Poll: Choose the worst major-release movie of all time
posted at 9:15 pm on February 22, 2009 by Ed Morrissey
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I felt like starting a new thread, since the earlier post has almost 800 comments now. The poll for the HA! Award is now open. Choose your pick for the worst major-release movie of all time, as nominated by myself and your fellow Hot Air readers:
We got some fine nominations from the comments. I’d have included more, but the poll would have been almost unmanageable. I exercised my veto power on a couple of movies, including Joe Versus the Volcano, which is one of my favorites. The First Mate might agree with some of its naysayers, however.
Voting will remain open until tomorrow’s Ed Morrissey Show, when I will announce the top three votegetters on the air with Kevin McCullough. Be sure to tune in!
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I have only seen one of the movies on the list. Score.
Aronne on February 23, 2009 at 8:39 AM
‘Crybaby’ with Johnny Depp, Ricki Lake, Traci Lords, and Iggy Pop has to be the biggest stinker of them all and isn’t listed. John Waters has got to be one of the strangest movie makers in the history of Hollyweird.
webproze on February 23, 2009 at 8:44 AM
The English Patient – even Seinfeld made an entire episode over how terrible it was.
On the other hand – that list is loaded with good-bad choices.
jake-the-goose on February 23, 2009 at 8:47 AM
Splendor In The Grass. Ruined a good thing I had going. No, no details. :)
OldEnglish on February 23, 2009 at 8:47 AM
Stroker Ace is another clunker that should be mentioned. It was bad even by Burt Reynolds’ standards. It pretty much sunk his movie career.
Percy_Peabody on February 23, 2009 at 8:49 AM
The Patriot
sdd on February 23, 2009 at 8:56 AM
When a movie is so bad it causes Sean Connery to give up acting for good, it deserves special recognition.
Mibrilane on February 23, 2009 at 8:57 AM
Ummm…I feel like I might have a movie problem here…
I actually enjoyed Battlefield Earth, Waterworld, and the Star Wars prequels. I am kind of a big sci-fi fan. I did hate Pearl Harbor and Batman and Robin though…
I hope I don’t lose any cred to admitting to enjoying these movies…
therambler on February 23, 2009 at 9:09 AM
Ironically, few people have seen many of these because they stink, so, kinda hard to get meaningful poll data about them.
Akzed on February 23, 2009 at 9:25 AM
The Blair Witches
Ernest on February 23, 2009 at 9:29 AM
You missed that sci-fi movie with our favorite actress…Jane Fonda…Barbarella.
right2bright on February 23, 2009 at 9:44 AM
I’d forgotten about Eyes Wide Shut.
I wish you hadn’t reminded me…
*shudders
ladyingray on February 23, 2009 at 9:50 AM
Can we do great movies that never did well at the box office next?
darwin-t on February 23, 2009 at 9:57 AM
Of course, you kinda smegged the poll from the outset by priming everyone’s mind with the “Battlefield Earth” reference in the comment.
LimeyGeek on February 23, 2009 at 10:03 AM
Worst. Movie. Ever.
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
fed-nad on February 23, 2009 at 10:03 AM
Buckaroo Banzai – I still can’t figure out if it really is that bad, or some particularly elite joke.
LimeyGeek on February 23, 2009 at 10:04 AM
What? No “Tango and Cash” mention? That thing is being shown as a punishment in Hell.
richflanj on February 23, 2009 at 10:04 AM
Mickey Rourke made a movie back in the early 90’s called “Wild Orchid” – a totallly incomprehensible film.
Hilts on February 23, 2009 at 10:07 AM
You can just throw up any Kevin Costner movie including the utterly politically correct and historically inaccurate “Dances With Wolves”, “For Love of the Game” was one of the worst baseball movies of all time. Also any of those damned anti Iraq war movies. Jusst thought of “Revolution” with Al “Duh British are comin’ Pacino.
Hilts on February 23, 2009 at 10:12 AM
I’d add the Leprechaun series of lameness, but out of the listing Battlefield Earth sucked the bottom worst. And the books weren’t half bad.
ProudinNC on February 23, 2009 at 10:19 AM
Well SHOWGIRLS was not the worst movie of all time. HOWEVER, Showgirls on TBS would have to be. If you can’t see Gina Gershon or Elizabeth Berkely Nude, What would be the point of the movie?
Boxing Helena gets my vote
originalpechanga on February 23, 2009 at 10:32 AM
Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate.Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate.Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate. Heaven’s Gate. HEAVEN’S GATE. Heaven’s Gate. H-E-A-V-E-N-’-S-G-A-T-E. heaven’s gate. Heaven’s Gate.
Mr. Joe on February 23, 2009 at 10:34 AM
It is not even close. Even the Crappola Travolta L.R. Hubbard movie had it’s fun stupid B movie moments. Heaven’s Gate is a train wreck from the get.
Mr. Joe on February 23, 2009 at 10:35 AM
Showgirls is actually funny. And there are well…showgirls. Heaven’s Gate has a few gratuitous naked whore scenes but still sucks.
Mr. Joe on February 23, 2009 at 10:36 AM
I know people who had to be hospitalized for pathologic boredom after going comatose during The Trial of Billy Jack.
whitetop on February 23, 2009 at 10:39 AM
Although Showgirls and Date Movie are tied for the worst movie ever made, I think Waterworld is the worst because of the cost of the movie and it’s expectations.
Cr4sh Dummy on February 23, 2009 at 10:54 AM
I liked quite a few on the list. The WORST, OVERHYPED stinker was the “thin red line”. By the way…..with appologies to the faithful, can anybody name the PLOT to ANY of the Harry Potter movies?? I’m just saying…….
Redglen on February 23, 2009 at 10:55 AM
Any film produced by Uwe Boll. Fortunately, I don’t think he’s ever done a major film.
I R A Darth Aggie on February 23, 2009 at 10:59 AM
Battlefield Earth is way out in front. I’m happy to say, I’ve never even heard of it. Actually, haven’t heard of 1/2 of the movies on the list. That’s an unplugged WIN!
kirkill on February 23, 2009 at 11:02 AM
sgt peppers lonely hearts club band was so bad it was good. Kind of like Tommy by the Who.
kirkill on February 23, 2009 at 11:05 AM
My my, who would’ve thought we’d have so many people here who went out and watched Battlefield Earth..
Reaps on February 23, 2009 at 11:07 AM
Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle
CP on February 23, 2009 at 11:08 AM
A Civil Action was uncivilly boring.
CP on February 23, 2009 at 11:10 AM
Too bad we’re limiting this to ‘major release’ movies. Otherwise, I’d have to go with “Plan 9 from Outer Space” as the worst movie ever. Thing is, it’s so horrible, it’s funny!
psrch on February 23, 2009 at 11:17 AM
The English Patient?! I love that movie!!
PattyJ on February 23, 2009 at 11:20 AM
Anything with Sean Penn?
Knucklehead on February 23, 2009 at 11:20 AM
Cabin Boy
Spice World
Need I say more?
LincolntheHun on February 23, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Snakes on a Plane? Airplane II? Glitter? Caddyshack II?
jcrue on February 23, 2009 at 11:39 AM
Cruising when Al Pacino explores the gay side of his personality. A massive ewwwwww factor on that one. Heaven’s Gate is a massive big film disaster, but Cruising is even worse to watch. One of the few films I walked out on.
Mr. Joe on February 23, 2009 at 11:40 AM
I don’t get Tommy at all…I think I was born too late or something.
ladyingray on February 23, 2009 at 11:46 AM
Joe Versus the Volcano is one of your favorites? I would vote if it were on the list because it is the most wretched movie I ever saw. Otherwise, no vote from me. Maybe I feel that way though since I spent money to see it.
I think maybe I will have to take your future reviews of movies with a giant grain of salt Ed if JVV is one of your favorites.
NotCoach on February 23, 2009 at 11:58 AM
Traci Lords…. ahhhhhhhhh, I have some of her “earlier” works… I mean…. ah… ah… move along…
Mark Garnett on February 23, 2009 at 12:28 PM
Only a few votes for that epic pairing of Valerie Perrine and Bruce Jenner?!?!
Can’t Stop the Music truly one of the worst!
kayo on February 23, 2009 at 12:49 PM
Battlefield Earth is actually laugh-out-loud funny when watched as a RiffTrax. Some of the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 started recording commentary tracks to be played along with more recent film releases. It doesn’t work as well for good films, but makes a huge difference for turkeys like Battlefield, Daredevil, and Reign of Fire.
Ms. Right on February 23, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Battlefield Earth becomes laugh-out-loud funny when watched as a RiffTrax. Some of the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 record commentary (for purchase) on newer film releases. It doesn’t work as well for good films (like Raiders of the Lost Ark), but makes such turkeys as Daredevil and The Happening downright entertaining.
Ms. Right on February 23, 2009 at 12:58 PM
The poll results are somewhat meaningless because many of these movies are so bad that many people haven’t seen them, knowing they were bad from the start. Other than the Star Wars prequels, I have seen only 4 or 5 of the rest of the list. Some of the movies are actually watchable, though not very good (e.g. Pearl Harbor). The older movies won’t be well known to the younger crowd. I voted for Ishtar because it is the worst of the few movies I have actually watched (watched at least half of it, I finally turned it off after that). Reds is another horrible movie that I actually saw most of (fell asleep in the theater, it was so boring).
Snidely Whiplash on February 23, 2009 at 1:08 PM
Any movie starring Chris Elliott is the kiss of death with the exception of Groundhog Day where he was mostly silent and inobtrusive.
Ken Russell’s “Tommy” is directed at those as fried as Keith Moon (running on fumes when the movie was made). In other words best understood by Grateful Dead groupies locked in permanent flashbacks. Any film combining Ann-Margret and baked beans would have to be.
viking01 on February 23, 2009 at 1:52 PM
Pardon the cross-post — I was offline for the weekend, and put this in the original post before seeing this one. Too late for the poll, but maybe I can garner some write-ins.
BTW, Ed — Joe Vs. Volcano is one of my guilty pleasures, too. Could be the name… or maybe you and I just both have brain clouds! It wasn’t a great script or great acting, but it was a tremendously life-affirming movie.
Now, for the stinkers:
________________________________________
I’ll nominate two John Belushi movies, and another with a Belushi link:
Neighbors — The most unwatchable movie I’ve ever seen, including direct-to-video sequels of direct-to-video movies. I could make a better movie on my cell-phone camera. Terrible script, terrible acting, HORRIBLE camera work. Theaters had to replace all the upholstery because everyone squirming in their seats wore it out. Ever seen it replayed on AMC? Comedy Central? ANYWHERE?? Didn’t think so. Truly, truly horrible.
Animal House – The accepted brilliance of this film is proof positive of the “Big Lie” theory. It had a few funny gags that appealed to the average guy’s “inner 6th grader”, and James Brown’s song was great; but otherwise? Not only was the movie absolutely horrible, but it was also a signal event in the coarsening of American society. If I could go back to 1978 and change one thing, finding a way to stop this movie from being made would be it.
Fortunately, Ackroyd and Belushi went on to redeem themselves in 1980 by making one of my favorite movies, The Blues Brothers. Which brings me to my third nominee:
Blues Brothers 2000 — This movie should have been subtitled “Just when you thought it was safe to have some respect for John Goodman”. Ugh. The soundtrack wasn’t horrible if you didn’t know how good the first movie soundtrack was — but everyone who watched it DID know. And the movie itself? When I saw how bad the script was, I thought the mob must have threatened Ackroyd’s family to get him to do it. Why in the world did they make this movie? It brought nothing new to the table.
But I gotta tell ya… Neighbors… yeah, that’s the worst.
RegularJoe on February 23, 2009 at 2:03 PM
Maybe I’m just a Philistine, but I don’t have a clue what happened in “the color purple”.
jdpaz on February 23, 2009 at 2:11 PM
I saw Joe vs the Volcano and liked it. Saw it a second time and thought, “huh??”
jdpaz on February 23, 2009 at 2:16 PM
If you didn’t vote for Ishtar, well that is proof that you never saw the movie. Because if you had there was no way you could have voted for any other movie.
Battlefield Earth, are you people serious? I could at least watch that movie without wanting to shoot the television.
thmsmgnm on February 23, 2009 at 2:46 PM
You know I haven’t seen most all of the movies you all are mentioning. I am very selective about what I go to. I have a dog that thinks she’s dying if she is left. As a result. Well that isn’t the real reason I am sick of hollywood and refuse to see most of the pictures. As mentioned in the other thread did see The man who well from the sky with david bowie and it was horrible. I was even a lot younger then and could not make head nor tale of it. It was recommended by the guy on NBC morning show – the one with all the curly black hair and glasses (can’t remember his name). And that was the last recommendation I ever accepted from any reviewer.
Bambi on February 23, 2009 at 2:47 PM
“Milk”
maverick muse on February 23, 2009 at 3:11 PM
Bambi on February 23, 2009 at 2:47 PM
The guy you are thinking of is Gene Shalit. Harpo’s hair. Groucho’s glasses. Dali’s mustache.
viking01 on February 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM
I voted for Waterworld not only because of the gilled Kevin Costner that was wooden as usual, but for the sheer blather of having a world where no land exists…HELLO? Seventy-five feet Kevin, that’s all there is “extra” and that won’t even put Atlanta under water, let alone any mountain ranges. I could just never get passed that part, in my mind movies either require the suspension of disbelief (most action flicks where the hero has a billion bullets missing them per second) or the movie is based upon realism. Waterworld expects us to believe in an outcome which is impossible.
Anyway, there are a lot of turkeys in that list. Maybe Hollywood should send out a “stimulus” check to everyone that’s ever viewed those stinkers…
Geministorm on February 23, 2009 at 3:24 PM
I’m still so mad that they made such a poor movie of Battlefield Earth. That book is still one of my favorites. Travolta should be excommunicated from Scientology for his participation.
TDBURN on February 23, 2009 at 3:26 PM
They say he had to turn down the Nicholson role in Terms of Endearment to do it. Under contract, I understand. I read somewhere the role was written specifically for Burt.
Didn’t Jack win an Oscar for that role?
JeffWeimer on February 23, 2009 at 3:45 PM
I still say “Barbarella” with Jane (the commie) Fonda…
right2bright on February 23, 2009 at 3:46 PM
Regular Joe–you disgrace all Joes with your blasphemy and sacrilege of dissing Animal House.
You are correct however Neighbors and Blues Brothers 2000. They both sucked.
Not as bad as Heaven’s Gate, which is like Sir David Lean taking a nasty White Castle crap, but pretty close to that.
Mr. Joe on February 23, 2009 at 3:54 PM
One of the best times I had at the movies was going to see The Usual Suspects in one of those second run theaters that served beer. The sound went out on the film. So since we had seen it we yelled out ad libbed lines. My favorite being “OH NO, KAISER PERMANENTE!”
The beers helped.
Mr. Joe on February 23, 2009 at 3:58 PM
Let me ask you one question:
Have you watched all 3 hours of The Trial of Billy Jack?
CherokeeJack on February 23, 2009 at 4:00 PM
There were so many to choose from, but “Battlefield Earth” takes the cake. From semi-retarded humans learning how to fly using a simulator that looks like something you would find outside of a grocery store to that weird a$$ thing that teaches the hero everything. The show makes absolutely ZERO sense.
txaggie on February 23, 2009 at 4:03 PM
Always a day late and a dollar short! Had trouble with my password. My pick…Ed Wood’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”
JoeySlippers on February 23, 2009 at 4:14 PM
The secret to watching that movie is to turn the sound down, because (and I hate to admit it), Fonda was freakin’ hot (yes, I mean she was extremely attractive) back then.
Really, these Hollyweird stars/starlets are only made to look at, not to be listened to. Watching Jessica Alba is fine as long as I don’t have to listen to her political viewpoints.
Geministorm on February 23, 2009 at 4:19 PM
Gina and Elizabeth nude, I’m seeing nothing wrong with that.
And, yeah, Boxing Helena gets my vote also.
Lawrence on February 23, 2009 at 4:20 PM
Limey,
It was that bad. Even if it was supposed to be some elite joke, that makes it worse.
:)
Marine_Bio on February 23, 2009 at 4:44 PM
Never saw it, but the picture with the giant codpieces earned my vote for Battlefield Earth.
what the heck were they thinking? LOL
funky chicken on February 23, 2009 at 4:58 PM
I voted Ishtar, but apparently, I need to thank my lucky stars I never saw Heaven’s Gate since it’s been listed in a lot of posts here.
Torch on February 23, 2009 at 5:04 PM
Without a doubt the movie POWDER is the worst movie ever made: They cast 35 year old guys to play high schoolers, the make up was horrific and the whole thing, gratuitous nudity and all, was done by a convicted pedophile.
nancyw2009 on February 23, 2009 at 5:51 PM
viking01 on February 23, 2009 at 3:12 PM
You are exactly right. Thanks.
Bambi on February 23, 2009 at 5:58 PM
I’m a little disappointed there isn’t an Uwe Boll movie on there. that man has raised making horrible movies to an art form.
Rightwingguy on February 23, 2009 at 6:31 PM
Can’t believe Glitter didn’t make the list. So sad.
MrX on February 23, 2009 at 8:51 PM
Moulin Rouge, What the Frak?!! That movie actually made money!
Viewtifulgare on February 23, 2009 at 10:58 PM
A few others missing (I think)
1. The World According to Garp — Just plain strange and not all that amusing
2. Dead Poets Society — Typical elitist narcissism with added moral that people who had to work hard to exceed are domineering and evil dads who will drive their son to suicide
3. Down and Out in Beverly Hills — Elitist Narcissism in a movie with no redeeming social value. None. Whatsoever.
AZfederalist on February 23, 2009 at 11:17 PM
Although Batman & Robin was a monstrosity from the beginning playing-hockey-with-priceless-diamonds scene, I didn’t even like Tim Burton’s Batman. C’mon — Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne? In the words of Jim Mora, “You kiddin’ me?”
When the “Jump The Shark” blog turned the defining moment Happy Days was no longer a good show into a household word, I thought of making my own site about the moment a movie reached irretrievable stink status. I would have called it “The Joker’s Gun,” named for the moment Jack Nicholson’s Joker reached into his pants, pulled out a revolver with a barrel the length of his trousers, and took down the Batplane with one shot. It was at that point that I said, “OK, this movie officially sucks.”
L.N. Smithee on February 24, 2009 at 1:18 AM
Sorcere’s Stone: While Harry Potter discovers the wonders of the wizarding world, an old enemy seeks to return and finish what he failed to do – kill Harry Potter.
Chamber of Secret’s: A monster is unleashed at Hogwarts.
Prisoner of Azkaban: A murderer has escaped wizard prison and threatens Harry Potter.
Goblet of Fire: Amid signs of the Dark Lord returning, Harry Potter must surive the Tri-Wizard Tournament
Order of the Phoenix: Discredited for claming Voldemort has returned, Harry Potter tries to convince everyone the truth while a fascist takes over Hogwarts, but dreams about a hallway keep interfering.
hadsil on February 24, 2009 at 1:20 AM
There are far too many naked women in Showgirls for it to be the worst movie of all time. There are any number of M Night Shyamalan films I’d put on the list before Showgirls.
rsrobinson on February 24, 2009 at 3:00 AM
I think movies that took themselves too seriously should be on here. I don’t think Showgirls, Howard The Duck or The Legend of Billie Jean belong on the list.
jtorres138 on February 24, 2009 at 9:55 AM
Kaiser Permanente. Funny. Hey where’re the second-run thee-ate-ers that serve beer? Sounds awfully civilized. Must be down South. Do they still have cocktail drive-throughs in Looziana?
curved space on February 24, 2009 at 10:05 AM
whoever put Howard the Duck on the list should be Rihanna’d in the face…
I loved that movie growing up
Opinionnation on February 24, 2009 at 1:52 PM
…and the worst movie ever made was Bad Boys 2
Opinionnation on February 24, 2009 at 1:54 PM
How is Lost In Translation not at the top of this list. I’m still so angry I spent two hours watching Scarlett Johanson looking out a window. Just because a movie leaves you alone with your thoughts doesn’t make it deep, especially when the only thoughts it leaves you with is how much time you are wasting on this piece of garbage.
gash on February 24, 2009 at 2:37 PM
As a matter of fact, yes I can. Thank you very much. :) Don’t even go there.
My answer would have been ANDRE RUBLEV, but it doesn’t count here because it’s not American, and is art film. This is what I get for getting that Film Degree. I also agree with the person that name SOLARIS. I had to write a paper on that stinker. Ugh. PAINFULLY boring. But also art film.
So, of regular American film, I’ll choose BOB ROBERTS. Walked out of that bitch, and I never walk out of anything.
Liked XANADU, but that’s because I’ve not seen it since it came out, and I LOVE the soundtrack. Loved MOULIN ROUGE – tho I cannot watch the ultimately STUPID “like a virgin” sequence. FIFTH ELEMENT has been mentioned a lot here, but I admit I own a copy, and cannot turn the channel if it’s on tv. Luckily, I’ve never seen BATTLEFIELD EARTH, but it’s Scientology based AND stars John Travolta, so it’s got to be a total stinker.
Batman and Robin was just plain unwatchable. EYES WIDE SHUT was a waste of film. HOWARD THE DUCK: gross but oddly entertaining as a child. WILD WILD WEST was downright horrible, but yes, I remember the Kevin Smith story (An Evening with Kevin Smith) about that giant spider. :)
tickleddragon on February 24, 2009 at 9:19 PM
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