:45 PM

I think the logical contradiction is the point: I think a case can be made for holding the double think inherent in believing a contradiction as the most profane thing in existence. What is a profanity but the profane?

Count to 10 on March 31, 2009 at 8:36 PM

Whut?

MadisonConservative on March 31, 2009 at 8:45 PM

Jenfidel on March 31, 2009 at 8:20 PM

Wow. I’m about as angry and snarky as you can get post wise, but way to turn a light hearted funny thread into a potential shouting match.

Good effort…maybe read the damn thing?

Or am I missing something???

BigWyo on March 31, 2009 at 8:47 PM

The Global Atheist Movement has been rapidly growing in influence since the turn of the decade, with .. Richard Dawkins and ..Christopher Hitchins, serving as anti-bibles to millions of new followers every month. The movement has organised well-attended protests against Christmas….

What a noble cause.

In an historic move, the surging Global Atheist Movement has officially joined forces with the controversial Church of Scientology to form a new organisation, 1Truth…

Think shallow, and keep telling yourself that you are intelligent.

“We want 250,000 nude in the streets of Sydney doing whatever comes naturally.”

Stupid. People’s lives are dominated by sin just like the people in the days of Noah.

apacalyps on March 31, 2009 at 8:50 PM

For the love of god, people, it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Didn’t you read what I said in the post about noting the date of publication?

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 6:18 PM

Why no, I didn’t read it–I skimmed too fast and missed that part. And, it never occurred to me that all the April Fools out there would feel the need to strike early. Plus, I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for you, Allahpundit, so I don’t think in those terms.

DrMagnolias on March 31, 2009 at 9:07 PM

“We want 250,000 nude in the streets of Sydney doing whatever comes naturally.”

Stupid. People’s lives are dominated by sin just like the people in the days of Noah.

apacalyps on March 31, 2009 at 8:50 PM

Maybe they’ll bring rubber rafts.

FloatingRock on March 31, 2009 at 9:11 PM

This story is made up? Ha Ha. In otherwords, I want to continue in rebellion to my Maker. I see. Good one (wink).

apacalyps on March 31, 2009 at 9:18 PM

Save me, Jeebus!

GeneSmith on March 31, 2009 at 9:21 PM

Christians should have joined forces with Scientologist when they had the chance.
/sarc

Glenn Jericho on March 31, 2009 at 9:24 PM

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science…”

uh, no they’re not. they’re based on a mythology about human souls being populated with the tormented ghosts of alient slaves dumped into a volcano by an intergalactic dictator, and practiced with some new-age bio-feedback quackery.

eh on March 31, 2009 at 9:31 PM

Allahpundit on March 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

Not very likely you banned him for the Jesus comment, so what’s the huge problem with calling Scientologists out as the criminals they are?

They even have a wanna-be Navy serving as their parish/elite paramilitary team/designated human rights abuse squad.

Frakking whackos.

Ryan Gandy on April 1, 2009 at 12:29 AM

eh on March 31, 2009 at 9:31 PM

What’s hilarious is that the E-meter doesn’t even work for biofeedback. Lulz.

Ryan Gandy on April 1, 2009 at 12:50 AM

“Their beliefs and practices are based on science – hence the name.

I hope the rest of your people aren’t this dumb, AP. Come on, intergalactic warlord aliens putting souls in a volcano, etc.? That’s “based on science”?

RightWinged on April 1, 2009 at 3:47 AM

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