Hey, who’s up for giving money to the octuplets’ mom?

Regardless of how people feel about these children being placed into foster care, social workers do need to investigate.

As a foster parent–something that I’ve been for going on seven years now–I can assure you that, most assuredly, appearances can be deceiving.

While these children appear to be loved, fed, and cared for, that doesn’t mean that they actually are.

Having watched the interviews that she’s given, the only reason she wanted lots of children is because her mother wouldn’t give her a sibling and she wanted that kind of bond. That’s a sign that she’s got some mental issues. These children are, for lack of a better word, surrogate siblings for her. Lots and lots and lots of surrogate siblings. If they’re fulfilling this need of hers to have a sibling bond, then she’s no longer acting as their mother, but as their big sister. That can possibly lead to a whole slew of issues down the road.

As I said, my wife and I are foster (and now adoptive) parents. Currently, we have two children with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder (aka RAD). This is a mental disorder that takes upwards of a couple decades to ‘fix’–if it can be ‘fixed’ at all. It’s caused by a baby not getting the attention that they need by their mother within the first year of their life. The repercussions are staggering.

So here is this woman who now has fourteen children that are her surrogate siblings, three of her children are getting SSI because of their special needs, eight babies that who knows if they’re going to have special needs as large multiples are prone to do, living on welfare, no job, somehow has the money to pay for not one but TWO publicists, is (basically) homeless as she’s living in her mother’s house (except her mother’s now left), and is now going to use the welfare system as a hammock rather than a safety net…

Yes, I know there are roughly 850,000 children in foster care in this country right now. My wife and I are doing our best at raising five of them.

Yet I would strongly support these children being placed into foster care, should the evidence support it. It could literally save the lives of these children, as well as give them some stability that might not be there right now.

Yes, I understand the unsteadiness and fear of a system that could get so overbearing that they have the right to go in and take children away from their mothers and their siblings. I completely understand that, as I worry about it too–being someone who has to battle the system (and trust me, foster parents do battle the system every single day of their lives), I’ve seen things like this take place. But I also understand that–much like the prison system–for every one who is wrongly removed, there are hudreds–if not thousands–who were removed for the right reasons.

This woman needs to have her head seriously checked out. I can understand wanting a large family. But wanting something and having it at the expense of your children’s lives are two totally different things.

And, let’s be honest here… Yes, foster parents get paid a pittance for caring for a child who is in the state’s custody. That pittance comes from tax dollars. Welfare comes from tax dollars as well. The only difference between these children living on welfare with their mother and living in foster homes is location. We’re already paying for them. If their mother is as unstable as the impressions she gives, well… Wouldn’t it be better for these children to live in a home where they can be properly cared for?

I say, let the social services people go in and examine the place she’s currently staying in. Get her head examined by a real professional psychiatrist. If we’re all wrong, and she’s got the mental capacity and physical capabilities of raising fourteen children on her own, then–by all means–let the children stay there. But if she doesn’t, remove them. There’s nothing stating that these children cannot continue to have a bond with each other. My foster (and soon to be adopted) children still have a bond with their older half-brother–who is being adopted by another family. Just because they don’t live together doesn’t mean that they’ll lose that bond. Despite what appearances might be, foster parents aren’t horrible people who love to take children away from their biological parents. We strive to work together to keep families together. Even when their bio parents are incapable of doing so.

And besides, just because you can have a baby doesn’t mean you should. Let alone fourteen.

No, I’m not saying that she should have aborted any of them. A better solution (IMO) would have been to take those fertilized eggs and donate them to couples who struggle with infertility. Bring some light, some life, and some love to them by helping them create their own family when they just can’t do it themselves. The children just might be better off for it.

AprilOrit on February 12, 2009 at 10:06 AM

Oh, and AprilOrit–yes, I’ve been to a foster home. I live in one. Mine is NOT dirty, clothes all over the floor, and food on the walls. Well, sometimes it is, but doesn’t every home that has small children in it occasionally like that? Children don’t always pick up their dirty clothes and put them in the laundry room, no matter how many times you ask (and eventually tell) them to do so. Small children sometimes do throw their food, so sometimes some does land on the wall(s)–and typically, it’s something that’s red or orange so that it stains. And, by and large, all children get dirty, so it stands to reason that they’ll bring dirt into the home. But it’s nothing that a little soap and water or a vacuum cleaner can’t handle.

jedijson on February 12, 2009 at 11:26 AM