Finally: Burger King cologne debuts

posted at 6:12 pm on December 18, 2008 by Allahpundit

Via Belch, which is what I suspect it smells like. Technically it’s a body spray, so if you want your ‘pits to reek of cooked meat too, you’re good to go.

This is not a hoax. Repeat: Not a hoax.

I was curious to smell the meat musk, as were my co-workers. So I sprayed.

One reporter’s reaction summed up our disappointment: “I don’t smell steak.”

It was like smelling an olfactory-challenged uncle who doused himself with too much cologne…

Here’s how Burger King responded when I asked about the Flame smell:

“It is not a hoax. While the notes of the body spray do not specifically refer to the scent of meat, it can’t be denied there is something seductive and manly about meat being grilled over an open flame. BK was able to capture that and were excited to share with Flame.”

National Ledger calls it “real life Sex Panther,” which (a) already exists, actually, and (b) should be enough to entice any true “Anchorman” fan into ponying up and seeing whether it, in fact, stings the nostrils. My gut tells me women will find it laughable and/or repulsive, which, since I have the instincts of a beta male, pretty much guarantees that they’ll find it irresistible. A steal at only $3.99, too. Why eat a Whopper when you can smell like one for the same price?

Nothing I can say will prepare you for the website, so I won’t try. Just keep “spraying” or else you’ll miss the shot of the King by the fireside preparing a plate of whipped cream and strawberries. Click the image to watch.

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First of all, I would never buy “Burger King Cologne” and secondly, the Burger King “King” has always creeped me out!

Seriously, I don’t know who thought of this at the advertising agency, but the dude really creeps me out!

Liberty or Death on December 18, 2008 at 6:14 PM

Mandles quickly comes to mind.

Shy Guy on December 18, 2008 at 6:16 PM

Wait. so when I’m eating a whopper. I’ll now imagine that I’m eating the King’s meat?

That’s just wrong, man.

lorien1973 on December 18, 2008 at 6:18 PM

“I don’t smell steak.”

Burger King doesn’t serve steak, dumbass.

CherokeeJack on December 18, 2008 at 6:22 PM

Love the Whopper, Absatively Posiloutely HATE the King.

/creepout

44Magnum on December 18, 2008 at 6:25 PM

I want that couple minutes of my life back.

To be authentic, the cologne shouldn’t smell like steak but rather of processed road-kill byproduct.

Bishop on December 18, 2008 at 6:25 PM

I already smell like onion rings, so it’s a natural fit for me.

Cicero43 on December 18, 2008 at 6:26 PM

I’ll wait for the Taco Bell version to come out.

Rovin on December 18, 2008 at 6:27 PM

Should be a hot seller?

canopfor on December 18, 2008 at 6:29 PM

This is not a hoax.

No, it’s not. It’s a marketing ploy which works. Every radio/TV station is talking about it, most newspapers/blogs are featuring it. Couldn’t get better advertising.

Of course, only the nutty ones will spritz any on themselves.

Entelechy on December 18, 2008 at 6:34 PM

and I was wondering what to get my boyfriend for Christmas

CookeyD on December 18, 2008 at 6:35 PM

Burger King doesn’t serve steak, dumbass.

CherokeeJack on December 18, 2008 at 6:22 PM

What is hamburger… chopped ham? No, it’s chopped steak… Which is why you should use A1 on your burgers!

Skywise on December 18, 2008 at 6:36 PM

Flame? Teh gayness is overwhelming.

TexasDan on December 18, 2008 at 6:38 PM

I wonder if it comes in Moose Meat Mango?

or,Seductive Canadian Beaver Meat on the Barbeque,

Smokin hot Smoked Salmon Meat,

Precious Baby Seal Meat a la why,

Daring Duck Meat Tease,

Chicago Rat Meat Deceived

Acorn Anteater Meat Malice

Blagojevich Special Skunk Meat Midnight Allure!!!Ha ha.

canopfor on December 18, 2008 at 6:41 PM

…they’ve finally found something to market which has, well, absolutely no market at all…it assumes that one would like to go about smelling like you’re “beef tartar’ing” a couple of patties under your pits….

…what’s next? Hoping to lure female anglers, they gin up a cologne — or, to be precise, a “body spray” — that makes you smell like stink bait. Works for those looking to snag a dance with female large-mouth bass….

…wait…I’ve dated her….

…I’m waiting for someone to come up with a men’s “scent” that is really useful…one that smells like the inside of a new car, or one that smells like money…I’d spray the inside of my wallet with the latter, if I could find it….

Puritan1648 on December 18, 2008 at 6:46 PM

Finally, something to give the in-laws!
; o )

christene on December 18, 2008 at 6:47 PM

“This is worse than the time a raccoon got in the copier.”

Meric1837 on December 18, 2008 at 6:50 PM

Wow… that’s the pits….

CynicalOptimist on December 18, 2008 at 6:53 PM

–that makes you smell like stink bait.

Puritan 1648 on Dec 18,2008 at 6:46PM.

Puritan 1648: Not to mention the hoard of mosquito’s and
horse flies! haha:)

canopfor on December 18, 2008 at 6:56 PM

You dog will love it. Do it for him — or her.

Blake on December 18, 2008 at 6:58 PM

For some reason,I can see PETA buying this
stuff up,and then spraying people at their
protests,or sumpin like dat!!!!A hem.

canopfor on December 18, 2008 at 7:02 PM

Nothing I can say will prepare you for the website, so I won’t try. Just keep “spraying” or else you’ll miss the shot of the King by the fireside preparing a plate of whipped cream and strawberries.

I don’t blame you. I know you tried to warn me, but I just had to go that site and keep clicking.

I now have an almost overwhelming desire to claw my own eyes out.

malclave on December 18, 2008 at 7:05 PM

Is that screen cap a picture of Ace?

Blacksheep on December 18, 2008 at 7:12 PM

What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

chunderroad on December 18, 2008 at 7:14 PM

I still think it’s a hoax. I won’t believe it until I smell it; and even then I probably still won’t.

m064404 on December 18, 2008 at 7:19 PM

I hear his hot dog is a mere pig in a blanket.

mylegsareswollen on December 18, 2008 at 7:28 PM

I wonder if it comes in Moose Meat Mango?

or,Seductive Canadian Beaver Meat on the Barbeque,

Smokin hot Smoked Salmon Meat,

Precious Baby Seal Meat a la why,

Daring Duck Meat Tease,

Chicago Rat Meat Deceived

Acorn Anteater Meat Malice

Blagojevich Special Skunk Meat Midnight Allure!!!Ha ha.

canopfor on December 18, 2008 at 6:41 PM

O (my God) Canada!!!

canopfor—your best post ever (er….evah).

except for the other ten bazillion posts that were equally Canadian. I, for one, love you canopfor; you are a treasure.

hillbillyjim on December 18, 2008 at 7:31 PM

I ordered 3 of these online today for joke gifts. They’re selling like hotcakes! (Or should I say whoppers?).

Conservalicious on December 18, 2008 at 7:33 PM

{{{shudder}}}

Creepometer went to full tilt.

tru2tx on December 18, 2008 at 7:37 PM

I’ll always remember where I was at the exact moment Irony died.

Jim Treacher on December 18, 2008 at 7:37 PM

Whopperotica…I feel dirty.

silenced majority on December 18, 2008 at 7:38 PM

The Burger King dude creeps me out too.. the same as those dang Quiznos singing vermin did.

GoodBoy on December 18, 2008 at 7:40 PM

Okay…that picture…

GAAAAHHHH!!!

My gal always prefers the smell of my Whopper right after I get out of the shower.

Can say I blame her.

BigWyo on December 18, 2008 at 7:41 PM

I saw an ad for this the other night when I was shopping in The Onion Store. I couldn’t quite determine whether it was a parody or not. Whaddayaknow?

capitalist piglet on December 18, 2008 at 7:42 PM

Treacher, I don’t remember you getting your proper Irony License on, anyway. Are you sure you want to bring this up at this time in our Messiah’s future history?

hillbillyjim on December 18, 2008 at 7:42 PM

Ok, I have to say it….I am sorry but “WHERE’S THE BEEF?”

milwife88 on December 18, 2008 at 7:42 PM

The Burger King dude creeps me out too.. the same as those dang Quiznos singing vermin did.

GoodBoy on December 18, 2008 at 7:40 PM

Are you talking about these guys?

http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song

The moon is very high…great stuff. LOL

capitalist piglet on December 18, 2008 at 7:44 PM

The B-King has now cured me from playing Solitare on my laptop, every time a King pops up I have to end the game.

silenced majority on December 18, 2008 at 7:45 PM

I’m teh gay for that King dude. What? He’s not real? Oh, woe is me.

.

Duh

hillbillyjim on December 18, 2008 at 7:53 PM

Just wring one of those burgers out into a bowl and you’ll get the same thing.

Eh, I’ll wait for Liquid Big Mac to come out.

johnnyU on December 18, 2008 at 8:02 PM

While the notes of the body spray do not specifically refer to the scent of meat, it can’t be denied there is something seductive and manly about meat being grilled over an open flame.

Hmm. I think I smell ripoff.

Demeter’s been selling their Bonfire fragrance (my favorite after Ginger Ale, personally) for several years. Is that what they’re describing here?

Tanya on December 18, 2008 at 8:06 PM

One reporter’s reaction summed up our disappointment: “I don’t smell steak.”

…………. how about

“Funky Un-Kept Mysterious Crotch Rot?”

Seven Percent Solution on December 18, 2008 at 8:11 PM

I couldn’t make it to the end. Just too creepy. Now I am afraid to go to sleep for fear of having “bk” dreams. Alla P you are bad bad boy!

USBB on December 18, 2008 at 8:12 PM

The King might be a bit creepy, but it’s advertising gold. The campaign has worked very well. Last year, there were 3 (I believe) video games featuring the King sold at BK, and were an instant hit…selling out in no time.

Just imagine if you will…Eau de Michael Moore

JetBoy on December 18, 2008 at 8:24 PM

If only they could improve the fries. Seriously.

SouthernGent on December 18, 2008 at 8:29 PM

Are you sure you want to bring this up at this time in our Messiah’s future history?

Let me just cut you off, because I don’t want you to waste your question.

Jim Treacher on December 18, 2008 at 8:33 PM

Oh.
My.
Gosh.

Do NOT go to that website.

The goggles- they do NOTHING!!!

inviolet on December 18, 2008 at 8:35 PM

We really need to have a Las Vegas hotair convention at least once a year. Most of you guys are REALLY funny. (those of you who aren’t funny already know who you are)

platypus on December 18, 2008 at 9:05 PM

The King might be a bit creepy, but it’s advertising gold. The campaign has worked very well. Last year, there were 3 (I believe) video games featuring the King sold at BK, and were an instant hit…selling out in no time.

Just imagine if you will…Eau de Michael Moore

JetBoy on December 18, 2008 at 8:24 PM

There was a Halloween costume available of the BK “King”, with that mask and the whole bit. I have to admit, I thought about it…

capitalist piglet on December 18, 2008 at 9:25 PM

Let me just cut you off, because I don’t want you to waste your question.

Jim Treacher on December 18, 2008 at 8:33 PM

Heh.

Now that I think about it, that retort could come in very handy.

capitalist piglet on December 18, 2008 at 9:26 PM

Awesome campaign.

lexhamfox on December 18, 2008 at 11:14 PM

I used to like the Whopper opposed to the Big Mac. Not anymore. Thanks Burger King.

Coronagold on December 18, 2008 at 11:24 PM

Well for the fishermen out there, wanna dump some in the ocean, see how sharks would react to it?

Just the pic for the video was enough for me, thankyouverymuch. The videos were a hit b/c they can be played on Xbox; I got some of those and the kids enjoyed them for a bit.

As far as ruining the presidential celebration, I say get gallons of this thing, violate the no-fly zone and shower the thousands of fanatics with this scent. Pepe-Le-Pew would be proud. Too bad no pheromones in it; like the song, “Let’s get it on!”

My kiddo would love to have Chicken Tenders scent with fries and an Icee. That would save me some money after school; just spray that junk IN HIS BEDROOM and he is set for the afternoon.

ProudPalinFan on December 19, 2008 at 1:49 AM

I’ll always remember where I was at the exact moment Irony died.

Jim Treacher on December 18, 2008 at 7:37 PM

A long, long time ago
I can still remember
how irony used to make me smile

And I knew when I took my chance
That I could make a leftist wince
And maybe, they’d be quiet, for a while…

I used to like the Whopper opposed to the Big Mac. Not anymore. Thanks Burger King.

Coronagold on December 18, 2008 at 11:24 PM

I’ll bet if you moved to a remote part of Thailand, you’ll change your attitude right quick ;)

BillH on December 19, 2008 at 1:58 AM

It’s good to be the King.

P.S. I wonder how long before they take the king’s head off and reveal Bruce Campbell as the man behind the mask.

DFCtomm on December 19, 2008 at 3:32 AM

Burger King doesn’t serve steak, dumbass.

CherokeeJack on December 18, 2008 at 6:22 PM

What is hamburger? Chopped ham?(just reflecting back to another old commercial). :)

Benjamin9 on December 19, 2008 at 6:12 AM

I just threw up.

rob verdi on December 19, 2008 at 6:37 AM

Back in my younger days, I worked at BK. Let me tell you, you don’t want to smell like Burger King in any capacity.

Krydor on December 19, 2008 at 9:26 AM

Dude,

I’m eating my lunch.

MarkTheGreat on December 19, 2008 at 1:43 PM

I’m not scared of clowns but if I was that Burger King creep would be at the top.

Who is the idiot ad exec that came up with that?

aikidoka on December 20, 2008 at 12:41 PM